Agony Aunt Pages

Welcome to the agony aunt pages - a chance for you to offload what's on your mind and have someone share your issues. Please read our Help page before posting messages here. Your host is Little Elf.

Latest Messages

• Hi. Please help me with my problem! I am stuck! I am only thirteen years old and I am sure that I am in love for the first time! This is so confusing! AHH! On saturday, I went to go and see the live show of Mamma Mia, it was great but when I was going there with my best friend, I bumped into her brother. I have known him since I was seven but we don't say much to each other apart from a friendly "hello" whenever we see each other. I happen to know that he recently broke up with his girlfriend and that he is really down about it but I am certain that he will get another girlfriend soon and I really do like him! The really hard part of this is the fact that he is 16 and will be going away to join the army soon so I do not have much time left to see him. I have triend talking to my friends about this and they have said, "Just leave it alone." but I don't think that they understand how I feel. Theye have also told me that since he is the best friends brother that he is "off limits". Please help me with this! Should I tell him or should I just leave it like my frineds say? x
  
  Wait and listen to your friends and leave it alone! If you still feel the same when you are 16, who knows what could be on the cards?
  
  
• i have been with my boyfriend for a few months now and have fell totally head over outragiouly in love with him i know it sounds silly but im not a school girl im a young mother for the past six months i've never been so happy and he has told me nor has he we have a great time together and he gets on with my daughter so i asked him to move in with us an he agreed, but now all of a sudden this girl has appeared from nowhere and as blown my happy blissful life to pieces. it has now amerged that when we were first dating he had a one night stand with this girl this is the nice way i can put it as neither of them were drunk and it only took him an hour to get her into bed he says it was a big mistake and regreted it as soon as it was done and has never been back but they did keep in contact as friends, im so confused right now can i forgive him should i forgive can i believe anything he says any more will this hurt ever go away i just dont know what to do please help.
  
  I imagine you feel very hurt right now, as its been a shock for you to make this discovery. However - if you feel you still have a future with this guy, then you need to learn to forgive him, and to mean it. Without doing this, your hurt will linger, and you may feel bitter and sour towards him. Tell him how you feel, and that you will not tolerate deceit or lies, and that he is to be open and honest with you, as you are with him. WIthout trust and respect, a relationship has now future. You can move on from this if you want to, and start afresh. If he says it was a mistake - you should take his word and listen. Everyone makes mistakes. Hes come back to you, and thats what you need to focus on. Make sure that he knows that you are serious about him, but you won't accept behaviour like that in the future. Would he like it if it happened to him? i doubt it, so remind him that you deserve the best, and won't settle for anything less. All the best.
  
  
• Im 18 and have been with my boyriend for just over a year, he moved away to university in september and he comes home on most weekends. I have recently become very emotional when i am with him i love him very much and we are very happy together but i find that when i spend time with him i become very upset and start crying. We are not having any problems but i know i could end up losing him if i dont stop this crying. I have no reason to cry. My friend told me that it could be to do with the fact that im on the pill but ive been taking the pill for almost a year now and its only just started happening. I dont know why i keep crying and i need to stop but i cant. What is wrong with me?
  
  Thanks for getting in touch - its good that you are able to identify whats going on, and its right that you should question it. What happens if you cry, and then once crying - try to ask yourself WHY you are doiung so. Tell yourself to stop and see what happens? Is there a reason for your tears that you are not looking at? deeper down perhaps? YOu have control over your emotions and maybe you've lost touch with that? If this seems the wrong solution for you, then it may be a good idea to go and see a nurse at your gps surgery, and have a chat with them? Perhaps its a coping mechanism, or perhaps its a cover up - ir perhaps its medication. i can't tell from this, but it is iumportant to get to the bottom of it so that yoiu can continue your life and relationship. Take care, and give it a go - what've you got to lose?
  
  
• I am 30 years old and have been with my husband for 10years. We have been married for the last 2 years. However, just after we married I met a guy 6 yrs younger than me, but when I overheard him talking about his girlfriend and myself being married I just thought it was stupid. Although, a year later we went for drinks and really hit it off. Although we never kissed or anything, it was obvious there was something there. A week later we were out again with a bunch of people and we ended up being the only two left and we couldn't resist and did end up kissing. Since then we have been meeting alot although we have never slept with each other. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him and I know he feels the same way although I am also in love with my husband and he treats me so well I feel so bad. I was away a while ago for a month and I missed this guy like crazy. At first I thought it was lust and would pass over but it doesn't seem to be.
  
  Response: OK - time to stop and think. Time to look at your relationship with your husband, as thats the one you are committed to. You say you love him and that he treats you well. Are you IN love with him still? If you are even contemplating being with someone else (the younger chap or otherwise) then you need to be straight with your husband and let him know whats going on. He deserves an honest and trusting relationship, as you do, so be fair to yourself and to your husband. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you - and you only live once, so make sure its how you want it. You need to think long and hard about your situation and your feelings, and take it from there. All the best.
  
  
• Me and my ex boyfriend were together for a year and half. I was madly in love with him and believed him to be my soul mate. However he never trusted me, he was Muslim so we took the vows and before the eyes of god we were husband and wife. He always accused me of lying about things and he broke up with me because he believed I had been lying to him throughout our relationship. When we had been going out for 2 months I was unfaithful and kissed another guy he had no reason to suspect this so I only told him when he threatened to break up with me unless I admitted to having an affair to one of my male friends. I never had an affair with my friend and told him about me cheating out of fear of losing him. He broke up with me anyway and left me broken hearted; he punched my friend even though we both told him we were just friends. He claimed to have divorced me. We started talking again and began sleeping together, I was never comfortable with this but I did it because I missed him and wanted to be part of his life. We began to get close and I realised I was still in love with him. He told me that if I told him all the guys I had been with and what I had done with them since we have broken up then he would consider getting back together. I told him but he didn’t believe me, so I lied to make it sound more convincing and he said he never wanted to speak to me again. He contacted me and said that he was happy to keep things as they were. We always have silly fights even though were not together and he still accuses me of things now. On new years he told me that he loved me and I said it back he said that if I told the truth about what guys I had been with since we broke up then we would have a chance he also told me that were still technically ‘married’ I love him with all my heart but I have already told him the truth so I don’t know what to do. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with but I don’t want to lie just to get him to be with me it feels as if I’m selling myself out. He is going travelling in a couple of weeks and will be gone for six months to a year, I’m going to miss him loads I would do anything for him and am considering making up things to keep him I know this is wrong but losing him once was the hardest thing I ever had to do and don’t want to do it again. What should I do?
  
  A relationship based on trust, honesty and openess, will have grounds for a long and hapy future. However - there seems to be a few mix-ups and confusion in yours. That isn't to say you can't change things though. You need to ask yourself why you cheated on him. Do you love him? Or are you scared of a life without him? You shouldn't need to lie, and in doing so, you are putting yourself and your relationship at risk. Perhaps its a good time to stop, and take a few days to yourself, and work out exactly what you want for your future. Why should you be with someone who is forever of accusing you of things? I would suggest that a life without that is going to be a happier one? Talk to him - be honest, open and striaght talking. Even if you have to tell a different story to that told originally - you need to lay your cards on the table - and be totally honest. For you. Have a think, and talk to friends if you can. Take your time and don't act too quickly. Be sure before you make any changes. All the best.
  
  
• I have been with this guy for two years, our relationship has never been great, in the first year he cheated on me twice, in the last year i have done it back too. We have both lied about things to each other and theres not much trust. I dont like him going out without me and he doesnt like me going out without him.... two weeks ago he lied about doing drugs again, and i swore before i wud leave him if i found out he had lied about it again, but stupidly i didnt leave him. I started talking to this other guy and we got chatting and meeting up, i am starting to like him quite a bit, and altho i am not sure if i cud fully trust him, i feel like if we had a relationship, that it could go somewhere... But what do i do? i have left the guy i am with now for someone else before, but when that has gone wrong i have always gone running back to the guy i am with now... i dont want this to happen again, as if it will, i dont see the point in leaving him at all.... but i get restless every few months and want to meet up with a new guy... HELP! x
  
  I think its time for you to have some time on your own. It sounds like you could do with knowing what you want, what you like, and who you are. Then perhaps it will be more clear about what you will accept, and what you want out of relationships? Going from one relationship to the next is very difficult and confusing, and often things are ignored as a new relationship is always exciting. I would suggest that you think about where you are in life, and where you want to be. Trust makes a relationship. If you haven't got it, then you won't last long. Have a think, and as you don't want the same thing to happen again, make some changes? All the best - you deserve it.
  
  

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