Agony Aunt Pages

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• Im 17 and in a relationship with a 21 year old, ive been with him for a year and a half, We have a long distance relationship and i see him for a week every 4 to 6 weeks. I love him to pieces, being with him is the most amazing feeling and every time he leaves it breaks my heart and i find it hard to carry on at college, but we carry on anyway because i know he always comes back. Im so confused lately, i know i love him, but i get soo scared i think hes too good for me and to be honest he probably is. im soo insecure, and think its too good to be true im waiting to ruin our relationship, and i think i already am, i have a very close friend and he is always there for me infact hes the only one there for me because i have really become distance from my friends, none of them are in relationships and they think i dont need them any more, i did explain over and over that i did but eventually i just gave up and hes now the only guy who is their for me and the only guy who is there for me when my boyfriend leaves me in peices. My close friend and i have always had feelings for eachother but now we get close and touch eachother and hold eachother, i know this isnt as bad as what we could be doing but the feelings i get for him make me feel awful, it havent even kissed him but the hugging and the feelings i get makes me doubt my relationship with my boyfriend, i know my friend feels the same way because hes told me, but he wont take it far because he says im a good relationship with a nice guy and he would never want to ruin my happiness. im soo confused i know i love my boyfriend but how can i have feelings for someone else? the guilt is just eating away at me even though we havent acted on our feelings. The last thing i want to do is too lose my close friend or my boyfriend, but a part of me also wonders if im supposed to be with my friend in soo confused.
  
  Listen to your heart. You are at ease with your friend - and being yourself - confident and comfortable. Maybe your boyfriend isn't the right partner for you? If you are having doubts - then I suggest you spend some time alone for a bit - so that it gives you a chance to decide what it is you are after? And who it is that you want to spend time with? Its not a good idea to go from one guy to the next - you need time. It needs to be done right - and without a rush. If its meant to be - then it will happen. Don't force anything - but do what feels right, truly. Have you tried writing things doen - to express how you feel? to work out what the issues are? Try it. All the best.
  
  
• i want to thank you, i wrote you the other day abd i told my partner he either makes an effort or we are over for good. he is now sorting hisaffairs out and moving up here! thanks again
  
  Glad that you had the balls to be upfront and to deal what was going on. You did all the hard work - well done!
  
  
• My partner and i have been together for 6 years he lives 2 an half hours away by train and wont move up here. I have never met his family and friends, and have only ever been to his once. he comes here every 3weeks for few days and spends all his holidays with me but will not spend xmas with us but with his ex and kids, his kids are in there 20's where mine are under 13. I love him very much but he feels i am being unreasonable by ending the relationship for the 5th time for good this time. I need to be with someone who is here for me at all times not every 3weeks. we alk on the phone every night when we are together. I am so down about this but i know i deserve more, am i unreasonable? Thanking you
  
  No - it is not unreasonable. Its how you feel - and its important that you recognise it - and do something about it so that you can live the life you want - with all you deserve. It seems like you are looking for a different type of relationship to of what he can offer. If you are down - something in your life needs to be changed. Maybe it would be good to be on your own for a bit - to work out what you want in life - and where its heading? You're in the driving seat - so why wait? Take care and "think" before you "do"!
  
  
• I have recently split up with my long term boyfriend, who i've been dating for 2 years. I am 23 years old. I lost my virginity to him and he means alot to me. He left me without any warning and no explanation. I know he's after my best friend but i really don't know what to do. Should I confront her/him. Should i tell them how i feel? I'm feeling really low and my confidence has been knocked. I have no one to confide in.
  
  Yes, you would be right to talk to both parties - but not to confront them. Its important that you have dealt with issues yourself - so that you are sure about how you feel etc, then go and have a talk with them. Make sure you know what it is you want from the talk - to let them know how you feel? to let them know that you aren't comfortable with thinking he's after your best friend? Take time to think about what's going on - scribble it down if it helps - then go and discuss it with them. A best friend needs to know how you feel, and vice versa. Then you can start on rebuilding your confidence, and gain a sense of self - and control again? He will always mean a lot to you - that won't change - but it will get easier as you move on with your own life. Take it easy.
  
  
• i am 17 years old and going out with somebody that is 28 my mum doesnt no how old he is neither do any of my other family but she has spoken to him over the phone numerousabout of times and really likes him do u think that this is wrong about how old he is ???? i need an outsiders opinion on this? do u think tht i should tell my parents or not ? the man that i am with is a nice man and he treats me the way a woman should be treated but i dont no wether to finnish it as the age gap also he wants children where as i dnt want children untill im at least 25 please reply soon i need an answer as quikly as possible because i dont want the relationship to get to deep and then feel like i cant get out of it from anonymous
  
  There is nothing wrong about how old he is, but why make an issue of it? I think you should be open and honest about it - otherwise it looks like you both have something to hide! If he treats you with respect - and as an individual person - then why not shout about it! You need to be strong and stick with your guns about starting a family etc. If he is serious about you - he will wait - there's no hurry - its not as if you are close to being too old to be a Mother! You need to live your life first - with or without him. Don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with - make sure that he is clear of your wishes. Take care - and be yourself. Be open and honest about your life - and you'll feel much better.
  
  
• Please help. I've written to you a few times about being in love with my exes twin brother but being married to someone else and having a daughter. Then I wrote to tell you I had finally gathered the guts to end my marriage and with some amazing luck I ended up in a very happy relationship with the guy I had always been in love with. To start with things were great even though we were both dealing with seperations and houses and i had my daughter to look out for. But then after we had been together for 3 months he broke my heart. I had gone on holiday with my daughter and on the day before i was due to come home I couldn't get hold of him and after 6 hours I got worried so at 11pm I rang his mate who answered by asking "oh are you ok with eveything" I had no idea what he meant so he told me, I couldn't get hold of him because he was in a holding cell at the police station. So it turns out the night before (an hour after the first time he told me he loved me) he had beaten a guy up and caused him to have a brain bleed. The problem is the reason he did this was he believed that this guy had slept with his ex when they were together. No one seems to understand why I have been so hurt by it. Why don't they get that at the time he must have still been thinking about her and what happened in their relationship. Now i can't beleive that he loves me. This all happened 6 months ago and i can't get over it. He is possibly facing a prison sentance which scares me to death because i have given up everything for him (all my friends decided I was making the wrong decision being with him and have abandoned me when i need them the most) and he is all I have now (besides my daugher). I feel like i am doing time for a mistake his ex made. so now it is causing really bad arguments. I don't feel right when he goes out and I just can't feel secure that he loves me and wants to be with me. Am I right in feeling like this and how do i get over it. I know this guy is 100% the only 1 for me and deep down I want to believe him when he says that at the time he was in love with me and wasn't regretting losing her but I'm scared of being taken for a fool. Am I being too guarded? My dad said he did it because of the humiliation he felt by being cheated on and that it all comes down to male pride and it's not about how he felt about her. Do you think he is right. The other problem is in rows lately he has pushed me about and got a bit scary. I have known him well since we were kids and I know he is not a violant person but with what he did to this guy and how he has acted in our last few arguments am i wrong to be letting him live with me and my daughter?
  
  You sound doubtful in your own final question. No one deserves to be pushed around Ever. AND if he's showing signs - get out now. You won't find it easy to do, as you're emotionally attached to him - but believe in yourself. Believe that you deserve the best, and that love is a 2 way thing. It should be reciprocated evenly. And you should be able to trust him 110%. Save yourself, and you daughter, before its too late. At least try living apart from him and see how you handle it. Think of the positive aspects - the security you'll be giving yourself and your daughter - the strength you have to do this. Take deep breaths, and go for it. WHat would your advise be if this was happening to a friend? Whats stopping you taking your own advice? Life's too short.
  
  

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