Agony Archive

• Im 17 and in a relationship with a 21 year old, ive been with him for a year and a half, We have a long distance relationship and i see him for a week every 4 to 6 weeks. I love him to pieces, being with him is the most amazing feeling and every time he leaves it breaks my heart and i find it hard to carry on at college, but we carry on anyway because i know he always comes back. Im so confused lately, i know i love him, but i get soo scared i think hes too good for me and to be honest he probably is. im soo insecure, and think its too good to be true im waiting to ruin our relationship, and i think i already am, i have a very close friend and he is always there for me infact hes the only one there for me because i have really become distance from my friends, none of them are in relationships and they think i dont need them any more, i did explain over and over that i did but eventually i just gave up and hes now the only guy who is their for me and the only guy who is there for me when my boyfriend leaves me in peices. My close friend and i have always had feelings for eachother but now we get close and touch eachother and hold eachother, i know this isnt as bad as what we could be doing but the feelings i get for him make me feel awful, it havent even kissed him but the hugging and the feelings i get makes me doubt my relationship with my boyfriend, i know my friend feels the same way because hes told me, but he wont take it far because he says im a good relationship with a nice guy and he would never want to ruin my happiness. im soo confused i know i love my boyfriend but how can i have feelings for someone else? the guilt is just eating away at me even though we havent acted on our feelings. The last thing i want to do is too lose my close friend or my boyfriend, but a part of me also wonders if im supposed to be with my friend in soo confused.
  
  Listen to your heart. You are at ease with your friend - and being yourself - confident and comfortable. Maybe your boyfriend isn't the right partner for you? If you are having doubts - then I suggest you spend some time alone for a bit - so that it gives you a chance to decide what it is you are after? And who it is that you want to spend time with? Its not a good idea to go from one guy to the next - you need time. It needs to be done right - and without a rush. If its meant to be - then it will happen. Don't force anything - but do what feels right, truly. Have you tried writing things doen - to express how you feel? to work out what the issues are? Try it. All the best.
  
  
• i want to thank you, i wrote you the other day abd i told my partner he either makes an effort or we are over for good. he is now sorting hisaffairs out and moving up here! thanks again
  
  Glad that you had the balls to be upfront and to deal what was going on. You did all the hard work - well done!
  
  
• My partner and i have been together for 6 years he lives 2 an half hours away by train and wont move up here. I have never met his family and friends, and have only ever been to his once. he comes here every 3weeks for few days and spends all his holidays with me but will not spend xmas with us but with his ex and kids, his kids are in there 20's where mine are under 13. I love him very much but he feels i am being unreasonable by ending the relationship for the 5th time for good this time. I need to be with someone who is here for me at all times not every 3weeks. we alk on the phone every night when we are together. I am so down about this but i know i deserve more, am i unreasonable? Thanking you
  
  No - it is not unreasonable. Its how you feel - and its important that you recognise it - and do something about it so that you can live the life you want - with all you deserve. It seems like you are looking for a different type of relationship to of what he can offer. If you are down - something in your life needs to be changed. Maybe it would be good to be on your own for a bit - to work out what you want in life - and where its heading? You're in the driving seat - so why wait? Take care and "think" before you "do"!
  
  
• I have recently split up with my long term boyfriend, who i've been dating for 2 years. I am 23 years old. I lost my virginity to him and he means alot to me. He left me without any warning and no explanation. I know he's after my best friend but i really don't know what to do. Should I confront her/him. Should i tell them how i feel? I'm feeling really low and my confidence has been knocked. I have no one to confide in.
  
  Yes, you would be right to talk to both parties - but not to confront them. Its important that you have dealt with issues yourself - so that you are sure about how you feel etc, then go and have a talk with them. Make sure you know what it is you want from the talk - to let them know how you feel? to let them know that you aren't comfortable with thinking he's after your best friend? Take time to think about what's going on - scribble it down if it helps - then go and discuss it with them. A best friend needs to know how you feel, and vice versa. Then you can start on rebuilding your confidence, and gain a sense of self - and control again? He will always mean a lot to you - that won't change - but it will get easier as you move on with your own life. Take it easy.
  
  
• i am 17 years old and going out with somebody that is 28 my mum doesnt no how old he is neither do any of my other family but she has spoken to him over the phone numerousabout of times and really likes him do u think that this is wrong about how old he is ???? i need an outsiders opinion on this? do u think tht i should tell my parents or not ? the man that i am with is a nice man and he treats me the way a woman should be treated but i dont no wether to finnish it as the age gap also he wants children where as i dnt want children untill im at least 25 please reply soon i need an answer as quikly as possible because i dont want the relationship to get to deep and then feel like i cant get out of it from anonymous
  
  There is nothing wrong about how old he is, but why make an issue of it? I think you should be open and honest about it - otherwise it looks like you both have something to hide! If he treats you with respect - and as an individual person - then why not shout about it! You need to be strong and stick with your guns about starting a family etc. If he is serious about you - he will wait - there's no hurry - its not as if you are close to being too old to be a Mother! You need to live your life first - with or without him. Don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with - make sure that he is clear of your wishes. Take care - and be yourself. Be open and honest about your life - and you'll feel much better.
  
  
• Please help. I've written to you a few times about being in love with my exes twin brother but being married to someone else and having a daughter. Then I wrote to tell you I had finally gathered the guts to end my marriage and with some amazing luck I ended up in a very happy relationship with the guy I had always been in love with. To start with things were great even though we were both dealing with seperations and houses and i had my daughter to look out for. But then after we had been together for 3 months he broke my heart. I had gone on holiday with my daughter and on the day before i was due to come home I couldn't get hold of him and after 6 hours I got worried so at 11pm I rang his mate who answered by asking "oh are you ok with eveything" I had no idea what he meant so he told me, I couldn't get hold of him because he was in a holding cell at the police station. So it turns out the night before (an hour after the first time he told me he loved me) he had beaten a guy up and caused him to have a brain bleed. The problem is the reason he did this was he believed that this guy had slept with his ex when they were together. No one seems to understand why I have been so hurt by it. Why don't they get that at the time he must have still been thinking about her and what happened in their relationship. Now i can't beleive that he loves me. This all happened 6 months ago and i can't get over it. He is possibly facing a prison sentance which scares me to death because i have given up everything for him (all my friends decided I was making the wrong decision being with him and have abandoned me when i need them the most) and he is all I have now (besides my daugher). I feel like i am doing time for a mistake his ex made. so now it is causing really bad arguments. I don't feel right when he goes out and I just can't feel secure that he loves me and wants to be with me. Am I right in feeling like this and how do i get over it. I know this guy is 100% the only 1 for me and deep down I want to believe him when he says that at the time he was in love with me and wasn't regretting losing her but I'm scared of being taken for a fool. Am I being too guarded? My dad said he did it because of the humiliation he felt by being cheated on and that it all comes down to male pride and it's not about how he felt about her. Do you think he is right. The other problem is in rows lately he has pushed me about and got a bit scary. I have known him well since we were kids and I know he is not a violant person but with what he did to this guy and how he has acted in our last few arguments am i wrong to be letting him live with me and my daughter?
  
  You sound doubtful in your own final question. No one deserves to be pushed around Ever. AND if he's showing signs - get out now. You won't find it easy to do, as you're emotionally attached to him - but believe in yourself. Believe that you deserve the best, and that love is a 2 way thing. It should be reciprocated evenly. And you should be able to trust him 110%. Save yourself, and you daughter, before its too late. At least try living apart from him and see how you handle it. Think of the positive aspects - the security you'll be giving yourself and your daughter - the strength you have to do this. Take deep breaths, and go for it. WHat would your advise be if this was happening to a friend? Whats stopping you taking your own advice? Life's too short.
  
  
• dear little Elf. I'm confused. my girlfriend cheated on me and she says she thinks she is pregnant but she doesn't know who the father is. I'm a 100% sure its her exs and not mine, she has left me a dozen missed calls and texts I don;t know whether I should talk to her despite what she has done. what should i do?
  
  You need to talk to her and find out the truth. That way - you can decide what action is the right one for you to take. She was in the wrong - but at least get things straight. You'll be able to move on with your life then - in which ever direction you choose. You deserve it. Take care
  
  
• I am 43yrs old and my father is 87. I live on my own but my father is putting increasing demands on me to accompany him to social events that do not really interest me. My father put me and my mother through a lot of trauma, and i want to keep my distance. My younger brother does not speak to him and does nothing to help! Also i work somewhere that my dad socializes, and he turns up when i finish work and harasses me as i leave work, not nastily but just annoying and i want to leave my job because of this! Please help!
  
  OK - you need to think about setting some boundaries between the two of you. And communication. Explain how you feel when he comes to your work - and ask why he does. Ask him not to and see what he says. Listen to his reply, go away, and have a think about it. Is he in need of some care perhaps - a helper to take him to events? Suggest someone else take him - or he goes alone? Tell him you'll arrange transport? Maybe he' afraid of losing you too - but it may help to point out to him, that that' exactly what will happen unless he stops demanding time etc off you? How about suggesting you go somewhere you BOTH like - once in a while? To reassure him you still love him? Try it - and see how it goes. All the best.
  
  
• I'm 16. Last year i lost the remaining three of my Grandparents (my first granddad died before i was born). People say that things "get easier in time" and you learn to live with the loss. But i haven't. Everyone says to think about all the good times i had with my grandparents, but that upsets me even more, because i know i'll never have any more with them. I feel like no-one in the world understands, because other people i've spoken to who have also lost people extremely close to them, say they learnt to deal with it and move on. I know everyone has different ways of dealing with loss and emotional pain...but i don't seem to have a method at all. I write poetry about my feelings and thoughts, but that helps for about 20 minutes. I can put on a smile when i'm with my friends and boyfriend, but the minute i'm alone again the thoughts come back and i feel like it's taking over my life. I WANT to be completely happy again, get on with my life and accept that no matter how much i cry, they are not coming back. But i can't. I feel trapped within my own mind and i don't know what to do. My Dad was diagnosed with clinical depression after my Granddad died, could this be my problem? My family, friends and boyfriend have been there for me through this all, they are all brilliant and i should be happy and content with my life, because, to be honest, i know i am much better off than thousands of people out there. I keep trying not to dwell on the bad points and the past, but then i feel like i'm just ignoring the problem, which makes it worse. It's all a massive vicious circle and i honestly do not know what to do. Emma xx
  
  Go and speak with an organisation who specialise in bereavement. Skipton have a good service. They will be able to help you go through what you are feeling. It doesn't get any easier - but you learn to deal with it more positively. Write what it is you miss about them - and ways you can recreate it. They may not be on this earth - but they are still your grandparents. Might sound daft - but try talking to them - looking up. See them smile at you - and hoping that you're getting on with your life as they'd want you to. Try it and see how you get on - but do go and speak with those who deal with bereavement professionally - it will ease the situation you are going through. All the very best.
  
  
• I've thought over this over a couple of years now and i decided i want to be pagen. my mum dosn't think i should be one untill im 20 im 14 but my religion wont efect my life. I think shes sered i might get bullied because but im prepered for that. Im not shure how to sart of as one eather. I know there some shops in my citty center that sell thing for alters. I need alot of advice so could you give me some web site links for teenage pagens in the uk. it will be much help. And could i have some advice into talkin my mum into it.
  
  No advice to how to talk your mum into it - you should respect her wishes, as she should yours. We're all entitled to our beliefs and values. It is your mums duty to set you in the right direction and to give you the facts for you to make a decision yourself. As for websites - type it into Google and am sure you will get all the info you need. Just be very careful and don't do anything on impulse. think.
  
  
• Hi, I'm a 63yr old guy and my wife of 18yrs 5mnths has just told me (02/08/07) that she is a Lesbian (inactive since b4 1985), she will be 40 in a few months. Although she loves me, she is no longer in love with me, but for the sake of our 2 boys 9 & 10 yrs; she wants us to try to live together, but wants her freedom to come and go when she pleases. I think she is very brave to have told me, it couldn't have been easy for her. My main problem is I'm jealous of her (straight/married) best mate who seems to be getting all the attention that I used to get b4 the August bombshell. She went to a Wimfest long week-end at the end of Aug. and a gay club the other week. I keep trying not to have a moan about her seeing more of her mate than me, cos it's over for me and her. but it's hard. She also wants a Divorce, what should I do????
  
  Big Bombshell - but she's been honest and upfront with you. What she seems to have forgotten - is that like her, you have a life to lead to - and you are entitled to live it to the full. Do you feel you are? Is it doing your boys anygood, by letting them see that its Ok to stay in a relationship even though the feelings for one another have gone? Wouldn't they rather see 2 people living their lives and being happy? Because happiness will shine through as much as sadness. They will detect things aren't right, and are very switched on. What the future holds is in your hands. Stay, and be unhappy, and let your kids see you unhappy, or make changes, start afresh - and live to how you would like? Tough one - but your situation isn't making you happy. Don't you deserve better? Take care.
  
  
• I'm 31 yrs old with 2 kids and met a friend on a chat room we have been talkin 4 5 weeks we get on so well the thing is i think its like a relationship i'm on the phone every day or textin and if she does not answer i get the hump i don't know whats wrong with me we were meant 2 meet up in a couple of weeks as we live 700 miles apart but her mum has died so its not goin 2 happen i'm so upset all i do is cry but how can i tell people because i feel so stupid as she could of just been havin me on 4 fun help
  
  Chat Rooms are dangerous places. YOu can get dragged in without knowing for sure people are who they say they are. You have been very trusting, and your heart has been involved. Not easy when this happens. Its exciting finding new friends, and getting to know new people - but they aren't part of your real life. Your 2 kids are part of your real life. Chat rooms are like escapism. Time to forget your own world and just chat. We should chat more often - but with people in our everyday lives. Don't feel stupid - you're not - you're human. I hope its helped to share your experience? Maybe you feel better already for letting it out - for telling me? It gives up some space in your brain to be able to think logically, and to see a way forward. Take care, and remember to keep living in the real world you have created. Can you improve it? Why not give it a go?
  
  
• I am 23 years old and only just lost my virginity to a work colleugue when we went out and got really ddrunk. The thing is i have this impending guilt building up inside of me as he has a girlfriend of 9 years and a little child. I am very much in love with him and I am finding it rather hard to work with him/see him especially when he is sending me messages telling me how lovely i look at work. I am not to sure how to handle the situation as I have never had a boyfriend. He only txts me in his time and when it comes to work matters he seems to ignore me.I know the outcome willl be nothing but hurt but should I tell him how I feel. Also I think I may be pregnant as we didnt use anything...do i tell him that to? Any advice it would be greatfully recieved. I am rather tired of being single and lonely and nothing hurts more than unrequited love
  
  OK - don't tell him anything until you know for sure. Unprotected sex with a stranger isn't the most sensible thing to do - so go and get yourself checked out. I appreciate your need to be in a relationship - but there are plenty of single men out there - who are keen too! I know this guy showed you interest - but he's winning. He's got a stable relationship and "a bit on the side" - is that what you deserve to be? - a bit on the side? Shouldn't you be number one priority? Telling him how you feel would tell him that you are wanting more. Do you want to put him in the situation of choosing? Why not leave him out of it, and start off again with someone new - someone unattached - someone who can spend 110% with you? Have a think, and take care. Remember you deserve the best.
  
  
• i have been married for 21 years following getting partner pregnant accidentally. i have devoted the last 21 years of my life driving her two and from "town" due to her insane obsession with "having a coffee". i actually think she has sent me slightly insane. I have evolved a hearing problem in which i can block out the constant drone of bitchy comments which she makes about everyone she claps eyes on. i gave up an active lifestyle in the yorkshire dales for my wife and now find that i hae nothing left to say to her following my child leaving home. my life is comparable to richard buckets from keeping up appearances, i am constantly degraded and used as a human cash point to feed her 20 a day habbit. we do nothing, she has not worked since we met yet always seems to be "knackered out of her head". i am now feeling very suppressed, where do i go from here?
  
  Where do you want to go? You don't like the life you are leading now - so why not make a few alterations to help you get some enjoyment? Life os for living and enjoying - what do you like doing that makes you feel good? Why not try to do this at least once a week - whether it be walking - cycling, reading, meeting friends, cinema - college, anything. Have you spoken to her about how you are feeling? You deserve the best out of life - is this what you're getting? If not - why not? What would your advice be to a friend in your situation? And whats stopping you from doing that same action?? Time to make a few changes - and to better your own life. What have you got to loose?? Take care - and think things through.
  
  
• I'm a teenge boy who likes girls alot and i mean alot but over the last few months ive been turned on by transexuals and i love watchin transexual porn..am i a freak?
  
  Not at all. You are a young human being. We all explore different ideas etc, its part of growing up. Check out the optins and decide whats right for you. In all you do. Take care
  
  
• im confused. my boyfriend and i have been going out for a year and half and things have changed so much. he used to buy me flowers, tell me i was beautiful, always wanted to see me, barely drank...and now, he's totally changed into a stranger. I mean i actually ask myself sometimes "who is this guy?". the first problem arose when i found out he went out in denmark and lied and said he had stayed in that night. (i live in UK). i also found out that he had had a fling with one of my friends just before we started going out (which i never knew about). He has a horriffic temper recently, the last time he had a tantrum he threw a screwdriver randomly and it accidentally hit me in the ankle. hes always making me feel awful, always nagging and getting annoyed at me for no reason. im always walking on eggshells around him. i think he may still hav feelings for his ex, last time he seen her in the gym he refused to go in and came straight to my house. (why i dont know). he's jealous, always walks away and i have to apologise first when we argue. and it seems he would rather go out drinking at the weekend (something he says he hates) rather than see me. im sick of it. hes the only person that makes me cry.i cry in front of him when we argue but he doesnt even care.its like he doesnt care about my feelings anymore.i dont know whether we should go out at all, but everytime i think about breaking up, i remember how good it can be. and im scared of losing him, i guess i think if i break up with him first then i wont have to go through the rejection. please help. :( im very confused as u can tell. and i dont want to burden my friends with my problems.
  
  You need to be honest with yourself - and brave enough to do the things you need to do, in order to get the life you want. If he doesn't care - what good is that to you? Don't you deserve better? What would you advise a friend to do in your shoes? Why not take that same action yourself? Take care.
  
  
• hi, i am an 18 year old girl, i have been with my boyfriend now fo three years and i love him to bits. we have been through alot we have even split up twice, that was two years ago though, eveything has been goin great for us we have a giggle together, and i love his company, when he is in a happy mood that is! one of my friends from college is moving to the other side of the world on monday and she is having a leaving party the friday before. i told my boyfriend this three weeks ago and he was fine about it, (my boyfriend and i never go out we dont like clubs and dinking etc, id rather sit in an watch a film.) i told my boyfriend it was a fancy dress party and he just went cold on me, so i went home. he later on text me basically saying dont talk to me because you are goin to that party, and that if it was the other way round i would not like him going, that is wrong i would never stop him going to say bye to one of his friends. i have told him this but he will just not be happy and say have fun!!! i am also driving that night so i will not be drinking alcohol and i just dont know why he is being like this. i also text him saying that he has got to start trusting me. oh and another thing i joined a gym with my mum 1 month ago but quit because he didnt like me going, so i give it up for him. please advise me what to do!!
  
  Its your life - not his. Don't be controlled by him. Accept his wishes, and then make your own mind up. Why doesn't he want you to go out to the party? Are his reasons valid? You shouldn't give up something because he wants you to. What if the tables were turned and you stopped him doing something he liked. Would he quit? Take time to think about your situation and to make changes so that you can live your life to the max. Take care, and stand up for yourself. Lifes too short.
  
  
• I hope you can help me. I am 61 years of age and have always worked and contributed to the household finances. My husband has always controlled the money side of things and as we were both earning good salaries spending money was not an issue. For the last six years my husband has not worked an although he gets a decent pension as I do - he wants to control our income to a point whereby if I buy clothes or have my hair done etc as I am still working - he gets in a temper and calls me selfish and greedy. He controls what we spend our income on, what holidays we have and any other purchases we need for the house. I have very little cash to spend - he draws that out the bank and it sits in his pocket and I have to ask for it. Don't get me wrong I do spend money on our joint credit card but feel very guilty in doing so and very often I have to hide my purchases as he would go ballistic if he saw what I have purchased. I am by no means extravagant with what I buy - but my husband thinks I have a sickness that needs medical help. When I have consulted my friends they all keep their own salary and do not hand it over to their spouses but have an agreement in a joint account to help pay the bills etc. My view is that after all bills are payed for and money is put buy for holidays and other items etc. I should have a small allowance each month to pay for make-up, hair etc. I also would like this arrangement just so that I can decide on when I want to spend it and if I want to buy my husband a gift or a friend I can do so without feeling guilty and that I am controlled by my husband. I love my husband very much and he has been loving and support over the years but we have got to a stage in our marriage (42 years) where by we are not speaking and I feel so lonely and unhappy. We have had a super time together - my job has taken me overseas (Malaysia) and all over the UK. My husband has come with me and enjoyed all the benefits associated with these opportunities. However, he is not earning and we depend on his pension only. Most women of my age have retired but I will keep working to add extra money to our money pot as long as I can. Can you advise me - am I being selfish and greedy like my husband is saying. Or is there a compromise that would resolve our differences. I have to say when my husband does treat me to an item of clothing it has to be something he likes before agreeing to buy it. He often says that the clothes I buy do not suit me. Do you think he is a control freak and needs to be in control to feel he has power over me? I am at my wits end and don't want our marriage to end but unless I make a stand - he will continue to be this way.
  
  I think you have hit the nail on the head. Sounds like he is not comfortable with him not working, and adding to the "money pot" and his coping mechanism is to control what is there - as he cant control the amount his pension earns? You need to talk to him about this - as it is making your relationship very difficult - and without something happening soon, it may become so bad that you dislike him. You can prevent that though by being open and honest with him. Explain why you feel the way you do, and how you feel when he does certain things. How about you start again with your financial plans? Have a pot for you both, and then each have a seperate pot - then its fair to each of you? If you are unable to do this on your own, then you may wish to seek help from a relationship counsellor - or a 3rd party? "Relate" in Keighley deal with couples and have a good knowledge and experience. If its worth fighting for, then get something done. You can at least say you've tried. Take care, and get what you deserve. All the very best.
  
  
• I'm not sure if this problem is all in my head but i had to tell someone about it. I have been going out with my boyfriend for just over a year and in the past couple of days he has been acting differently around me. Normally he is very chatty, affectionate and we always have a laugh together. I find it very easy to get on with him. However very recently he has become slightly distant and I'm not sure why or for what reason. It's probably nothing but I'm slightly scared of asking in case it turns out for the worst and he breaks up with me, which is pathetic I know. We have had some problems in the past but we have worked through them and everything got back on track. I understand that it might not be me at all but I have beocme slightly paranoid and I'm scared it's going to break us up and I really care for my boyfriend. Should I just bite the bullet and ask him whats wrong or should I wait and see if he comes through this by himself????????
  
  Be open and honest - and your replationship will go far is its meant to be. So - you've been with him a while - had your ups and downs, just ask him how things are going - if anythings bothering him. It may be something at home, something at work, other friends finances, acne....anything! The sooner you ask - the sooner you'll get an answer and can deal with whatever is on his mind. Go girl!
  
  
• I'm a male postgraduate student named Robert. I work in a closed environment and am at times relatively quiet and inexpressive. However, in the early part of this year, February to be exact, i decided to make more friends out of colleagues etc., in order to bring myself out of myself for a change and just see if such a change would go to any length to making me more content with my life. One female colleague became a very good friend and made it very easy for me to at least come across as someone who was confident and in many ways a little aloof from the rest (which is basically what i am due to my being a little old-fashioned). I felt this particular person had the ability (which i am probably over-emphasizing) to show me who i am, what my purpose was and probably break me out of my shell. Time passed and we became very good friends, my ability to demonstrate how i felt about certain conversational topics and basically my ability to hold myself amongst my peers dramatically improved. Last month we went out drinking, most of the postgraduates and a few others, etc. and unbeknownst to me a feeling of longing to be closer to her bred to an insane extent within me. I think it had been developing for a few months but when i saw her i felt myself caring for her more than usual and the following Sunday i was talking to her via gmail chat and told her that i cared about her, she never responded to what was an email at first but when she was available on chat, i told her i was mad about her. She said she had no way to respond to this and that she was busy and needed to go offline. The next day i pathetically told her whilst waiting for her outside that i can deal with this problem and that she didn't have to say that she was not interested, since i had taken that as read. A few other pathetic episodes followed that week and it eventually halted due to her saying that we should keep a little distance. We did so for about 3 and a half weeks until last Friday when i went to the annual staff party at which i made a complete asshole of myself, i got drunk fairly quickly and danced while the others only wanted to chat, which was not going down too well. She was there, and i could see from her face that she was uncomfortable, almost as if she felt i was doing this, acting in this manner in order to retaliate against her. She looked adorable, and i needed to blank her out of my mind while at the same time i may have been trying to impress her with how outlandish i could be, i know, stupid. When she eventually left, i ran, whilst drunk to my room and emailed her (this was about an hour later) in order to email her on what i was doing, why i was acting in that way and hoping that she didn't perceive anything untoward from my behavior.This was followed by a call at about 1 in the morning telling her that my feelings remained undiminished, that the intervening passage of time did nothing to dwindle my interest in her. I decided the next morning to at least set up a meeting during which we could straighten things out. During which she said quite straightforwardly to me, that she had no interest whatsoever, of that kind, in me and that she'd rather i'd stop phoning her at ungodly hours, sending her awkwardly long emails and that our friendship hung in the balance. I know i have fecked up our friendship good and proper and that this email in a word screams out naivety but i thought that women like men to be sensual and emotional. Forget that last comment. I'm really torn up about this, not much about the rejection, i'm sorta used to that but the fact that i've made things awkward for her and that i really valued our friendship, maybe the only link i had with normal human relations. I am probably trying to meat out my problem myself by sending u this long awkward email but could u tell me where i went wrong or is this just a fact of life that i need to contend with?
  
  Fact of life I think. Part of lifes learning curve. Everything we do has consequences, and we do what we feel right at the time. If things happened the same again, would you do anything different? ie - have you learnt anything from it? It may helpt o write down whats going on for you at the time,k then you can clear your head and see a way forward? Take care, and go easy on yourself. Things hapopen for a reason.....
  
  
• Hello, Not sure how I should start, there seems to be a lot to say. I have a five year old daughter from a 5 year relationship. We were not married and I left him when my child was 6 months old. My daughter usually goes up to stay with my ex-partner twice a year in Scotland. My x-partner also has a 13 year old boy from a previous marriage. The last time my daughter went to stay with him he took both her and his son to his new girlfriends where my daughter and this boy had to share a room. Whilst they were in this room together the 13 year old boy showed my daughter his erect penis and then got into bed with her and said they would "cuddle" but not to tell anyone as it was their "secret" He only stopped when my ex went into the room. Having heard this (my daughter is adamant she did not ask to see his penis) I called my Ex and told him and then said I did not think it would be a good idea if she went to stay there until the boy had received the help he so obviously needs. I said that my ex could still come down to see her and even stay at my house if need be. My ex did say he could guarantee that the boy would not be there but I was still not happy as I cannot trust him to stick to his word (he did put a 5 year old child in with a boy with known "aggression issues" in the first place) Predictably he went off on one, banging on about his rights and saying he was going to drag me through the courts and tell them I was an unfit mother (I am seeing a psychiatrist but my daughter is in no danger) and apply for full custody. He was horrible, a complete bully, telling me he was going to bankrupt me and that he would "chew on my flesh until nothing was left, not even bones". I said that was OK as I have always wanted to lose weight but when I came off the phone I was shaking and I now jump whenever the phone rings incase it is him. I was just wondering if anyone knew what my rights were. He does not have parental responsibility but having read up on it, it sounds likely he will get it if he applies and the thing is I don't want him to have it, I don't think he is a fit father. Also, can I stop him from taking my daughter up to Scotland, I am more than willing to have him come here (without the 13 year old, I don't blame the boy, he has been neglected and abused by both his mum and dad) but I really don't want her out of my sight. Sorry to go on but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Em
  
  
  
  
• I am being torn in two by my wife and family! Recently there was an family argument, my mother got quite verbally abusive towards me and my wife and my sister actually attacked my wife. My wife is probably not the easiest person to get along with but this is tearing me apart. My wife wants me to have nothing to do with my family, but I do I have always been close to them. My brother has an engagment do soon, she refuses for me to go, my sister is getting married in October, again she refuses for me to go. I have tried explaining that i do not condone what they did and that i am married to her and love her dearly but regardless i still love my family. Help, what do i do?
  
  You have been honest and open with your wife - and explain your feelings about the issues. Thats all you can do. Your family are your blood. And it is unfair of your wife to stop you from seeing them. If she refuses to go - then thats up to her, but whats stopping you going on your own? Why can't you accept your wifes feelings, tell her you still want to be part of your family, and that you will go to these family functions on your own. Then don't you both get what you want? Take care.
  
  
• Hi, I just need a bit of advice really because I am in love with my best friend and I don’t know what to do next. It started last September when we moved in together alongside our other friends into a student house. Our bedrooms were on the top floor and when we were drunk or some other excuse we would often find ourselves in eachothers beds until no excuses were necessary. Nobody in the house knew how often this happened which was up to 4 times a week. Although we have never had sex we engage in other sexual acts. We were already emotionally close and this physical closeness drew us together. I was scared though I have never had a serious relationship before and I just shrugged off what was happening between us. I would still be dancing and kissing other men although none of it meant anything. Now if I try to date all I think about is him and it doesn’t feel right with anybody else, this is how I know now how much a love him. Anyway a few months ago he started to say how much he felt for me and wanted to get into a relationship and the idea of it I don’t know scared me to death, especially with us being best friends. I said it would ruin what we have. Anyway he started to see someone else but still things would be happening between us like he said he loved me and I said I love you too. But he said it has to stop because he is seeing this other girl and then I started to see someone else. Still though it didn’t stop. The relationship I had with this other person ended as quickly as it started but still my best friend was seeing this other girl. They are now in a proper relationship and still things between us happen even though he said it has to stop as I said it to him when I was seeing someone else. But it never has stopped. Also his girlfriend is really close to our friend in the student house wich makes everything worse because they all love seeing her and being there in our house and I just feel sick. I told my best friend that I don’t know how to act when they are all together like I am not myself and I get jealous. Then I got really upset because he is just saying that all it is between us is sexual tension when he knows it isn’t! I think he wants me but he can’t do if he is still with this other girl. He is always there for me and says I am special to him and he knows what happens when we are alone together and yet he still comes to me even though he has a girlfriend. I know he thinks it is wrong too cos one of our friends has walked in on us before just entwined in bed together talking and he instantly sat up. I don’t know what to do when I ask him about it he just says he really likes this other girl and he doesn’t want to mess it up. But I have this hold over him and he can’t help himself. I am dreading going back to University and seeing them two together, it will really hurt me. I know now that I was just scared before at the thought of a relationship and I love him. I don’t know what to do. Please please help. Sorry that was so long I am just so confused. Thankyou!
  
  So - has it sunk in then? Re-read your text and see what you think. It sounds like you were scared to make it official - as the excitement and uncommitted affairs were new to you - and good fun. But now there are feelings involved, and this is when things get tricky. If you love him, and he loves you , then why not be honest with each other, and see if you can start something new yourselves? I don't blame you for being confused, but what have you got to loose? Good relationships are based on friendship, and you seem to have that already - get going and enjoy!!
  
  
• Dear Little Elf. OK, this is going to sound so stupid but I need your help. Recently I entered the wonderful world of RolePlay, and I thought it was amazing. But now it's taking over my life! I never want to be away from my computer, and always talking to my RP friends. It's stopping me from being as outgoing as I always used to be, and it's starting to worry me a little. But I can't stop. whenever I try to stop, I end up getting annoyed at everyone before going back into an RP with someone. please can you help me? I want to stop but I cant! Help!!!! x
  
  Ok - so you've recognised there may be a problem - and thats fab. So now - you need to try and control your use of it. Discipline yourself to set a certain amount of time for this - at a certain time of day. Stick to it for one day - and reward yourself. Do something you enjoy - read a magazine, ring a mate, write a letter - anything you enjoy - go out for a walk maybe. The next day - you can congratulate yourself for sticking to it the first time, think how you enjoyed yourself, and remind yourself of this to do it again this new day. Be realistic, and in time, you can decrease the time you spend on the computer, or miss a day. Take care, and enjoy the new future.
  
  
• Hi All, I had to talk to someone about my partner,we have been together just a year and its getting so hard now as she is a alcoholic it has got to the point where i get the blame for almost everything...even the weather,there is not physical abuse but so much menta abuse now, i have told her to leave me alone but she promises to stop drinking which lasts for about 4 days and it all starts again,i have tried to walk away many times and this time i have to stand by it as she is not wanting my family around at all now and says that if i drank too then i would understand,please advise me, thank you x
  
  You have to be cruel to be kind. She needs professional help - and there are a lot of support groups around. She needs to get herself seen to, and made to understand that she has a problem, but there is a way out. Let her know that you'll support her through the therapy and that she can do it. There will be a reason for her drinking, and this may not be a simple issue. Hard as it is for you - you have done all you can, its up to her to piece her life together. You deserve better, and if she agrees to get help - then you will be. Take care
  
  
• i want to sleep wif my sister wot shall i do
  
  
  
  
• I've been with my partner for 4 months. I really do love him and i know he loves me, its just he never compliments me. I know this probably sounds petty and silly, but i have low confidence after a recent break-up that ended after my ex cheated. I am a concert pianist and do part time modelling, but my partner has never asked to hear me play the piano and when i try to encourage a conversation about music he changes the subject. I always try to look my best for him, and always buy new clothes and change my hair just to see if he notices, but he never does. How do i hint to him that i want to be appreciated, without sounding like im arrogant? He's a very attractive guy (hes also a model), and i get jealous of him as he has lots of female attention, although he never batters an eyelid if i have male attention. I just feel quite useless and want him to pay me some attention. please help.. thankyou
  
  Sounds reasonable to me - but if hes not paying enough interest - then maybe you're not with the right guy? Theres no point in changing him, or even asking him to - as it won't be part of his character. He should acknowledge you more, as a human being not to mention a girlfriend. How about you suggest that if he doesn't start paying you any attention, then you are more than willing to leave him to live your life as you should? Take care, and remember you deserve the best.
  
  
• i am in annoying and strange situation and i am not sure what to do. I have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year, and i love him more than anything. However, my friend (a guy who is also my boyfriends friend), has told me that he has liked me since i was 16. thats 4 years. i cant tell my boyfriend that he told me this, but i dont know what to do. ive stayed at this guys house a couple of times absolutly nothing happened, we are just such good friends, but if my boyfriend found out he would go mental. i dont know what to do. all this sneaking and lying just really isnt me. if my boyfriend found any of this out he would dump me on the spot. if i tell him any of this, that his friend liked me, he would dump me and dump his friend. its so difficult i really really dont know what to do. whats more im scared in case my guy friend tells someone and then my boyfriend finds out. its eating away at me every time im with my boyfriend. but i cant bring myself to cut all ties with my friend. we get on so well and i tell him everything. i have to admit, if i wasnt with my boyfriend then things may have progresed to more than just friendship, although whos to say it would work out? but i want to be with my boyfriend more than anything!! please help me, do i tel my boyfriend and risk getting dumped? do i cut off all ties with my friend? :( aaa please help! its driving me crazy!!
  
  Be honest - and be open - and tell people as it is. You are not doing anything wrong by enjoying a friends company - far from it, as long as you remember where the boundaries lie. Also - think about how you would feel if it were the other way around - if your boyfriend was very close friends with a girl? How would you react? You shouldn't stop your friendship - or your relationship with your boyfriend - just don't hide anything. Then - what have you got to feel bad about? Nothing? So your frined may like you more than he should - but you have to be aware of it - tell him you're happy with your boyfriend - and that if he can cope - then you'd love to continue the friendship you have with him? If it helps - try writing it down to clear your head - and to see a way forward. Take care.
  
  
• Little Elf, Im so confused. Theres this guy I like who likes me back but hes giving me mixed signals. Im a busy woman who has a lot to do and most of the time dont have spare time ( if that makes sense ) so I dont really get to see him. But I said to him Ill make time and he said No dont bother. But then the next week he text me saying I could have him, I could be his, he could be mine. As in a relationship. But his ex is having a baby ( that isnt his ) but he looks after her and stuff so theyre really close. But because of this hes become really distant and I dont know what to do. I really really like him. Hes a lovely guy. Please help.
  
  Have you told him how you feel? That you do like him and that you would choose to make time for him in your life? Maybe he's gone distant as he feels he's not getting anywhere? Just a thought. Relationships won't last unless both parties put effort and time into it. Are you willing to do this? If so - tell him how you feel, and see where it goes from there? Take care.
  
  
• help my boyfriend wants to engage in other sexual liasons first he wants to watch another couple then he wants me to sleep with another man i feel sick when he says this but i want to make him happy. i feel like a complete failure and just wanted him to love and want me for me, am i being unfair.. when i say no he says forget it then i feel like i have disappointed him
  
  No - you are right to stand by what is comfortable for you. If its you he loves - then be true to yourself. He is pushing the boat out - but needs to get into the real world of relationships, where each respect each others wishes. If he doesn't love you for who you are - then you're with the wrong guy. May be you could do other things that he isn't suggesting, which you would enjoy doing yourself?
  
  
• When i met my partner and up until we moved in together and had a baby, his family loved me. But he is the first one out of 6, and the youngest, to get engaged and now his mum hates me and announced at a family event she doesn't want us to get married. I suggested doing it abroad, not just because of that but it works out cheaper, but my fiancee thinks its unfair to go away and no one else to see us, but my family don't mind and his don't want to anyway. How can i make him see the benefits-he wont listen?!
  
  Fair enough - you are trying to do what his family want - but a marriage is between 2 equal sides - and if he doesn't want to go abroad to get wed - then you should listen to his reasons. Then - you can think about them, and have a nother chat to come up with something that suits both of you. Maybe you could do both? Of have a wedding here with family - and a romantic one for 2 abroad? There are hundreds of possibilities, so don't try and make him see - help him express what he wants - and express yourself what you want. Maybe putting pen to paper (both of you) may help? Take care, and take time.
  
  
• I have recently met someone through a friend.. but the thing is i have only ever spoke to him on the internet.. i know he is a real person because my friend has actually met him.. but im scared to meet him just in case he turns out to be different from what i expected.. what can i do?
  
  Hold your head up high, take a deep breath - and arrange to meet him. Do it so as you are not alone - make sure your friends are somewhere in eyes distance - to be on the safe side. You'll only know for sure when you meet him - so the sooner you do - the sooner you will be able to work out if you still like him! Take care!
  
  
• I dont know what to do I got so many problems going around in my head
  
  Well - why not try to express, and let out whats going on for you. Express how you are feeling - talk to someone - anyone, and if you can't face a human, then a dog or cat are equallly great! Write things down if that helps - anything, just let it out - and then you will be able to see where you are at, and what you need to do to improve life for yourself. Let me know how it goes in a few days once you've done this exercise and see what the next step is. Take care
  
  
• Dear Little Elf, Recently at my friends party the guy I liked told be he liked me as well, i was really happy and thought that maybe for once I could have a good relationship. The thing is he likes this other girl as well and can't seem to figure out who he likes more (I think it's the other girl though but she has a boyfriend who she loves) To make matters even worse the guy I like used to go out with my best friend and they were really close so I'm not only afraid that despite what she says she would be angry if we got together but also that the guy i like may like me as a rebound off my friend and I don't want to be hurt again... I'm not sure what to do???
  
  Go with your feelings. With your gut feelings. Go with what results you would feel comfortable with. If you know you are going to feel hurt - dont' do it. Make a list of options - think about all the possbile outcomes of each one - then choose the one which has the most benefits, and lest downfalls. Look after yourself - but be aware of how others will feel too. All the best.
  
  
• My mum is a lesbian, i havent known for long, i havent told any of my friends and dont think they would accept it or me. My dad is pressuring me into going to his house more and he is always bein horrid about my mum. I also have a illness called an AVM which is a type of brain hemorage ive had 2 lots of painful treatment that hasnt quite worked. I'm also having difficulty getting on with my step mum. I just dont know what tof fo i feel trapped i have all these problems and i dont know what to do.
  
  Sounds to me like you could do with getting it all off your chest. Talking things through may help you se whats really going on, and you may see things differently when you hear them? If you are able to talk to someone, then you may see things clearly, and see what you can do to help yourself? Try talking to your friends - you'll find out who your true friends are. Those that stay around, support you, and help you through this tough time. Take care, and remember that there are people out there who want to help.
  
  
• my girlfriend is depressed at moment everything i do is wrong. How can i help her without making things worse.
  
  Be yourself - be there for her - and listen. Live your life - keep her involved, and try to encourage her to talk - if not to you - to someone else. Its important that she has a way of expressing her felings - be it written, singin, dancing, walking - however she chooses. Depression isn't uncommon - so she should be reassured that other go through it as well. There will be a reason for it - but she may need to dig deep to find out why. It may not be an easy route, so stick by her, and support her. All the best, and dont forget to tell her that there are people out there who can help - no matter how depressed she is. It all matters.
  
  
• I have previously written to you regarding the breakup with my boyfriend and have accepted the fact that i should just let go but do you have any tips on how to do that?should i just move on and find someone else for the sake of having someone?
  
  I'm pleased you have begun to start accepting your situation. It can't be easy - so you should give yourself some praise. Finding someone else isn't the answer - being at peace with yourself is the key. Learn to be you, and learn to live with yourself, and do things that make you happy, and that you feel comfortable with. Meet new friends yes - and who knows what will come out of it - but for now - live life!
  
  
• I think this is going to be quite long so i apologise! I had been going out with my boyfriend for a few months, but he kissed his ex when he was very drunk. he phoned me straight after (when he was still drunk) to tell me he was sorry and would never do it again, he also phoned me in the morning to see if we could meet up and talk about it. We sorted things out and everything was fine after that. Then just a couple of weeks ago a girl from my college told her friends that she had kissed him on a night out. i hadnt heard from him and couldnt get in contact with him and his best friend told me we were finished. i was very confused and asumed we were over. a couple of days ago a boy from my college asked me to the pictures and i thought it would be a good idea because i knew he had liked me for a while and i liked him too, i had a good time and we kissed, and i thought it could possibly lead somewhere....... but then last night my ex-boyfriend phoned me to tell me he had just heard the rumors and non of it was true and he was angry with the girl and his best friend for making it all up. he told me he loved me and asked of we could give it another go. i told him about the boy i had been to the pictures with and how i was really confused and didnt no what to do. he kept asking me what was happening and i asked him to let me think about it. but no matter how much i try i cant seem to pick between the too. i love my ex-boyfriend but he has cheated on me before. and the boy i went to the pictures with is lovely but i dont know him that well. i dont want to turn him down and go back with my ex because i will have to see him everyday in college and i feel like i have led him on by going to the pictures. i just dont know how im going to make my decision because either way im going to hurt someone, because by saying no to both of them i will by hurting myself aswell.
  
  Only you know how you feel, so this one is where you have the answer already. ITs a matter of sitting down, having a long hard think, and deciding on a path thats right for you. Once you know what is comfortable for you - and how you want your future, then make arrangements to live it as you want to. WE only live once. Everything we do has consequences, so take your time, and talk it through with others. What would you tell a friend to do in your shoes? Do you have to make a decision? Or can you find other ways to get on with things? Be honest, be open, and take care. All the very best.
  
  
• My boyfriend recently broke up with me and im a complete mess.we were together for a year and i still love him so much.we had such an amazing relationship but he ended it when things started to fizzle out a little. My heart is breaking and i keep dreaming that we will get back together and its driving me mad and cant really concentrate on my new job. We are still friends but would rather that he would realise he wanted me back. What do i do??
  
  I think its going to be the hard way - of learning to accept the situation. You had a fantastic year and should reflect on the great relationship that you are able to make. Its a valuable part of you, which you can, in time, build with another partner. Try to get out with your mates, and concentrate on other parts of your life. It won't get any easier, but you will find other ways of getting through it. Take care
  
  
• Dear Little Elf, my problem is one you probably get asked about all the time. Its to do with my relationship with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 months. Recently i made friends with another guy who finds me reallie attractive, and says that he cant envision his life without me. he wants us to go on holiday together in Ohio, and although it id tempting, i couldnt leave my boyfriend in the lurch like that. The thing is, in spite of myself, i've sort of fallen in love with my friend, and i know there's no easy way to tell my boyfriend, but when we're on msn and myspace to each other, he gets really flirty with me, and i cant help but like some of the things he says to me. I dont want to hurt either of them, what should i do? Iv got my GCSEs in the next few weeks and with all the strain im getting from everything, im feeling really suicidal and have come really close to cutting my wrists sometimes as a way to get rid of the pain im feeling from the combined stress of my exams and my relationship strain
  
  OK - so its a bit confusing for you at the moment with all your emotions and feelings that you are having. So - maybe it would help to break away from them - and see how you are as you on your own? It sounds like you are unsure of your future - and having your boyfriend isn't allowing you to decide which way to turn? You say you don't want to hurt your corrent boyfriend - but if you are unsure of how you feel - isn't it better to be honest - and let him get on with his life? The guy you like on msn also may be confusing things - so give him a miss for a bit too (explain why) and concentrate on yourself. Then - you can move forward , making clear and right decisions? Take care. Stop and think before you do anything, and remember you're number one priority.
  
  
• My husband of 17 years has been having an affair since last summer, I found out in February and he hasn't seen her since. But they still ring each other up several times a week, which really upsets me. He says there's nothing wrong in just talking to her, I've asked him to stop and to tell her to not ring him, but he won't. Is it me or him being unreasonable here?
  
  you are not being unreasonable. He isn't thinking about how what he does leaves you feeling. You deserve the best - 100%, one-to-one attention. If you're not getting it - ask again. if it still doesn't happen, then it may be time to rethink your life. You only live once - and why put up with less? Take care, and think carefully about things - you can't turn the clock back, and everything you do will have its consequences.
  
  
• This is my last resort cause I know you wont judge me. Basically all my friends and family hate my ex boyfriend but we still love each other. Only problem is, is that he says we cant be together anymore because hes scared hes gonna hurt me again. He said theres always a chance that he will run away to someone else like he did before and he doesnt want to do that to me. But he is confusing me because hes saying he loves me more than anything and that im so special to him and that he never wants to let me go. I love him too. But i understand that he loves me and doesnt want to hurt me but I cant understand why hes doing this to both of us because its killing both of us to see each other and remember were not together and everytime i think about or see him i feel upset and its even got to the point even now when im typing about my situation i feel like crying. I just dont know what to do. I feel completely torn. Because my feelings say one thing but he says another. Im so confused. I guess I just wanted some support i guess. I dont get any from my freinds and family because they hate him.
  
  You will be confused! Its not an easy situation you are in. Its like someone, somewhere, isn't being completely honest - perhaps with themselves - and the other person involved? He says he doesn't want to hurt you - but isn't thats whats happening? If he isn't willing to commit - then thats where you need to stop and think. Is it worth putting your own life on hold - for an unsure future? Or do you deserve to know where you stand? Think about it. What would you advise a mate to do? You kow how you feel - and you know what feels right. Whats stopping you making changes to get a happier life? Take care, and think long and hard before you do anything.
  
  
• I absolutely hate my mum. I'm not just sying it I've hated her since I was 4. She's really mean to me and expects me to be perfect. When I was 9 and going to do a swimming race she told me there was no way in a hell I would win. She reads my private things and is a horrible person. She calls me an idiot and every time I look at her I feel hatetred. What should I do?
  
  She's your Mother. Despite everything. How about you sit down with her - and explain how you feel when she does things and says things? Ask her if sh'e OK? Ask her why she feels the need to look at your private things. Hate is a horrible word - and it can be changed. It doesn't have to be like this anymore. Small changes and a bit of give and take? Take time to spend with her each day, or week even, to try and build a new relationship.
  
  
• i really like this boy and i have asked him out and he told me to wait until his exams finish ( which i understand ) we have done stuff, but how do i know for sure that he likes me, i would be heartbroken if he was playing with me. What do i do?
  
  How do you feel? Cos thats how you'll get an answer of how you know! Its good that he is concentrating on his studies, and that he has said to wait til after his exams - but its gonna be hard for you to wait I'm sure! Just be patient - and give him credit for being honest. Don't pester him - leave him til after the exams - then see what happens after that! Good things are worth waiting for!
  
  
• I have recently been diagonsed with depression and have been put on pills after a year of feeling low, acting stupid and mood swings. I know i have a long road ahead of me but at least now i'm going in the right direction. i have always bottled up my feelings so my friends didn't really know much about them, my problem is how do i explain and apologise to them for all i've done or might have done ( i've found i remember very little of the past year it's all kinda black) I can't beging to imagine how much i must of hurt them or what i've put them through but find this really hard to talk about and don't know where to begin. It's tearing me apart.
  
  Be open, and be honest - and thats all you can do. If they are true friends, they will respect what you have been going through - and be pleased that you have taken positive steps to get yourself back on track. You are being preactive, and thats a lot to be said - well done. They will be pleased for you, and honored you have decided to explain things. Take care - and all the very best - its a good thing for you to do.
  
  
• Hi I am 28 yr old single female and I got a serious prob. I cry too easily. Nah not at emotional movies or books but in rel life. anger, frustration, pity, criticism, sadness, talking about a personal experience even joy, I start off with the usual emotions smile, laughter, an angry countenance but end up quickly into tears. And I cannot explain why. I fell my eyes brimming without reason and before I can do anything it spills over. I feel so silly. Its too minor a reason to be crying over. I am sincere, hardworking, responsible and loving but I just can't control my tears. What do I do? Please give some practical advice.
  
  Does it matter? It may be easier to accept that it is a way you cope with your feelings and how you show them! Its individual - its unique to you. It may not be tears as we know them - could it be nerves? We laugh out of nerves sometimes - so maybe you cry when not comfortable with a situation - or nervous? Try accepting it as part of you - and see how that goes. If it doesn't work - then try asking yourself why you are crying - it may be that is not the reason you think it is. Take care.
  
  
• Nearly 3 years ago, I moved from Ireland to Portugal. I hate it here so much. I have two friends, one whom I fight with all the time (I recently also found out she's copying me), and another who tries to be like me and copies me. I also have a stalker who scares me and gets me so stressed I feel like I could explode sometimes. For instance, if I put my hand up in class, she will too, even if she doesn't know the answer, if I cross my legs, she does aswell, she copies my work in class and she follows me EVERYWHERE. I may sound paranoid, but it's true, my two friends agree. She always seems to be really close to me, too close to me. I know it's mean to think this, but I think she might even fancy me. I've told my parents and cried in front of teachers while telling them about her. But nothing has changed! I even hate the atmosphere here in Portugal and I miss the rainy days in Ireland, as I don't like the sun very much. I've spoken to my parents and told them I hated it here. I haven't told them things like the fact that I cry every day and I punch walls to cause myself pain and have cut myself twice in the past year..I'm afraid it might become more frequent. I do everything I can to get my feelings out, but it's as if there is too much to be able to get rid of. I write songs all the time and listen to music, and cry and sit alone and think and write stories and poetry. I even have a big notebook that I draw characters of how I'm feeling and also write down how I'm feeling.... When I tell my parents that I hate it here, they just say that I only think I hate it here, which doesn't make much sense to me at all. I don't know what to do. I'm not good when it comes to talking about my feelings, I find it easier to just cry in front of people...I tell my friend in Portugal about everything, but it still doesn't help, what can I do? Please HELP!
  
  Well done for trying all the different things that you are doing - to cope with your emotions, and how you are feeling. Its going to take more than this though to work through things. You have proved that these methods only get you through the time - but they haven't solved anything yet. You have written down your feelings, but have you thought about writing how you would like to feel? ANd what you do that may make you feel that way? It may be a case of looking closely at your stories and character drawings, to see if there is a link - or if it tells you something? What do you see when you look? Try to reflect on your hard work and see what you can come up with? Keep trying to talk things through with other people close to you - how about asking your parents what they would do in your shoes? Take care, and don't give in. THere are ways out of this low time, and you can bring yourself out of it after a bit of time and tlc. All the best.
  
  
• I have really low confidence! All my friends tell me that im a lovely person and really funny aswell but I can't be myself with anyone apart from my friends and family! If I'm meeting someone for the first time I sit there really quietly and don't say a word! I can't keep a conversation flowing either! Please help me Little Elf! xx
  
  I'm not sure what it is you want me to do exactly? You are you - and know what feels comfortable or not. Its maybe about accepting who you are, and what you are, and getting on with life as you want to? Remind yourself of your good points, and that you are a lovely funny person, and build on it. Try something new/different and see how strong you are. Think of all you have achieved, and reflect on it - giving yourself a pat on the back! Only you can make you feel good - so give yourself a boost, and keep reminding yourself of the good! If you get negative thoughts, then be aware of them, acknowledge they are part of you, and move on - nobody's perfect! All the best.
  
  
• I like this lad but he hates me and calls me any name under the sun!! he doesn't care about me and then one week he slept with me and after he did he treated me nice then about a week after he was calling me again!!! what is going on in his head? help me little elf please!!??
  
  Whats going on his head? Only he knows that - and sometimes they aren't to be understood! So - my advice would be to leave him be and go out and be with people who treat you with a bit of respect. You deserve better.
  
  
• I recently had unprotected sex with my boyfriend and I thought i may be pregnant, but i came on but my friends are telling me, that you can still be pregnant if you have periods is this true?
  
  If you are unsure - go to the pharmacist at Boots, or Lloyds Chemist. Failing that go to your gp. If you really are doubtful - buy a test. Just don't leave it too late. All the best - and learn from this, and think about what you are doing - and the consequence behind it. What would you have done if you were pregnant? Lifes too short - don't take risks - use protection. The people you speak to will help you and give you guidance. ALso you could try NHS Direct online, they are very helpful, and have lots of info.
  
  
• most of the people on hear seem 2 be having relationship problems well mines a bit different hope you can help me out.. well im only 15 and me and one of my best mates tell each other everything she recently told me that when her dad gets drunk which isnt that often like once a month or something he turns violent but he only seems to turn voilent to her hes tried to throw her down the stairs before and when he comes in late and shes asleep he goes in and jumps on her and starts kissing her i dont know if hes done any more than kiss her she told me that was all that happens and that she has 2 lock her self into the bathroom or something just so he cant get to her her mum tries to stop him but shes to scared. she said that he beat her up on christmas eve just because he couldnt find the tv remote and he blamed it on her. on top of all this she gets bullied at school i stick up for her but thats all i can do, she told me one day that she had overdosed on paracetamol the night before and her parents didnt even notice that she told me not to tell anyone because she felt alright so i didnt because im 1 of the onli people she can trust, and i didnt want to make her feel she couldnt trust me. she has started self harming aswell and her parents dont notice that either. weve got our exams next year and i feel my and her work is suffering because of this i dont no how i can help her please help
  
  You are doing a great job by being a good friend, supporting her, and listening to her. If all she says is true, then it may be time to share the situation with a someone who can provide some comfort. Maybe a call to Samaritans, or to the school nurse? Its a horrible scenario, and she needs to know that she hasn't done anything wrong, and that its not normal behaviour. Self harming is often a way of expressing feelings and emotions, so she needs to be encouraged to find other ways - such as talking, drawing, writing, walking - anything. But her self harm will only lead to further problems. Try to talk to her about going to speak to someone, They will help, and she will be safer. You are doing a great job - just be there for her. Take care, and do something soon.
  
  
• ok so my boyfriend rang me up and dumped me, then got with another girl right after. then he texted me sayind that we were still going out for now. then he keeps asking me out and stuff but i don't know what to do. he was really cocky with me, saying that he did more in one night with that girl than hes ever done with me. he really upset me. what should i do?
  
  Walk away! What would you tell a friend to do? You deserve to be treated with respect, and don't need to put up with that. He's trying to get the best out of his world, but don't give in. Shouldn't you have someone who treats you as you would treat them? Have a think, rememeber - you're unique and special. Don't you deserve the best?
  
  
• hi well im 20 and have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year. the problem is my boyfriends friend who ive known for 5 years (longer than ive known my boyfriend) came out with me one weekend. my boyfriend went out in another town that night. after the night out with my friend...he text me and told me he had liked me since i was 16 but had never plucked up the courage to tell me, and in addition i would always been going out with a couple of guys..then i moved away for a year. and now im back...and hes told me all of this while im going out with his best friend?!! problem is... ive liked him since i was 16 too. i never let on to anybody. im so ashamed for feeling like this and confused because i love my boyfriend but sometimes i feel that im closer to my/his friend like we connect on so many more levels. hes one of my best friends. its so difficult i dont know what to do please help. i have a feeling i shouldnt go with the friend because it would not only ruin our friend ship but the friendship of my boyfriend and him. am i right? or should i follow my heart? :(
  
  Only you have the answer to this one! Only you know how you feel. It might be a feeling of excitement - doing something you know you shouldn't , and something new, but everything you do will have consequences, and you can't turn back the clocks. You need to question your current relationship with your boyfriend. If you love him, and have stayed with him for a year - and you see a future with him, then keep the other guy as a close friend. Theres nothing wrong with that - and good friends are hard to come by. Acknowledge that he has had feelings for you - thank him for the compliment, but confirm that you are already in a good relationship, and intend to stay that way - but would love to keep being best mates with him. If you have a feeling you shouldn't cross the line - then don't. What will it achieve? Take care.
  
  
• I met an amazing guy last year and we were dating for a month before he went to Fiji for 6 months. This was originally planned before we even met, and I wanted a relationship from him, but he insisted it wasn't a good idea because he was going to the University of Edinburgh to do an intensive two years masters when he returned. What hurted me was, when he got to Fiji, he slept with his ex and never contacted me. So, I decided to see someone until he returned. However, at the end of the first month, he decided to contact me when he realised that he missed me. After that, we spoke every week either via email or phone and when he got back, spontaneously, he asked for a relationship. We were committed for 6 weeks, until he started his masters, whereby the course got too much and he was becoming weak at correspondence. So he had the strength to call it off, when I didn't. A couple of days after he slept with some girl in his course, and so I did the same, but then he started contacted me to see if I was ok. I was upset, because he slept with her and since I was in love with him, we continued seeing each other in a non-commital way, but he never kept me a secret to anyone. I would visit him at his university probably twice in a space of two months but emails and texts in between. And it was only during this strange 'undefined' relationship that he decided to tell me the real reason why he broke up with me. When we were first dating (before he went to Fiji), I made the stupid mistake of telling him that in my lifetime I had slept with 24 men. And he broke it off because, he couldn't accept that. = ( And so, in the beginning of 2007, things started getting intense, he started telling me that he was having intense feelings. And this time round, he is going to Hawaii to do research for 8 months, and I am very upset because, he has not asked me for a committed relationship, but thats understandable because long distance for 8 months is just painful. But, he did tell me at the end of last week, "if I miraculously grow up and get over this idea of you having a past of 24 men, I would seriously consider a relationship with you again". He wants to continue contact and tells me that he will miss me so much in Hawaii, and has even said there is a possibility of me coming to see him in Autumn. What I want to know is, is there evidence of couples getting together after a long struggle of distance and silly problems such as not accepting my girlfriend had been with 24 men in the past?
  
  There is evidence that every relationship is unique. And special. The outcome will depend on your true feelings and emotions. Your wants and your desires. Some men do have a problem accepting our past, but he sounds like he is desperately trying to, in order to be able to see a future with you. If you both have strong feelings for each other, and can see a future together, then you have just been building blocks of trust etc, which is the foundation for a good, and long term relationship. What have you to lose? Just be open and honest with each other, a bit of respect, and time, and see what happens!
  
  
• I'm in my early twenties, and have had my current bf for about 3 years. Everything is going perfect, and i love him with all my heart. But lately i realised, i do not remember what it's like to have sex with anyone but him. Don't get me wrong, the sex is great, but i cant help myself from wondering what other guys are like.What if this feeling doesnt go away, and the curiosity gets the best of me? You have no idea how bad i feel about having theese thoughts, but at the same time i do not want to get bored. I know great guys dont grow on trees, but do you think an affair would ruin my relationship? i know he couldnt handle knowing it, but what he doesnt know doesnt hurt, right?
  
  You can turn this situation round to your advantage - and without jeopardising anything! You love your boyfriend, and state everything is perfect, Well it clearly isn't! So, don't be disheartened, just make some changes to your current situation. How about spicing up your sex life? Role play - dress up, do something suprising? spontaneous? Get some excitement back - blind fold him - let your mind go, and maybe act out some fantasies? Or at least discuss them with your boyfriend - and who knows - it may well excite him too! Don't let the relationship go "stale" by sticking to routines, and not making the effort to keep the sparkle there. Start by making lists of things you've never tried together - things you'd like to do to him, and vice versa. See where it goes from there!! Take care, enjoy - but do practice safe sex!
  
  
• hi little elf. i have got really close to this guy...through texting and msn and on webcam...we want to meet up because we feel like we are really close..the thing is is that i am too scared at the moment..i am quite tall for a girl and am scared that he will be smaller than me and dislike me..maybe put off..please help me!!
  
  If he is a good guy, and decent human being - he'll see you for who you are. Not how high you are, or what colour shoes your wearing! What is it you see about people? Things about their personality? Isn't that what you're attracted to? Use all your positives and gain some confidence from them - remember who you are, and what your strengths are, and meet up! You may not like him!!!! Enjoy!
  
  
• I have liked this guy for a while now, he is really kind, funny and sweet, but i dont know if he likes me back or he is just really friendly. The other day i walked passed him and he left his two mates to come and walk me home. Only thing is i only see him twice a week, if that and i dont have his mobile number either. Also today i found out that he is one of my friends cousins and i dont know whether to ask her for his mobile number or him, or is that just pussing it too far, cause i dont know if he likes me! HELP!!!!
  
  If you want to - then do it! Ask for his number! You'll get nowhere without trying! Lifes too short, so make some efforts in making yours a good one!
  
  
• hey... well Im only 14 but i feel that mine and my boyfriends relationship is alot more than a teenage fling.. we go to the same school and we see each other every morning because we are in the same form. We are in some classes together aswell. We have been together just over 9 weeks, he started going outside at dinner and break times about 2 weeks ago, but before at break we would sit in the canteen and talk to other mates and at dinner we would sit on the stairs at school, but then one day he went outside.. we hardly ever spoke then, but another thing is i was in relationship with another guy in my form just before christmas, we had liked each other for quite some time, we broke up and then we was just friends for a while. Now in the mornings when i go up to my form, i have all my friends there.. my ex and my boyfriend, i dont go upto my boyfriend and kiss him because it is awkward infront of my ex, so we dont act like a couple in the morning neither, any way, me and my boyfriend were'nt spending no time together then, so i started to go outside too, still we didnt really act like a couple, he would go and play football and i would just stand there talking to the other people around me, and whn he was kicked out the football tornament thing he wouldnt come up to me, he would go and talk to his friend mike. Just lately i feel like i dont mean nothing to him and i dont feel like his girlfriend, i have tried to talk to him about these problems but he qeither goes in an mard or jus says " can't i play football now " but he does'nt understand, i dont want to break up with him because i think i love him. I really need help on what to do and what to say. Please help.
  
  What do you want to do? What do you want to say? Because only you know what you feel comfortable doing and saying, and what you want to do. You also know what the right thing to do is, and thats the important bit. What would you advise a friend to do in your situation? Love is a 2 way process - is it in your case? Take care - you deserve the best - so get it!!
  
  
• Hi little Elf I've liked this guy for a while now and about 3 weeks ago we started to go out we was really nice sweet and considerate, not like my last boyfriend. But he broke up with me a week later saying that he was really busy and it wouldn't be fair on me because we wouldn't be able to see each other enough (because we're going our GCSE's) I thought that was really mature and accepted even though it wasn't really what I wanted. We argeed to still be friends and maybe pick up our relationship after the exams. 2 or 3 days later my friends came up to me and told me they had heard him denying that we went out to whoever asked but when I asked him about he he told me he hadn't. I was a bit upset about it but put it out of my mind. A few days ago I asked him wether he still liked me because try as I might I can't get over him. He told me he did like me but that he was confused. When I asked why he was confused he couldn't tell me. Now I'm worried that he's just messing me about and only went out with me for a joke, and now he's bidding his time seeing how long I'll like him for. (I haven't got any real proof of this so I'm worried if I'm being to paranoid) I'm not sure what to do, so any help you can give I would much appreiciate it. Thanks
  
  OK - breathe. Breathe in......breathe out. Now take some time to read the email you sent. What would you tell a friend to do should they be in your shoes? Have you told him how you feel? It may help him be less confused if he knows how you feel? It may help him decide where his emotions are? If you like him, sit back and enjoy the moments. If its meant to be, it will be. Take care, live your life - and take all the opportunities you can. All the best.
  
  
• I have been with my partner for 4 years now and every few months he runs away and goes to his moms. He has been back in my life for 9 months and all was going so well when on tuesday night off he went again. Each time he goes it hurts as much if not more. I cant eat, sleep or think about anything apart fom him. I have a 12 year old son who is suffering along with me. I am 42. He wont answer my texts. Please bring him back to me.
  
  OK - this is your life. You have a son, who has a life too. You may want to focus on him, to help keep yourself motivated? You have done all you can to contact you partner - and he isn't replying - so it may be a case of accepting that you are going to your seperate ways - and learn to live with things in a different way? Its not as easy as that I appreciate - but if you start thinking in a positive way - and find things to do, and to focus on and enjoy - maybe life will be a little better? How about spending more time with your friends, and going out a bit? Doing something different with your son? If he is sad - then a good bit of cheering up activities could be done, to keep your relationship as close as mother and son? talk about how you feel to your friends and family - or anyone you feel comfortbable with, and try to do things that you enjoy - that will relax you. Time needs to be spent on thinking whats going on for you - and what you can do to improve things for you. you deserve the best - so go out and get it. Take care.
  
  
• Hi little elf i am feeling really upset just now as i have a few problems that i am finding hard to cope with. I have really low self esteem and i am afraid my boyfriend might pick up on this and treat me rubbish like every other guy has. I recently told my boyfriend something which i have never told anyone and that is that i was forced to have sex with a past boyfriend, now i am worried as i know he is a virgin and i wanted it to be special for both of us when we do have sex i am scared it wont be now, i love him very much, please help
  
  It will be special - as you are a new couple, taking things a step further in your own special relationship. He should appreciate that you have confided in him with your past, and that in itself should make things special. Keep being honest and open with him, and try to relax and enjoy the relationship that you have. It is important that you acknowledge you are upset, and important to find ways of coping. Be it talking it through with another person, writing it down, or expressing it in other positive ways. Whatever it is you choose, you need to ensure that you have dealt with it to the best of your ability, in order to move on. Take time to do things which you enjoy, where you can relax, and where you can be comfortable in your surroundings. Do things on your terms. All the best.
  
  
• My best friend has started to tell lies about me and my girlfriend. i am deeply in love with my girlfriend but she doesnt know what to believe. My best friend also keeps telling my sister she is in love with me and isnt going to stop untill she has got me!!! i am in pieces and stressed. can you help?
  
  Some best friend you have there. Be honest yourself, and be open about how you feel about whats going on. If your girlfriend is in love too, then she should see through your best friend, and believe you. Tell your "bestfriend" that what they're doing isn't acceptable, and you don't deserve to be treated like that. Tell them that they are jeopardising your relationships, and maybe ask why they are doing it? Perhaps jealousy is to blame? Be careful, as there are obviously more issues with your mate than they are letting on. Think about you and your life, and put all those important to you FIRST. Inlcuding you. Take care, and don't forget to take time out to relax. All the best.
  
  
• My first wife left me for another man 12 years ago. Since then we have kept in constant contact because of the kids and we now have a very friendly relationship. The truth is that I have never stopped loving her but I have always kept this a secret because she has remarried. Also I dont want to affect our briliant relationship, both for my sake and the kids, so I have learned to live with my feelings privately. However over the past year I have been having vivid dreams that we get back together. When I have had one of these dreams it upsets me for days. The trouble is that for some reason I am having these dreams more and more frequently and it is begining to affect my otherwise very pleasent life. I dont know why I should start having these dreams after so many years, and I just dont know what to do about it.
  
  Dreams are interesting things, but can me taken in many ways. They sometimes reflect what has gone on in the past, and present - in your actual life, and sometimes, your mind wanders, and has no control over where your dream might take you. So - its important to acknowledge your feelings and to accept them, regardless of what you are dreaming. Dreaming isn't in the real world - whichever type you have - so its important to concentrate on the real life scenario. Whats gong on for you now. It may be that you need to be reminded of something in order to move on? WHo knows - but you maybe could do with reflecting over whats happened in reality, to get a grip of whats really going on for you. Listen to your heart. Just remember they are just dreams, and its your life that you need to follow. All the best.
  
  
• there is this girl in my school who keeps slagging me of it has realy got me down she has been that bad that i have had to get a mentor i can not speak to her with out her bitching at me we used to be best friends .She has been talking about me behind my back for about 3 years now we havet got into a physical fight yet but i know we will soon because she thinks she is all that. I have been sorting it out at school but there has been no diffrence how am i going to tell her to stop humainly?
  
  Some people don't think that what they say and do actually has consequences. It sounds like you need to keep well way - and to let her get on with her life. Try not to react to her - in the same manner as her. Don't mirror her behaviour - try to treat her as you would like to be treated. See if she can see the difference. Revenge and fighting will get you nowhere, and in turn make you as bad as she, so keep off that route. Forgive her, and forget. Move on with your life with people who respect you, and treat you as you deserve. All the very best.
  
  
• help me! my boyfriend keeps on trying to eat my face. what should i do?
  
  Ask him to stop? Communication is the key! Speak to him?
  
  
• i sent an e-mail pretending to be one of my best mates to an complaint site about sexual harrasment online, noe the police have got involved. what if the trace back the pc? help me!!!! it was just a joke!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
  Maybe you will learn not to mess around with things that aren't true, and that will cause unnecessary work. You need to realise that all you do has consequences, which you need to face up to. Just be honest and open from now on, apologise and move on. Don't be too hard on yourself, and try christmas crackers for jokes!!
  
  
• Right, here's the thing. I really like a guy i met the other day when i was out with some friends. I have his email address and mobile number and we talk almost everyday. Ive heard from a couple of mates that he likes me too but i dont know. I want to ask him but im not sure how to. I know this sounds really childish but I dont want to ruin our short friendship we have developed if i let my feelings be known. Please help? x
  
  Wow - what a feeling?!! So you like this guy, and want to ask him out. If you have a good friendship with him, then why not let things happen naturally, and in there own time? If its meant to be, then it won't need to be rushed or speeded up will it? Perhaps its a confidence matter - where it will help you to know that you are doing the right thing? maybe you could find out how he feels about your relationship? Just by asking him? Not an easy task - but well worth it when you get the answer? Take it easy - and have confidence in yourself - you are you, unique, and special!
  
  
• i like this boy but the thing i don't know if he likes me too, but all my friends think he does except he's really shy. i had a major crush on him last yearr but this year i thought i should concentrate on my studies however he started to notice me more so please can u help me on what to do. p.s he's really relgious which puts people off but not me p.s i think am in love
  
  OK - so this guy is shy, so he's not going to be saying things outright about how he feels. Therefore, its you role to try to get to know him well enough for him to be able to feel comfortable with you, and confident to talk? Yes - your studies are very important - but you do need time out now and again, so that you can go back to your studies refreshed and ready for more learning! So- if you like this guy, then why not make more effort with him, and find out what he's about, what he likes and dislikes, and let him get to know you too? Its a magical feeling, being in love, so enjoy every minute, and do what feels right for you. Don't forget that all you do will have consequences, so be careful, and think before you do! Enjoy the moment though, and live your life! Take care and all the best!!
  
  
• Dear agony aunt, my friend seems to be having issues with me, an apparent problem, that she does’nt wish to tell me in plain english or face to face, instead she chooses to refuse invites to meet me, and sends me cryptic messages hand delivered by the postman. These messages I believe are trying to make a statement, something to the effect that I am choosing my partner over her… Ok let me fill you in… We have known each other for approx 20 years, gone through a lot of tough times as most friends do, about 2 years ago she met this other friend, someone whom she had a lot in common with, they enjoyed the same kind of work, enjoyed socialising with each other, they bonded very well and I was extremely happy for my friend as she was happy. They spent every day together, worked together, socialised etc. I would regularly invite my friend and her new friend out but they almost always declined, to be honest I never minded, my friend was enjoying her life, her not coming out to socialise with me did not mean in my eyes that she didn’t wana be my friend anymore, it just meant that she had found something new in her life and it was making her happy, fair digs to her, she was old enough to decide what was making her happy, and knowing that, made me happy. A couple of months ago, their friendship ended…. During their friendship, I found love, with my current partner, whom my friend also loved, we all got on really well… we all lived together, I was seeing my friend a lot more now, it was really nice. A little while later my partner and I moved into our own place, at the start we were still hanging out with my friend a lot and having a ball, but with work commitments and enjoying our own space, I kinda neglected my friend… I didn’t see her so much now… I didn’t think this was causing a problem, as my friend had been in this situation a few months previous and there was no issues raised, however, its now clear that my friend has major issues with me, she denies any such problem when I ask her, but this message delivered by the postman clearly shows she is angry with me. I have done all I can, I have looked the fool, sending invites only to be rejected, I don’t want to look a fool anymore, but I don’t want our friendship to end over hypocrisy, Please help
  
  You have done the right thing - in being aware of whats going on, and reflecting on it. You are trying to work things out to resolve the issue - but it seems she doesn't want to play. Unfortunately, you can;t force her to face up to things, and in the end, its her loss. In an ideal world, she would wake up and see whats happening, and she will - but in her own time. Meanwhile - keep inviting her round, and maybe sh'ell surprise you at some point, by accepting it? Tell her again how you feel - even show her this email, and tell her you dont want the friendship to end - and will be there when she feels ready to. Keep going with your own life, and enjoy the things you do, and the people you see. Take care, and try to move on, without shutting any doors. All the best.
  
  
• Hey I need help, when i go out drinking at uni with friends, I don't tend to get drunk or sick etc. However recently I started to drink beer (I'm female btw) and after half a bottle I'm likely to be sick, this has happened a couple of times now because I've drunk it a couple of times and its getting really irritating. Spirits such as vodka seem fine, but its jut beer making me physically sick, even though I'm not drunk. its horrible and makes me scared that any other alcohol such as vodka may have the same effect at some point and so i dont like to drink which is hard being the only sober person, what do you think?
  
  I think it may be a good idea to stop drinking beer. If it has this effect on you - why not avoid it? There are plenty of drinks to choose from, both alcoholic and nonalcoholic. Try giving alcohol a miss for a week, and then slowly introduce a light drink, and see how you get on. It may be that you have an allergy, or that your body can't accept beer? if this doesn't work - try having a word with your gp. Take care.
  
  
• Hi How can i become an agony aunt to people like 'battered wives'. i have had a lot of experience in that field myself.
  
  Try volunteering at local Samaritans, or the Domestic Violence support group. You may need qualifications to become an agony aunt as such, but might be able to help in other ways, using your experience - which I am sorry to hear about - and hope you're doing OK now.
  
  
• I've fallen for the office Temp. She started working with us about a year ago and initially I didn't think much of her. Over the last couple of months I've become increasingly fond of her and have been really upset since she left last Friday (Bosses wouldn't renew her contract). We get on really well but I'm still rather unsure if she feels the same way about me. She gets on really well with one of my collegues - having a laugh and spending lunch-hours together. He's 17 years older than her and in a relationship but I'm very jelous over their relationship. We swaped email addresses when she left but I'm not sure how to take things further. I have a habbit of jumping into the deep end with new relationships which tends to scare women off. Any advice?
  
  OK - so you know your weakness - in jumping in at the deep end - so you now need to know how to control that - so that it doesn't happen this time! Its good that you have her email address, and maybe a little email to see how she is - and what she' up to? If she replies - and in a positive and chatty way - then it mayu be time for the next step - of inviting her out for a drink? It may not be the best week to start and see if things could go further - being Valentines Day on Wednesday! Or - it could work to your advantage! Just be aware of it! Don't be impatient if she fils to respond quickly - give it time. If things are worth doing - they're worth doing properly! In the meantime, it may be a chance for you to work on your jealousy issue. Its not a good asset to have - and you need to be able to recognise it in you, and work on lessening it. Be proud of who you are - and if some don't appreciate it - move on to others who do! All the best - and good luck!
  
  
• Hi there, I 'm feeling at the end of my tether now!! I have a 12 year old son an older partner and together we have a baby. He also has 2 older children to a previous marriage. His childen have caused a lot of concern over the past few years and havn't been the most law abiding angels but they're his children and we love them (and it makes it easier that they live with their mother!!) My problem at the moment is that up to recently my son really was an angel, very polite never in trouble and very bright at school. Now hormones are kicking in, he's moody, snappy, and becoming ignorant in his own little ways and the normal I hate life stage which I certainly remember when I was young. The big issue is, is that my partner must have fogotten his younger years because he's constantly on my sons back having a go at him, getting him in tears and basically punishing him for being 12!! Then will turn on me about him. I feel so sorry for my boy, he can't do a thing right as for as my partners concerned and it's driving me into some sort of depression as I hate coming home from work if I know they are both going to be in together. My son makes a point of keeping out of his way when I'm not around, but this caused a prolem because my partner had a go at me in front of my son saying he has a big problem and needs to sort it out. So the poor lad can't win because if he doesn't keep out of his way he gets a doing for just being in the way!! So of course he goes moody and storms upstairs and even that's wrong!!! Help!!! The reason I mentioned his children earlier is because their behaviour has been disgraceful but my partner dismisses it blaming the marriage break-up. I feel I can't carry on, but we have just completed some extreme intensive courses and set up our own business which would struggle if we were to split and I would have to walk away with 2 children and find a place to live with no financial backup and I no longer think I have the strength to do that. But I also don't believe I have the stregth to carry on in this way. Not just for me but for my sons. I feel so desparate I just don't know which way to turn!!
  
  Does it feel better to have offloaded a bit of that? Sometimes we get problems, and keep them in our heads - and they get out of hand as we don't always let them air! Its so good to express our feelings and let others know exactly how we feel - as they don't always have a clue! Have you sat down with your partner and told him how you feel? He may be unaware how he's coming across? He says his kids had an excuse - the breakup - but does that mean there aren't things going on for your son? It may be more than being at that age - there may be something botheringhim that he can't explain? It may be good to all get out of the house and do something as a family - go for a walk in the country - bowling, paintballing - anything to unite you? Setting up a new business is stressful for all - and you may need to take time away from it once in a while - to keep your family going? You never said how you feel personally, about your partner. Do you love him? Only then can you go on to think about how you see the future, and what you can do to get that future? Take care, and remember - don't bottle it up - discuss it. Be open and honest.
  
  
• My sex life with my boyfriend is completely non existent. When we first met 2 years ago he couldnt keep his hands of me, but since he started a new job 6 months ago, he complains he's too tired all the time. We dont live together and only spend a few evenings a week with each other. He plays footie three times a week, and I know never to approach him on those evenings. Any other time I try seduce him, or talk about sex, he just complains that I'm trying to force sex on him when he isnt in the mood. So I have completely backed off, and said to him for him to come and seduce me when he's in the mood. That was 6 weeks ago. There has been nothing. What am I doing wrong, that he has lost interest in me physically? I know that there is nothing wrong with his sex drive as he masturbates every night before he goes to sleep.
  
  WEll - you did the right thing by trying, and also by backing off and waiting for him to tell you he was in the mood. However - I still think there is a long way to go to solve it. I think it may help to sit down, and tell him how his actions (or lack of) are making you feel. Why do you feel its necessary? What does sex mean to you? Why is it so important? It may be time to think about what "love" actually means - and other ways which we can show it? Have a think - and have a proper sit down chat with him, as its obviously something you are feeling uncomfortable about. Take care - there will be light at the end of the tunnel!
  
  
• hi, i have a situation last week it was my best friends birthday and i got seriously drunk, which is completly out of character for me which lead to me getting thrown out of the bar, his sister who has a boyfriend waited out side with me to make sure i didnt get into trouble but she was with us talking and that during the time i was in the bar, well since that night i cant stop thinking about her, i fancy her, and until that night wondered if i always have, but the reality is its an unrealistic thought... well, its leaft me feeling both happy and sad and all the rest, and i feel strange when im in the presence of my best friend now (whose sister i really like) any advice would be great. thanks..it was hard to put what i thought into words!
  
  What a feeling! Treasure it! Its a warm feeling to have - and pleasant! However - must be frustrating too. Its always the wrong time and the wrong person! And it is in your case too. She's tied up with another guy. So - how about accepting that you have a big crush on this lady - and that you do fancy her - but she's not on offer. You can look but you can't touch. Interfering would be unfair to her. It would be unfair to you too - as there's more to it than just the two of you. So I'm sorry to say, but my advice, would be to be aware of your feelings - but keep them to yourself, and try to get out with other people to take your mind off it. If it is still there in a few weeks time, then it may need re-addressing again. Till then, enjoy - and take care.
  
  
• Hi, I am a horrid person, I just keep making a mess of things and hurting other people even though I do not mean to. Hence I'm not happy either. I have been having a long distance relationship with a guy who used to be my flatmate. I miss him a lot but things just don't seem to be meant to be. I moved away from th eplace we met in and went back to live in my home town. I do'nt really like it here. All my friends have moved on, I want to go travelling , but that will mean leaving him behind. I don't know where I will live when I get back if I do go but I really want to go while I still can. Last night I was feeling low and texted my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to break up, realising it was a crap thing to do I tried to stop the message but it was too late. He says he doesn't know and will think for a couple of days then call me. Anyway I am sad because I want a relationship at my age. Can you give me any advice as to how to handle my situation. I do care about my boyfriend but I feel its something I need to do. and I don't want him to hate me and hope he's ok.
  
  What rules are you living by that say at your age you must be in a relationship? I think that is one you have set yourself - and feel you should stick too? What if things, and times change though? Theres no hurry, as we're all living longer! Times like this are to take the opportunity and explore the world, and learn more about yourself too! You can still care for your boyfriend, as distance shouldn't change the way you feel. It may be harder, but not impossible! You say you keep doing all these horrible things, but you don't mean to? You have control over what you do - and it may help to stop and think before you do or say these things? Everything we say and do has consequences, and as adults - we are at the root of them. It may well just be a matter of acknowledging what you do, and thinking of ways to avoid it? So - why not have a real think about travelling - places you want to visit, things you want to see etc? Then take a piece of paper, and divide it into pro's and con's of travelling. What does it tell you? Lifes too short, and who knows whats out there waiting for you to discover! All the very best.
  
  
• I'm a girl with a lot of problems; I have an abusive dad, a nice boyfriend, and severe depression. Here I go; Problem 1 - My dad's still being an ass. We're alternating between enemies and something akin to a normal father and daughter, which is making me alternate between chomping at the bit to move out and get away from him, and feeling horrible for feeling it. I mean, I keep trying to remind myself that this guy is abusive, neglective, he doesn't care about me at all, he starves me, limits me in some pretty stupid ways, takes £200 a month from me even if I have to steal it or leech it from my grandad who has no money himself, etc. This man has never bought me food or clothing, he's never let me use the heating or hot water, and he was once so violent that he knocked me unconscious and threatened me with a knife because I made his sandwhiches wrong. But he's still my dad, you know? Problem 2 - I was unlawfully dismissed from my last job, but can't take legal action for several reasons (don't know how, have no support, have no evidence, have no money for it). Problem 3 is that the afformentioned bastards were supposed to have paid me Dec. 22nd. They didn't, appologized, and were then supposed to have paid me yesterday. They still haven't, and I need that money for...oh, I don't know...bills...food... Problem 4 - I'm stressed because I'm moving in with my boyf and hoping things will go well. If they don't... I can't go back to my dad, I probably won't be able to support myself, and I have no other places I can go. Problem 5 - I'm supposed to scrounge up enough money from somewhere to pay for a bedroom in boyf's house to be converted to a bedroom for me and boyf, including a double bed, and boyf's insistant on getting the most expensive one he can find because he can't be bothered to look around/he keeps forgetting. Plus his mom's constantly putting up the conditions on me moving in, the amount of money we have to save before we can move out and get a place of our own, etc. And (I'm sorry boyf if you're reading this) I have a sneaking suspicion it's because she just wants us there longer so she can carry on leeching £400 a month from us. Problem 6 - I have no money, none coming in, I've applied for every job I can, and every one I've applied for has turned me down or just not answered at all. Problem 7 - I'm having problems with my Job Seekers Allowance, so I'm not even getting money from that anymore. Problem 8 - boyf and I need to get on the list for a council flat as soon as possible, but he's the one who has to print out, fill in and send off the form, and he just won't do it...he keeps forgetting, he's got things he'd ra