Agony Archive

• Hi. Please help me with my problem! I am stuck! I am only thirteen years old and I am sure that I am in love for the first time! This is so confusing! AHH! On saturday, I went to go and see the live show of Mamma Mia, it was great but when I was going there with my best friend, I bumped into her brother. I have known him since I was seven but we don't say much to each other apart from a friendly "hello" whenever we see each other. I happen to know that he recently broke up with his girlfriend and that he is really down about it but I am certain that he will get another girlfriend soon and I really do like him! The really hard part of this is the fact that he is 16 and will be going away to join the army soon so I do not have much time left to see him. I have triend talking to my friends about this and they have said, "Just leave it alone." but I don't think that they understand how I feel. Theye have also told me that since he is the best friends brother that he is "off limits". Please help me with this! Should I tell him or should I just leave it like my frineds say? x
  
  Wait and listen to your friends and leave it alone! If you still feel the same when you are 16, who knows what could be on the cards?
  
  
• i have been with my boyfriend for a few months now and have fell totally head over outragiouly in love with him i know it sounds silly but im not a school girl im a young mother for the past six months i've never been so happy and he has told me nor has he we have a great time together and he gets on with my daughter so i asked him to move in with us an he agreed, but now all of a sudden this girl has appeared from nowhere and as blown my happy blissful life to pieces. it has now amerged that when we were first dating he had a one night stand with this girl this is the nice way i can put it as neither of them were drunk and it only took him an hour to get her into bed he says it was a big mistake and regreted it as soon as it was done and has never been back but they did keep in contact as friends, im so confused right now can i forgive him should i forgive can i believe anything he says any more will this hurt ever go away i just dont know what to do please help.
  
  I imagine you feel very hurt right now, as its been a shock for you to make this discovery. However - if you feel you still have a future with this guy, then you need to learn to forgive him, and to mean it. Without doing this, your hurt will linger, and you may feel bitter and sour towards him. Tell him how you feel, and that you will not tolerate deceit or lies, and that he is to be open and honest with you, as you are with him. WIthout trust and respect, a relationship has now future. You can move on from this if you want to, and start afresh. If he says it was a mistake - you should take his word and listen. Everyone makes mistakes. Hes come back to you, and thats what you need to focus on. Make sure that he knows that you are serious about him, but you won't accept behaviour like that in the future. Would he like it if it happened to him? i doubt it, so remind him that you deserve the best, and won't settle for anything less. All the best.
  
  
• Im 18 and have been with my boyriend for just over a year, he moved away to university in september and he comes home on most weekends. I have recently become very emotional when i am with him i love him very much and we are very happy together but i find that when i spend time with him i become very upset and start crying. We are not having any problems but i know i could end up losing him if i dont stop this crying. I have no reason to cry. My friend told me that it could be to do with the fact that im on the pill but ive been taking the pill for almost a year now and its only just started happening. I dont know why i keep crying and i need to stop but i cant. What is wrong with me?
  
  Thanks for getting in touch - its good that you are able to identify whats going on, and its right that you should question it. What happens if you cry, and then once crying - try to ask yourself WHY you are doiung so. Tell yourself to stop and see what happens? Is there a reason for your tears that you are not looking at? deeper down perhaps? YOu have control over your emotions and maybe you've lost touch with that? If this seems the wrong solution for you, then it may be a good idea to go and see a nurse at your gps surgery, and have a chat with them? Perhaps its a coping mechanism, or perhaps its a cover up - ir perhaps its medication. i can't tell from this, but it is iumportant to get to the bottom of it so that yoiu can continue your life and relationship. Take care, and give it a go - what've you got to lose?
  
  
• I am 30 years old and have been with my husband for 10years. We have been married for the last 2 years. However, just after we married I met a guy 6 yrs younger than me, but when I overheard him talking about his girlfriend and myself being married I just thought it was stupid. Although, a year later we went for drinks and really hit it off. Although we never kissed or anything, it was obvious there was something there. A week later we were out again with a bunch of people and we ended up being the only two left and we couldn't resist and did end up kissing. Since then we have been meeting alot although we have never slept with each other. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him and I know he feels the same way although I am also in love with my husband and he treats me so well I feel so bad. I was away a while ago for a month and I missed this guy like crazy. At first I thought it was lust and would pass over but it doesn't seem to be.
  
  Response: OK - time to stop and think. Time to look at your relationship with your husband, as thats the one you are committed to. You say you love him and that he treats you well. Are you IN love with him still? If you are even contemplating being with someone else (the younger chap or otherwise) then you need to be straight with your husband and let him know whats going on. He deserves an honest and trusting relationship, as you do, so be fair to yourself and to your husband. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you - and you only live once, so make sure its how you want it. You need to think long and hard about your situation and your feelings, and take it from there. All the best.
  
  
• Me and my ex boyfriend were together for a year and half. I was madly in love with him and believed him to be my soul mate. However he never trusted me, he was Muslim so we took the vows and before the eyes of god we were husband and wife. He always accused me of lying about things and he broke up with me because he believed I had been lying to him throughout our relationship. When we had been going out for 2 months I was unfaithful and kissed another guy he had no reason to suspect this so I only told him when he threatened to break up with me unless I admitted to having an affair to one of my male friends. I never had an affair with my friend and told him about me cheating out of fear of losing him. He broke up with me anyway and left me broken hearted; he punched my friend even though we both told him we were just friends. He claimed to have divorced me. We started talking again and began sleeping together, I was never comfortable with this but I did it because I missed him and wanted to be part of his life. We began to get close and I realised I was still in love with him. He told me that if I told him all the guys I had been with and what I had done with them since we have broken up then he would consider getting back together. I told him but he didn’t believe me, so I lied to make it sound more convincing and he said he never wanted to speak to me again. He contacted me and said that he was happy to keep things as they were. We always have silly fights even though were not together and he still accuses me of things now. On new years he told me that he loved me and I said it back he said that if I told the truth about what guys I had been with since we broke up then we would have a chance he also told me that were still technically ‘married’ I love him with all my heart but I have already told him the truth so I don’t know what to do. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with but I don’t want to lie just to get him to be with me it feels as if I’m selling myself out. He is going travelling in a couple of weeks and will be gone for six months to a year, I’m going to miss him loads I would do anything for him and am considering making up things to keep him I know this is wrong but losing him once was the hardest thing I ever had to do and don’t want to do it again. What should I do?
  
  A relationship based on trust, honesty and openess, will have grounds for a long and hapy future. However - there seems to be a few mix-ups and confusion in yours. That isn't to say you can't change things though. You need to ask yourself why you cheated on him. Do you love him? Or are you scared of a life without him? You shouldn't need to lie, and in doing so, you are putting yourself and your relationship at risk. Perhaps its a good time to stop, and take a few days to yourself, and work out exactly what you want for your future. Why should you be with someone who is forever of accusing you of things? I would suggest that a life without that is going to be a happier one? Talk to him - be honest, open and striaght talking. Even if you have to tell a different story to that told originally - you need to lay your cards on the table - and be totally honest. For you. Have a think, and talk to friends if you can. Take your time and don't act too quickly. Be sure before you make any changes. All the best.
  
  
• I have been with this guy for two years, our relationship has never been great, in the first year he cheated on me twice, in the last year i have done it back too. We have both lied about things to each other and theres not much trust. I dont like him going out without me and he doesnt like me going out without him.... two weeks ago he lied about doing drugs again, and i swore before i wud leave him if i found out he had lied about it again, but stupidly i didnt leave him. I started talking to this other guy and we got chatting and meeting up, i am starting to like him quite a bit, and altho i am not sure if i cud fully trust him, i feel like if we had a relationship, that it could go somewhere... But what do i do? i have left the guy i am with now for someone else before, but when that has gone wrong i have always gone running back to the guy i am with now... i dont want this to happen again, as if it will, i dont see the point in leaving him at all.... but i get restless every few months and want to meet up with a new guy... HELP! x
  
  I think its time for you to have some time on your own. It sounds like you could do with knowing what you want, what you like, and who you are. Then perhaps it will be more clear about what you will accept, and what you want out of relationships? Going from one relationship to the next is very difficult and confusing, and often things are ignored as a new relationship is always exciting. I would suggest that you think about where you are in life, and where you want to be. Trust makes a relationship. If you haven't got it, then you won't last long. Have a think, and as you don't want the same thing to happen again, make some changes? All the best - you deserve it.
  
  
• please help me, im pretty young and in love, i mean some people saying being in love at a young age you can be foolish and unaware, but this guy is everything i could have ever wanted, untill he ended it. To me he was pretty much the first relationship that ment something. Before him i didn't really feel butterflies or anything but he brightened up my life and without him i feel incomplete. Well "we" decided to stay friends but things are really awkward, because still every time i see him i still get butterflies and i deny the fact that i still like him but everyone can see through me. I have no idea how he feels and i dont really want to ask him. He complains that people try to live his life for him, so i dont want to pressurise him. I dont want to lose him, because even though having him around is harder i need him. But if i stay friends with him im just teasing myself? -Confused.
  
  Why do you need him? What is it he gives you that you are lacking? He has ended it, and clearly isn't interested in a relationship, and may be you need to accept that. If you find it too hard to be friends, then break it off and move on. Its extremely difficult as you say, its confiusing. If it doesn't happen naturally, then its not meant to be. Try putting your energy and focus into something else, and in time, you will find ways of accepting the situation, and coping in the best way for you. Love is an emotional rollercoaster, so go easy on yourself, and try to talk to your friends and family - don't bottle it up. take care and stand tall, if he isn't interested, move on to someone who is - you deserve it!
  
  
• im a 38 mum of 5 and recently split with the father of my 2 youngest as he smokes too much weed & wont go to work ..he loves his kids dont get me wrong & he's took my older boys on(we been toghter 10yrs) ive given him loads of chances to clean his act up but he changes for a bit then slips back into his old ways......we've never even lived together he lives with his dad, he's never paid a bill, he 's never took me out and he used to spend about 2 hours with me a night.......i reached the end of my teather so i told him to go, he still comes to see the girls ect but makes me feel the bad person in all of this, am i? i just dont no wot to do anymore.....i want more in my life is it wrong to think that?
  
  You have done what you felt was the right thing to do , and therfore you need to have confidence that you have done right, and in time, it will show, and you will feel it. Its very hard to make changes, but it takes more to do it, than to pretend everything is OK. You've done the hard bit, now you need to try and think about living the life that you want to, that makes you happy. You deserve it. Its not wrong to think that - its right. It might feel strange - but put yourself first - have some self interest, and it will rebound of others. All the best, and take care - you've got a life ahead of you now!
  
  
• I have a wonderful boyfriend of over a year. He is sweet and kind and just about everything you can ask for. I have never had another long term boyfriend and now i have no idea if he is the one i want to spend my life with or not. Most of my friends say they just knew that their partners were the one. I've always been indecesive but should i know why now if he is my sould mate?
  
  Everyone is an individual, with unique feelings and emotions. Feelings are sometimes instant, and sometimes come in time. Enjoy what you have in the here and now, and relax knowing that you have a wonderful chap! People may say now that they knew their partner was the one, right from the start? If they really go back to the beginning of their relationships, they may tell a different story! All the best, and take it easy.
  
  
• Im 17 and in a relationship with a 21 year old, ive been with him for a year and a half, We have a long distance relationship and i see him for a week every 4 to 6 weeks. I love him to pieces, being with him is the most amazing feeling and every time he leaves it breaks my heart and i find it hard to carry on at college, but we carry on anyway because i know he always comes back. Im so confused lately, i know i love him, but i get soo scared i think hes too good for me and to be honest he probably is. im soo insecure, and think its too good to be true im waiting to ruin our relationship, and i think i already am, i have a very close friend and he is always there for me infact hes the only one there for me because i have really become distance from my friends, none of them are in relationships and they think i dont need them any more, i did explain over and over that i did but eventually i just gave up and hes now the only guy who is their for me and the only guy who is there for me when my boyfriend leaves me in peices. My close friend and i have always had feelings for eachother but now we get close and touch eachother and hold eachother, i know this isnt as bad as what we could be doing but the feelings i get for him make me feel awful, it havent even kissed him but the hugging and the feelings i get makes me doubt my relationship with my boyfriend, i know my friend feels the same way because hes told me, but he wont take it far because he says im a good relationship with a nice guy and he would never want to ruin my happiness. im soo confused i know i love my boyfriend but how can i have feelings for someone else? the guilt is just eating away at me even though we havent acted on our feelings. The last thing i want to do is too lose my close friend or my boyfriend, but a part of me also wonders if im supposed to be with my friend in soo confused.
  
  Listen to your heart. You are at ease with your friend - and being yourself - confident and comfortable. Maybe your boyfriend isn't the right partner for you? If you are having doubts - then I suggest you spend some time alone for a bit - so that it gives you a chance to decide what it is you are after? And who it is that you want to spend time with? Its not a good idea to go from one guy to the next - you need time. It needs to be done right - and without a rush. If its meant to be - then it will happen. Don't force anything - but do what feels right, truly. Have you tried writing things doen - to express how you feel? to work out what the issues are? Try it. All the best.
  
  
• i want to thank you, i wrote you the other day abd i told my partner he either makes an effort or we are over for good. he is now sorting hisaffairs out and moving up here! thanks again
  
  Glad that you had the balls to be upfront and to deal what was going on. You did all the hard work - well done!
  
  
• My partner and i have been together for 6 years he lives 2 an half hours away by train and wont move up here. I have never met his family and friends, and have only ever been to his once. he comes here every 3weeks for few days and spends all his holidays with me but will not spend xmas with us but with his ex and kids, his kids are in there 20's where mine are under 13. I love him very much but he feels i am being unreasonable by ending the relationship for the 5th time for good this time. I need to be with someone who is here for me at all times not every 3weeks. we alk on the phone every night when we are together. I am so down about this but i know i deserve more, am i unreasonable? Thanking you
  
  No - it is not unreasonable. Its how you feel - and its important that you recognise it - and do something about it so that you can live the life you want - with all you deserve. It seems like you are looking for a different type of relationship to of what he can offer. If you are down - something in your life needs to be changed. Maybe it would be good to be on your own for a bit - to work out what you want in life - and where its heading? You're in the driving seat - so why wait? Take care and "think" before you "do"!
  
  
• I have recently split up with my long term boyfriend, who i've been dating for 2 years. I am 23 years old. I lost my virginity to him and he means alot to me. He left me without any warning and no explanation. I know he's after my best friend but i really don't know what to do. Should I confront her/him. Should i tell them how i feel? I'm feeling really low and my confidence has been knocked. I have no one to confide in.
  
  Yes, you would be right to talk to both parties - but not to confront them. Its important that you have dealt with issues yourself - so that you are sure about how you feel etc, then go and have a talk with them. Make sure you know what it is you want from the talk - to let them know how you feel? to let them know that you aren't comfortable with thinking he's after your best friend? Take time to think about what's going on - scribble it down if it helps - then go and discuss it with them. A best friend needs to know how you feel, and vice versa. Then you can start on rebuilding your confidence, and gain a sense of self - and control again? He will always mean a lot to you - that won't change - but it will get easier as you move on with your own life. Take it easy.
  
  
• i am 17 years old and going out with somebody that is 28 my mum doesnt no how old he is neither do any of my other family but she has spoken to him over the phone numerousabout of times and really likes him do u think that this is wrong about how old he is ???? i need an outsiders opinion on this? do u think tht i should tell my parents or not ? the man that i am with is a nice man and he treats me the way a woman should be treated but i dont no wether to finnish it as the age gap also he wants children where as i dnt want children untill im at least 25 please reply soon i need an answer as quikly as possible because i dont want the relationship to get to deep and then feel like i cant get out of it from anonymous
  
  There is nothing wrong about how old he is, but why make an issue of it? I think you should be open and honest about it - otherwise it looks like you both have something to hide! If he treats you with respect - and as an individual person - then why not shout about it! You need to be strong and stick with your guns about starting a family etc. If he is serious about you - he will wait - there's no hurry - its not as if you are close to being too old to be a Mother! You need to live your life first - with or without him. Don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with - make sure that he is clear of your wishes. Take care - and be yourself. Be open and honest about your life - and you'll feel much better.
  
  
• Please help. I've written to you a few times about being in love with my exes twin brother but being married to someone else and having a daughter. Then I wrote to tell you I had finally gathered the guts to end my marriage and with some amazing luck I ended up in a very happy relationship with the guy I had always been in love with. To start with things were great even though we were both dealing with seperations and houses and i had my daughter to look out for. But then after we had been together for 3 months he broke my heart. I had gone on holiday with my daughter and on the day before i was due to come home I couldn't get hold of him and after 6 hours I got worried so at 11pm I rang his mate who answered by asking "oh are you ok with eveything" I had no idea what he meant so he told me, I couldn't get hold of him because he was in a holding cell at the police station. So it turns out the night before (an hour after the first time he told me he loved me) he had beaten a guy up and caused him to have a brain bleed. The problem is the reason he did this was he believed that this guy had slept with his ex when they were together. No one seems to understand why I have been so hurt by it. Why don't they get that at the time he must have still been thinking about her and what happened in their relationship. Now i can't beleive that he loves me. This all happened 6 months ago and i can't get over it. He is possibly facing a prison sentance which scares me to death because i have given up everything for him (all my friends decided I was making the wrong decision being with him and have abandoned me when i need them the most) and he is all I have now (besides my daugher). I feel like i am doing time for a mistake his ex made. so now it is causing really bad arguments. I don't feel right when he goes out and I just can't feel secure that he loves me and wants to be with me. Am I right in feeling like this and how do i get over it. I know this guy is 100% the only 1 for me and deep down I want to believe him when he says that at the time he was in love with me and wasn't regretting losing her but I'm scared of being taken for a fool. Am I being too guarded? My dad said he did it because of the humiliation he felt by being cheated on and that it all comes down to male pride and it's not about how he felt about her. Do you think he is right. The other problem is in rows lately he has pushed me about and got a bit scary. I have known him well since we were kids and I know he is not a violant person but with what he did to this guy and how he has acted in our last few arguments am i wrong to be letting him live with me and my daughter?
  
  You sound doubtful in your own final question. No one deserves to be pushed around Ever. AND if he's showing signs - get out now. You won't find it easy to do, as you're emotionally attached to him - but believe in yourself. Believe that you deserve the best, and that love is a 2 way thing. It should be reciprocated evenly. And you should be able to trust him 110%. Save yourself, and you daughter, before its too late. At least try living apart from him and see how you handle it. Think of the positive aspects - the security you'll be giving yourself and your daughter - the strength you have to do this. Take deep breaths, and go for it. WHat would your advise be if this was happening to a friend? Whats stopping you taking your own advice? Life's too short.
  
  
• dear little Elf. I'm confused. my girlfriend cheated on me and she says she thinks she is pregnant but she doesn't know who the father is. I'm a 100% sure its her exs and not mine, she has left me a dozen missed calls and texts I don;t know whether I should talk to her despite what she has done. what should i do?
  
  You need to talk to her and find out the truth. That way - you can decide what action is the right one for you to take. She was in the wrong - but at least get things straight. You'll be able to move on with your life then - in which ever direction you choose. You deserve it. Take care
  
  
• I am 43yrs old and my father is 87. I live on my own but my father is putting increasing demands on me to accompany him to social events that do not really interest me. My father put me and my mother through a lot of trauma, and i want to keep my distance. My younger brother does not speak to him and does nothing to help! Also i work somewhere that my dad socializes, and he turns up when i finish work and harasses me as i leave work, not nastily but just annoying and i want to leave my job because of this! Please help!
  
  OK - you need to think about setting some boundaries between the two of you. And communication. Explain how you feel when he comes to your work - and ask why he does. Ask him not to and see what he says. Listen to his reply, go away, and have a think about it. Is he in need of some care perhaps - a helper to take him to events? Suggest someone else take him - or he goes alone? Tell him you'll arrange transport? Maybe he' afraid of losing you too - but it may help to point out to him, that that' exactly what will happen unless he stops demanding time etc off you? How about suggesting you go somewhere you BOTH like - once in a while? To reassure him you still love him? Try it - and see how it goes. All the best.
  
  
• I'm 16. Last year i lost the remaining three of my Grandparents (my first granddad died before i was born). People say that things "get easier in time" and you learn to live with the loss. But i haven't. Everyone says to think about all the good times i had with my grandparents, but that upsets me even more, because i know i'll never have any more with them. I feel like no-one in the world understands, because other people i've spoken to who have also lost people extremely close to them, say they learnt to deal with it and move on. I know everyone has different ways of dealing with loss and emotional pain...but i don't seem to have a method at all. I write poetry about my feelings and thoughts, but that helps for about 20 minutes. I can put on a smile when i'm with my friends and boyfriend, but the minute i'm alone again the thoughts come back and i feel like it's taking over my life. I WANT to be completely happy again, get on with my life and accept that no matter how much i cry, they are not coming back. But i can't. I feel trapped within my own mind and i don't know what to do. My Dad was diagnosed with clinical depression after my Granddad died, could this be my problem? My family, friends and boyfriend have been there for me through this all, they are all brilliant and i should be happy and content with my life, because, to be honest, i know i am much better off than thousands of people out there. I keep trying not to dwell on the bad points and the past, but then i feel like i'm just ignoring the problem, which makes it worse. It's all a massive vicious circle and i honestly do not know what to do. Emma xx
  
  Go and speak with an organisation who specialise in bereavement. Skipton have a good service. They will be able to help you go through what you are feeling. It doesn't get any easier - but you learn to deal with it more positively. Write what it is you miss about them - and ways you can recreate it. They may not be on this earth - but they are still your grandparents. Might sound daft - but try talking to them - looking up. See them smile at you - and hoping that you're getting on with your life as they'd want you to. Try it and see how you get on - but do go and speak with those who deal with bereavement professionally - it will ease the situation you are going through. All the very best.
  
  
• I've thought over this over a couple of years now and i decided i want to be pagen. my mum dosn't think i should be one untill im 20 im 14 but my religion wont efect my life. I think shes sered i might get bullied because but im prepered for that. Im not shure how to sart of as one eather. I know there some shops in my citty center that sell thing for alters. I need alot of advice so could you give me some web site links for teenage pagens in the uk. it will be much help. And could i have some advice into talkin my mum into it.
  
  No advice to how to talk your mum into it - you should respect her wishes, as she should yours. We're all entitled to our beliefs and values. It is your mums duty to set you in the right direction and to give you the facts for you to make a decision yourself. As for websites - type it into Google and am sure you will get all the info you need. Just be very careful and don't do anything on impulse. think.
  
  
• Hi, I'm a 63yr old guy and my wife of 18yrs 5mnths has just told me (02/08/07) that she is a Lesbian (inactive since b4 1985), she will be 40 in a few months. Although she loves me, she is no longer in love with me, but for the sake of our 2 boys 9 & 10 yrs; she wants us to try to live together, but wants her freedom to come and go when she pleases. I think she is very brave to have told me, it couldn't have been easy for her. My main problem is I'm jealous of her (straight/married) best mate who seems to be getting all the attention that I used to get b4 the August bombshell. She went to a Wimfest long week-end at the end of Aug. and a gay club the other week. I keep trying not to have a moan about her seeing more of her mate than me, cos it's over for me and her. but it's hard. She also wants a Divorce, what should I do????
  
  Big Bombshell - but she's been honest and upfront with you. What she seems to have forgotten - is that like her, you have a life to lead to - and you are entitled to live it to the full. Do you feel you are? Is it doing your boys anygood, by letting them see that its Ok to stay in a relationship even though the feelings for one another have gone? Wouldn't they rather see 2 people living their lives and being happy? Because happiness will shine through as much as sadness. They will detect things aren't right, and are very switched on. What the future holds is in your hands. Stay, and be unhappy, and let your kids see you unhappy, or make changes, start afresh - and live to how you would like? Tough one - but your situation isn't making you happy. Don't you deserve better? Take care.
  
  
• I'm 31 yrs old with 2 kids and met a friend on a chat room we have been talkin 4 5 weeks we get on so well the thing is i think its like a relationship i'm on the phone every day or textin and if she does not answer i get the hump i don't know whats wrong with me we were meant 2 meet up in a couple of weeks as we live 700 miles apart but her mum has died so its not goin 2 happen i'm so upset all i do is cry but how can i tell people because i feel so stupid as she could of just been havin me on 4 fun help
  
  Chat Rooms are dangerous places. YOu can get dragged in without knowing for sure people are who they say they are. You have been very trusting, and your heart has been involved. Not easy when this happens. Its exciting finding new friends, and getting to know new people - but they aren't part of your real life. Your 2 kids are part of your real life. Chat rooms are like escapism. Time to forget your own world and just chat. We should chat more often - but with people in our everyday lives. Don't feel stupid - you're not - you're human. I hope its helped to share your experience? Maybe you feel better already for letting it out - for telling me? It gives up some space in your brain to be able to think logically, and to see a way forward. Take care, and remember to keep living in the real world you have created. Can you improve it? Why not give it a go?
  
  
• I am 23 years old and only just lost my virginity to a work colleugue when we went out and got really ddrunk. The thing is i have this impending guilt building up inside of me as he has a girlfriend of 9 years and a little child. I am very much in love with him and I am finding it rather hard to work with him/see him especially when he is sending me messages telling me how lovely i look at work. I am not to sure how to handle the situation as I have never had a boyfriend. He only txts me in his time and when it comes to work matters he seems to ignore me.I know the outcome willl be nothing but hurt but should I tell him how I feel. Also I think I may be pregnant as we didnt use anything...do i tell him that to? Any advice it would be greatfully recieved. I am rather tired of being single and lonely and nothing hurts more than unrequited love
  
  OK - don't tell him anything until you know for sure. Unprotected sex with a stranger isn't the most sensible thing to do - so go and get yourself checked out. I appreciate your need to be in a relationship - but there are plenty of single men out there - who are keen too! I know this guy showed you interest - but he's winning. He's got a stable relationship and "a bit on the side" - is that what you deserve to be? - a bit on the side? Shouldn't you be number one priority? Telling him how you feel would tell him that you are wanting more. Do you want to put him in the situation of choosing? Why not leave him out of it, and start off again with someone new - someone unattached - someone who can spend 110% with you? Have a think, and take care. Remember you deserve the best.
  
  
• i have been married for 21 years following getting partner pregnant accidentally. i have devoted the last 21 years of my life driving her two and from "town" due to her insane obsession with "having a coffee". i actually think she has sent me slightly insane. I have evolved a hearing problem in which i can block out the constant drone of bitchy comments which she makes about everyone she claps eyes on. i gave up an active lifestyle in the yorkshire dales for my wife and now find that i hae nothing left to say to her following my child leaving home. my life is comparable to richard buckets from keeping up appearances, i am constantly degraded and used as a human cash point to feed her 20 a day habbit. we do nothing, she has not worked since we met yet always seems to be "knackered out of her head". i am now feeling very suppressed, where do i go from here?
  
  Where do you want to go? You don't like the life you are leading now - so why not make a few alterations to help you get some enjoyment? Life os for living and enjoying - what do you like doing that makes you feel good? Why not try to do this at least once a week - whether it be walking - cycling, reading, meeting friends, cinema - college, anything. Have you spoken to her about how you are feeling? You deserve the best out of life - is this what you're getting? If not - why not? What would your advice be to a friend in your situation? And whats stopping you from doing that same action?? Time to make a few changes - and to better your own life. What have you got to loose?? Take care - and think things through.
  
  
• I'm a teenge boy who likes girls alot and i mean alot but over the last few months ive been turned on by transexuals and i love watchin transexual porn..am i a freak?
  
  Not at all. You are a young human being. We all explore different ideas etc, its part of growing up. Check out the optins and decide whats right for you. In all you do. Take care
  
  
• im confused. my boyfriend and i have been going out for a year and half and things have changed so much. he used to buy me flowers, tell me i was beautiful, always wanted to see me, barely drank...and now, he's totally changed into a stranger. I mean i actually ask myself sometimes "who is this guy?". the first problem arose when i found out he went out in denmark and lied and said he had stayed in that night. (i live in UK). i also found out that he had had a fling with one of my friends just before we started going out (which i never knew about). He has a horriffic temper recently, the last time he had a tantrum he threw a screwdriver randomly and it accidentally hit me in the ankle. hes always making me feel awful, always nagging and getting annoyed at me for no reason. im always walking on eggshells around him. i think he may still hav feelings for his ex, last time he seen her in the gym he refused to go in and came straight to my house. (why i dont know). he's jealous, always walks away and i have to apologise first when we argue. and it seems he would rather go out drinking at the weekend (something he says he hates) rather than see me. im sick of it. hes the only person that makes me cry.i cry in front of him when we argue but he doesnt even care.its like he doesnt care about my feelings anymore.i dont know whether we should go out at all, but everytime i think about breaking up, i remember how good it can be. and im scared of losing him, i guess i think if i break up with him first then i wont have to go through the rejection. please help. :( im very confused as u can tell. and i dont want to burden my friends with my problems.
  
  You need to be honest with yourself - and brave enough to do the things you need to do, in order to get the life you want. If he doesn't care - what good is that to you? Don't you deserve better? What would you advise a friend to do in your shoes? Why not take that same action yourself? Take care.
  
  
• hi, i am an 18 year old girl, i have been with my boyfriend now fo three years and i love him to bits. we have been through alot we have even split up twice, that was two years ago though, eveything has been goin great for us we have a giggle together, and i love his company, when he is in a happy mood that is! one of my friends from college is moving to the other side of the world on monday and she is having a leaving party the friday before. i told my boyfriend this three weeks ago and he was fine about it, (my boyfriend and i never go out we dont like clubs and dinking etc, id rather sit in an watch a film.) i told my boyfriend it was a fancy dress party and he just went cold on me, so i went home. he later on text me basically saying dont talk to me because you are goin to that party, and that if it was the other way round i would not like him going, that is wrong i would never stop him going to say bye to one of his friends. i have told him this but he will just not be happy and say have fun!!! i am also driving that night so i will not be drinking alcohol and i just dont know why he is being like this. i also text him saying that he has got to start trusting me. oh and another thing i joined a gym with my mum 1 month ago but quit because he didnt like me going, so i give it up for him. please advise me what to do!!
  
  Its your life - not his. Don't be controlled by him. Accept his wishes, and then make your own mind up. Why doesn't he want you to go out to the party? Are his reasons valid? You shouldn't give up something because he wants you to. What if the tables were turned and you stopped him doing something he liked. Would he quit? Take time to think about your situation and to make changes so that you can live your life to the max. Take care, and stand up for yourself. Lifes too short.
  
  
• I hope you can help me. I am 61 years of age and have always worked and contributed to the household finances. My husband has always controlled the money side of things and as we were both earning good salaries spending money was not an issue. For the last six years my husband has not worked an although he gets a decent pension as I do - he wants to control our income to a point whereby if I buy clothes or have my hair done etc as I am still working - he gets in a temper and calls me selfish and greedy. He controls what we spend our income on, what holidays we have and any other purchases we need for the house. I have very little cash to spend - he draws that out the bank and it sits in his pocket and I have to ask for it. Don't get me wrong I do spend money on our joint credit card but feel very guilty in doing so and very often I have to hide my purchases as he would go ballistic if he saw what I have purchased. I am by no means extravagant with what I buy - but my husband thinks I have a sickness that needs medical help. When I have consulted my friends they all keep their own salary and do not hand it over to their spouses but have an agreement in a joint account to help pay the bills etc. My view is that after all bills are payed for and money is put buy for holidays and other items etc. I should have a small allowance each month to pay for make-up, hair etc. I also would like this arrangement just so that I can decide on when I want to spend it and if I want to buy my husband a gift or a friend I can do so without feeling guilty and that I am controlled by my husband. I love my husband very much and he has been loving and support over the years but we have got to a stage in our marriage (42 years) where by we are not speaking and I feel so lonely and unhappy. We have had a super time together - my job has taken me overseas (Malaysia) and all over the UK. My husband has come with me and enjoyed all the benefits associated with these opportunities. However, he is not earning and we depend on his pension only. Most women of my age have retired but I will keep working to add extra money to our money pot as long as I can. Can you advise me - am I being selfish and greedy like my husband is saying. Or is there a compromise that would resolve our differences. I have to say when my husband does treat me to an item of clothing it has to be something he likes before agreeing to buy it. He often says that the clothes I buy do not suit me. Do you think he is a control freak and needs to be in control to feel he has power over me? I am at my wits end and don't want our marriage to end but unless I make a stand - he will continue to be this way.
  
  I think you have hit the nail on the head. Sounds like he is not comfortable with him not working, and adding to the "money pot" and his coping mechanism is to control what is there - as he cant control the amount his pension earns? You need to talk to him about this - as it is making your relationship very difficult - and without something happening soon, it may become so bad that you dislike him. You can prevent that though by being open and honest with him. Explain why you feel the way you do, and how you feel when he does certain things. How about you start again with your financial plans? Have a pot for you both, and then each have a seperate pot - then its fair to each of you? If you are unable to do this on your own, then you may wish to seek help from a relationship counsellor - or a 3rd party? "Relate" in Keighley deal with couples and have a good knowledge and experience. If its worth fighting for, then get something done. You can at least say you've tried. Take care, and get what you deserve. All the very best.
  
  
• I'm not sure if this problem is all in my head but i had to tell someone about it. I have been going out with my boyfriend for just over a year and in the past couple of days he has been acting differently around me. Normally he is very chatty, affectionate and we always have a laugh together. I find it very easy to get on with him. However very recently he has become slightly distant and I'm not sure why or for what reason. It's probably nothing but I'm slightly scared of asking in case it turns out for the worst and he breaks up with me, which is pathetic I know. We have had some problems in the past but we have worked through them and everything got back on track. I understand that it might not be me at all but I have beocme slightly paranoid and I'm scared it's going to break us up and I really care for my boyfriend. Should I just bite the bullet and ask him whats wrong or should I wait and see if he comes through this by himself????????
  
  Be open and honest - and your replationship will go far is its meant to be. So - you've been with him a while - had your ups and downs, just ask him how things are going - if anythings bothering him. It may be something at home, something at work, other friends finances, acne....anything! The sooner you ask - the sooner you'll get an answer and can deal with whatever is on his mind. Go girl!
  
  
• I'm a male postgraduate student named Robert. I work in a closed environment and am at times relatively quiet and inexpressive. However, in the early part of this year, February to be exact, i decided to make more friends out of colleagues etc., in order to bring myself out of myself for a change and just see if such a change would go to any length to making me more content with my life. One female colleague became a very good friend and made it very easy for me to at least come across as someone who was confident and in many ways a little aloof from the rest (which is basically what i am due to my being a little old-fashioned). I felt this particular person had the ability (which i am probably over-emphasizing) to show me who i am, what my purpose was and probably break me out of my shell. Time passed and we became very good friends, my ability to demonstrate how i felt about certain conversational topics and basically my ability to hold myself amongst my peers dramatically improved. Last month we went out drinking, most of the postgraduates and a few others, etc. and unbeknownst to me a feeling of longing to be closer to her bred to an insane extent within me. I think it had been developing for a few months but when i saw her i felt myself caring for her more than usual and the following Sunday i was talking to her via gmail chat and told her that i cared about her, she never responded to what was an email at first but when she was available on chat, i told her i was mad about her. She said she had no way to respond to this and that she was busy and needed to go offline. The next day i pathetically told her whilst waiting for her outside that i can deal with this problem and that she didn't have to say that she was not interested, since i had taken that as read. A few other pathetic episodes followed that week and it eventually halted due to her saying that we should keep a little distance. We did so for about 3 and a half weeks until last Friday when i went to the annual staff party at which i made a complete asshole of myself, i got drunk fairly quickly and danced while the others only wanted to chat, which was not going down too well. She was there, and i could see from her face that she was uncomfortable, almost as if she felt i was doing this, acting in this manner in order to retaliate against her. She looked adorable, and i needed to blank her out of my mind while at the same time i may have been trying to impress her with how outlandish i could be, i know, stupid. When she eventually left, i ran, whilst drunk to my room and emailed her (this was about an hour later) in order to email her on what i was doing, why i was acting in that way and hoping that she didn't perceive anything untoward from my behavior.This was followed by a call at about 1 in the morning telling her that my feelings remained undiminished, that the intervening passage of time did nothing to dwindle my interest in her. I decided the next morning to at least set up a meeting during which we could straighten things out. During which she said quite straightforwardly to me, that she had no interest whatsoever, of that kind, in me and that she'd rather i'd stop phoning her at ungodly hours, sending her awkwardly long emails and that our friendship hung in the balance. I know i have fecked up our friendship good and proper and that this email in a word screams out naivety but i thought that women like men to be sensual and emotional. Forget that last comment. I'm really torn up about this, not much about the rejection, i'm sorta used to that but the fact that i've made things awkward for her and that i really valued our friendship, maybe the only link i had with normal human relations. I am probably trying to meat out my problem myself by sending u this long awkward email but could u tell me where i went wrong or is this just a fact of life that i need to contend with?
  
  Fact of life I think. Part of lifes learning curve. Everything we do has consequences, and we do what we feel right at the time. If things happened the same again, would you do anything different? ie - have you learnt anything from it? It may helpt o write down whats going on for you at the time,k then you can clear your head and see a way forward? Take care, and go easy on yourself. Things hapopen for a reason.....
  
  
• I am being torn in two by my wife and family! Recently there was an family argument, my mother got quite verbally abusive towards me and my wife and my sister actually attacked my wife. My wife is probably not the easiest person to get along with but this is tearing me apart. My wife wants me to have nothing to do with my family, but I do I have always been close to them. My brother has an engagment do soon, she refuses for me to go, my sister is getting married in October, again she refuses for me to go. I have tried explaining that i do not condone what they did and that i am married to her and love her dearly but regardless i still love my family. Help, what do i do?
  
  You have been honest and open with your wife - and explain your feelings about the issues. Thats all you can do. Your family are your blood. And it is unfair of your wife to stop you from seeing them. If she refuses to go - then thats up to her, but whats stopping you going on your own? Why can't you accept your wifes feelings, tell her you still want to be part of your family, and that you will go to these family functions on your own. Then don't you both get what you want? Take care.
  
  
• Hi, I just need a bit of advice really because I am in love with my best friend and I don’t know what to do next. It started last September when we moved in together alongside our other friends into a student house. Our bedrooms were on the top floor and when we were drunk or some other excuse we would often find ourselves in eachothers beds until no excuses were necessary. Nobody in the house knew how often this happened which was up to 4 times a week. Although we have never had sex we engage in other sexual acts. We were already emotionally close and this physical closeness drew us together. I was scared though I have never had a serious relationship before and I just shrugged off what was happening between us. I would still be dancing and kissing other men although none of it meant anything. Now if I try to date all I think about is him and it doesn’t feel right with anybody else, this is how I know now how much a love him. Anyway a few months ago he started to say how much he felt for me and wanted to get into a relationship and the idea of it I don’t know scared me to death, especially with us being best friends. I said it would ruin what we have. Anyway he started to see someone else but still things would be happening between us like he said he loved me and I said I love you too. But he said it has to stop because he is seeing this other girl and then I started to see someone else. Still though it didn’t stop. The relationship I had with this other person ended as quickly as it started but still my best friend was seeing this other girl. They are now in a proper relationship and still things between us happen even though he said it has to stop as I said it to him when I was seeing someone else. But it never has stopped. Also his girlfriend is really close to our friend in the student house wich makes everything worse because they all love seeing her and being there in our house and I just feel sick. I told my best friend that I don’t know how to act when they are all together like I am not myself and I get jealous. Then I got really upset because he is just saying that all it is between us is sexual tension when he knows it isn’t! I think he wants me but he can’t do if he is still with this other girl. He is always there for me and says I am special to him and he knows what happens when we are alone together and yet he still comes to me even though he has a girlfriend. I know he thinks it is wrong too cos one of our friends has walked in on us before just entwined in bed together talking and he instantly sat up. I don’t know what to do when I ask him about it he just says he really likes this other girl and he doesn’t want to mess it up. But I have this hold over him and he can’t help himself. I am dreading going back to University and seeing them two together, it will really hurt me. I know now that I was just scared before at the thought of a relationship and I love him. I don’t know what to do. Please please help. Sorry that was so long I am just so confused. Thankyou!
  
  So - has it sunk in then? Re-read your text and see what you think. It sounds like you were scared to make it official - as the excitement and uncommitted affairs were new to you - and good fun. But now there are feelings involved, and this is when things get tricky. If you love him, and he loves you , then why not be honest with each other, and see if you can start something new yourselves? I don't blame you for being confused, but what have you got to loose? Good relationships are based on friendship, and you seem to have that already - get going and enjoy!!
  
  
• Dear Little Elf. OK, this is going to sound so stupid but I need your help. Recently I entered the wonderful world of RolePlay, and I thought it was amazing. But now it's taking over my life! I never want to be away from my computer, and always talking to my RP friends. It's stopping me from being as outgoing as I always used to be, and it's starting to worry me a little. But I can't stop. whenever I try to stop, I end up getting annoyed at everyone before going back into an RP with someone. please can you help me? I want to stop but I cant! Help!!!! x
  
  Ok - so you've recognised there may be a problem - and thats fab. So now - you need to try and control your use of it. Discipline yourself to set a certain amount of time for this - at a certain time of day. Stick to it for one day - and reward yourself. Do something you enjoy - read a magazine, ring a mate, write a letter - anything you enjoy - go out for a walk maybe. The next day - you can congratulate yourself for sticking to it the first time, think how you enjoyed yourself, and remind yourself of this to do it again this new day. Be realistic, and in time, you can decrease the time you spend on the computer, or miss a day. Take care, and enjoy the new future.
  
  
• Hi All, I had to talk to someone about my partner,we have been together just a year and its getting so hard now as she is a alcoholic it has got to the point where i get the blame for almost everything...even the weather,there is not physical abuse but so much menta abuse now, i have told her to leave me alone but she promises to stop drinking which lasts for about 4 days and it all starts again,i have tried to walk away many times and this time i have to stand by it as she is not wanting my family around at all now and says that if i drank too then i would understand,please advise me, thank you x
  
  You have to be cruel to be kind. She needs professional help - and there are a lot of support groups around. She needs to get herself seen to, and made to understand that she has a problem, but there is a way out. Let her know that you'll support her through the therapy and that she can do it. There will be a reason for her drinking, and this may not be a simple issue. Hard as it is for you - you have done all you can, its up to her to piece her life together. You deserve better, and if she agrees to get help - then you will be. Take care
  
  
• I've been with my partner for 4 months. I really do love him and i know he loves me, its just he never compliments me. I know this probably sounds petty and silly, but i have low confidence after a recent break-up that ended after my ex cheated. I am a concert pianist and do part time modelling, but my partner has never asked to hear me play the piano and when i try to encourage a conversation about music he changes the subject. I always try to look my best for him, and always buy new clothes and change my hair just to see if he notices, but he never does. How do i hint to him that i want to be appreciated, without sounding like im arrogant? He's a very attractive guy (hes also a model), and i get jealous of him as he has lots of female attention, although he never batters an eyelid if i have male attention. I just feel quite useless and want him to pay me some attention. please help.. thankyou
  
  Sounds reasonable to me - but if hes not paying enough interest - then maybe you're not with the right guy? Theres no point in changing him, or even asking him to - as it won't be part of his character. He should acknowledge you more, as a human being not to mention a girlfriend. How about you suggest that if he doesn't start paying you any attention, then you are more than willing to leave him to live your life as you should? Take care, and remember you deserve the best.
  
  
• i am in annoying and strange situation and i am not sure what to do. I have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year, and i love him more than anything. However, my friend (a guy who is also my boyfriends friend), has told me that he has liked me since i was 16. thats 4 years. i cant tell my boyfriend that he told me this, but i dont know what to do. ive stayed at this guys house a couple of times absolutly nothing happened, we are just such good friends, but if my boyfriend found out he would go mental. i dont know what to do. all this sneaking and lying just really isnt me. if my boyfriend found any of this out he would dump me on the spot. if i tell him any of this, that his friend liked me, he would dump me and dump his friend. its so difficult i really really dont know what to do. whats more im scared in case my guy friend tells someone and then my boyfriend finds out. its eating away at me every time im with my boyfriend. but i cant bring myself to cut all ties with my friend. we get on so well and i tell him everything. i have to admit, if i wasnt with my boyfriend then things may have progresed to more than just friendship, although whos to say it would work out? but i want to be with my boyfriend more than anything!! please help me, do i tel my boyfriend and risk getting dumped? do i cut off all ties with my friend? :( aaa please help! its driving me crazy!!
  
  Be honest - and be open - and tell people as it is. You are not doing anything wrong by enjoying a friends company - far from it, as long as you remember where the boundaries lie. Also - think about how you would feel if it were the other way around - if your boyfriend was very close friends with a girl? How would you react? You shouldn't stop your friendship - or your relationship with your boyfriend - just don't hide anything. Then - what have you got to feel bad about? Nothing? So your frined may like you more than he should - but you have to be aware of it - tell him you're happy with your boyfriend - and that if he can cope - then you'd love to continue the friendship you have with him? If it helps - try writing it down to clear your head - and to see a way forward. Take care.
  
  
• Little Elf, Im so confused. Theres this guy I like who likes me back but hes giving me mixed signals. Im a busy woman who has a lot to do and most of the time dont have spare time ( if that makes sense ) so I dont really get to see him. But I said to him Ill make time and he said No dont bother. But then the next week he text me saying I could have him, I could be his, he could be mine. As in a relationship. But his ex is having a baby ( that isnt his ) but he looks after her and stuff so theyre really close. But because of this hes become really distant and I dont know what to do. I really really like him. Hes a lovely guy. Please help.
  
  Have you told him how you feel? That you do like him and that you would choose to make time for him in your life? Maybe he's gone distant as he feels he's not getting anywhere? Just a thought. Relationships won't last unless both parties put effort and time into it. Are you willing to do this? If so - tell him how you feel, and see where it goes from there? Take care.
  
  
• help my boyfriend wants to engage in other sexual liasons first he wants to watch another couple then he wants me to sleep with another man i feel sick when he says this but i want to make him happy. i feel like a complete failure and just wanted him to love and want me for me, am i being unfair.. when i say no he says forget it then i feel like i have disappointed him
  
  No - you are right to stand by what is comfortable for you. If its you he loves - then be true to yourself. He is pushing the boat out - but needs to get into the real world of relationships, where each respect each others wishes. If he doesn't love you for who you are - then you're with the wrong guy. May be you could do other things that he isn't suggesting, which you would enjoy doing yourself?
  
  
• When i met my partner and up until we moved in together and had a baby, his family loved me. But he is the first one out of 6, and the youngest, to get engaged and now his mum hates me and announced at a family event she doesn't want us to get married. I suggested doing it abroad, not just because of that but it works out cheaper, but my fiancee thinks its unfair to go away and no one else to see us, but my family don't mind and his don't want to anyway. How can i make him see the benefits-he wont listen?!
  
  Fair enough - you are trying to do what his family want - but a marriage is between 2 equal sides - and if he doesn't want to go abroad to get wed - then you should listen to his reasons. Then - you can think about them, and have a nother chat to come up with something that suits both of you. Maybe you could do both? Of have a wedding here with family - and a romantic one for 2 abroad? There are hundreds of possibilities, so don't try and make him see - help him express what he wants - and express yourself what you want. Maybe putting pen to paper (both of you) may help? Take care, and take time.
  
  
• I have recently met someone through a friend.. but the thing is i have only ever spoke to him on the internet.. i know he is a real person because my friend has actually met him.. but im scared to meet him just in case he turns out to be different from what i expected.. what can i do?
  
  Hold your head up high, take a deep breath - and arrange to meet him. Do it so as you are not alone - make sure your friends are somewhere in eyes distance - to be on the safe side. You'll only know for sure when you meet him - so the sooner you do - the sooner you will be able to work out if you still like him! Take care!
  
  
• I dont know what to do I got so many problems going around in my head
  
  Well - why not try to express, and let out whats going on for you. Express how you are feeling - talk to someone - anyone, and if you can't face a human, then a dog or cat are equallly great! Write things down if that helps - anything, just let it out - and then you will be able to see where you are at, and what you need to do to improve life for yourself. Let me know how it goes in a few days once you've done this exercise and see what the next step is. Take care
  
  
• Dear Little Elf, Recently at my friends party the guy I liked told be he liked me as well, i was really happy and thought that maybe for once I could have a good relationship. The thing is he likes this other girl as well and can't seem to figure out who he likes more (I think it's the other girl though but she has a boyfriend who she loves) To make matters even worse the guy I like used to go out with my best friend and they were really close so I'm not only afraid that despite what she says she would be angry if we got together but also that the guy i like may like me as a rebound off my friend and I don't want to be hurt again... I'm not sure what to do???
  
  Go with your feelings. With your gut feelings. Go with what results you would feel comfortable with. If you know you are going to feel hurt - dont' do it. Make a list of options - think about all the possbile outcomes of each one - then choose the one which has the most benefits, and lest downfalls. Look after yourself - but be aware of how others will feel too. All the best.
  
  
• My mum is a lesbian, i havent known for long, i havent told any of my friends and dont think they would accept it or me. My dad is pressuring me into going to his house more and he is always bein horrid about my mum. I also have a illness called an AVM which is a type of brain hemorage ive had 2 lots of painful treatment that hasnt quite worked. I'm also having difficulty getting on with my step mum. I just dont know what tof fo i feel trapped i have all these problems and i dont know what to do.
  
  Sounds to me like you could do with getting it all off your chest. Talking things through may help you se whats really going on, and you may see things differently when you hear them? If you are able to talk to someone, then you may see things clearly, and see what you can do to help yourself? Try talking to your friends - you'll find out who your true friends are. Those that stay around, support you, and help you through this tough time. Take care, and remember that there are people out there who want to help.
  
  
• my girlfriend is depressed at moment everything i do is wrong. How can i help her without making things worse.
  
  Be yourself - be there for her - and listen. Live your life - keep her involved, and try to encourage her to talk - if not to you - to someone else. Its important that she has a way of expressing her felings - be it written, singin, dancing, walking - however she chooses. Depression isn't uncommon - so she should be reassured that other go through it as well. There will be a reason for it - but she may need to dig deep to find out why. It may not be an easy route, so stick by her, and support her. All the best, and dont forget to tell her that there are people out there who can help - no matter how depressed she is. It all matters.
  
  
• I have previously written to you regarding the breakup with my boyfriend and have accepted the fact that i should just let go but do you have any tips on how to do that?should i just move on and find someone else for the sake of having someone?
  
  I'm pleased you have begun to start accepting your situation. It can't be easy - so you should give yourself some praise. Finding someone else isn't the answer - being at peace with yourself is the key. Learn to be you, and learn to live with yourself, and do things that make you happy, and that you feel comfortable with. Meet new friends yes - and who knows what will come out of it - but for now - live life!
  
  
• I think this is going to be quite long so i apologise! I had been going out with my boyfriend for a few months, but he kissed his ex when he was very drunk. he phoned me straight after (when he was still drunk) to tell me he was sorry and would never do it again, he also phoned me in the morning to see if we could meet up and talk about it. We sorted things out and everything was fine after that. Then just a couple of weeks ago a girl from my college told her friends that she had kissed him on a night out. i hadnt heard from him and couldnt get in contact with him and his best friend told me we were finished. i was very confused and asumed we were over. a couple of days ago a boy from my college asked me to the pictures and i thought it would be a good idea because i knew he had liked me for a while and i liked him too, i had a good time and we kissed, and i thought it could possibly lead somewhere....... but then last night my ex-boyfriend phoned me to tell me he had just heard the rumors and non of it was true and he was angry with the girl and his best friend for making it all up. he told me he loved me and asked of we could give it another go. i told him about the boy i had been to the pictures with and how i was really confused and didnt no what to do. he kept asking me what was happening and i asked him to let me think about it. but no matter how much i try i cant seem to pick between the too. i love my ex-boyfriend but he has cheated on me before. and the boy i went to the pictures with is lovely but i dont know him that well. i dont want to turn him down and go back with my ex because i will have to see him everyday in college and i feel like i have led him on by going to the pictures. i just dont know how im going to make my decision because either way im going to hurt someone, because by saying no to both of them i will by hurting myself aswell.
  
  Only you know how you feel, so this one is where you have the answer already. ITs a matter of sitting down, having a long hard think, and deciding on a path thats right for you. Once you know what is comfortable for you - and how you want your future, then make arrangements to live it as you want to. WE only live once. Everything we do has consequences, so take your time, and talk it through with others. What would you tell a friend to do in your shoes? Do you have to make a decision? Or can you find other ways to get on with things? Be honest, be open, and take care. All the very best.
  
  
• My boyfriend recently broke up with me and im a complete mess.we were together for a year and i still love him so much.we had such an amazing relationship but he ended it when things started to fizzle out a little. My heart is breaking and i keep dreaming that we will get back together and its driving me mad and cant really concentrate on my new job. We are still friends but would rather that he would realise he wanted me back. What do i do??
  
  I think its going to be the hard way - of learning to accept the situation. You had a fantastic year and should reflect on the great relationship that you are able to make. Its a valuable part of you, which you can, in time, build with another partner. Try to get out with your mates, and concentrate on other parts of your life. It won't get any easier, but you will find other ways of getting through it. Take care
  
  
• Dear Little Elf, my problem is one you probably get asked about all the time. Its to do with my relationship with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 months. Recently i made friends with another guy who finds me reallie attractive, and says that he cant envision his life without me. he wants us to go on holiday together in Ohio, and although it id tempting, i couldnt leave my boyfriend in the lurch like that. The thing is, in spite of myself, i've sort of fallen in love with my friend, and i know there's no easy way to tell my boyfriend, but when we're on msn and myspace to each other, he gets really flirty with me, and i cant help but like some of the things he says to me. I dont want to hurt either of them, what should i do? Iv got my GCSEs in the next few weeks and with all the strain im getting from everything, im feeling really suicidal and have come really close to cutting my wrists sometimes as a way to get rid of the pain im feeling from the combined stress of my exams and my relationship strain
  
  OK - so its a bit confusing for you at the moment with all your emotions and feelings that you are having. So - maybe it would help to break away from them - and see how you are as you on your own? It sounds like you are unsure of your future - and having your boyfriend isn't allowing you to decide which way to turn? You say you don't want to hurt your corrent boyfriend - but if you are unsure of how you feel - isn't it better to be honest - and let him get on with his life? The guy you like on msn also may be confusing things - so give him a miss for a bit too (explain why) and concentrate on yourself. Then - you can move forward , making clear and right decisions? Take care. Stop and think before you do anything, and remember you're number one priority.
  
  
• My husband of 17 years has been having an affair since last summer, I found out in February and he hasn't seen her since. But they still ring each other up several times a week, which really upsets me. He says there's nothing wrong in just talking to her, I've asked him to stop and to tell her to not ring him, but he won't. Is it me or him being unreasonable here?
  
  you are not being unreasonable. He isn't thinking about how what he does leaves you feeling. You deserve the best - 100%, one-to-one attention. If you're not getting it - ask again. if it still doesn't happen, then it may be time to rethink your life. You only live once - and why put up with less? Take care, and think carefully about things - you can't turn the clock back, and everything you do will have its consequences.
  
  
• This is my last resort cause I know you wont judge me. Basically all my friends and family hate my ex boyfriend but we still love each other. Only problem is, is that he says we cant be together anymore because hes scared hes gonna hurt me again. He said theres always a chance that he will run away to someone else like he did before and he doesnt want to do that to me. But he is confusing me because hes saying he loves me more than anything and that im so special to him and that he never wants to let me go. I love him too. But i understand that he loves me and doesnt want to hurt me but I cant understand why hes doing this to both of us because its killing both of us to see each other and remember were not together and everytime i think about or see him i feel upset and its even got to the point even now when im typing about my situation i feel like crying. I just dont know what to do. I feel completely torn. Because my feelings say one thing but he says another. Im so confused. I guess I just wanted some support i guess. I dont get any from my freinds and family because they hate him.
  
  You will be confused! Its not an easy situation you are in. Its like someone, somewhere, isn't being completely honest - perhaps with themselves - and the other person involved? He says he doesn't want to hurt you - but isn't thats whats happening? If he isn't willing to commit - then thats where you need to stop and think. Is it worth putting your own life on hold - for an unsure future? Or do you deserve to know where you stand? Think about it. What would you advise a mate to do? You kow how you feel - and you know what feels right. Whats stopping you making changes to get a happier life? Take care, and think long and hard before you do anything.
  
  
• I absolutely hate my mum. I'm not just sying it I've hated her since I was 4. She's really mean to me and expects me to be perfect. When I was 9 and going to do a swimming race she told me there was no way in a hell I would win. She reads my private things and is a horrible person. She calls me an idiot and every time I look at her I feel hatetred. What should I do?
  
  She's your Mother. Despite everything. How about you sit down with her - and explain how you feel when she does things and says things? Ask her if sh'e OK? Ask her why she feels the need to look at your private things. Hate is a horrible word - and it can be changed. It doesn't have to be like this anymore. Small changes and a bit of give and take? Take time to spend with her each day, or week even, to try and build a new relationship.
  
  
• i really like this boy and i have asked him out and he told me to wait until his exams finish ( which i understand ) we have done stuff, but how do i know for sure that he likes me, i would be heartbroken if he was playing with me. What do i do?
  
  How do you feel? Cos thats how you'll get an answer of how you know! Its good that he is concentrating on his studies, and that he has said to wait til after his exams - but its gonna be hard for you to wait I'm sure! Just be patient - and give him credit for being honest. Don't pester him - leave him til after the exams - then see what happens after that! Good things are worth waiting for!
  
  
• I have recently been diagonsed with depression and have been put on pills after a year of feeling low, acting stupid and mood swings. I know i have a long road ahead of me but at least now i'm going in the right direction. i have always bottled up my feelings so my friends didn't really know much about them, my problem is how do i explain and apologise to them for all i've done or might have done ( i've found i remember very little of the past year it's all kinda black) I can't beging to imagine how much i must of hurt them or what i've put them through but find this really hard to talk about and don't know where to begin. It's tearing me apart.
  
  Be open, and be honest - and thats all you can do. If they are true friends, they will respect what you have been going through - and be pleased that you have taken positive steps to get yourself back on track. You are being preactive, and thats a lot to be said - well done. They will be pleased for you, and honored you have decided to explain things. Take care - and all the very best - its a good thing for you to do.
  
  
• Hi I am 28 yr old single female and I got a serious prob. I cry too easily. Nah not at emotional movies or books but in rel life. anger, frustration, pity, criticism, sadness, talking about a personal experience even joy, I start off with the usual emotions smile, laughter, an angry countenance but end up quickly into tears. And I cannot explain why. I fell my eyes brimming without reason and before I can do anything it spills over. I feel so silly. Its too minor a reason to be crying over. I am sincere, hardworking, responsible and loving but I just can't control my tears. What do I do? Please give some practical advice.
  
  Does it matter? It may be easier to accept that it is a way you cope with your feelings and how you show them! Its individual - its unique to you. It may not be tears as we know them - could it be nerves? We laugh out of nerves sometimes - so maybe you cry when not comfortable with a situation - or nervous? Try accepting it as part of you - and see how that goes. If it doesn't work - then try asking yourself why you are crying - it may be that is not the reason you think it is. Take care.
  
  
• Nearly 3 years ago, I moved from Ireland to Portugal. I hate it here so much. I have two friends, one whom I fight with all the time (I recently also found out she's copying me), and another who tries to be like me and copies me. I also have a stalker who scares me and gets me so stressed I feel like I could explode sometimes. For instance, if I put my hand up in class, she will too, even if she doesn't know the answer, if I cross my legs, she does aswell, she copies my work in class and she follows me EVERYWHERE. I may sound paranoid, but it's true, my two friends agree. She always seems to be really close to me, too close to me. I know it's mean to think this, but I think she might even fancy me. I've told my parents and cried in front of teachers while telling them about her. But nothing has changed! I even hate the atmosphere here in Portugal and I miss the rainy days in Ireland, as I don't like the sun very much. I've spoken to my parents and told them I hated it here. I haven't told them things like the fact that I cry every day and I punch walls to cause myself pain and have cut myself twice in the past year..I'm afraid it might become more frequent. I do everything I can to get my feelings out, but it's as if there is too much to be able to get rid of. I write songs all the time and listen to music, and cry and sit alone and think and write stories and poetry. I even have a big notebook that I draw characters of how I'm feeling and also write down how I'm feeling.... When I tell my parents that I hate it here, they just say that I only think I hate it here, which doesn't make much sense to me at all. I don't know what to do. I'm not good when it comes to talking about my feelings, I find it easier to just cry in front of people...I tell my friend in Portugal about everything, but it still doesn't help, what can I do? Please HELP!
  
  Well done for trying all the different things that you are doing - to cope with your emotions, and how you are feeling. Its going to take more than this though to work through things. You have proved that these methods only get you through the time - but they haven't solved anything yet. You have written down your feelings, but have you thought about writing how you would like to feel? ANd what you do that may make you feel that way? It may be a case of looking closely at your stories and character drawings, to see if there is a link - or if it tells you something? What do you see when you look? Try to reflect on your hard work and see what you can come up with? Keep trying to talk things through with other people close to you - how about asking your parents what they would do in your shoes? Take care, and don't give in. THere are ways out of this low time, and you can bring yourself out of it after a bit of time and tlc. All the best.
  
  
• I have really low confidence! All my friends tell me that im a lovely person and really funny aswell but I can't be myself with anyone apart from my friends and family! If I'm meeting someone for the first time I sit there really quietly and don't say a word! I can't keep a conversation flowing either! Please help me Little Elf! xx
  
  I'm not sure what it is you want me to do exactly? You are you - and know what feels comfortable or not. Its maybe about accepting who you are, and what you are, and getting on with life as you want to? Remind yourself of your good points, and that you are a lovely funny person, and build on it. Try something new/different and see how strong you are. Think of all you have achieved, and reflect on it - giving yourself a pat on the back! Only you can make you feel good - so give yourself a boost, and keep reminding yourself of the good! If you get negative thoughts, then be aware of them, acknowledge they are part of you, and move on - nobody's perfect! All the best.
  
  
• I like this lad but he hates me and calls me any name under the sun!! he doesn't care about me and then one week he slept with me and after he did he treated me nice then about a week after he was calling me again!!! what is going on in his head? help me little elf please!!??
  
  Whats going on his head? Only he knows that - and sometimes they aren't to be understood! So - my advice would be to leave him be and go out and be with people who treat you with a bit of respect. You deserve better.
  
  
• I recently had unprotected sex with my boyfriend and I thought i may be pregnant, but i came on but my friends are telling me, that you can still be pregnant if you have periods is this true?
  
  If you are unsure - go to the pharmacist at Boots, or Lloyds Chemist. Failing that go to your gp. If you really are doubtful - buy a test. Just don't leave it too late. All the best - and learn from this, and think about what you are doing - and the consequence behind it. What would you have done if you were pregnant? Lifes too short - don't take risks - use protection. The people you speak to will help you and give you guidance. ALso you could try NHS Direct online, they are very helpful, and have lots of info.
  
  
• most of the people on hear seem 2 be having relationship problems well mines a bit different hope you can help me out.. well im only 15 and me and one of my best mates tell each other everything she recently told me that when her dad gets drunk which isnt that often like once a month or something he turns violent but he only seems to turn voilent to her hes tried to throw her down the stairs before and when he comes in late and shes asleep he goes in and jumps on her and starts kissing her i dont know if hes done any more than kiss her she told me that was all that happens and that she has 2 lock her self into the bathroom or something just so he cant get to her her mum tries to stop him but shes to scared. she said that he beat her up on christmas eve just because he couldnt find the tv remote and he blamed it on her. on top of all this she gets bullied at school i stick up for her but thats all i can do, she told me one day that she had overdosed on paracetamol the night before and her parents didnt even notice that she told me not to tell anyone because she felt alright so i didnt because im 1 of the onli people she can trust, and i didnt want to make her feel she couldnt trust me. she has started self harming aswell and her parents dont notice that either. weve got our exams next year and i feel my and her work is suffering because of this i dont no how i can help her please help
  
  You are doing a great job by being a good friend, supporting her, and listening to her. If all she says is true, then it may be time to share the situation with a someone who can provide some comfort. Maybe a call to Samaritans, or to the school nurse? Its a horrible scenario, and she needs to know that she hasn't done anything wrong, and that its not normal behaviour. Self harming is often a way of expressing feelings and emotions, so she needs to be encouraged to find other ways - such as talking, drawing, writing, walking - anything. But her self harm will only lead to further problems. Try to talk to her about going to speak to someone, They will help, and she will be safer. You are doing a great job - just be there for her. Take care, and do something soon.
  
  
• ok so my boyfriend rang me up and dumped me, then got with another girl right after. then he texted me sayind that we were still going out for now. then he keeps asking me out and stuff but i don't know what to do. he was really cocky with me, saying that he did more in one night with that girl than hes ever done with me. he really upset me. what should i do?
  
  Walk away! What would you tell a friend to do? You deserve to be treated with respect, and don't need to put up with that. He's trying to get the best out of his world, but don't give in. Shouldn't you have someone who treats you as you would treat them? Have a think, rememeber - you're unique and special. Don't you deserve the best?
  
  
• hi well im 20 and have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year. the problem is my boyfriends friend who ive known for 5 years (longer than ive known my boyfriend) came out with me one weekend. my boyfriend went out in another town that night. after the night out with my friend...he text me and told me he had liked me since i was 16 but had never plucked up the courage to tell me, and in addition i would always been going out with a couple of guys..then i moved away for a year. and now im back...and hes told me all of this while im going out with his best friend?!! problem is... ive liked him since i was 16 too. i never let on to anybody. im so ashamed for feeling like this and confused because i love my boyfriend but sometimes i feel that im closer to my/his friend like we connect on so many more levels. hes one of my best friends. its so difficult i dont know what to do please help. i have a feeling i shouldnt go with the friend because it would not only ruin our friend ship but the friendship of my boyfriend and him. am i right? or should i follow my heart? :(
  
  Only you have the answer to this one! Only you know how you feel. It might be a feeling of excitement - doing something you know you shouldn't , and something new, but everything you do will have consequences, and you can't turn back the clocks. You need to question your current relationship with your boyfriend. If you love him, and have stayed with him for a year - and you see a future with him, then keep the other guy as a close friend. Theres nothing wrong with that - and good friends are hard to come by. Acknowledge that he has had feelings for you - thank him for the compliment, but confirm that you are already in a good relationship, and intend to stay that way - but would love to keep being best mates with him. If you have a feeling you shouldn't cross the line - then don't. What will it achieve? Take care.
  
  
• I met an amazing guy last year and we were dating for a month before he went to Fiji for 6 months. This was originally planned before we even met, and I wanted a relationship from him, but he insisted it wasn't a good idea because he was going to the University of Edinburgh to do an intensive two years masters when he returned. What hurted me was, when he got to Fiji, he slept with his ex and never contacted me. So, I decided to see someone until he returned. However, at the end of the first month, he decided to contact me when he realised that he missed me. After that, we spoke every week either via email or phone and when he got back, spontaneously, he asked for a relationship. We were committed for 6 weeks, until he started his masters, whereby the course got too much and he was becoming weak at correspondence. So he had the strength to call it off, when I didn't. A couple of days after he slept with some girl in his course, and so I did the same, but then he started contacted me to see if I was ok. I was upset, because he slept with her and since I was in love with him, we continued seeing each other in a non-commital way, but he never kept me a secret to anyone. I would visit him at his university probably twice in a space of two months but emails and texts in between. And it was only during this strange 'undefined' relationship that he decided to tell me the real reason why he broke up with me. When we were first dating (before he went to Fiji), I made the stupid mistake of telling him that in my lifetime I had slept with 24 men. And he broke it off because, he couldn't accept that. = ( And so, in the beginning of 2007, things started getting intense, he started telling me that he was having intense feelings. And this time round, he is going to Hawaii to do research for 8 months, and I am very upset because, he has not asked me for a committed relationship, but thats understandable because long distance for 8 months is just painful. But, he did tell me at the end of last week, "if I miraculously grow up and get over this idea of you having a past of 24 men, I would seriously consider a relationship with you again". He wants to continue contact and tells me that he will miss me so much in Hawaii, and has even said there is a possibility of me coming to see him in Autumn. What I want to know is, is there evidence of couples getting together after a long struggle of distance and silly problems such as not accepting my girlfriend had been with 24 men in the past?
  
  There is evidence that every relationship is unique. And special. The outcome will depend on your true feelings and emotions. Your wants and your desires. Some men do have a problem accepting our past, but he sounds like he is desperately trying to, in order to be able to see a future with you. If you both have strong feelings for each other, and can see a future together, then you have just been building blocks of trust etc, which is the foundation for a good, and long term relationship. What have you to lose? Just be open and honest with each other, a bit of respect, and time, and see what happens!
  
  
• I'm in my early twenties, and have had my current bf for about 3 years. Everything is going perfect, and i love him with all my heart. But lately i realised, i do not remember what it's like to have sex with anyone but him. Don't get me wrong, the sex is great, but i cant help myself from wondering what other guys are like.What if this feeling doesnt go away, and the curiosity gets the best of me? You have no idea how bad i feel about having theese thoughts, but at the same time i do not want to get bored. I know great guys dont grow on trees, but do you think an affair would ruin my relationship? i know he couldnt handle knowing it, but what he doesnt know doesnt hurt, right?
  
  You can turn this situation round to your advantage - and without jeopardising anything! You love your boyfriend, and state everything is perfect, Well it clearly isn't! So, don't be disheartened, just make some changes to your current situation. How about spicing up your sex life? Role play - dress up, do something suprising? spontaneous? Get some excitement back - blind fold him - let your mind go, and maybe act out some fantasies? Or at least discuss them with your boyfriend - and who knows - it may well excite him too! Don't let the relationship go "stale" by sticking to routines, and not making the effort to keep the sparkle there. Start by making lists of things you've never tried together - things you'd like to do to him, and vice versa. See where it goes from there!! Take care, enjoy - but do practice safe sex!
  
  
• hi little elf. i have got really close to this guy...through texting and msn and on webcam...we want to meet up because we feel like we are really close..the thing is is that i am too scared at the moment..i am quite tall for a girl and am scared that he will be smaller than me and dislike me..maybe put off..please help me!!
  
  If he is a good guy, and decent human being - he'll see you for who you are. Not how high you are, or what colour shoes your wearing! What is it you see about people? Things about their personality? Isn't that what you're attracted to? Use all your positives and gain some confidence from them - remember who you are, and what your strengths are, and meet up! You may not like him!!!! Enjoy!
  
  
• I have liked this guy for a while now, he is really kind, funny and sweet, but i dont know if he likes me back or he is just really friendly. The other day i walked passed him and he left his two mates to come and walk me home. Only thing is i only see him twice a week, if that and i dont have his mobile number either. Also today i found out that he is one of my friends cousins and i dont know whether to ask her for his mobile number or him, or is that just pussing it too far, cause i dont know if he likes me! HELP!!!!
  
  If you want to - then do it! Ask for his number! You'll get nowhere without trying! Lifes too short, so make some efforts in making yours a good one!
  
  
• hey... well Im only 14 but i feel that mine and my boyfriends relationship is alot more than a teenage fling.. we go to the same school and we see each other every morning because we are in the same form. We are in some classes together aswell. We have been together just over 9 weeks, he started going outside at dinner and break times about 2 weeks ago, but before at break we would sit in the canteen and talk to other mates and at dinner we would sit on the stairs at school, but then one day he went outside.. we hardly ever spoke then, but another thing is i was in relationship with another guy in my form just before christmas, we had liked each other for quite some time, we broke up and then we was just friends for a while. Now in the mornings when i go up to my form, i have all my friends there.. my ex and my boyfriend, i dont go upto my boyfriend and kiss him because it is awkward infront of my ex, so we dont act like a couple in the morning neither, any way, me and my boyfriend were'nt spending no time together then, so i started to go outside too, still we didnt really act like a couple, he would go and play football and i would just stand there talking to the other people around me, and whn he was kicked out the football tornament thing he wouldnt come up to me, he would go and talk to his friend mike. Just lately i feel like i dont mean nothing to him and i dont feel like his girlfriend, i have tried to talk to him about these problems but he qeither goes in an mard or jus says " can't i play football now " but he does'nt understand, i dont want to break up with him because i think i love him. I really need help on what to do and what to say. Please help.
  
  What do you want to do? What do you want to say? Because only you know what you feel comfortable doing and saying, and what you want to do. You also know what the right thing to do is, and thats the important bit. What would you advise a friend to do in your situation? Love is a 2 way process - is it in your case? Take care - you deserve the best - so get it!!
  
  
• Hi little Elf I've liked this guy for a while now and about 3 weeks ago we started to go out we was really nice sweet and considerate, not like my last boyfriend. But he broke up with me a week later saying that he was really busy and it wouldn't be fair on me because we wouldn't be able to see each other enough (because we're going our GCSE's) I thought that was really mature and accepted even though it wasn't really what I wanted. We argeed to still be friends and maybe pick up our relationship after the exams. 2 or 3 days later my friends came up to me and told me they had heard him denying that we went out to whoever asked but when I asked him about he he told me he hadn't. I was a bit upset about it but put it out of my mind. A few days ago I asked him wether he still liked me because try as I might I can't get over him. He told me he did like me but that he was confused. When I asked why he was confused he couldn't tell me. Now I'm worried that he's just messing me about and only went out with me for a joke, and now he's bidding his time seeing how long I'll like him for. (I haven't got any real proof of this so I'm worried if I'm being to paranoid) I'm not sure what to do, so any help you can give I would much appreiciate it. Thanks
  
  OK - breathe. Breathe in......breathe out. Now take some time to read the email you sent. What would you tell a friend to do should they be in your shoes? Have you told him how you feel? It may help him be less confused if he knows how you feel? It may help him decide where his emotions are? If you like him, sit back and enjoy the moments. If its meant to be, it will be. Take care, live your life - and take all the opportunities you can. All the best.
  
  
• I have been with my partner for 4 years now and every few months he runs away and goes to his moms. He has been back in my life for 9 months and all was going so well when on tuesday night off he went again. Each time he goes it hurts as much if not more. I cant eat, sleep or think about anything apart fom him. I have a 12 year old son who is suffering along with me. I am 42. He wont answer my texts. Please bring him back to me.
  
  OK - this is your life. You have a son, who has a life too. You may want to focus on him, to help keep yourself motivated? You have done all you can to contact you partner - and he isn't replying - so it may be a case of accepting that you are going to your seperate ways - and learn to live with things in a different way? Its not as easy as that I appreciate - but if you start thinking in a positive way - and find things to do, and to focus on and enjoy - maybe life will be a little better? How about spending more time with your friends, and going out a bit? Doing something different with your son? If he is sad - then a good bit of cheering up activities could be done, to keep your relationship as close as mother and son? talk about how you feel to your friends and family - or anyone you feel comfortbable with, and try to do things that you enjoy - that will relax you. Time needs to be spent on thinking whats going on for you - and what you can do to improve things for you. you deserve the best - so go out and get it. Take care.
  
  
• Hi little elf i am feeling really upset just now as i have a few problems that i am finding hard to cope with. I have really low self esteem and i am afraid my boyfriend might pick up on this and treat me rubbish like every other guy has. I recently told my boyfriend something which i have never told anyone and that is that i was forced to have sex with a past boyfriend, now i am worried as i know he is a virgin and i wanted it to be special for both of us when we do have sex i am scared it wont be now, i love him very much, please help
  
  It will be special - as you are a new couple, taking things a step further in your own special relationship. He should appreciate that you have confided in him with your past, and that in itself should make things special. Keep being honest and open with him, and try to relax and enjoy the relationship that you have. It is important that you acknowledge you are upset, and important to find ways of coping. Be it talking it through with another person, writing it down, or expressing it in other positive ways. Whatever it is you choose, you need to ensure that you have dealt with it to the best of your ability, in order to move on. Take time to do things which you enjoy, where you can relax, and where you can be comfortable in your surroundings. Do things on your terms. All the best.
  
  
• My best friend has started to tell lies about me and my girlfriend. i am deeply in love with my girlfriend but she doesnt know what to believe. My best friend also keeps telling my sister she is in love with me and isnt going to stop untill she has got me!!! i am in pieces and stressed. can you help?
  
  Some best friend you have there. Be honest yourself, and be open about how you feel about whats going on. If your girlfriend is in love too, then she should see through your best friend, and believe you. Tell your "bestfriend" that what they're doing isn't acceptable, and you don't deserve to be treated like that. Tell them that they are jeopardising your relationships, and maybe ask why they are doing it? Perhaps jealousy is to blame? Be careful, as there are obviously more issues with your mate than they are letting on. Think about you and your life, and put all those important to you FIRST. Inlcuding you. Take care, and don't forget to take time out to relax. All the best.
  
  
• My first wife left me for another man 12 years ago. Since then we have kept in constant contact because of the kids and we now have a very friendly relationship. The truth is that I have never stopped loving her but I have always kept this a secret because she has remarried. Also I dont want to affect our briliant relationship, both for my sake and the kids, so I have learned to live with my feelings privately. However over the past year I have been having vivid dreams that we get back together. When I have had one of these dreams it upsets me for days. The trouble is that for some reason I am having these dreams more and more frequently and it is begining to affect my otherwise very pleasent life. I dont know why I should start having these dreams after so many years, and I just dont know what to do about it.
  
  Dreams are interesting things, but can me taken in many ways. They sometimes reflect what has gone on in the past, and present - in your actual life, and sometimes, your mind wanders, and has no control over where your dream might take you. So - its important to acknowledge your feelings and to accept them, regardless of what you are dreaming. Dreaming isn't in the real world - whichever type you have - so its important to concentrate on the real life scenario. Whats gong on for you now. It may be that you need to be reminded of something in order to move on? WHo knows - but you maybe could do with reflecting over whats happened in reality, to get a grip of whats really going on for you. Listen to your heart. Just remember they are just dreams, and its your life that you need to follow. All the best.
  
  
• there is this girl in my school who keeps slagging me of it has realy got me down she has been that bad that i have had to get a mentor i can not speak to her with out her bitching at me we used to be best friends .She has been talking about me behind my back for about 3 years now we havet got into a physical fight yet but i know we will soon because she thinks she is all that. I have been sorting it out at school but there has been no diffrence how am i going to tell her to stop humainly?
  
  Some people don't think that what they say and do actually has consequences. It sounds like you need to keep well way - and to let her get on with her life. Try not to react to her - in the same manner as her. Don't mirror her behaviour - try to treat her as you would like to be treated. See if she can see the difference. Revenge and fighting will get you nowhere, and in turn make you as bad as she, so keep off that route. Forgive her, and forget. Move on with your life with people who respect you, and treat you as you deserve. All the very best.
  
  
• help me! my boyfriend keeps on trying to eat my face. what should i do?
  
  Ask him to stop? Communication is the key! Speak to him?
  
  
• i sent an e-mail pretending to be one of my best mates to an complaint site about sexual harrasment online, noe the police have got involved. what if the trace back the pc? help me!!!! it was just a joke!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
  Maybe you will learn not to mess around with things that aren't true, and that will cause unnecessary work. You need to realise that all you do has consequences, which you need to face up to. Just be honest and open from now on, apologise and move on. Don't be too hard on yourself, and try christmas crackers for jokes!!
  
  
• Right, here's the thing. I really like a guy i met the other day when i was out with some friends. I have his email address and mobile number and we talk almost everyday. Ive heard from a couple of mates that he likes me too but i dont know. I want to ask him but im not sure how to. I know this sounds really childish but I dont want to ruin our short friendship we have developed if i let my feelings be known. Please help? x
  
  Wow - what a feeling?!! So you like this guy, and want to ask him out. If you have a good friendship with him, then why not let things happen naturally, and in there own time? If its meant to be, then it won't need to be rushed or speeded up will it? Perhaps its a confidence matter - where it will help you to know that you are doing the right thing? maybe you could find out how he feels about your relationship? Just by asking him? Not an easy task - but well worth it when you get the answer? Take it easy - and have confidence in yourself - you are you, unique, and special!
  
  
• i like this boy but the thing i don't know if he likes me too, but all my friends think he does except he's really shy. i had a major crush on him last yearr but this year i thought i should concentrate on my studies however he started to notice me more so please can u help me on what to do. p.s he's really relgious which puts people off but not me p.s i think am in love
  
  OK - so this guy is shy, so he's not going to be saying things outright about how he feels. Therefore, its you role to try to get to know him well enough for him to be able to feel comfortable with you, and confident to talk? Yes - your studies are very important - but you do need time out now and again, so that you can go back to your studies refreshed and ready for more learning! So- if you like this guy, then why not make more effort with him, and find out what he's about, what he likes and dislikes, and let him get to know you too? Its a magical feeling, being in love, so enjoy every minute, and do what feels right for you. Don't forget that all you do will have consequences, so be careful, and think before you do! Enjoy the moment though, and live your life! Take care and all the best!!
  
  
• Dear agony aunt, my friend seems to be having issues with me, an apparent problem, that she does’nt wish to tell me in plain english or face to face, instead she chooses to refuse invites to meet me, and sends me cryptic messages hand delivered by the postman. These messages I believe are trying to make a statement, something to the effect that I am choosing my partner over her… Ok let me fill you in… We have known each other for approx 20 years, gone through a lot of tough times as most friends do, about 2 years ago she met this other friend, someone whom she had a lot in common with, they enjoyed the same kind of work, enjoyed socialising with each other, they bonded very well and I was extremely happy for my friend as she was happy. They spent every day together, worked together, socialised etc. I would regularly invite my friend and her new friend out but they almost always declined, to be honest I never minded, my friend was enjoying her life, her not coming out to socialise with me did not mean in my eyes that she didn’t wana be my friend anymore, it just meant that she had found something new in her life and it was making her happy, fair digs to her, she was old enough to decide what was making her happy, and knowing that, made me happy. A couple of months ago, their friendship ended…. During their friendship, I found love, with my current partner, whom my friend also loved, we all got on really well… we all lived together, I was seeing my friend a lot more now, it was really nice. A little while later my partner and I moved into our own place, at the start we were still hanging out with my friend a lot and having a ball, but with work commitments and enjoying our own space, I kinda neglected my friend… I didn’t see her so much now… I didn’t think this was causing a problem, as my friend had been in this situation a few months previous and there was no issues raised, however, its now clear that my friend has major issues with me, she denies any such problem when I ask her, but this message delivered by the postman clearly shows she is angry with me. I have done all I can, I have looked the fool, sending invites only to be rejected, I don’t want to look a fool anymore, but I don’t want our friendship to end over hypocrisy, Please help
  
  You have done the right thing - in being aware of whats going on, and reflecting on it. You are trying to work things out to resolve the issue - but it seems she doesn't want to play. Unfortunately, you can;t force her to face up to things, and in the end, its her loss. In an ideal world, she would wake up and see whats happening, and she will - but in her own time. Meanwhile - keep inviting her round, and maybe sh'ell surprise you at some point, by accepting it? Tell her again how you feel - even show her this email, and tell her you dont want the friendship to end - and will be there when she feels ready to. Keep going with your own life, and enjoy the things you do, and the people you see. Take care, and try to move on, without shutting any doors. All the best.
  
  
• Hey I need help, when i go out drinking at uni with friends, I don't tend to get drunk or sick etc. However recently I started to drink beer (I'm female btw) and after half a bottle I'm likely to be sick, this has happened a couple of times now because I've drunk it a couple of times and its getting really irritating. Spirits such as vodka seem fine, but its jut beer making me physically sick, even though I'm not drunk. its horrible and makes me scared that any other alcohol such as vodka may have the same effect at some point and so i dont like to drink which is hard being the only sober person, what do you think?
  
  I think it may be a good idea to stop drinking beer. If it has this effect on you - why not avoid it? There are plenty of drinks to choose from, both alcoholic and nonalcoholic. Try giving alcohol a miss for a week, and then slowly introduce a light drink, and see how you get on. It may be that you have an allergy, or that your body can't accept beer? if this doesn't work - try having a word with your gp. Take care.
  
  
• Hi How can i become an agony aunt to people like 'battered wives'. i have had a lot of experience in that field myself.
  
  Try volunteering at local Samaritans, or the Domestic Violence support group. You may need qualifications to become an agony aunt as such, but might be able to help in other ways, using your experience - which I am sorry to hear about - and hope you're doing OK now.
  
  
• I've fallen for the office Temp. She started working with us about a year ago and initially I didn't think much of her. Over the last couple of months I've become increasingly fond of her and have been really upset since she left last Friday (Bosses wouldn't renew her contract). We get on really well but I'm still rather unsure if she feels the same way about me. She gets on really well with one of my collegues - having a laugh and spending lunch-hours together. He's 17 years older than her and in a relationship but I'm very jelous over their relationship. We swaped email addresses when she left but I'm not sure how to take things further. I have a habbit of jumping into the deep end with new relationships which tends to scare women off. Any advice?
  
  OK - so you know your weakness - in jumping in at the deep end - so you now need to know how to control that - so that it doesn't happen this time! Its good that you have her email address, and maybe a little email to see how she is - and what she' up to? If she replies - and in a positive and chatty way - then it mayu be time for the next step - of inviting her out for a drink? It may not be the best week to start and see if things could go further - being Valentines Day on Wednesday! Or - it could work to your advantage! Just be aware of it! Don't be impatient if she fils to respond quickly - give it time. If things are worth doing - they're worth doing properly! In the meantime, it may be a chance for you to work on your jealousy issue. Its not a good asset to have - and you need to be able to recognise it in you, and work on lessening it. Be proud of who you are - and if some don't appreciate it - move on to others who do! All the best - and good luck!
  
  
• Hi there, I 'm feeling at the end of my tether now!! I have a 12 year old son an older partner and together we have a baby. He also has 2 older children to a previous marriage. His childen have caused a lot of concern over the past few years and havn't been the most law abiding angels but they're his children and we love them (and it makes it easier that they live with their mother!!) My problem at the moment is that up to recently my son really was an angel, very polite never in trouble and very bright at school. Now hormones are kicking in, he's moody, snappy, and becoming ignorant in his own little ways and the normal I hate life stage which I certainly remember when I was young. The big issue is, is that my partner must have fogotten his younger years because he's constantly on my sons back having a go at him, getting him in tears and basically punishing him for being 12!! Then will turn on me about him. I feel so sorry for my boy, he can't do a thing right as for as my partners concerned and it's driving me into some sort of depression as I hate coming home from work if I know they are both going to be in together. My son makes a point of keeping out of his way when I'm not around, but this caused a prolem because my partner had a go at me in front of my son saying he has a big problem and needs to sort it out. So the poor lad can't win because if he doesn't keep out of his way he gets a doing for just being in the way!! So of course he goes moody and storms upstairs and even that's wrong!!! Help!!! The reason I mentioned his children earlier is because their behaviour has been disgraceful but my partner dismisses it blaming the marriage break-up. I feel I can't carry on, but we have just completed some extreme intensive courses and set up our own business which would struggle if we were to split and I would have to walk away with 2 children and find a place to live with no financial backup and I no longer think I have the strength to do that. But I also don't believe I have the stregth to carry on in this way. Not just for me but for my sons. I feel so desparate I just don't know which way to turn!!
  
  Does it feel better to have offloaded a bit of that? Sometimes we get problems, and keep them in our heads - and they get out of hand as we don't always let them air! Its so good to express our feelings and let others know exactly how we feel - as they don't always have a clue! Have you sat down with your partner and told him how you feel? He may be unaware how he's coming across? He says his kids had an excuse - the breakup - but does that mean there aren't things going on for your son? It may be more than being at that age - there may be something botheringhim that he can't explain? It may be good to all get out of the house and do something as a family - go for a walk in the country - bowling, paintballing - anything to unite you? Setting up a new business is stressful for all - and you may need to take time away from it once in a while - to keep your family going? You never said how you feel personally, about your partner. Do you love him? Only then can you go on to think about how you see the future, and what you can do to get that future? Take care, and remember - don't bottle it up - discuss it. Be open and honest.
  
  
• My sex life with my boyfriend is completely non existent. When we first met 2 years ago he couldnt keep his hands of me, but since he started a new job 6 months ago, he complains he's too tired all the time. We dont live together and only spend a few evenings a week with each other. He plays footie three times a week, and I know never to approach him on those evenings. Any other time I try seduce him, or talk about sex, he just complains that I'm trying to force sex on him when he isnt in the mood. So I have completely backed off, and said to him for him to come and seduce me when he's in the mood. That was 6 weeks ago. There has been nothing. What am I doing wrong, that he has lost interest in me physically? I know that there is nothing wrong with his sex drive as he masturbates every night before he goes to sleep.
  
  WEll - you did the right thing by trying, and also by backing off and waiting for him to tell you he was in the mood. However - I still think there is a long way to go to solve it. I think it may help to sit down, and tell him how his actions (or lack of) are making you feel. Why do you feel its necessary? What does sex mean to you? Why is it so important? It may be time to think about what "love" actually means - and other ways which we can show it? Have a think - and have a proper sit down chat with him, as its obviously something you are feeling uncomfortable about. Take care - there will be light at the end of the tunnel!
  
  
• hi, i have a situation last week it was my best friends birthday and i got seriously drunk, which is completly out of character for me which lead to me getting thrown out of the bar, his sister who has a boyfriend waited out side with me to make sure i didnt get into trouble but she was with us talking and that during the time i was in the bar, well since that night i cant stop thinking about her, i fancy her, and until that night wondered if i always have, but the reality is its an unrealistic thought... well, its leaft me feeling both happy and sad and all the rest, and i feel strange when im in the presence of my best friend now (whose sister i really like) any advice would be great. thanks..it was hard to put what i thought into words!
  
  What a feeling! Treasure it! Its a warm feeling to have - and pleasant! However - must be frustrating too. Its always the wrong time and the wrong person! And it is in your case too. She's tied up with another guy. So - how about accepting that you have a big crush on this lady - and that you do fancy her - but she's not on offer. You can look but you can't touch. Interfering would be unfair to her. It would be unfair to you too - as there's more to it than just the two of you. So I'm sorry to say, but my advice, would be to be aware of your feelings - but keep them to yourself, and try to get out with other people to take your mind off it. If it is still there in a few weeks time, then it may need re-addressing again. Till then, enjoy - and take care.
  
  
• Hi, I am a horrid person, I just keep making a mess of things and hurting other people even though I do not mean to. Hence I'm not happy either. I have been having a long distance relationship with a guy who used to be my flatmate. I miss him a lot but things just don't seem to be meant to be. I moved away from th eplace we met in and went back to live in my home town. I do'nt really like it here. All my friends have moved on, I want to go travelling , but that will mean leaving him behind. I don't know where I will live when I get back if I do go but I really want to go while I still can. Last night I was feeling low and texted my boyfriend and asked if he wanted to break up, realising it was a crap thing to do I tried to stop the message but it was too late. He says he doesn't know and will think for a couple of days then call me. Anyway I am sad because I want a relationship at my age. Can you give me any advice as to how to handle my situation. I do care about my boyfriend but I feel its something I need to do. and I don't want him to hate me and hope he's ok.
  
  What rules are you living by that say at your age you must be in a relationship? I think that is one you have set yourself - and feel you should stick too? What if things, and times change though? Theres no hurry, as we're all living longer! Times like this are to take the opportunity and explore the world, and learn more about yourself too! You can still care for your boyfriend, as distance shouldn't change the way you feel. It may be harder, but not impossible! You say you keep doing all these horrible things, but you don't mean to? You have control over what you do - and it may help to stop and think before you do or say these things? Everything we say and do has consequences, and as adults - we are at the root of them. It may well just be a matter of acknowledging what you do, and thinking of ways to avoid it? So - why not have a real think about travelling - places you want to visit, things you want to see etc? Then take a piece of paper, and divide it into pro's and con's of travelling. What does it tell you? Lifes too short, and who knows whats out there waiting for you to discover! All the very best.
  
  
• I'm a girl with a lot of problems; I have an abusive dad, a nice boyfriend, and severe depression. Here I go; Problem 1 - My dad's still being an ass. We're alternating between enemies and something akin to a normal father and daughter, which is making me alternate between chomping at the bit to move out and get away from him, and feeling horrible for feeling it. I mean, I keep trying to remind myself that this guy is abusive, neglective, he doesn't care about me at all, he starves me, limits me in some pretty stupid ways, takes £200 a month from me even if I have to steal it or leech it from my grandad who has no money himself, etc. This man has never bought me food or clothing, he's never let me use the heating or hot water, and he was once so violent that he knocked me unconscious and threatened me with a knife because I made his sandwhiches wrong. But he's still my dad, you know? Problem 2 - I was unlawfully dismissed from my last job, but can't take legal action for several reasons (don't know how, have no support, have no evidence, have no money for it). Problem 3 is that the afformentioned bastards were supposed to have paid me Dec. 22nd. They didn't, appologized, and were then supposed to have paid me yesterday. They still haven't, and I need that money for...oh, I don't know...bills...food... Problem 4 - I'm stressed because I'm moving in with my boyf and hoping things will go well. If they don't... I can't go back to my dad, I probably won't be able to support myself, and I have no other places I can go. Problem 5 - I'm supposed to scrounge up enough money from somewhere to pay for a bedroom in boyf's house to be converted to a bedroom for me and boyf, including a double bed, and boyf's insistant on getting the most expensive one he can find because he can't be bothered to look around/he keeps forgetting. Plus his mom's constantly putting up the conditions on me moving in, the amount of money we have to save before we can move out and get a place of our own, etc. And (I'm sorry boyf if you're reading this) I have a sneaking suspicion it's because she just wants us there longer so she can carry on leeching £400 a month from us. Problem 6 - I have no money, none coming in, I've applied for every job I can, and every one I've applied for has turned me down or just not answered at all. Problem 7 - I'm having problems with my Job Seekers Allowance, so I'm not even getting money from that anymore. Problem 8 - boyf and I need to get on the list for a council flat as soon as possible, but he's the one who has to print out, fill in and send off the form, and he just won't do it...he keeps forgetting, he's got things he'd rather do, etc. So that means that we'll have a longer delay on getting a place and it's just scary and annoying that I can't rely on him to do something that's pretty damned important, and every time I bring it up with him he acts like I've accused him of a crime or something. Problem 9 - I'm seriously behind on my writing and it's depressing me. I have burn out AND writers block, I can't focus because of the stress, and I get too frustrated too fast and end up in tears over it. Problem 10 - My mom's still trying to get the police after me for interfering in her affairs Problem 11 - I recently got my account hacked on another site, and the person who did it posed as a rapist and I still don't know if the police are going to come after me because of what the ass who did it has done in my name and with my IP address. Problem 12 - I'm still having a potentially serious medical thing going on, which may be a sign of stress or may be a sign of hereditary cancer; I'm not sure yet and I really don't want to go to the doctor; I'd rather have the uncertainty of not knowing than risk the stress of knowing that I'm dying or may never be able to have children. Problem 13 - I keep fighting with boyf ALL the time. I always go into it thinking it's his fault, and so does he. We'll fight, he'll go off, I'll cry for a while, he has to comfort me to stop me hyperventilating/hiding in another room/crying hysterically/all of the mentioned, and then I have to spend the next few hours convincing him that it's not his fault, even when it was. Problem 14 - boyf's constantly stressed over work, as well as other things I don't think I'm at liberty to discuss. He's always upset, either with something else or with me, and the only times he's not are when he's asleep or when he's playing in the PC, and I don't want to take the latter away from him, but at the same time I feel like the only way I get to spend any time with him is playing that damned game too so we have something to talk about, which leads him to believe I'm happy with him spending all day on it, which leads to him pretty much doing so, which makes me upset. Problem 15 - The depression and anxiety I've had my entire life is getting worse and worse because of all this stress. I'm crying every day, I'm crying in the mornings (which is a seriously bad sign) It's getting worse and worse. The fact is, I spend between 1 and 6 hours a day, every day, wracked with depression. A good day isn't "I didn't cry today" and good day is "I only cried myself to sleep" or "I only locked myself away for an hour or two" and I feel completely alone; I have no mother or parental figure to talk to, no one who can give me advice, no close friends (physically close, like, in the area) and I can't talk to boyf. And I have tried councilling several times; I'm too used to covering things up. I can't talk to councillors. Seeing them makes things worse. I just don't know what to do right now.
  
  OK - well, how is it now. It may help to print out your email, and read it through a couple of times. You may learn things you didn't know - because they're not there in front of you? What would happen if you were to take yourself away from the current situation? To be on your own in a new environment? To enable you to reflect on whats going on, and whats been going on, and to see what things you can do to start again. You said you'd tried counselling - but this will only work if you want it to. If you see theres a problem, and if you admit you need to make some changes, then be open, and there'll be a way forward. What did you gain from covering things up? What are you afraid of? The truth? If these things are happening, then they need to be dealt with. And fast. Something needs to give somewhere - as life for you now is unbearable. There are support groups and help for you - and even housing solutions, until you find your feet? I wish i could wave a magic wand - but in order to make things better - you have to get through some bad bits too. Think about the bigger picture though - light at the end of the tunnel? Only you can do it - and why wait? Take care, and all the very best.
  
  
• My best friend is making rude comments behind my back and other friends are joining in. Everyone doesn't like me and say that I am two-faced and drag people around. Now i hardly have any friends. Should i change because i am two-faced?? Help! I really don't know what to do and it's really bringing me down.
  
  OK - well, first you need to work out who you are - and what you believe. Its not fair for others to be calling you names and being cruel - and they need to think about the effects of that - but you can't alter that. You can do some things for yourself though. You need to start by treating others as you yourself would like to be treated. You mention being two-faced. Only you know the answer to that. It may help to question why you are though - and what you think you gain be doing it? Small changes can make a big difference - so have a think about how you can start changing that aspect of your personality. Don't do it for others - but do it for yourself. Get the best out of life - and you'll only do that by putting the best in. So have some time to think about yourself, and start making changes to enable you to become the person you think you should be. Take care, and go easy on yourself. Lifes too short - so make the most of it, but remember all your actions will have consequences.
  
  
• Me and a couple other of my friends are fed up with the way our other friends treat us. We had a HUGE argument and don't want to be friends with each other anymore. But i think that if me and my other friends that were on my side in the argument, stay together all the time we are going to start irritating each other and start fighting. I mentioned this to them and they surprisingly agreed. So we decided we want to make some new frineds but we don't know where to start or what to do! Where can we go to meet new people?
  
  First of all, may i say congratulations - in handling the situation in a very mature, and sensible way. All credit to you! You are being proactive - and thinking ahead, which is great! So you are looking to widen your circle of friends - well, what interests do each of you have? you can join groups, or night classes? How about a sporting group? Thats always a good way to meet new people. Life's about doing what you want to do - and what feels right. So - get out there and have a look at whats going on! Try Skiptonweb for events and classes taking place - also the Craven Herald. Take care.
  
  
• hi, I need help on something. Ive turned into a goth and people are making fun of me when i was just getting into it people were calling me dirty grebo and devil worshiper at school as well as that people have been commenting on how flat chested I am and that offends me ALOT. Also ive fellout with a freind and i dont think our raltionship is going to work eny more how am i going to tell her were not going to be buddys. please help my life is in a right mess at the moment.
  
  OK - stop and take a deep breath. Then take a look at whats going on for you. List it down and try to prioritise things. When you have - look at what you want - and how you can change things in order for it to be as you want it to be. People's comments can be very cruel - and its usually through their lack of confidence that they do it. Try to stand up to them - and remind yourself that its your body - and make the most of it! Show them that you are deeper than that - and have much more to offer inside. Maybe the people you are hanging out with aren't really the people you feel comfortable with? Lifes too short to be "in a mess" - so get planning on your new and happier life! All the best. ps - don't be afraid to stand up to these people - why should they get away with it? Treat them as you wish to be treated yourself. Walk away from their comments - with your head held high. All the best.
  
  
• hi im having really big problems at home with my parents.We dont get on at all!Every time i try speak 2 them they shout at me because i dont have job. They say im not even trying to look but i look for a job everyday.Its making me really upset. I've tried speaking to them about it but they dont listen.we've just had an argument now and she threatend to smack me!i cant live in this house anymore! please help! before i do something i may regret.
  
  OK - time to lay everything down on the ground in front of your parents. Tell them that you aren't happy with the way things are at the moment. Tell them you are trying to find work, ask them to help you - it may help if you involve them in your life a bit? It may also prove that you are trying. It may help to say that you don't feel you deserve the treatment you are getting - but be sure you are treating them repectfully too? Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. You need to make changes so that the life you are living is a pleasant one. Dont be hasty - take your time, and think about things. All you do will have its consequences, for which you will be responsible, so be careful. Take care, and try to stay calm.
  
  
• When i started secondary school i was fine. And then i got to know some of the people in my class pretty well. But then, out of all the girls in my class (it was a girls school), i thought that A was the prettiest. I would often watch her, and look at her, not in a bad or rude way, but just stare at her, because of her beauty. She started noticing and was not very happy, about the way i stared at her, but i really just couldn't help it. But due to this problem, another incident between me and another girl, and A's twin was pulled into it, even though she had nothing to do with it, and eventually the problem almost got A's twin possible excluded, which i was really upset about, because i knew that we didn't speak a lot and that this would wreck our friendship. And it did. We no longer talk. i am now in college, and A came on to do the same course as me, in which i was shocked, but I for some reason or another still watch/look at her, in the same blank way as i did in school. I’m not a lesbian, as i love men, with long brown hair and brown eyes (Orlando bloom), but i think that there is something seriously wrong with me. Please help! I don’t know what to do!
  
  Perhaps you are in awe of her - and that you can't shake off the feelings? Its not a bad thing - to be in awe of someone - as you admire her and her beauty. Its a sad world if that automatically makes you a lesbian - as we have millions and millions of feelings. But we do need to identify these - and to place them corectly. Otherwise things go wrong. If you sure you are only attracted to her beauty, then fine - accept that is part of you, and keep going with your life. You're not a lesbian as you say you love men - but what would it mean if you were? Have a think about it - and be sure, as lifes too short. Live the life you have been given, and enjoy. All the best.
  
  
• Help! I made friends with a great guy whilst in a production last year. Weve remained really close and talk regularly. I think i really like him but theres one problem. Hes 21 and im a lot younger. I really like him.... Im not gonna do anything till i know if he likes me .... am i doing the right thing ?
  
  Its great that you are able to be friends with someone like that - and friendships are so important - tht it may be worth thinking about keeping him as just that? You are right in not doing anything - but just play it cool, and remember his true friendship. Stay friends - and keep meeting other friends, and who knows - you may meet Mr Right whilst you aren't looking for him! You've still got your life ahead of you - so go out and grab all the opportunities you can! Don't forget that all your actions will have consequences. All the best.
  
  
• hey ive started fancying fancying this teacher at my school. i dont know what to do. i think about him all the time and that. just wondered what i should do.
  
  Fancying is fine - but just remind yourself of the situation. He's a teacher, and you are the pupil, and thats that. Be aware of your felings, but don't do anything about them. Why not focus your energies and time on what could be with someone else? Someone available. Its often a trap to get excited about the chase, and the fact that you know you shouldn't - but look what you could be missing out on - a relationship thats possible, and could be good fun! So get out, and see who's around! take care - and think hard. All actions have consequences, you know all this!
  
  
• Ok so I have this friend. She used to be bullied when she was in primary school because so is so tall. I don't know if this is true or not its just something she has told me. The reason i say this is because some people say that if you are bullied you tend to do it to other people. But the problem is that she makes me uncomfortable beacuse she is always picking things out about me and my other friends. She will pick something out .. for example she was laughing about one of my other friends because they had bushy eyebrows. She laughed and said it right infront of the person and some other of my friends laughed too. Then she went on and was talking about people plucking their eyebrows and going on and kept saying to me that i pluck mine! And started laughing as if it was a bad thing but loads of people do it. I don't pluck my eyebrows, but why would it matter if i did?! She is always doing things like this and trying to make my other friends laugh at me or at one another. I don't know why she does it because she still hangs around with us and calls her her friends. It annoys and upsets me. I don't understand her!
  
  How about you have a quiet word with her - and tell her that you feel very uncomfortable babout the things she is saying to you, and to your other friends. Ask her why she is doing it. It may well be a character that is defending herself from her past - so do tread carefully, as she may be feeling very low herself - despite not appearing to be so. It may be the defence mechanism she has adopted, to save herself - but is unaware of how it makes others feel. Let her know that you know she has had hard times in the past, and appreciate it - but its the here and now - and it now that matters most. She may need to open up about a lot of things, and may have bottled a lot of emotions up, so be aware of this, and be sensitive. Try to remain supportive, and hang in there!
  
  
• Okay, this is another of my long posts. Sorry. So here's the main problems. Me and my fiance, are saving up to move in together. We've known each other months, and we're very much in love. However, there are a lot of problems stopping us. The first is money. I'm 18, unemployed, and live with my dad and step-mom. I earn £182 per month, and pay £200 per month rent...I think you can see why money's an issue. He's working, but not getting much. He earns about £300 a month, and £200 goes to his mom. Now, we can make a little bit of a saving here; if I move in with him and his family, we can pay £300 per month to her, she'll be over-joyed and I'll have more job opportunities, so I might be able to actually get one. The problem; my dad. He used to be violent, alcoholic, and suffer from genetic depression (he inherited it from his mother and I inherited it through him, then got it enhanced through a pretty bad upbringing). He used to be physically abusive (he threw me down the stairs once, he tried to strangle me, and he slammed me against a wall so hard that I was knocked out). He's also threatened me, as well as threatening himself, my step-mom, and the family pet. Even now that he's not physically abusive, he'd dominating. He puts me and my step-mom down, and I know he doesn't love me. He's now threatening to kill himself, me, and/or my fiance if I leave. He's reliant on me to pay the bills as he doesn't work, and if I leave he will have to find a job, which he doesn't want to do. He says he doesn't want me to leave until I'm financially secure, but he knows damned well that the only way I can get any decent money saved, even with a job (the best I'll get in my town is 6-8k Per Annum) is if I don't have to give him all my money. He *knows* for a *fact* that I can't afford to leave, and therefore the only way I'll be able to will be to leave under circumstances he doesn't agree with. This holds two problems, or rather two layers of problems. If I do this, then not only am I leaving and therefore forcing him to stand on his own two feet, I'm also giving him an excuse to ramble off on his 'my daughter hates me' tangent, which usually triggers his violent tendancies. He gets into a state of mind where he thinks his family has betrayed him, and to be honest, I'm scared of what he might do, either to me, his partner or himself. Now comes the next part of the current problem; the stress over all of this is bad enough, but just to heighten it, my depression's coming back. Here's the crunch, though; over Xmas, I spent 5 days with my fiance, and I've just come home tonight after spending another 3 days with him (we usually spend 2 days a week together). Every time I've come home over the last month or so, the depression has hit, sometimes for days. I walk into my room or I just look at my dad and it'll hit me so hard, and I feel like I can't stand it. This is serious depression as well; there are time, both in the past and recently, when I've hurt myself. I need to get out of this house...this life is killing me. But I'm so scared of what will happen if I leave. If we split up or make a mess of it, I won't have any family to fall back on. If I get depressed again, permentantly, like my dad, I don't want my fiance to live with it but I know he'll have no choice. I really need help. I don't know what to do and...I come home every week, and I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I'm stood on a metal slope covered in oil, tied to weights on strings pulling me down and I can't get up. I feel like it's killing me, but I don't know if it's forever or if it'll get worse when I'm gone because of my dad. I don't know what to do.
  
  Its fantastic that you have been able to see whats going on in your life - and that you are aware of the situation you are in. However - I feel you would benefit from speaking with someone - and expressing all your feelings and emotions. It may help you find out where you want to be, and what you need to do to get there. Its always good to tell a 3rd party person, who knows no one else in your family, as they will se it as you tell it. Be brave - and remember there is help out there, and you deserve it. All the very best.
  
  
• I really want a boyfriend! I have friends that are boys but I don't fancy any of them. At school the boys all fancy the popular girls. I just want to know places that I can go to meet new people, especially boys! Help me please!
  
  OK OK! Calm down and be patient! Not easy I know - but enjoy the friends that you have and learn from them. Get to know them, and how they work, as we are very different from them! Just keep meeting the friends that you know - and be happy with who you are. With this - the person you meet, will be very special, and right. Don't rush into things - you have your whole life in front of you! Enjoy! and be careful.
  
  
• My boyfriend is 3 yrs older than me and my dad just wont let it go. We both really like each other and enjoy being together however when ever i get home from going out with him my dad starts arguments and they are getting out of hand. I cant even see my boyfriend without and argument starting and my dad constantly accuses me of things i havnt done. My parents are divorced and i dont speak to my mum, its hard to talk to my friends and i feel like im trapped. I dont know what to do about this situation. My dad wont just be happy for me and now hes doing his best to split us up. Family friends have tried their hardest to make him see sense but he wont and i really dont know what to do. I really care for my boyfriend but i dont know how much longer this can carry on. Please help.
  
  I think you need to accept that your Dad is going through a difficult time - which he is not coping with very well. However you can't change this - only he can - and he will, in his own time etc. So - may be you can accept that things will improve, and that he is struggling with life - but meanwhile - continue on with your relationship, as its equally important that you live your own life too. It may help to explain to your Dad the difficult situation - but also let him know how you plan to deal with it. It may encourage him also, to make some small changes? Let him know that you are there for him - but you're not going to let him spoil your life - you only live once. All the very best - and take care.
  
  
• my best mate just split wiv his g/f she wos really upset. before they split they were both my best freinds. when they split we were really close but now she told him that she thinks i fancy her n she wont even talk to me anymoor. wot can i do i cant stop thinking about her?
  
  You can't stop thinking about her - but why is this a problem? Maybe you need to accept the situation, and then get on with your life. Be aware of whats going on, and then find out where you want to go - and how to get there. Its a time to be brave and do whats right for you. All the best.
  
  
• Hello. i hate school because its really boring. i decided to stay on because i thought that would be best for my education, but i reallt dont like it. i have like two loyal friends and now we dont even have fun anymore. I see people that have moved away to college and they dont even remember me anymore, theyve all changed and have load of new friends and that. i just feel like my life is poinless, like its been the same for as long as i remember. EACH DAY IS THE SAME SAME SAME, and i wanna get out of this boring circle. what can i do?
  
  What can you do? Make small changes every day - that will make a difference to your life - and help get you out of the rut that you think you are in. Each day is the same - but is that a bad thing? Are you happy with what you do? What do you want to do - and why aren't you? Be brave, and challenge yourself - you may just need to accept that this is your life - and you like it! All the best
  
  
• recently ive been confused with what to do, mainly with my sexuality. theres this girl i think i like. i cant stop thinking about her; everytime i see or talk to her my heart skips a beat. i dont know what to do. whenever i bring her up in conversation with my friends there allways like 'shes gay' or 'yeah i recon she fancies you'. it gets uncomfortable an i end up changing subject. i want to tell them but they wont understand. ive allways been so anti-gay and denied being it in the slightest; mainly in self defence, meaning they would probably take the piss outa me if i tried to talk to them. i know there not like that, but the way i act about homosexuals anyone would think im homophobic. i dont know what to do. im scared, theres no one i can talk to.
  
  Its your life. And you only live once. So - things change, and we go through different stages in life - but if we ignore them we're not being true to ourselves. It may be a case of accepting who you are - and what you believe and how you feel, and then making changes to adapt to them, and accommodate them, and to introduce the new you - to those around you. If you accept it, then thats the key. Do what feels right - and take time out for yourself. you'll feel better when you can be you - the real you. Friends come and go - but true friends will stay with you. There are plenty of people out there - so go and meet some true, and proper friends! All the best - and stand up for yourself - you can do it!
  
  
• iam with a man that only caters for his friends. now its christmas he has only gone a bought himself so many things and bought me a fake dkny bag. iam such a greatful person but i but i had 2 beg for my pressie and now it has come we found out that it is fake so asked him to send it back and change it but he wont cos he says he might lose his petty £29 sale price money because he says the company he brought it from might be not leagal all i wanted him to do is try and change it but he says he wont and i should just throw it away if i dont like it. iam feeling very hurt at the moment that i think he has spoilt my christmas for me, when he orders things he makes sure they are legit before he gose through with it, he just cant be bothered with me even my first birthday with him wen i was pregnant with his first child he didnt buy me nothing cos he says i was pregnant. iam not materialistic but i think these thing only come once a year. we have only been together 2years.
  
  I think you should look beyond what you think the problem is. He gave you a gift. One that he thought you'd like, and one that he choose for you. Ok - it wasn't perfect in your eyes - but he made the effort. What makes a relationship work - how many presents are given and the financial cost? or the qualtiy time spent with that person? Yes - special occasions should be celebrated, but not just by giving presents. By remembering them in the first place always helps! You say you're not materialistic - so whats important to you? Have a think.
  
  
• help i am soo confused! i broke up with the love of my life to be with my best friend. ive had feelings for him for a wile. i found out that he too had more feelings for me. so i broke up with my boyfriend to be with him. now that am with him i think i did a mistake. i still love my x. i didnt realise how it would be with going out with my best mate. he is reali overprotective which gets to me.we keep having arguements which we never used to when we were just mates. i feel soo much pain when i realise that i lost someone in my life that cared and loved me like no ever has.i dont know what to do. i dont want to hurt him and leave him but i dont want to lose my x completely. please help! tell me what i should do! :(
  
  I won't tell you what you should do - because you are the one that knows the answer. However - if you feel its wrong to be with your best mate - then its time to explain things to him, and to be honest. It may also be a good time to tell your ex how you feel - and that you didn't know how strong your feelings were towards him, until you were apart. Its important not to jump straight back into a relationship - for many reasons - just break away from being part of a couple - and find time for yourself. It may be an opportunity for you to relax, chill out, and to see what you want out of life. Take care, and Happy Christmas.
  
  
• Me n this otha girl fancy each otha n wanna b 2getha bt no1 knows shes bi. (we're both girls) shes so scared of tellin ppl n i understand her coz i went thru it n i kept it 2 maself for 3 years. but i so wanna b with her but shes so shy of tlkin about it n i dnt fink shes eva gonna tell ppl. plz help.
  
  OK - so you understand - but you aren't her. We each hold unique characteristics etc, and all go through each stage differently. However - it is good that you share common ground with her, in that you have been through similar things. Does it matter if she isn't ready to tell others? As long as you know where you stand - isn't that enough? When she's ready, she'll tell others - and thats whats important - that we don't feel rushed - or uncomfortable in what we do and when. It may help to reassure her of your feelings towards her, and maintain the support for her. Hope this helps.
  
  
• My daughter is in her 20s and I love her to bits... but she is treating me like something she has wiped off her shoe....she growls at me not speaks to me... she is the same with her sisters...she don’t ask to borrow any thing she just takes it... but when u wont to borrow her stuff its like no u cant. And I do every thing for her I have let her have parties to the extent where I have lost two homes due to the noise and she still speaks to me like dirt. And now we are on the verge of losing another one for the same reasons I know I can say no to her. But if I say no she black mails me... with "I am moving out then". And I don’t won’t her to do that. And she is men mad that’s all she thinks about is men... she is stuck on the internet every day talking to guys and telling every guy she loves all of them... and when I don’t let her on the net she goes off on one at me... she black mails me again. and every time she finds herself a boyfriend she starts to have another moan at me...more then ever...and she thinks more of her boyfriends then she does her mum and sisters... she will talk to us like dirt... recently she has found herself a boyfriend like three days ago... but he asked her to actually date him yesterday.... and this morning all because I said yr working 2 to 10 this week wats he say about u not seeing him all week... because I cant let him come round after ten because of the neighbors moaning... and I need to keep a roof over my kids head... she went up the wall she said "well I ain't gona go with out a boyfriend all my life, and I aint not going to see him all week.... ill go out then", I said well go out I aint stopping u but be in at 12 because of the neighbors.... but that still was not good enough for her she said "well I will pack my job in then" she is expecting me to keep her for free just so she can date this guy she has only known for three days.... and I said I aint going to. then she says "well I don’t let her out" more black mail and I do its just she hasn’t got any friends to go out with and when she does she changes her mind and wont go out I had to false her to go out Saturday to her works do because she didn’t wont to go because she wonted to be on the net all night.. and now she is accusing me of not letting her go out.... she also tells so many lies u cant believe any thing at all wot she says and she talks to me like complete dirt and she don’t care who she does it in front of... and she thinks she is always right and I have tried everything to stop this from happening I have tried talking to her in a adult manor and she wont listen...she don’t seem to care I don’t know what else to do I think I am going mad.... I cant take it any more I have no one to turn to for help on this and I am so frightened I don’t know what to do its getting me down so much I have cried every day and I wont to know how it feels to be happy I don’t know how that feels any more.... she has stripped my whole life from me I have done my best for her and she still treats me like absolute dirt I really don’t know what to do I even get scared to talk to her because of the response I would get its bad she is out of control.... and don’t care about no one but herself she is jealous of her sister and she always makes sure she gets her own way and she don’t care how she goes about getting it or who she treads over to get it.... she will do any thing to get it and makes sure she does and she is worse when it comes to a man she will go out with any one she tells every guy and different ones every day she loves them and stuff and she is just alive for men she will put the guy before her own family no matter who it is she doesn’t love any of us all she seems to love is men and herself...and when she wants something she will creep round u and say sorry then ask for what she wants gets it then starts with treating u like dirt all over again and I cant take this any more I need help badly because right now all I wont to do is die.... she has made me feel worthless and not wonted and made me feel I would be better of dead and that’s what I really wont to happen right now I wish I was dead please help me.
  
  She's over 18. If she doesn't like or respect the rules that you set in your house - then its time for her to make her own mind up. If she doesn't like it - then she can leave. Its not ideal for you - but leaving it as it is - she'll only keep walking over you. How about you print of this email and show her what you are living with? In the meantime, you need to get back on your feet - living your life - and ensuring that you get a bit happier. We only live once - and your daughter is old enough to fend for herself, so its time to concentrate on your life. What makes you happy? What do you enjoy doing? Spend time catching up with old mates, and other family members etc. Do something for YOU. Take care, and all the very best - and don't forget - this is your time now.
  
  
• hey, im engaged to my boyfriend, he's told his family n friends bwt us n onli ma parents knw n i feel ashamed of tellin the rest o my family and also all my frendz. i dnt wnt them thinkin im pathetic or immature and most people wont take me seriously. why am i feelin ashamed even though i rele love and wnt to marry my boyfriend? do u think im too young?
  
  I think you may have just answered your own question. To even put that idea of age to me - suggests that its on your mind? And may be important? Yes you have a long life ahead of you. Why do you feel its necessary to get engaged? Whats the harm in hanging on? Its better to be sure of things, for the two of you - so that when and if you do decide to go ahead with a wedding - its for life. Many people marry too young - or the wrong person etc, and regret it. Take your time, and think things through. Whats the rush? If the two of you are in love - then that will last - no matter what relationship title you carry - girlfriend/fiance or wife. Take a step back and have a think about why you are getting engaged? There will be a reason for you not wanting to tell your family - but only you know. Don't be ashamed - be proud of yourself for being aware of your thoughts and emotions and deal with them. Don't rush into anything - think things through, as eveything has its own consequences. You're not being immature - you're being an adult, and thinking about the reality of it. Fair play to you. Be kind to yourself - and take time out to think about YOUR life, and where you want it to take you. All the very best.
  
  
• My family life is becoming a joke. i have recently moved back in with my mum after she threw me out when i was younger (for no reason!) and ive finally managed to get my life back on track...i have a job and have an amazing boyfriend that i have been going out with for a year now. Problem is, my mum and step dad are never happy with me or anything i do. for awhile they were accusing me of not going to college even though i was. they make things up about me as if they want me out again.its like they pick holes in everything...they wont even get to know my boyfriend and wont let him stay. they dont like him and have no reason for it. im very confused, and its really starting to get me down. im constantly being criticised and i dread coming home. none of my friends want to come round and now my boyfriend wont either...i have to go to them. can you possibly shed some light out of this situation?
  
  I'm sorry that things aren't great for you - when you seem to be doing the best you can. You deserve to be praised for your acheivements, as life isn't easy! When people put you down - its easy to slip down the path and start believing it - but its very important to stand your ground, and to keep reminding yourself of the positives, and the good things you do. Its also important to note that if others don't recognise it - then its their problem - you know it, and thats what counts. If you need to hear it from others all the time - then you may want to question your own self-esteem and confidence levels - and as to why you need to hear it? As for your living situation - you deserve to feel at ease in your own home - so get together with your mum, and discuss whats going wrong - and what you would like to see happen. Also - give your Mum an oportunity to give it from her side. Keep socialising, and spending time with those close to you - and let them know how you are doing - and whats going on. Friends are good support at all times. Take care, and make sure you get the best - cos you deserve it.
  
  
• Hey, i met this girl that is really hot. Now when i met her she had a boyfriend who she was tired of, and me and her began to hang out. Then we started talking about how we enjoyed each other, and she told me if she didnt have a noyfriend she would so be with me. Well she broke upw ith him and we would talk and go out all the time. Just recently the guy wont leave her alone and now we hardly talk. She tells me she doesnt want to cause me problems and thats why she doesnt hang out with me anymore. What should i do she is older than me but i really like her and she tells me she really wants to be with me because i make her happy, but she cant because of her X.
  
  She can't? Who's stopping her? There are obviously reasons more than she is letting on - to why she is still with him. Its a shame she is telling you how she feels about you though - as its very unfair for you - which she hasn't thought about. Of course situations are never simple - but lifes too short to mess about. may be you could tell her straight - that if she wants to be with you - you can handle it - but she needs to sort out her situation with her ex, and move on. If she can't do this - then it may be time for you to accept there are feelings between the two of you - but they aren't going to lead anywhere - so conitnue with your life. you only live once - so make the most of it. All the best.
  
  
• Okay, this is made up of several problems. The first is that I'm seriously depressed, and have been for a while. However, I've had several differant diagnosis over the years, since I can swing between extremems easily and I used to hide things from councillors a lot. Half think I should be institutionalized, half think there's nothing wrong with me. I've never even been diagnosed with depression officially, but I suffer the symptoms and I suffer them badly. I've been a self harmer since I was 8, and I've spent the last 6 days, solid, crying, and I honestly couldn't tell you why. The second is that it's starting to hurt my partner. Him and me have been together for almost a year now, and we knew almost as soon as we met each other that we were the perfect match. We both have a lot of issues, which we share completely and help each other with. The only thing is, allthough he knew I was depressed when he met me, it was shortly after my mother died and I don't think he realized that it wasn't just me greiving, it was my natural state. Since meeting him, the depression abated for a while. It's only flared up again very recently, and he thinks it's his fault. I've also started self-harming again, which, allthough won't seriously harm me, does hurt him. The third is related to my father. I currently live at home because of financial difficulties. My dad has a lot of problems with his own moods and tempers, especially since Mom died. We've been fighting a lot, often about my partner, and just over this last few days, we've fought almost non-stop. Sometimes these fights will end in him throwing me out of the house for a day or two with nothing but the clothes I'm wearing and whatever money I happen to have on me. Other times he'll take my net connection, phone and money so that I can't contact my partner, which will usually end in me walking miles to his house because I physically can't be parted from him like that for that long. My dad knows this, and it's the main reason he does it. The fourth is financial. I currently earn less per month than I pay in rent, and I'm expected to buy all my own food, as well as pay towards the family food and santiary items. Xmas is coming, and I have no money to get anyone's gifts, and I wanted to carry on saving so that me and my partner could get a place together. I'm so desperate that I've asked all of my family to just give me money for Xmas instead of gifts, because I need it that badly. The fifth is a housing problem. My dad and me are going to kill each other, and I mean that quite seriously because he's talking like he did just before he tried to kill himself last, and he says it's because of all the problems he's having with me. The only way I can leave at the moment is to just leave and stay with my partner, which I can do if I want to, but the last time I did it my dad tried to kill himself because he thought I hated him. Finally, I'm having a physical problem too. I've been skipping 2 or 3 periods at a time for the last few months. I'm very lethergic, and my moods are all over the place. I've been to see the doctor, and he says it's only stress, but this began 8 months ago, whereas all the problems above (with the exception of the first one) began in the last 6 weeks.
  
  I think another trip to see your gp is necessary. Very much so. You are obviously struggling with what life is throwing at you - and need to find ways of coping with them - so that you can live a comfortable and stable life. This is very possible - but you are going to have to make time to sort them out. If you re-read your email - it may help you see whats going on - and just how complicated things are for you. The answers may be simple, but you need to go through stages to get to your ideal place. Be open and honest with your gp - even print off your email and show it - it may help see whats going on for you. Take care, and make sure you get the best treatment available - you deserve it.
  
  
• I fancy this guy and my freinds found out and im worried wether hell find out. Help!
  
  Whats the harm in him finding out? Wouldn't that make things even better? At least then you'd know if you were wasting your time,or if he feels the same? Lifes too short to play games - it may not be as you planned - but hey - be spontaneous! Go for it!
  
  
• Hi, i wrote to you about my guy troubles - him getting a girlfriend when i thought he was going to ask me out, well anyway i took your advice and tried to move on until the other day i met a new girl where i work and i started talking to her n she was telling me bout her sisters ex boyfriend who got obsessed with her sister and threatened to kill himself when she split up with him and even tried to have a baby with the girl to make her stay with him, and i asked his name and it turned out to be the boy that i used to like, and since him and his girl split he's back after me flirting again! I don't know if i can look at him in the same light since what i've heard because he sounds like a really complicated lad, and no way looking to have a baby or an obsessive boyfriend! I don't want to be a rebound girl either or just someone to show his ex he's moved on, but i do still have that soft spot for him and if he asked me out i don't no if i could say no! What should i do little elf? cuz i know i still really like him!
  
  I think you have to take a step back - look at the facts - and say no. You are telling me you don't want what he's after - so why not look for someone whose looking to give what you are asking? What would you suggest a friend did in your situation? Why make life complicated? Just accept that you have a soft spot for him, and leave it at that. You deserve much better. Take care.
  
  
• hi, im really worried. I have had boyfriends and stuff and I imagine growing old and marrying a guy, but I also get really turned on by girls. I also have fantasies about them. What is wrong with me? I know this is wrong and i feel sick after i do but i just cant help it. Please help me
  
  Why do you think there is something wrong with you? Its perfectly normal to be experimenting, and finding out what excites you. If you don't try - you won't know! As long as you are comfortable in what you are doing, and enjoy it, then wheres the harm? You may wish to question your reasons at feeling its wrong - and for feeling sick too. Why not accept what makes you tick? Take care, and remember - there is no "normal" - we are all individuals - with personal qualities.
  
  
• Hi, I have just got back together with my girlfriend of 4 years who i have a daughter with. We only broke up for 3 weeks and she never told me she was sharing her bed with another bloke straight after we broke up. She reasontly told me she was pregnant again but i grew suspiciouse of her because she always avoided the subject so i took the initiative and rang up the fella that was bedding her and asked him straight when were the times they had sex and it worked out we both had her in the same week! so theres a good chance the babys his. As we werent together at the time its not her fault but i still think about them having sex everytime im with her and cant really be intimate with her either. I still love her but i dont want to bring up another mans child plus she is still talking to this fella almost daily and sending him messages and she says shes not going to be with him anymore but they will stay 'friends' am i a mug? i dont no.
  
  It seems that the uncertainty is the problem. The facts aren't known - therefore you don't know how you feel, as you don't know what the whole story is - which is fair enough. I think its time for the serious stuff - and for testing to be done to know for sure. At least then you have the information you deserve, and can decide what to do next? Have you told your girlfriend how her contact with this guy makes you feel? Does she know whats going on in your head? Have you been open and honest with her? It may be an idea to get together and get your cards on the table and say it as it is? You deserve the best in life - and to have trust and honesty in a relationship. Why settle for less? What would you suggest someone else do in your situation? What is stopping you doing the same? Take care, and take time to think about things before you act on them. All the best.
  
  
• Hello Little Elf... These past few weeks ive been feeling really depressed and stressed out. i dont no why though im so fed up of being the way i am even though there is nothing wrong with me i wish i could move somewhere i start again if i told you most of my reasons im pretty sure you would get fed up of reading the situation please get back 2 me asap Take Care
  
  OK - sounds like you need an MOT! If you were to move away you would only find yourself in the same situation - as you wouldn't have dealt with what was going on for you. So - its time to accept that - and to find ways of moving on in your life - but staying put. And it is possible, and the results will enable you to be content in yourself. There may be things which you need to address, and deal with - in order to move on. You may need to delve into areas which are uncomfortable in order to move on. You may need to do things you really don't feel you want to, or can - but think about the end result. Think of a life where you can just live - without feeling held back. Where you can enjoy each moment. It may be a good idea to get someone to help you in this process, as it may be a time where you need some moral support? Sometimes there doesn't need to be an "issue" of why we feel depressed - but sometimes we feel stuck in a rut, and thats when we need to make changes - which can feel daunting. Changes can be exciting though - as if you make small, realistic goals, and reach them - its easier to move on to the next task you set yourself. Why not make a plan of where you want to be, and what you want to be doing? Make a list of things you can do, to get to these places in your life. Then take each step carefully - and work out whats stopping you. Try to think of all the positives. It may help to talk with professionals if you need specific info - such as career guidance, your gp/nurse etc. But why wait? You deserve the best in life - so why not get it? Take care
  
  
• Hey. I met this guy like 6 months ago and we got on like a house on fire! everythin was going good, we'd see eachother all the time and stuff and we'd talk to eachother at the bus stop and his sister always told me how much he fancied me and that i reminded him of his ex girlfriend he had to leave behind when he moved to my town and he'd always make time for me, like when i saw him around college he give me gorgeous smiles and waves, i was convinced he was going to ask me out and even if he didn't i was so confident he liked me that i would have asked him out myself until college finished and i hardly saw him, id always look for him when i was out but didn't see him for like a month, and then his sister told me he had a girlfriend now! I asked why he didn't ask me out and she said he thought i wasn't interested but i soo was and thought i showed it, but i was new at that type of thing so maybe i didn't flirt outrageously but i did make it ovious! neway im gutted he has a girlfriend and i really want to be with him but i respect the fact that hes taken but i saw him the other day and he was still lovely with me, putting his arm around me and stuff so i dont no what to do now coz i cant stop thinkin bout him but i dont want to steel him from his girl! Help!
  
  Difficult one. You should have lived for the moment - and taken the chance when you first had it - life's too short! But its never too late. You can learn from that - and continue living like it from now. So - he's with another girl now - and you do right to respect it. Could you bear to get on with your life, adn try and accept that he's not available, and find someone who is? Not easy - but the right thing to do. Things happen for a reason - and who knows what the future holds! You don't want to cause a nasty break up - it needs to happen, when its the right time. At least you have found someone you like - what a lovely feeling - its just the timing that needs to be right now! Take a deep breath - and keep living your life. All the v best.
  
  
• I have recently just got back with my girlfriend, we went out for 5 months at the beginning of the year and in that time she cheated on me with 3 boys. Now we are back together I just cant seem to trust her. I looked at her fone and there where text messages off her ex on there but I could not read them, I only saw that she had recieved messages from him. Should I say something to her or just end it now? Or am i just being paranoid?
  
  If you don't have trust in your relationship - then it won't work out - and the best thing may be, is to take a step back - and look at what you've got. You know what you want to do - as only you have the answer. It's a matter of taking action on your true feelings. Take care, and there will be your match somewhere out there. Life's too short - so live each day as it comes. You deserve the best.
  
  
• hi little elf i am a teenager and i am over weight i mean im not like 15 stone or anything but im bout a stone over weight, well, thats what i think is it possible that i could lose between 7lbs and 1st in 5 to 4 weeks
  
  You are a teenager - and should be looking at being who you are - and at what shape your body is made to be. If you think you a little overweight - why not try doing a bit more through the day to keep active - and also to think about what you're eating? Try to make sure you have 3 good proper meals, and get all your fruit and veg etc. You need to start eating in such a way that will keep you fit and healthy, for a long term - not just for a quick fix, as this will only cause further problems. I know its the time of year people are wanting to loose weight for Christmas, but to do something long term, a quick fix is not the right thing. Take care.
  
  
• Hiya, I have a three month old daughter and thats kind of the problem. Last year i had an abortion at 22 weeks. i now have a three month old daughter and i am feeling so guilty that i took my babies life away from it. i feel asthough what right did i have to take this babies life when it could have had one like my daughter. the situation at the time was alot different the father didnt want to know and i know i did the right thing but i just cant get this guilt out of my head. whenever i try and talk about it i get so upset that i cant speak for crying. my doctor has given me some anti depressants but i cant see how taking a pill once a day is gonna make me feel better. i have tried councelling before for a different issue and i felt alot better talking to someone. im just wondering wether i carry on with these pills, go councelling or try both? thanks for your time
  
  You're right. A pill can only do so much. It sounds like you need to talk about whats going on for you - and let out all of those thoughts and feelings. This will be a good step forward - as you need some way of releasing all the emotions. Once you have done this - and it won't be easy - as it will bring back some moments you may not want to relive - you can then start to accept it - and to find coping methods in order to keep living a good life. So - if you are able to - then get in touch with a counsellor, and see how you get on. I think you'll find it a huge relief. You deserve it. Take care.
  
  
• my best friend told one of my new friends of an old crush in front of me when i specifially asked her not to. it was so embarrassing. shall i tell her how much i hate her for doing that and stay angry? what do i do..i dont trust her now!
  
  Don't hate her, and don't stay angry. This will only make you a bitter person inside. Do tell her how it made you feel though - and ask her why she felt it necessary - after you asked her not to. I'm sure she wouldn't like it if she did it to you. However - to get on in life - its a good idea to accept what she did - let her know how it left you feeling - and move on. Learn from it - so as you remember not to do it to others! Come out of the situation with your head held high, and be a stronger person. Communicate with her - but don't hold a grudge - it may have been a mistake - but lifes too short. Take care
  
  
• hiya little elf i wrote o you a while back now concercing some of my feelings but no im so confussed ive liked this man for many months now and i think im begginging to love him despite what he feels i dont care wha others think im stupid beacuse nohing is going to happen between us but i try not to think about him but i just cant help it i think about him all the time with ou doubt what shall i do little elf??
  
  What should you do? Look at your options. What do they hold - and which are more appealing to yu? Which ones are realistic, and put a smile on your face? Which ones will help you in times to come? Ask yourself - because only you have the answer! Talk it through with your friends. You say you feel you may love him despite how he feels? You deserve to be loved back - and you need to get that as a priority in your life. No matter what. You have control of your feelings. Be aware of them, but you don't have to let them control your life. Take care, and take time to think about things.
  
  
• Oh god I really hope you can help - I can't find help anywhere no matter how much I search the web. Basically my blokes fetish has made me loose all interest in sex, I have no confidence, I feel dead from the waist down - I want to know where I can chat with people like me? Help me please
  
  It may be easier to find people who are unhappy with their relationships? Try not to be too specific about the subject - but it all boils down to the same thing - and as you say its the feeling of not wanting sex. Maybe its loss of interest in your partner - and thats why you feel "dead" from the waist down? Love and sex are natural to us - so if its forced, is it right? Try looking at relationship pages, and see if it helps. All the best.
  
  
• hi little elf i wrot to u before the boys who likes me gave me a bear today for my birthday and my mate who he hates is gettin really jelous and she hasnt talked to me all day or even smiled at me best mates arnt ment to be like that are they?? shes bin talking about me behind my back aswel i think i will just stick the the boy as she is being a total b***h with me! wat do u think??
  
  No - Best friends should be supportive with you. And talking about you behind your back is childish, and disrespectful. Maybe there is something bothering her - which she hasn't mentioned yet? Before you "dump" her - why not get sometime for the 2 of you to sit down and catch up. It may not be what it seems. Have a think - what harm would it be? At least then you can say you tried?
  
  
• i have these 2 best mates and they both like the same boy... and the boy like 1 of them and hates the other but we all hang round together on a night and 1 ov them the 1 hu the boy hates gets reel jelous cos the boy always comes and flirts with da uva gurl and i no that the girl hu he likes ... she likes him 2 and told me not 2 say anything which i dint and yestoday the 1 hu the boy hates found out and she knew that i knew the the nice girl hu he likes liked him all along and she called me a bitch and said i thought you was supossed 2 be my best mate but i sed she is too(1 hu boy likes) but she (he 1 hu boy hates) said yer but i tell you everything what people say about you wen im not supossed 2 well i sed dats ur desicion then in it and now she is realy off with us what shall we do ?
  
  Sit back - and let things be. Remember that you should treat others as you want to be treated. You need to stick together with your friends, and be open and honest with one another. Best friends are worth keeping hold of, and boyfriends come and go - so just remember who your true frinds are. All the best.
  
  
• well my best mate likes this boy and i like him aswel i have liked him for about 4 weeks and shes only just found out. the boy likes me aswel and says to me that he hates my best mate who like him. i want to go out with him as a boyfriend but im afraid that my best mate will fall out with me or will be angry at me but i really like this boy so what shall i do?
  
  I gues you need to work out where your priorities lie. How would you feel if it were the other way round? Is it fair for this guy to "hate" you best friend? Do you want to be with someone you can't share with your mates? I imagine it would make a very difficult relationship as you would have to separate yourself for both people. have you spoken to your best mate about this? I think this is the way to get through it, to find out how she would feel, and then take it from there. All your actions will have consequences, so take your time and don't rush into anything.
  
  
• Okay, ive got myself into a little bit of trouble. I think i may be pregnant. I have no idea what to do about this!! who do I tell ? Where do I go ? What if I am pregnant? Please help me.
  
  Ok - take a deep breath, and get your sensible head on. Go and see your doctor ASAP. Don't be afraid - you're taking mature steps into sorting yourself out, and that will be appreciated. Get the facts first - then you can decide upon what action to take. Is there anyone you feel comfortable in confiding in - as it will help maybe if someone was with you? Or supporting you? Maybe a parent - sibling, or best friend? Don't sit back and worry - there are people to help you - and they will. So - go on, and get yourself sorted out. Take care, and remember - you won't be the first, and won't be the last. It happens. All the very best.
  
  
• Hello little elf, i wrote to you ages ago about being in love with my exes twin bro but being engaged to someone else and having a home and a daughter. You adviced me to be brave and end my current relationship. (Thank you). Unfortunanlty I was a wimp and did the opposite, I got married!!! Oppps. I was a little bit brave in that I contact the guy that I am in love with and confessed all. I half expected him to laugh at me but he actually said that he once had feelings for me too. we stayed in contact for a few months and he told me that i should work on my relationship and move on. So thats what I did and for a while it worked, I started feeling really happy in my relationship and we have even started trying for baby 2. Then out of the blue this morning I start thinking about this guy again and my heart starts aching all over again. To make matters worse about 2 hrs ago I walked smack bang into this guy in the street. As usual he nodded and asked how I am with this really caring loving feeling about him and the usual fireworks go off in my head and I go all weak and mushy. Deep down it hurts to see him. Anyway whole point is I can't have him. I missed my chance (he told me when we were younger that he loved me but I thought he was joking). So now I just need to know how do i truelly get over him? Please help, I desperatly want to be happy with what i've got but my heart belongs to this guy and I feel totally lost.
  
  Your heart belongs to this guy? Doesn't that say it all? It may not be the ideal - but if you don't love your current partner - then isn't that being unfair to him? Doesn't he deserve to have someone love him back - as he loves them? If you do love your current partner, then maybe these feelings are lust, and not love, as you think they are? yes - they're meaningful, and deep, and give you a good feeling inside, but how can it be love? It may be a good idea to take time for yourself, away from everyone, and sit down and think about what it is you want. Realistically. Think about your current life, and your future. How do you see yourself in 5 years time? Who make you happy? What makes you happy? Lifes too short. You only live once - and yes, mistakes are made - but you can learn from them and move on. Take care.
  
  
• Dear Elf, I am currently dating a guy whom I met through a dating agency. I always questioned why he was even registered as he is so attractive and could quite easily get any girl he chooses. But there is truth in the saying 'looks aren't everything'. Over the last week or so I have come to realise that this guy has a fetish, a foot fetish. This first came to light when I was in a bar with him and this woman walked in with opened toed shoes on. His face just dropped and his eyes practically glowed with lust. Here I am, his date and there he is, gawking at this woman's feet, his tongue practically on the floor. I felt really uncomfortable for he was making it very obvious. I felt more embarrassed for the woman, who felt very awkward herself. I’ve decided to not let this bother me too much; I have started wearing open toed shoes, and even resorted to painting my toenails just to keep his focus on me. However, I dread going out with him, in case someone else’s feet attract him. What do you think I should do? I don’t want this to ruin what we have. Am I being selfish?
  
  Selfish? I don't think so. Surely you are just looking after yourself? As you should be? Its self-interest - and if that is forgotten - then you lose sight of who you are, and what matters. Have you spoken to him about it? Would he really want you to do things that you wouldn't really do, just so that he could still be with you? Isn't it whats inside that counts? How would he feel if you had a fetish for nails? Would he start painting them just to please you? If not - then why should you? If its an unreasonable and wrong obsession, then he needs help. You say you have realised he has a fetish - have you asked him? You may be assuming? At least give him the opportunity to give his opinion. Take care, and look after number one. You.
  
  
• Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for 2 years and we never seem to do anything exciting. I keeo finishing him because i get bored and i want to have fun but i really think i like him. I want our "relationship to be more exciting but how do i make it exciting when still sticking by the boundries of no sex?
  
  Its good that you are sticking to boundaries - as that in itself is exciting! There are lots of things to do - without having sex, which will still bring your relationship closer. Time spent going to special places, having deep and meaningful conversations, and just being together in silence - can often help keep things exciting - as they are unique to you as a couple. If you did have sex - then what next? Its done then - and what have you achieved? Nothing. Take care.
  
  
• I have had the most horrible week of my life. My boyfirend and i are boarders at this school and Last thursday we had a fight & on Friday we made up, great right?? NOT! we went to talk at the classroom block( which I only found out recently is out of bounds at night.) Well, we got a little carried away talking and ended up coming back late after curfew. Well this where the **** hits the fan. Obviously when you see a girlfriend and boyfriend coming from the classroom block after curfew at night the whole thing becomes a big issue. So me and my boyfriend end up in the office in big **** and now Im supposed to tell my mom what happened or the school administration will. please help
  
  Help? Take courage that you are not the only one that has been in this mess - and won't be the last. Kids make mistakes, and do things they probably shouldn't - its just how you deal with the situation. It seems like you appreciate you were in the wrong - and hopefully won't do it again? If this is the case - then its a matter of accepting what you did was wrong - acknowledging it to yourself and your parents, and apologising. And meaning it. Its better if it comes from you, as it will mean more to your parents. They may not take it well at first - but be open and honest, and they should forgive and move on. Take care and be brave. It'll be worth it, and you'll be much better at the end of it all.
  
  
• Hi, I'm feeling really down and just needed to get this off my chest and ask for some advice. My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other on and off for months now. Her mother sadly died last month, and my girlfriend briefly got back together with her ex-boyfriend. During this time, we still stayed in touch, and soon realised that we missed each other like mad, and she had made the wrong decision, and we got back together, vowing to make a proper go of it, rather than the casual natured relationship we had before her mother's death. We had been seeing each other for a few weeks seriously, and things were good, though my girlfriend was deeply upset by her loss, and would often create arguements from nothing. These however, were nothing big, and we got over them rapidly. She has however, been hitting the drink pretty heavily since that time, and last week, her doctor recommended she go to a therapist, to get things off her chest, and see if it would do any good. I was in England last week to visit family, and the times i spoke to her on the phone, she seemed distant and wasn't as chatty as usual. She also refuses to tell me how her therapist visit went, all she says is "ok". I'm wondering if her therapist has warned her off me, becuase last week, i got a phone call from my girlfriend saying she needed some space and couldn't be with me. I know she is a bit mixed up, but i can't believe she has done this. I have been there for her all through these trying times, and comforted her every time she needed it, and know that I am as good for her, as she is for me. I am wondering what I should do, I really want to be with her, I haven't told her yet as I feared it was too soon, but I feel like I'm falling in love with her, or already in love with her, but I dont know if telling her would be a boost, or the opposite, and mess her up even more. What do you think I should do, I desperatley want to get back with her, and help her get back to her usual bubbly self.
  
  OK - well, the good news is, that she is on the right road - by seeing a therapist. This will help her decide who she is again - and what she wants etc. Its important that you respect her privacy - as hard as it may be - and don't ask any questions about her sessions. Thats her private space - and very important. Its also good (and again may not seem it) - that she is asking for some space. It will enable her to take time to relax - and to learn who she is - and what she is about. When she gets past this stage, she will appreciate you stepping to one side - and letting her deal with things as she needs to - and then you should be able to rekindle your relationship. I think it may be too much to say you are in love with her - as this may complicate things - despite how she feels about you. She really needs to focus on what she feels and knows now. However - in saying that - it may help to tell her you have strong feelings for her - and that you will support her, and do what she needs you to do - in order to come through this and continue with her life? Its not an easy one for you - but try to let her have time to deal with whats going on - and also - try to make sure you still get out and live, and enjoy your life. Take care.
  
  
• i am asian and i live in england but i feel so down because at my school i can't help feel jealousy when all the non asian girls have fun and all the boys flirt with them and they seem so much into fashion yet i'm not really and i feel angry because my best friend is pretty, white and clever and i know this is bad to feel this for someone but there is this boy who i think i like and everyone knows he likes me but hes too scared to ask me out or anything maybe i should forget it and get on with life and work hard then i'll have a good future???
  
  Jealousy can be a big problem - so its important that you deal with that aspect of your life first. Its a "normal" emotion, that many people have - but the important thing, is how you cope with it. Its all about accepting that that is what you are feeling, and moving forward. You say that all the non-asian girls are having fun - it may seem like that on the outside - but don't be disillusioned by it. If you were to look under the surface - it will more likely be a different story. Colour, race and looks are all part of ones makeup, and unique and different. Its about accepting who you are, and finding out your strengths and weaknesses. If looks are important - then you need to think what that means. Would you want someone to be with you because of how you look, or because of what make you who you are? like your personality and character? Try writing down a list of all the positive things about you - and focus on them. Make the most of all your good points, and lessen the bad ones. This should help build up yoru confidence, and help you develop into the unique person that you are intended to be. As for the guy who is interested in you - let him ask you when he feels its the right time - then he will feel comfortable, and be himself. Enjoy, and take care.
  
  
• My boyfriend and I have been together for years. I have been hinting for a while that I would like more commitment, for example living together or getting engaged. My boyfriend does not want to do these as he says there are still things he wants to do, like travelling. I;ve told him that being engaged or living togetgher doesn't stp you doing those things, it just means we are moving foward together, but he doesn't want to. I know we are young but we have been together for years and are very serious. He has said many times that he wants to marry me but I'm scared that in another few years he'll be saying the same thing, that there;s things he wants to do. I love him so much and I'd be heartbroken if we broke up. We have a very mature relationship. I really want to move foward but he says he's not ready yet. I really want to live together. I don't want to get married now, I'm not asking to, I just want more commitment. I wanted to know if i'm being unreasonable or if I shouldn't put up with having to wait so long. Please help.
  
  Why is it you feel you want more commitment? What is wrong in your relationship now, that you feel needs changing? what will getting engaged acheive, if he isn't ready? You are comfortable with being "settled" in a relationship, but everyones different, and handle things in their own way. Don't read his emotions in a bad way - he's not saying he wants to be on his own. He's saying he's comfortable with how things are at the moment, and when the time is right - he'll move onto the next stage. Wouldn't you rather he did things because he wanted to, as opposed to doing them as he felt forced to? That would be for the wrong reasons - and would alter your relationship in a negative way. Maybe you could look at yourself - and ask yourself why you need him to commit. Is it low self-esteem? Low confidence? Try to remember that he is with YOU, and has been for a long time - which at your age is very commendable! If you push things - theres a fear you may lose him - so try to accept what he wants - and learn to cope with it - and who knows what the future will bring. Relax, and enjoy what you have. Live for the moment.
  
  
• Dear Lil' elf. I was recently out with my best friend at this club I attend for Horseback archery. It was a lot of fun, and I've been going for nearly six months now. My ex boyfriend turned up and started showing off by saying that he could do horseback archery easily and that there wasn't anything to it. He picked up a bow and arrow and shot an arrow at random towars my horse. My horse, a beautiful white stallion called Arian, reared up and began to go mental. I wasn't on him, but he crashed through a gate and landed badly, so badly he broke his leg. Arian had to be shot because he'd broken his leg, and I've never forgiven him since for what he did. My actions were unforgiveable too: I ended up beating the holy hell out of him until my best friend had to pull me out of range of him. I still feel white hot anger whenever I see him now, and just want him to die for what he did to Arian. What do I do? I'd never had anger problems until then.
  
  Anger is a risky, and dangerous weapon - and it needs to be handled with, and dealt with carefully. Its all about forgiveness, and coping mechanisms. What happened was very sad, and your feelings are understandable - but you need to try and accept what happened, as terrible as it was, and to keep going with your life. Anger and bitter people are very difficult, and don't often have a good life - so its important you deal with yours as soon as, so that you can get back to your usual self. Have you spoken with people about it - to express your emotions? Or written it down? It often helps to scribble down your feelings, as a way of letting your emotions out. It may also help to think about the consequences of the actions you want to take. Have you thought about forgiving what he did, and trying to let go? It may seem like the last thing that you want to do, but its may be the answer? There are lots of guides, and helplines to do with anger management, so have a read, and see if there are ways that will help you out. Take care, and take positive action. All the very best.
  
  
• Dear Little Elf. I posted a dilemma a few months ago about my boyfriend never hanging out with me, but now we've broken up. The thing is, we broke up because his best friend was being a real moron, and asking me to sleep with him. When I declined and told my boyfriend, he dumped me, saying he believe his friend over me. I've since moved on and am happy with my current boyfriend. Thing is, my ex is really annoying me and saying it'll never work since my boyfriend is older than me. What can I do without slapping him as hard as possible? Thanks!
  
  Its sounds like you ex doesn't like you being with someone else - so tread carefully so as not to upset him too much. However you don't need to be upset by him either - so just let him say his piece - thank him very much for his information, and walk away. You are with someone else - and if you are happy - then sit back, relax, and enjoy your current relationship. Boyfriends come and go - its part of life, but you may as well enjoy the present, and worry about the future when you get to it! Take care.
  
  
• Hey i have this friend and lately she's been really attached to me, for example she hugs me and puts her arms around me and there is time's when she's told me she loved me and before i started to notice this she did these little things like spending time alone with me and telling me really personal things i didnt think til a few months ago that she could be a lesbian, but i dont know for sure that she is and she's very fragile ,so i dont think i could say to her that she's too attached to me or ask her if she is a lesbian without upsetting her and thats the last thing i want to do and also she gets really jealous when im with my over friends,could you please help me?
  
  OK - I'm not exactly sure what it is you want me to help you with - but I imagine you are not feling comfortable with your friend being so "close" to you? Have you mentioned anything to her - or left it to see what happened? Its important you let her know that you like her as a friend - and a friend only. Let her know that her actions make you feel uncomfortable - and you want her to be around - but not in that way? It may help to let her know that you aren't a lesbian - and that you don't mind if she is, but don't want to play in that part of her life? Be sensitive, and take your time, and you are right in saying how you feel. All the best.
  
  
• Me and my best friend hav been best friends 4 nerly a year now but we hardly knew eachother and now i am beginning to see what she's really like. shes ded nice and funny but other times she makes things up like she pretends she goes and meets lads on her own to make me feel guilty and want to come to town with her and she once made up a fake msn account pretendin 2 be really pretty to talk to loadsa boys n its not jus things 2 do wiv lads eitha its anything and just loadsa stuff lyk tht n im getting sik of it. maybe its because she dusnt get enough attention at home which she doesn't but lyk i tryed helping with that but she just does sumfin 2 annoy me again lyk organising to go shopping with me and then going with some one else without telling me shes not coming with me anymore. im gettin realy sik of it and my mam doesnt even like her either because she thinks shes a bad example on me because ive started doing things that i never used to like smoking and stuff and my mate doesn't like to hang round with our group of mates anymore because they got sik of her and what she does and told her where to go and now i can't choose. if i choose her then i will go mad just hanging round with her and her lying all the time but if i choose them then i will be the only one without a best frend and stuff and i will feel guilty but my other mates have tried given her lots of other chances but she throws it bk in there faces somehow. i just don't know what to do because my lyk 2nd best friend who always helps me in these situations is now about to move away and im going to be unable to stand up 2 my best mate when she tries to use me and stuff. you probably think my best mate sounds really bad but lyk shes really nice at other times too itz just coz i hvnt listed the good things here! helppppp!
  
  I think you know what to do - but just haven't done it yet. You have given her a chance, and she hasn't taken it. You have seen how she behaves, and don't like it - so leave her be. Don't be unkind - just take steps to go in the direction of your life you want, and feel happy in. No one deserves to be treated badly - especially by a friend. Take a deep breath - and think how you would advise others in your shoes? Whats stopping you from making those changes yourself? You deserve to be treated how you treat others, and if you're not - walk away. Take care.
  
  
• I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, I love him more than I ever could image I would love anyone, and I know he loves me too. I would love to get married one day. When we first got together we spoke about it and at the time we both decided we didn't see the point. I have told him that it now would mean a lot to me but when I mention it to him he says that it's a waste of money and we shouldn't have to have a wedding to let everyone know how much we love eachother, as long as we know how we feel it's fine. I understand where he's coming from but how do I let him see how important it is now to me? He has said to me that if I want to that much than he would, but I don't want him to just because I want to. Should I forget about the idea? I don't want to loose him over something like this and I also don't want to seem like the nagging girlfriend either! I don't know what to do! Please help lttle Elf! Thanks.
  
  When the time is right - it will happen. Things that happen naturally are meant to be. Try to live for the here and now - and for the moment. Relax, and enjoy the special relationship you have with him now. Its an issue that shouldn't be pushed - on either side. So whilst you are eager to get married soon, whats the harm in waiting? Wouldn't it be better to do it when you are both ready? Take care and don't be impatient! Enjoy!
  
  
• My son is 9 years old and got brought home recently by the police. It was a vey minor matter and in the end had not actually done anything. Never the less I was mortified. He has always been brought up properly. I give advice to people every day about these matters but can't seem to give myself any advice. I've had a good talk with him but i can't stop thinking about it. Any independent advice?
  
  OK - so what would you tell someone else to do - if it was them in your situation? You are bound to keep thinking about it, as its an important issue in you life right now. You mention him being brought up well - but it is often others influences that is over powering, and can be used in bullying ways - to make others behave in different ways to which they would do normally. You say you have spoken to him - how about you let him talk with you. Try to encourage him to relax, and take his mind off the troubles, and find things he enjoys doing, that you can be a part of somehow? Being 9 can't be easy, so try to support him in what he wants to do, and just be there - thats all I can suggest at this time. Also - have confidence in your parenting skills, and reassure yourselves that its normal, and that people only learn from their mistakes.
  
  
• my daughter got into some trouble a few weeks ago, and since then she had been locking herself in her room from when her father comes home from work at 7pm until the next morning until he goes at 8.30am is this normal behavior for a teenager?
  
  I don't think teenagers have a normal behaviour! She may need to be reassured that shes been forgiven for her wrong doings - and that the slate is clean again? She may be feeling afraid still - and possiby embarrassed? How about taking her out and getting her to relax a bit? Have she and her Father spoken since? It may be a case of him taking some time to knock down the bricks between them? Bear with it, and encourage her to open up. Take care and all the very best.
  
  
• i think i like a boy well i have liked him for quite a long time now and i told my friends that i did not like him anymore more but when i say like im i dont no what i mean like when he txt me my heart felt warm and like i was the happiest girl on the world n i my friend said 2 me on my own that she thought that was love but the other week a few days after i told my firends that i did not like this boy one of my best friends said that she liked him and my face just dropped i did not no what to think or say and no this boy is coming between our friendship because he says to all his mates that he likes me loads better than her and he says 2 me on the fone that shes hairy and calls her names and that he hates her n that but he said a week ago that he liked her better than me beacuse some of his friends were there but he like twists everything but now beacuse some of his mates did not call 4 him in a morning he has fallen out with them all beacuse 2 of his mates who r propa luvley came out with us and i think hes just playin me what would you do????
  
  What would I do? Well, if he talks about your friend so cruely behind her back - then I'd keep well away. Whats to say he's not saying similar things about you to someone else? He needs to think about what hes saying and what impact it has. Would you want to be seeing someone who slagged people off? Is he perfect or something? What gives him the right to be so horrible? Sorry - but you asked what I'd do!! try having a think about who you like. Both as friends and as more. Friends are hard to come by - and they are worth keeping when you find a good one. They'll be there for you no matter what. Treat others as you want to be treated, and see who stays with you. Just take a back seat - and observe whats happening. You may learn things you were unaware of, which may help you choose what you want to do. Take care.
  
  
• Hey Little Elf. I think I'm in love with my boyfriend. But I don't know. How do you know if you're in love with someone? Everytime he touches me i feel on fire and when he kisses me it feels like magic. Our hands fit together perfectly and he holds me like he never wants to let go. I've only been with him a short while but I think I love him, like I said. There isn't a minute of the day goes by and I don't think about him. He's the first thing I think of when i wake up and the last thing I think about when I got to bed. Can you help me figure out my feelings Little Elf? Cheers
  
  What a wonderful situation! YOu must be on top of the world! You've asked me to figure out your feelings - but I can't do that. However - you can! Do you need to put a title to your emotions and feelings? Can't they just simply "be"? If its love - its love - if its not, isn't it just as good anyway? You have only been with him a while - but thats neither her or there. You feel how you feel - and hey - just enjoy it! Try to think about the here and now - relax, and live for the moment! You're very lucky to have such feelings about someone. Take care!
  
  
• I recently went to University and made a lot of friends. I met one boy who was a friend of my flatmate and we hit it off straight away and became very close friends. After a few weeks however, he came to our flat one night and started asking me questions about my relationship with my boyfriend. I found this quite strange but I answered them anyway. He then went on to ask if I was single, would I become his girlfriend, and would I be willing to finish with my boyfriend for him. I told him no. The next day he began to send me nasty text messages saying I was lying to myself, that he knew I liked him as more than a friend and that my boyfriend was far too good for me. I'm really upset because I really valued his friendship - we are from the same part of the country and being with him reminded me of home. I've asked this boy three times whether we could forget this ever happened and go back to being friends, but he says he wants to talk about it face to face. Yet whenever he comes to the flat, he just ignores me. I am missing his friendship. What should I do?
  
  Its a shame that you had made such a good friendship with him - but it makes me wonder what his true intentions were whilst this was happening. You have done your part - in asking him to keep the friendship - and he doesn't appear to have taken it in. So - it might be an idea to carry on with your life - and make new friends. You deserve to be treated better, and no one should receive nasty text messages - especially from a so called friend. You know what you want and you know how you feel, and theres a danger that he could tap into these and try to control them so that you change your mind. Just be aware of this, and keep him to one side. Take care - and think what you would advise others to do in your place.
  
  
• I have recently met a wonderful man it was clear from the start that we had something specail and he said that he felt the same. The thing is he has alot of baggage and has now asked me if he can have some time to clear his head. He states that he will then be a total person and not the bit i've seen. I am prepared to wait for him and do understand, but the thing is i really miss him and wonder if he will ever come back to me.
  
  The good thing is that he is aware of whats going on for him, and that he is being open and honest with his feelings - and sharing them with you. Thats something very special in itself. Have you told him how you feel? He may not be aware of how strong your feelings are - despite what he's told you? He may need support, and encouragement - that what he did was right - and that you are there for him. Tell him that you are unsure if he will return, and see how he reacts. Ask for his honesty - and that if he isn't coming back - to tell you so that you can deal with it and get on with your life - its only fair he lets you know where you stand. Try to be reasonable, as it sounds like you are, and be confident in yourself. Take care
  
  
• I was seeing this guy for 8months on and off and am in love with him. But everytime we tried to give it a proper go, we always ended up arguing and splitting up. Im now with someone else who i really like but the other guy is now telling me he loves me and wants to be with me. I do like my boyfriend a lot but love my ex. Do i stay in my current relationship which is stable and secure, or be with the one i love and risk it all falling apart again. Im so confused. Please help.
  
  OK - re-read what you wrote. What does it say to you? Or, to put it another way - how would you advise a friend in your situation? You use the word love - in connection with your ex. Is this the right word to use? If you take everything into account? e.g the arguements etc? And your current boyfriend - is it early stages where love may grow? How about you take some time to have for yourself - and think where your life is going? And what you want? Also - to think about what makes you happy, and who makes you happy - and comfortable in being yourself? Tough questions - but if somethings worth doing - its worth doing properly. Take care - and try and talk to your friends about it - to release the thoughts from your head - it will help clear the path! All the best.
  
  
• I have got a problem concerning my boyfriend. We have already known each other for quite a long time, but we have only been going out together for a few weeks. He’s my own age. We are often hanging out together but sometimes, especially when I see him chatting with his friends, he doesn’t pay any attention to me. The only thing he does is to give me a short glance, but then he keeps on ignoring me. It also seems like he doesn’t talk to his friends about me at all and I really feel like he’s ashamed of being my friend. On the other side, as soon as he’s alone with me he completely seems to take care of me. He gives me the feeling I was the most important thing on earth. Well, all in all he seems to be a split personality and my question to you is: what could I do to solve this problem? I want my boyfriend to accept the relation between the two of us so that we can enjoy being together in public environment as well. But you should also be aware that I’ve already tried talking to him about my concern, but his answer was that he didn’t realise anything about this. Well, I didn’t want to offend him, so I quickly changed topics. Do you have any advice on how I should handle this?
  
  OK - so now he has been told how you feel - it may need some pushing - as you are still clearly uncomfortable with it? however - saying that - you need to work out your side of it, and why you are unhappy he isn't parading around singing your praises? It could be your lack of confidence and self-esteem, which you are showing, but passing across as his problem? How about you stop and think about why you need to know he is talking to his friends about you? It may be a good thing - as its a private matter - and he does show his affection for you when he's with you. How is he when you are out with his friends? Does he treat you the same way? Have a think about it - and try to find the positive in the situation. Also - do try and look at your life - and the way you feel about things - and give it some question. You may find something else to look at and work on. Take care, chat to others about it - and enjoy the fact that you have found a decent bloke! All the best.
  
  
• First excuse my spelling mistakes, I'm German. I need help. I've already talked to my friends and my mother, but they didn't really have a good and realistic advice. So now I hope you've got some useful advices for me. My situation is like this: My boyfriend went abroad one year, two months ago. We went out together for a few weeks, but we split up when he flew abroad, because we hadn't been sure whether we will meet some other partner in the next few months. At the beginning we wrote e-mails every day and it seemed that he still wanted to go out with me when he would be back. On the one hand he wrote that he made new friends, but the strange thing is that these friends are only girls. Especially there's this one girl. He plays tennis with her twice a week and it seems to me that there's more than playing tennis, but on the other hand he assured that he still loves me. But I have to confess that I'm really jealous of the girl and I'm asking myself whether it had been a fault to split up because we both were and still are sad about ending relationship. I miss him so much and I'm sure that I'll still love him next year. So what can I do to keep the relationship going?
  
  To keep it going - its important you are sure you want to. Despite another girl appearing on the scene - what are your true feelings? Regardless of this? Its important to carry on with your current life - and to keep doing things that make you happy - and that will help your future. Being jealous isn't a nice feeling, and it may be a chance to look at your confidence levels, and self-esteem, and maybe work at improving them? You are you - and a very special individual- with special qualities, and skills that are unique to you. So why not concentrate on them, and stand up - be proud - and see how you feel about the future? Take care.
  
  
• hey. i am usually a happy person but lately ive been feeling socially trapped i feel like im wasting my life by not going out enough when i do actually go out (usually once a week) i have a good time and enjoy a laugh but on the weekdays i dont see my friends as they live to far away and know one i know lives in my area. i feel like i cant talk to anyone as my mom doesnt seem to care about my problems anymore and often restricts me. i feel that if i dont get out more im just going to end up wasting my life, letting oppurtunities slip by and end up being alone for the most of my life. i cant seem to stop crying and usually cry about 2 times a day at the least for the smallest of things often. this never used to be a problem and i used to love my life now i often wish i was someone else or i had a totally different life. i often think work is what is affecting me but i dont want to give it up as it means too much. i feel like life is passing me by. its really beginning to get to me and i need to talk to someone but i feel like noone will understand.
  
  If you want all these changes - whats stopping you from making them? Even small changes make a difference. You mention that your mum isn't interested - is that the case, or is it because you have stopped communicating with her? Being on your own doesn't mean you are alone. It often is quality time to take for you. To relax, chill out - and just be you. Its time to think about things that have happened - to learn from your experiences, and to plan the future! Next time you find yourself in tears - stop - and ask yourself why. Write it down - and see if there's a pattern - or something common thats bothering you? This will help you focus on a problem area, and enable you to start improving things? Only you can live your life - and if you aren't happy - then make some changes! Try to talk more with your Mum - or friends, and keep in touch. You may not be able to see your friends through the week - but you can ring them/text them. Try to find things to do through the week - things that you enjoy - things that may help build you up for your future? Theres no time like the present! It may help to write a journal about your thoughts and feelings - as a way of expressing them? Give it a go and see how you get on. All the best - and remember - you are not alone - and you are not the only one who goes through these tough times - there is light at the end of the tunnel though! Take care.
  
  
• Hi im in a very serious relationship and am living with that person, but i think i rushed into it and im starting to realise my mistake because i think im falling in love with someone else and i cant stop, i feel trapped and alone - the person i normaly talk to about my problems is the person im falling in love with - what do i do?
  
  Time to stop and think. If you are not where you want to be - both physically, and emotionally - then its time to make some changes. You only live once, and need to make sure you make the most of your happy life!! It may be a good idea to move away for a few days - and be on your own, and think where life is taking you - and what you want etc. Things change in time, and its good to be careful not to rush into anything too fast. While you may feel you're falling in love again - what happened the first time? Are the feelings with your current man non existant? Maybe being single for a while will help make some decisions about your future. All the very best.
  
  
• Me and my boyfriend have been together for about half a year now, i was seeing him before that until he dumped me for another girl and then started seeing me again while he was together with her. He lied a lot to me and hurt me but in the end, he made it right. He went on holiday and I think he cheated on me. It's really getting me down. There have been signs that he cheated on me on holiday but every time he says he hasnt. I dont believe him and it's really getting to me. I'm never going to find out the truth.. please help!
  
  You gave him a second chance - and by the sounds of it - he has taken advantage of your generous side, and let you down again. Is it worth it? Do you deserve better? Of course you do. You deserve to be treated as you treat others. You deserve love and respect, truth and honesty. Is that happening? So - to help, would be to help yourself - and move away, and move on. Its getting you down, and needn't try to start accepting that he won't change, and that he's not right for you. Trust is missing here, so have some time to yourself - find your feet again, do things that make you happy, and see where the new road leads you. Take care, and stand up for yourself.
  
  
• I have a friend who used to be very happy then last year she started getting loads of boyfriends, wearing a lot of makeup and generally acting a little too promiscuous but now she isnt eating properly, is way too thin and her works getting worse. She snaps at people when they say something that was meant to be a joke, or maybe at a slight critism i was thinking she might be depressed is there anything i can do that might help?
  
  First of all - your friend is very lucky to have such a friend like you. Its so good that you have acknowledged changes in your friend, and that they may not be very good ones. So - yes, there are things that you can do to help. Be there for her - listen to her, try and encourage her to open up about whats going on for her, and try not to pass judgement. Its your role to listen and to say how you see it. It may also help to ask her to see it from your view - and ask her what she would do in your shoes? She may not be aware of how she is coming across to you - so be careful, and don't jump in. Give her time to think about things and space to work things out. There may be a lot, or there may be a little - perhaps she needs to talk it through. Don't be offended if its not you she chooses to discuss it with - as its important she feels comfortable with that person. Try to keep living your life - and don't let her behaviour get you down. Talk it through yourself with others, and get some time for yourself too. Take care, and all the best.
  
  
• hi, im a girl and have a good life. generally im happy and have a great best friend who is also a wonderful boyfriend. lately however,i get these feelings that i can only describe as depression. the terrible thing is that i enjoy the feeling of losing control and becomong tearful and having worrying and dangerous thoughts. i am afraid that if this continues i will do something stupid and unecessary. i cant seem to think why i have these moods and it is really getting to me. im too scared to tell my boyfriend incase he over reacts, and i feel guilty because i keep being so moody with him. why am i feeling like this so often and what is causing it? please help me???
  
  Its so good that you have been aware of whats going on - and taken action to sort it out before it gets any worse, so fair play to you. You're on the right path by seeking help, and that can only be commended. Its hard for me to say whats going on for you - but its something that you will know. It may be a case of taking some time for yourself - and finding out whats really going on - or whats happened in the past - or any worries you have about the future, both near and far. Sometimes we have something on our minds which is easy to spot - but other times, it isn't what it may first seem. It could be a matter of hormones? Or stress related? I think it may be a good idea to get yourself a quick MOT from the nurses, blood tests etc, so that they can see how you are physically. If all is well, then it may be time to go and have a chat with someone who can listen, and help you go through whats on your mind. Be positive, keep socialising, and take care. All the very best.
  
  
• Hi, this isn't much really but i was just wondering how other than paracetomal (cant spell that) do you get rid of period pains!?!? thanks
  
  You will never get rid of them! However - you can find ways of coping better! There are some exercises that ease it - stretches etc, heat pads, hot water bottles may help too. Painkillers won't get rid of the pains - they just numb them. Try to concentrate on other things and try and minimise the time spent agonising over the pain. Have happy thoughts that its only for 5 days or so! Sorry i don't have a magic wand!
  
  
• I am recently married but have been with my other half for over 10 years and we have had a virtually non existent sex life for years... Recently I met a wonderful man who made a pass at me which I rejected at first. we have since met again and I couldn't resist kissing him this time. He now says that he just wants to be friends but keeps emailing me everyday. I'm not sure if he has gone off me or if his distance is because I am married - he is always the one to initiate the emails...
  
  I'm not sure what it is you are asking of me! You are in a dangerous and vulnerable position. I think first it may be a good time to look at the present - and at what you have now. Your husband. How is your relationship? If you are happy with him, and still see a future with him - maybe you could spend some time trying to create more excitement? You are married, and it would be unfair to start something with this other guy. If you are unhappy with your husband, then deal with that situation first - and do the right thing, and be open and honest about how you feel. Then give yourself time to get used to the changes and see what you want to do next. You are in no position to give yourself to this other guy, and will regret it if you do. You deserve better - and deserve not to be his little bit on the side - and vice versa. Exciting as it may seem, you can add that spark in your current relationship if you gave it a go? So - give yourself some time to think about what it is YOU want - and go for it. Lifes too short, but be careful, and don't make any rash decisions. Things take time if they're worth it.
  
  
• I have been married for over 20 years, I thought my marriage was fine, my husband had a secret mobile phone which i found, there was disgusting text messages on it, i phoned the woman and she told me he had put an advert in the local paper seeking women for sex and fun, she said she had never met him but she thought it was no worse then looking at porn. He begs forgiveness and says he would never have met her and swears that he has never had sex with anyone else, do i divorce him?
  
  Time for a bit of honesty and trust i think? He says he never would have met her - but he thought of it. Maybe he was just making sure that he was with the right person and that he wasn't missing out? He obviously wants to be with you - but just strayed for a moment or two. Perhaps you may want to think about adding some spark back into your relationship - and reminding yourselves why you are together - and how fun it still can be? We all make mistakes, and all sometimes think that the grass is greener. At least its now in the open and you can discuss it and move forward? It may help your relationship get stronger - as these things often do. We are all human, and it may be a positive thing in the long run? It may have given you both chance to think about your relationship - and give you something to think about - and things to work harder on to make things better - to be honest and open with each other - as its only fair. Let him know how you feel - and what you would like to happen in the future - try and encourage him to do the same, and see what comes of it. All the very best.
  
  
• I've liked this boy for a while now and I thought that he knew i liked him. I was complaining about being single to him to get him to say somthing and he sed well maybe the reason you dont have a boyfriend is because he likes you but you don't want him or maybe you like him and he likes you but its just bad timing. I didn't understand it so after asking a couple of friends I decided to wait a while and stay being close friends with him and then see where it would end up. Then the next day he asked me to come out with him, I couldn't go so he invited another girl. When he got back he said that he made out with her... it made me very upset but it also shows that he doesn't know that I like him. I don't know wether to tell him because I have to see him a lot and if he doesn't like me back that way it would be awkward and I don't wanna loose him as a great friend. On the other hand I don't want to miss out on the nicest person I have ever met and I can't stop thinking about him, What shall I do??? Shall I tell him or not, if so.. how???
  
  Hiya - well - I reckon, if you are having such feelings for his guy - and there seems to be something in return from him - then why not ask him out? Tell him that you like his company - and that you would like to spend more time with him. It may help to tell him how you felt when he was with someone else - as he may have done this to see what your reaction was? If you don't ask him - you may regret it - so, at least this way - you have done what you can. Take care.
  
  
• Hi. A year ago last summer i met a person on holiday. since i met him i haven't been able to stop thinking about him. when i first saw him i felt like i saw myself in him- i'm not very good at describing it, but i felt like i understood him, even though i didn't even know him. i walked past him and smiled at him and he smiled back, and it was like we connected. a few nights later i worked up the courage to speak to him and i found out his name, but i was too shy to say anything else and he was much shyer than me also. he said 'see you later' and i never saw him. i felt devastated afterwards, even though i knew i was being stupid because i didn't know him. it's now been more than a year, and i always think about him, and even when i don't it's like he's still there in my head, and i find myself looking for him. i feel like i've formed some sort of crazy emotional attachment to a complete stranger, and i'm worried there's something wrong with me, or whether i've become obsessed. i'm happy with my life and have great friends, and i don't think about him constantly, but my thoughts always drift back to him if eventually. i always wonder where he is and i if he's okay, and what he's doing, and then i realise that i don't even know this person and i shouldn't be wondering these things! i don't want to stop thinking about him, but then i know i should because there's no way i could ever find him because all i know is his name, and that's it! do you think i have a problem, or that i'm just living in a dreamworld?
  
  What a fabulous feeling! Keep hold of it, and never forget it! Its magical, and its exciting - and its yours. You may never feel like that again - so treasure it! It must be hard not being able to get on with other things - but try to accept what happened - be aware of how you felt, and then with those happy and emotional feelings - use them to get on with your current life. A dreamworld it may be - but you are in reality - and need to face up to it! and live it! So - pocket your fabulous emotions - and take them with you! All the very best.
  
  
• my friend recently slept with this random guy.... shes over it but now shes got a new bf and shes plannin on sleepin wiv him asap. im scared shes gna make a huge mistake. shes not always careful.
  
  You are a wonderful friend - to be caring and taking note of whats going on. Unfortunately, you can't stop her from doing what she will do. But - you can help. How about you get her to see it from your point of view? How would she behave and react, if you were in her situation? What would her advice be? It may help to remind her that if she carries on with her behaviour, she will have to deal with the consequences? Doesn't she want to live her life before adding complications? Maybe you could try and arrange to do other stuff with her to "distract" her? Maybe you could ask her where she see sherself in 5 years time, and see if her actions now are going to help - or hinder, those goals? Its not an easy one for you - but be there to support her whatever she decides. Just let her know your feelings, and giver her the facts - and what she does with them is up to her. All the very best.
  
  
• I need some advice. I think i have suffered neglect and need some advice. Can you help? You see when I first started high school I lost two people of whom I was very close to.one of these was my Grandmother who practically raised me.She was the one who took me places, taught me, supported me and basically looked after me. I used to see her almost every day.I can never remember my real mother doing any of this. However I never noticed the lack of support by my parents until she died. I started to refuse to go to school...i did not want to move on and lapsed into serious depression and somedays i couldn't find the will-power to get up. But my parents never helped me. Then i refused to go to school altoghether I ended up just having a bit of home tuition for the last three years of school. I ended up failing almost all my GCSEs. the thing is i don't know anything about anything. i haven't been out of the house or seen people for about three years. But my parents won't teach me things such as how to use a bus, how to open a bank account, buy a phone or anything. it's as if they don't care. my mum never offers me any sort or support or advice on anything. Ssomestimes she has been so horrible she'd make me cry...and then tell me to 'shut up' or 'stop moaning'. I will have to go on a very low level of course at college.However I am worried that i am not going to get the support i need at home and might lapse into depression again. Because my parents sort of expect me to raise myself! My mum's also still not particularly nice to me. I think I need to tell the college about this lack of support. But i don't want to get my parents in trouble. I want to tell the college so that I can get the emotional support I need and also so that they can understand one of the reasons I felt I couldn't cope with school and therefore couldn't go. Can i tell the college without getting my parents in trouble with the police or social services? Who would the college contact if I were to tell them about the neglect? I do not want to get my parents into trouble. What do you recommend I do? Can I safely tell the college about the neglect without getting my parents into trouble?
  
  How about you speak with someone that isn't part of college. There are people specialised to listen to your past - and to help, and support you, as you go through the emotions, and feelings that you have kept inside. If you were to do this - you may not need to tell college - just explain that it hasn't been an easy time for you to study - but you are on the right path now, and having therapy to enable you to deal with your past, and to focus on your future. It may help you to try to start thinking and accepting what happened to you - and then learning ways of coping with it, and how you can start to rebuild your life and start afresh. So - my advice would be to go and seek a supportive ear, and see where it goes from there. It may also help to take a step back from where you are, and to think how you would advise others in a similar situation? Take care and all the very best.
  
  
• My friend has recently started her periods n has been horrible and moody towards me... is this just her way of reacting to her periods?
  
  Yes - hormones do create tensions, with strange emotions and feelings popping up when we least expect them! However - its no excuse to be horrible and moody. Fair enough - if she explains she isn't feeling great beforehand, then fine. But don't let her get away with treating you unfairly - after all - how would she feel if you were like that to her? Perhaps you could ask her to let you know when to expect these mood swings? Take care, and don't let her use her hormones as an excuse.
  
  
• I have been in a 3 year relationship with my current boyfriend, but I dont think I love him anymore. Both of his parents have died since we have been together, so I don't know how I could end it? I don't want to hurt him anymore than he already has been, but think it would be worse to stay with him. The other problem is that I live with him, so I would end up with no where to live. Help!
  
  I know you don't want to hurt him - but are you doing him any favours by being with him - without having those feelings? AS to your housing situation - its no reason to stay with your boyfriend. If you don't love him - then its time to look at other options - and yes, when you start looking you will find one - if not more! You only live once and its unfair on you, and your current boyfriend to stay in the realtionship for the wrong reasons. Have a look round and see whats available to you - and try and make plans. Take care.
  
  
• I am in debt, unemployed and have no savings, the debtors are pressing and I am really worried.
  
  Ok - so time to make some moves to changing your current situation. How about you tell them the situation, and get together plans to try and start being able to pay them off? Part time work or casual work may be a place to start to try and gain some kind of income - to show them that you are trying? How about approaching the CAB to see if they can help? Take care, and be realisitic about what you can achieve.
  
  
• Im a lesbian and I have fancied my best mate for years. Recently i found out that she was bi. The only problem is that she is funny and smart and kind and beautiful and I think Im somewhat inferior to her. I dont think she would ever fancy me because Im quite ugly. I know she loves my personality but I think she thinks of me as a friend. I have not told anybody Im a lesbian yet so everyone thinks Im straight. Should I tell her how I feel and risk out friendship or stay like this? Please help i dont know what to do
  
  Its important to acknowledge how you feel - to yourself - and then work out what you want to happen. What would be your reasons for telling her? Its wrong to think that she doesn't like your personal appearance - but likes you as a friend - you need to think about accepting that she likes for you YOU - which is a fantastic thing to have in a relationship! Its also good to start looking at yourself in a more positive way. Don't always concentrate on your "bad" points - but highlight the good ones - and yes - there are some - and more when you try to find them! Go with what feels right - and take care. All the best.
  
  
• hi i hope you can help me on my situation, i split up with my ex a month ago and he said he wanted me as a friend but didnt have time for a relationship, well after a couple of weeks he got in touch and we met up a couple of times went out was was all kissy cuddly and loved up but says he wants to remain friends until ive learnt to drive or had a couple of lessons, well im good friends with sum of his friends and he doesnt like it i was out having sum drinks with my friends saturday nite and his friends came and joined us he walked in and didnt like it and wouldnt talk to me.he had a cigarette and my friend spoke to him and he said i need to sort my life out, get a new job, get driving lessons and he said he doesnt no if he loves me nemore and he doesnt want me bein so close to his friends and doesnt like it that i go out drinkin alot. my friend passed it bac to me, he heard got in a mood and went home i couldnt believe it, and his friends no something i dont no about him but wont tell me. i dont no wat to think cos he's been so loved up with me the times ive met up with him so i thought we was gonna take it slow and ide get him back, i dont no wat to do i dont want to lose him! do u think i could get him back? and how? thankyou for helping!
  
  Do you think you can get him back? Because thats what really counts - and if you think you can, and put your mind to it - then you will!! If he doesn't like you drinking - thats tough. You needn't change for him - but you can reassure him that you go out and are sensible - and not flirting with other etc - which may make him feel unsettled and worried. Take care, and go with what feels right.
  
  
• Dear agony aunt, while on holiday last year i met a guy. He lives in west africa. and I in the uk. He is 28 to my 18 and there are obvious cultural differences - language not being one of them. because of a family connection we got talking and there was an obvious attraction and we arranged to meet later in the week. on the last night of my holiday he came to the hotel and we spent a couple of hours together. those hours were absolutely magical and we both felt something really strong and wonderful. i know, your thinking typical holiday romance, but i feel that it was so much more. when i flew home he had already called me and left a message and then thru email, text and phone calls weve stayed in touch regularly. its over a year now since i met him and the feelings I have refuse to go away. however. my parents are not too happy with the idea. espcially my dad, and altho i think my mum can kind of understand she doesnt really want me to pursue anything. I can see their point of view that i dont know him well enough and i cant make rash descions, but that not what i plan to do. I want to get to know this guy so badly. my best friend on the other hand tells me i should do what makes me happy and not worry so much about upsetting people. i feel as though i am stuck in the middle. I want to please my parents, but at the same time know that i cant just forget about him and how he feels for me. I am also scared that my feelings are all an illusion and that its none of it is real. I do have plans to travel back next year with friends, possibly family and to volunteer so of course i will see him. i just recently feel overwhelmed with the depth of my (and his) feelings and need some help sorting reality from dreams. Please be honest.
  
  May be its time to look at where your parents are coming from - and to address each of their concerns. That way - you are trying to see it from both sides. Have some time to yourself to think what it is that makes you happy. Step back and look at the situation. Sometimes when we meet people, we are overwhelmed by them, and don't always think clearly as these feelings are unique and special. Don't make any plans, just live everyday, and see how things go. Yes - you are right to do what you want to do - but make sure you think on first - and remember that with every action, there are always consequences. Can you deal with them? Take care, keep talking with your friends and family, and see how things go. Take care, and enjoy the feelings that you have!
  
  
• hi i was with my ex for 4 months we fell in love and told eachother daily but he ended it suddenly for the reasons that he didnt have time for me and didnt want a gf cos cudnt fit me in with seeing his mum, doin house work and seeing his mates, he said we had such a bond that he wanted to keep me as a best mate so breaking up then was the best thing to do. well i was heart broken and went on holiday for a week. 2 weeks later after ending it he got in touch i was good and didnt get in touch with him for the 2 weeks and we txt he told me he wanted to see me and he missed me.so we met up for a drink(he was so (kissy and cuddly) he told me he'd missed me and wants me back and he knows we'll be together but he wants changes he's asked me to learn to drive which is fine cos i wanna learn neway but he said he wants me to show him i am learning before he takes me bac so he wants me to have atleast 2 lessons before he takes me bac but said he'll support me! and help me but he wants me a friend until i learn. we arranged to meet up the week after but he didnt get in touch over the whole weekend this upset me cos i wanted atleast one message to no he thought about me and cares for me still. so i told him my feelings and he doesnt understand hes sayin he wants me to learn for myself and to open doors for my self but its harder than that its expnsive and i cant learn til november which is 2 months away cos of money and im on holiday abroad end of the month. we're meetin for a drink and cinema this week but wat do u think i should do? i want him bac but im confused!
  
  Its good news that the man of your life wants you back - but just what is he asking of you? Do you think a relationship works on terms and conditions? and terms and conditions that aren't emotional at all? or personal? I just wonder why you driving would make the relationship work? Yes - he wants you to be yourself - and make more of yourself - but only YOU can do that, and when YOU are ready. If you're not, then you shouldn't do it. Not for him, not for nobody. You need to find someone who will accept you for being you - because thats what you are. And you're worth keeping your values and beliefs - because they are unique to you. Think about it.
  
  
• Hi, Me & my Bf had a big row the other night over his lying about other girls. This must be the 5th or 6th time now this has happened but he keeps doing it again even though I've told him it would be over if he done it again. He seems to crave female attention, amongst other things he's done, he signed up to a dating site about a year ago & by chance I saw all the messages he was sending to other girls - saying they were the most beautiful girls he had ever seen etc & could they be in contact. He even gave them his number & was texting them. Of course he didn't mention he already had a girlfriend & I could tell from the wording of the texts & emails he was sending that he was really trying to charm them. He didn't know I knew about it until I confronted him. He broke down & promised to get couselling as he said it was due to low self esteem. Recently he's been spending a lot of time with a girl from his work - I know he's taken her out to dinner when I've been away & last week he told me he'd taken a day off work because he didn't feel well but I found out he'd actually spent the day with this girl & took her out. They've been sending each other letters too & he's even written poetry about her! She texts & calls him all the time. After I found out he'd took her out for the day I confronted him again & he told me he didn't love me anymore but said it was nothing to do with this girl - which I doubt as he's never ever said anything like that to me before - quite the opposite. The next day he was all apologetic but I think he meant it. This other girl is engaged aswell. I honestly don't believe he has cheated on me but surely this is the next step if he's lying to me so he can spend time with this other woman? This all happened on Thursday night & he went & stayed at his parents for the weekend, he said he's coming back tonight (Monday). Last night I suggested we go out on a date to try & re-capture some of the old spark, I took 2 hrs getting ready! He turned up in trainers & a football shirt, drove around in the car for half an hour & dropped me home saying he had to go to iron his shirt for work. His heart doesn't seem to be in it anymore, which is crazy because he's always been so affectionate with me, I don't know what's changed. I can only assume he must feel something for this other girl & wants to be with her instead. I don't know what to do, I've given up so much to be with him, I've left all of my family & friends to move to his town to be with him & after 4 and a half years together I feel really let down. I don't know if I'm over-reacting, I dont think I am..? I'm thinking of just calling it a day & going back to my home town, I feel under appreciated by him, I know if things were the other way around he'd go berserk. What do I do? Thank-you so much for your help.
  
  What would you advise a friend to do if they were in your shoes? Run a mile and get out? You deserve so much better. It sounds like he gives you no respect - and he is not being at all honest with you. As hard as it may be to leave - what are you gaining from staying? Shouldn't he give as much care and attention to the relationship as you are? Do you deserve to be lied to and cheated on? No. Life's too short - and you are by no means over-reacting. He deserves to be told he can't get away with it - and be left. So - maybe you should hold your head up high - stand up for yourself - and leave. Go girl. Don't let him get away with it, and find someone out there who treats you like a princess - he's out there somewhere.
  
  
• Hi, More than a year ago something happened to me. It's a long story so here goes.. Me and my boyfriend have a great realationship but one night things went wrong. I did something for him but it didn't go to well and then it got worse when he got his foot twisted in some wires and pulled some stuff of shelf. He blamed me and 'lost his wind' as he put it. It wouldn't be so upsetting only at the time we had a long distance relationship and this was only the second day I was with him after not seeing him for two months. Also we'd hardly spent any time alone together. And now he was annoyed at me and also was rejecting me completly sexually. And this after the big thing I'd done for him which he didn't say a word of thanks or indicate it meant something to him. I burst into tears. He tried to comfort me, hug me. I tried to tell him I needed him, I needed to be close to him. (A euphemisum we use to mean haveing sex.) But he didn't understand. I needed to feel wanted and loved and all the things that that would give me. I needed him to undo the feelings he had made me feel. But he didn't get it. I didn't see that he didn't get it and him saying he was tired just made the rejection I was feeling truer. This went on for a bit, he tried, hugged me. But he was tired and slept. I woke him. How could he fall asleep when I was this upset?! This just made me feel worse. Uncared for. Unloved. Unimportent. On top of the rejection I already felt. I felt worse than I ever had in my life. I kept waking him, he kept falling asleep. I wish I'd gone out, shouted at him, thrown water anything to make him see what he was doing to me. I stopped waking him in the end. Cried untill I couldn't cry anymore, stopped crying, was numb, than started crying again. Several times. Twice he woke up when I was at my worst. Blearyly looked at me than fell asleep again. It would've made it even worse only I felt so low already. It felt like I mustn't fall asleep, I needed to stay how was feeling, keep it all fresh so he could make it better when he woke up. I lasted till about 6.30-7ish By then I was so drained I too fell asleep. Cementing the feelings I had. I felt distant when I woke. We still talk as well as we ever did but it changed me. Before he made me so happy and made me feel so special. I know he loves me. I know he still feels it all even if I don't. I love him and care about him as much as ever, he means everything to me. I want nothing more than to feel the way I did about him and feel what he made me feel. I get some things back but far from all the time and it's not the same. The memorys of when it went wrong still hurt as deep as ever. Please help.
  
  If you still have strong feelings, and they are real, then it may well be a case of accepting the past events, and moving on from them. have u spoken to him about this? have u told him how u feel when he doesnt react how u expect him too? give him chance to respond too. take some time to reflect, and dont forget u deserve the best, and dont settle for less.
  
  
• hi, me and my bestest friend ever had a massive arguement that lasted about 7 weeks, i was so upset, anyway 7 weeks after the arguement we went on an alton towers trip with lots of other people and we made friends and started going on rides together and had a laugh. later that night when i got home she sent me a text message saying 'i am glad we are friends but i dont want to be best friends with you because i have become good friends with someone else' and when i read it, it really made me cry because she is the bestest person i have ever known and i really care for her. ever since she hasnt acted the same with me, we still hang out together but she acts different around me, i really want her to be best mates with me and understand what i am feeling, what should i do??
  
  Its her life - and you can't change the way she lives it. She is in control - and wrong as it may be - thats how she is playing it. I'm not sure why you want to be best mates with a girl who treats you like this? Shouldn't you have a friend who is as nice to you as you are to them? Have a think about it. Surely you deserve better?
  
  
• Dear agony aunt, I recently went on holiday, and met an amazing, beautiful, funny girl. I really took to her, and we stayed up late togther, and sat by the sea etc. Doing all the things that couples do. (Not like that). When I first met her, I told her I was 18 as I was sat at the bar and didn't want to get refused drinks. However, I was only 17. She on the other hand was 19. I didnt want to tell her my real age as she may not like me, so i stupidly carried on with the lie. When she asked me what I was doing with my life, I lied and said I was going on a gap-year to Peru (which is what i am ACTUALLY doing next year, so it made sense.) However, if I want to meet up with her in the future, which I do, then I am going to have to admit my age to her. I dont want her to go off me, or even worse dislike me bacuase I lied. I feel stupid for what I did, and I dont know what to do. To add to the dilemma, when i have spoken to her since the holiday, she told me she "made fun" of a friend last year for getting with an 18 year old, and so if I tell her im actually only 17 then she may be really annoyed at me. I just don't know what to do, take the "honesty is the best policy" approach and hope for the best, or keep living the lie and hope she never finds out? Please help me.
  
  Stop now. Put things on the the tabe, and explain your side. Then give her time to take it in. Lies wnt make a relainship work, so make changes now. Hard as it may be, its the right thing. You aren't alone, but learn from this.
  
  
• I fell in love with my teacher 3-4 years ago, we were very close and he helped me through alot of pain and heartache. he moved school last year and i havent seen him since we do keep in contact and we have a good freindship and will always stay in touch. he always knew when i was down with problems at home and helped me through the difficult times and i was also there for him. when he left it felt like my heart had been ripped apart, i think he did know the way i felt and part of me hopes he felt the same, although i do think he was more of a father figure. the most painful time was the last time i saw him and we said our farewells, he also said he loved me and i cant forget that. At first i thought it was just a crush but ive felt like this for ages now and i cant seem to get over him, i have always known that my feelings will never lead to any kind of relationship between us but i still cant stop loving him. i am feeling very low because of it all especially when he rings the days after that i am at an ultimate low. somedays i feel like theres no point of living though i will never do anything stupid. please could you hlp
  
  What is it that u feel low about exactly? have a think. It may help to write it down? Look at what you've written - any surprises? sometimes we feel low, and put it down to one thing, but quite often,there is more to it. it may be a case of looking at the situation, accepting it, and moving on.
  
  
• Is my firend in danger. My female friend is a single mother has recently been befriended by another female who is married with a little boy. she is overly interested in my friends baby daughter of 8 months.if anyone else approaches my friend her new friend gets jealous or angry if they have contact with her daughter ie plays with her ect. she causes trouble between my friend and anyone else she may be friends with until they fall out. she is isolating my friend She has also done this to me and my friend, we are not talking at the moment. by telling my friend lies about me. she manipulates my friend who can be easly led. she is always around my friend and stops anyone from getting close to her. this woman can be very forceful and dominerring. she is getting very attacted to my friends daughter and now insists on being present when her daughter goes to bed and when she wakes in the morning or gets my friend to let her take her daughter to her house without my friend being there, she not really interested in my friend only her daughter she ignores her own son. this woman can also get violent if she does not get her own way. its like she taking over. Im scared this woman is trying to "steal" my friends daughter because she can,t have one of her own, my friend is not strong enough to stand up to her. the only people she pushes out is anyone who shows interest in her daughter and is a threat to her. she is extremly good at manipulating people and using them to cause trouble for others by ganging up on them. she also uses her mates to convince my friend shes right and her ex friends are bad people and not to be trusted. she seems to have total control of my friend now. my friend cant see whats shes doing to her. im worried if she tries to stop this woman being near her daughter she going to hurt my friend. but I cant get near her to tell her my concerns and if I did she would be convinced I only trying to stir trouble between them. which I am not I am really worried the effect this woman is having on her. please help
  
  I appreciate your concerns - but you are in a difficult position. You can see whats going on - but need to find ways of telling your friend - before it gets out of hand. Have you told your friend how it is from your point of view? She may not see the full picture - and be in too close to see what you see? You can't change the way people are am afraid - you can only be there for them, and support them through what happens. You can warn them of dangers, but at the end of the day - they are all adults - and responsible for their own mistakes and decisions. How about you say your piece and then let them decide what to do with the facts? At least then you have done your part - and can get on with YOUR life. Your life is still as much important - so make sure you live it 100% - as you only get one chance at it. Sorry i don't have a magic wand - but people will do what they want unfortunately - and don't think about the consequences :(
  
  
• hi i am having real difficulties with coping without my daughter. i am suffering depression and was reciving medication for it but my doctor stopped it as she said i was getting lower. my daughter was given to her father when she was very young and its been seven months now with contact only once a week. her dad has now put a stop to that as he thinks im a drug addict. i am not as i have no use for the things he has said i do. he is with his new girlfriend and my own daughter calls her mummy and she doesnt know who i am. he thinks i can move on and leave my daughter with him. he has also tried splitting me up from boyfriend who is giving me support. he has spread rumours driven me out of the town he lives in with my daughter and now hes trying his hardest being nasty as he knows that my daughter means the world to me, thank u everyone for listening to me moaning but belive me its getting harder and harder to go on but i have to get up i have to get dressed and i have to get on with my life waiting for the day i will be able to hold my own daughter in my arms and hear her call me mummy.
  
  Keep talking about how you are feeling, and keep doing as well as you are - in finding ways of coping. It sounds like you are trying to deal with the situation you are faced with - and this is the way to go. As soon as you accept what has happened, and what is going on - you can work out the next plan - and how you can go about changing things to work for you. It may be a case of letter writing and explaining, but the best thing is to be honest and open with everyone. Tell those you need to, what it is you want to happen - and how you can do it. There are many organisations out there who are ready to help in these times of difficulty - so get in touch with someone and start making enquiries. Be strong, be brave - and keep your support team behind you - they are important people to have. All the very best.
  
  
• hi there, my boyfriend is obsessed with blue movies and recently our relationship has hit a rough patch. yesterday he had been watching one of his dvd's and has asked if i will reinact a few of the scenes, some of which are quite 'different'. i don't really want to but i really care about him and feel it could save our relationship and maybe take it to the next stage. what do you think i should do?
  
  I think you should stick to what you want to do - and what you feel comfortable doing. If he loves you he should respect that. OK - so you don't like what he watches - but it is his choice. You only live once - so don't do things you don't want to - theres no need. He should respect your feelings. Tell him that you care a lot for him - just don't feel comfortable with what he's suggesting. Maybe you could show him ways that do interest you? Take care.
  
  
• I came off my period a few days ago but when i have sex now i still have a little bleed is it because, i may still have residue or is it because my boyfriend is going so deep and making it happen?
  
  Hi there - this is one to be asking the medical profession - so I would suggest you give the NHS Direct line a call - or your GP. They'll be able to help you out, and put your mind at ease. Take care, and you do right to question things that are bothering you.
  
  
• hi. I really like this boy that i've known for a lil while now and i thought he liked me to, he certainly acted like he did any way! Before we started talking whenever he'd see me he would just stare and smile for ages! Then he started turning up wherever i went so i thought ok be brave and i said hi to him and since then weve seen eachother a few times and chatted and he'd always act really happy to see me and stuff but it never really whent any further because i'd only see him in college then college finished. Then i passed his house the other day and his mum and dad were outside and they both just stared at me with huge smiles on their faces so i thought ok thats it i'm just going to go 4 it when i next see him. That was like 3 weeks ago and i just hadn't seen him until yesterday when i saw him walking closely with a girl. I'm gutted. I just don't no what to do. I feel like a fool for thinking he liked me! I didnt no him at all when he started smiling at me so i dont understand why he would smile out of no were if he wasnt interested! I wouldn't be this bothered if he hadn't convinced me he was interested so much because there were blatant signs!! why spend months flirting with me and not see me for 3 weeks and go off with another girl!? Hes not a player either hes quiet and shy! help me please im sooo confused! x
  
  OK - this is one situation where you could do with all the facts. Time to maybe ask him how he feels - or if there is anything going on with this other girl. Or perhaps you could suggest to him that you like him - and that you want to see more of him? If he spent all that time smiling and making efforts before - then the chances of him being attracted to you are still high! Maybe he is unsure if you like him - and reluctant to make the first move? Try approaching him - and making your feelings obvious - who knows what might happen next! Take care.
  
  
• Hey, i've been seeing this guy who has a girlfriend and things havn't been going well between them recently. He seems so confused and lost and confides in me, we spend alot of time together and have slept together but we have agreed that we're just friends. I have developed strong feelings for him but i know he is with someone else, so do I continue to be his friend without his girlfriend knowing or call it quits?
  
  Can you handle being friends when you have such strong feelings for him? He's confused - and if he sees you more this may get worse, and as you say - he's got a girlfriend. It may be easier for you to call it quits and start afresh. You deserve someone who is unattached - who will give you 100% attention. It's what you deserve. Don't settle for less. Take care.
  
  
• i was married to my first husband for years I really loved him but he could be really nasty verbally I had an affair which I still cant believe i did, he is a lovely person and we have been married yrs but I still cant get over how guilty I feel about it all, I have 2 boys who have grown into wonderful young men and they have never blamed me but it upsets me at family occassions when we cant all be together or if they go away with their dad I know its my fault if i could go back and stay with my husband even though i was unhappy i would no one understands how i feel least of all my second husband who is really happy and knows we have done the right thing
  
  How does it feel now? after off-loading your feelings? It often helps to write things down, to get them out of your head - as they can get mixed up and confused when not released! Its good that you are reflecting on whats gone on - and how you feel about things. You can't change the past - and you only get one shot at life - so its important to do things that make you happy. We all do things and then something new comes along, and we want to do other things, and thats fine - live for the moment - but don't forget that your actions all have consequences. As long as you think them through and choose the right path for you - then all is well! Take care.
  
  
• My younger sister has just told me she was raped by a boy during a party she is worried she is pregnant I want her to go to the doctors but she is frightened to. What can I do to help her?
  
  You can only be a good friend and sister to her - and support whatever she decides to do. You can't tell her what to do - but you can keep suggesting different things - and outline the advantages of them? Such as a trip to the doctors? Or a call to the NHS direct line? Or the internet help website? NHS ones? She is unsure - and to be able to deal with her situation, she needs to find out what the facts are - so that she can take whatever action is needed. Be brave - be strong - and respect her wishes. All the best - and take care. Try to talk with others yourself - as this will help see things clearly.
  
  
• I have been with my boyfriend for about a year (we are both in our 20s), and emotionally and sexually our relationship is very good. The only problem I have is that he doesn't seem to like touching me other than in a sexual context, or being touched. I am a very 'touchy-feely' kind of person and love being cuddled, kissed, stroked etc, but he just doesn't seem to want that. I love him very much and don't want this to ruin our relationship, especially as everything else is so good. I know I should talk to him about it, but I'm afraid of upsetting him. Any advice would be much appreciated.
  
  It may be hard to accept - but everyone has different ways of showing their emotions. It may feel to you that you are not loved - as you know how YOU show your love, and its not being recipricated in the same way. However he is comfortable showing his love in his way - and you need to try to accept that, and think of it from his point of view. How about you lead him, and show him what makes you feel loved? Experiment and see if he follows on? Failing that, its going to be a matter of telling him how you feel, and how him not being a "touchy-feely" person, makes you feel. Take care, and all the best.
  
  
• Hi, I am married for a second time and have 2 girls from my first marriage and because of circumstances I have brought them up on my own. They are in their 20s old now. They have never been easy girls to deal with they seem to have issues with me from the past about leaving their dad. I feel I may not have been as strict with them as I could have been. I have made mistakes in my life but I feel I haven't been that bad a mother to them, I have alway been there. My husband and I want to sell up and retire abroad while we are still young enough to make the move. One of my girls is a single mum with a baby and she thinks i am being extremely selfish to make this move away so far from everybody, my other daughter wont say anything but I think she feels the same way. Neither of the children live with us and they are financially independant of us. I am pulled between pleasing my husband and myself and being a good mother and grandmother, I need some help with this as I cant get any clarity.
  
  You are living your life. You have fulfilled your role as a Mother, by bringing up 2 children into this world. It is now time to live your life again. In the way that you want to. There are other ways of contacting each other (telephone, fax, email, text, etc etc!) - and moving away geographically, doesn't mean you are leaving them. Doing what you want is by no means selfish - and if anything your daughter is being selfish in expecting you to stop your life for her. She's an adult now. And what would she do in your shoes? Your children and grandchildren want to see a happy face, and if moving away to new places will make you happy - then do it. Lifes too short. Its good to listen to others, but its you that needs to make the choice - and only you know how you feel, and to what makes you happy. All the best - and take care.
  
  
• I have a boyfriend, I'm in love with him, and he's in love with me. We've got plans to get a place together, we're happy and everything else. I've brought a lot of baggage into the relationship because I was sexually abused for a lot of my life and suffer anxiety and depression, but it's not a problem as I've been living with it long enough to control it day to day. The problem now is the fact that I'm terrified of sex. No matter what we do, the more sexual it is, the more uneasy I feel. I actually feel physically ill, I get so scared. Please help.
  
  OK - time to stop and take a step back I think - and get to a place where you feel emotionally comfortable and stable. When you reach this time - it may be good to start building on things from there. Its alright controling things on a day to day basis - but they are events that have had a big impact on youor life as a whole - so it needs to be dealt with as such. Have you spoken to anyone else about whats gone on - and how you are dealing with it now? Or maybe writing a diary - as its a way of expressing yourself, and no one else need know? Have you thought about what exactly it is that makes you feel so scared? Stop and have a think- and don't do anything you are uneasy about. Try to enjoy other things, and reassure yourself that there are more parts of your life that are fantastic! Take care - and if still uneasy - go and have a chat with someone - there are people out there who can listen, and help guide you through what you choose to do. Take care.
  
  
• I have a boyfriend, I love him so much but any time I'm finish making love with him, he never enjoy it. What make him like that? It's because he doesn't love me or I don't know how to do it well?
  
  The only way to get answers is to ask him. Tell him that you want to make him happy - and are not sure that when you make love, he is happy. He may not be aware of how he is feeling himself - or how he should feel. Try talking with him, and tell him what makes you happy, and gives you pleasure. Opening up yourself may encourage him to do the same. All the best.
  
  
• Dear little elf, recently i have been seeing my ex again and we have got it undercover so no one else knows about it. she currently has another 3 admirers that she is tryin to get rid of to be with me and she is totally stressed out. i told my best mate about mine and her relationship and he told his girlfriend which the girl im seeing does not like. she is annoyed she'll tell anyone else so these admirers dont find out about me and her. what should i do and how do i cheer her up?
  
  Tough one, as secrets are a bit "taboo". Its your right to discuss your personal life with your best mate - just a shame she doesn't like your girlfriend - or vice versa. Take time out with your girlfriend - and try to sort the issues out with others - and the sooner the better, then its a clear path ahead. Delaying things may just confuse the matter. Take care - and try to get it cleared up. All the best.
  
  
• there is this bloke and hes much older than me but i really fancy him i think hes really fit he is my dads work mate and i dont know whether i should tell him how i feel he gives me little signs like looking at my bum and sayin darlin and babe so what should i do...
  
  Be careful about the feelings you have - are they lustful thoughts? He may well be fit - but there is an age gap - and the fact that he is your Dad's workmate. Tread carefully and think about what you say and do. Every action has its consequences.
  
  
• i am a girl and i have a mate she is a girl and i cant stop thinking about her like wanting to have sex with her she seems to act like she likes me but im not shore should i tell her i love her or should i just leave her.....
  
  Do what feels right - but take your time and think about it first. Take care.
  
  
• i am a girl who cant find peace of mind! i was going out with a boy for years. we were so in love. we lost our virginity to each other, we grew up together, we went through good and bad times together. i really thought we would stay together forever. we talked about it all the time, how we loved each other and would always love each other, how know one else was inlove as much as we were - we were different to most couples - we had a very strong bond. there was only one problem, we got together young and although that wasn't a problem for me, he thought that he was missing out on something. so he never treated me properly. our relationship was immature, he was always out with his friends leaving me at home, and although we talked about our future together - wen it came down to it, he didnt want to get a place with me, go travelling with me or anything - it was like it was too much commitment and he was scared. he took me for granted. when we were together it was brilliant but when he went off with his friends on holidays etc i felt so low. so two years ago i ended it. he knew it was for the best as although he loved me, he couldnt give me what i wanted - securety, commitment, a 'grown up' relationship. it was hard to let go though and for a long time we would carry on as if we were together but it wasnt good for either of us, it just made us miss each other and would make us sad as i knew we both wanted different things so we could not get back together. a year ago i started a new relationship with someone else, when my ex found out he was gutted. he couldnt believe i had slept with someone else (he hasnt slept with anyone but me, no other girls interest him), so he couldnt believe that i did. i didnt want to. i wanted to be with him but thats impossible so i had to carry on life without him. but i missed him so much i ended up splitting up with my boyfriend and going back to my ex. we didnt get back together though, he still couldnt offer me what i wanted and now things have changed - ive slept with someone else. i accepted this and moved on, now 2years later, i am with someone else. he is lovely! he treats me just the way i want to be treated, we get on well, he says he loves me and i know im special to him. but its not the same. i wish it was but i painfully miss my ex. i know he still loves me. we are still in contact. i know its wrong but we can only go a few months without talking to each other. i dont tell my new boyfriend. im not talking to my ex at the moment as i know his feelings havnt changed - he loves me but cant give me what i want. so i am trying to make things work with my new boyfriend. but i miss my ex so badly. i love him so much and i dont know why! if he really cared for me the way he says, and if he doesnt want any one else then why doesnt he just get back with me and treat me right? i wish i loved my new boyfriend as much as i love my ex, he deserves my love. i dont know wat to do! please help me.
  
  I think it may be time to end your current relationship - and to take some time out. It seems like you have lots of feelings for your boyfriend - but still strong emotions for your ex. This is unfair to you, and to him. It sounds like you have mixed feeings - and only time will help sort them out. Discovering what you are wanting out of life, and who you are yourself, are very important - and may be you could concentrate on these? Take care
  
  
• Im so depressed:( and confused! theres this boy and i have fancied him for ages and i told him the other day on msn and he said he fancied me back, then we met up and it was nice he is really nice boy we were holding hands and he even gave me a kiss! then the next day on msn i thought he was going to ask me out becuase we got on so well. but he didnt, i asked him y he didnt want to go out with me, he said he dont ask people out its not his thing nd sed if i asked him he would say yes. then yeterday he texted me sayin you wanna come out but it was too late and i said i would come out the next day(today) and he said he would ring me at 12 and he hasnt rung me all day and im really upset about it do you think he likes me? ordo you think he just going to make an exuse i really like him and he says he likes me but somtiems doesnt seem like he does. what do you think?
  
  I think you should acknowledge that you like this guy - and that the feeling may well be mutual! But - these things shouldn't be pushed, or rushed, and in time things may well turn out how you want them too! In the meantime - continue doing what you want to do, and living your life - and see what the future holds! If you like him so much - then why not be honest, tell him so, and ask him out? Lifes too short!!
  
  
• i used to love my best mate... im a girl and so is she. when i told her that i loved her, her mates wer horrible. i hav bin spendin a lot of time alone wiv her recently and i stil love her. she has a bf but i cnt stop thinkin bowt her. its rli confusin coz i also rli rli like this otha girl. im rli stuck n i dnt no wot to do.
  
  She is with someone - and that shoud tell you to leave it be. Its difficult to have to see her with someone else - but its her choice - and it may be a case of you just learning to cope with it. Try to make sure you see other people and live your life to the full. Lifes too short - you never know who else you may come across.....!
  
  
• I was abused as a child, and I've never had a proper boyfriend or girlfriend, and I've always had very very low confidence in myself and my appearance. I'm a self-harmer, so I have scars which don't exactly help. I've supressed a lot of the memories, but I still remember a lot of it. It seems to get leaked over time...like the first things I remembered were the first that happened, etc. Now I'm I have a boyfriend. We've been together for a few months, and we have plans to get our own flat together. He knows about the past, the memory thing, the self-harm, and my self-confidence, and he's great about it all. He tries to do everything he can to help me, and he's never pressured me for sex (in fact, the absolute opposite). I'm very very lucky to have him. The only problem is, I can't seem to convince my mind that he's the good guy. I simply can't help it...ever time he touches me, every time he looks at me, I get absolutely terrified. He knows this too, and we're actually making pretty good progress in just general stuff. The other day I realized that I was loosing memories from my time with him too. He promises that we've done less than the average 8 year old behind the bike-shed, and I beleive him (I'm a bit of a psych buff myself, and I know that it's pretty plausable that I would block what I subconsciously recognized as the build-up to something sexual), but he's barely spoken to me since. I don't know how to make him feel better... the last thing I want is for him to think I see him as I do them, and I know that's the sort of thing that crossed his mind. And I don't know how to help myself (neither do any of the psychiatrists I've seen). I can control my moods, and I know what's wrong with me... I'm actually very proud of my self-awareness. But I've never had to worry about relationships, and I've never had to consider the fact that it might become a problem. I was perfectly happy to die a spinster with many cats making ginger-bread men, I never wanted to fall in love, it just happened, and now I don't know what to do.
  
  Try to relax - and live for the moment. Enjoy what you have now. Reflecting back on what youo have been through may be useful - to appreciate how far you have come, and what you have achieved. Be open and honest with your boyfriend, and reassure him that you do like him. Take Care and don't be too hard on yourself.
  
  
• me m8s goin out wiv this gal n i fink that av fell in love wiv er n i fink that shes fell in love wiv me were always tlkin on msn n she ses that she likes me my m8 treats her bad n i think that she can do better i wud ask er out but i dont really wanna upset my mate but i wanna be wiv this gal dunno what to do
  
  Deciding where your loyalties lie may be a good start. How would you feel if your mate did this to you? If you have feelings for this girl - and she does too, then in time - things may change and work out for you. If its meant to be, it will happen - so you won't need to rush into anything. Its tough seeing how others are treating their partners - but its not your place to say - so its a matter of being there as a friend. Take care.
  
  
• me and my boyfriend have been trying for a baby, i have had some symptons like my boobs hurting, feeling really tired all the time, moody, my stomch is blowted some timez it feels harder than other times and my nippls feel sencertive. but the other day i got a dark brown discharge! i have taken a home pregnancy test it come back negative so i went to the doctors that one come back negative aswell but i have read on the net and spoke to people and some say that they have taken many test and they come back negative so im so confused please help tnx xx
  
  You are you. And unique. So - don't listen or believe all that you see and read on the internet. It isn't necessarily the whole truth. You did right to take a test yourself - then to go to your gp to confirm things. No test claims to be 100% unfortunately - so I guess its just a matter of getting on with life as much as you can - and knowing your own body. If you are still unsure in a weeks time or so - make an appointment with you gp and have a chat with him. It may well put your mind at ease. Take care.
  
  
• Dear Little Elf, There is this girl that I really like. But when I met her, something happened, somekind of chemistry, call it love @ first sight. Now i can't stop thinking about her and it's been weeks since i've seen her and i'm going crazy. I think i love her and I really don't know what to do! She's a year younger than me! Can you please help me? Cheers!
  
  Wow! How exciting! To feel these emotions is pretty special! So - how can you go about tracking her down again and finding out more about her? You have to make things happen - so why not get out there, and make efforts to bring her closer to you? Age isn't important - especially as its only a year. Going crazy as you put it is a good sign, and a healthy one too! Love for the moment and enjoy the mystery! All the best.
  
  
• i masturbate and im only young. is this normal?
  
  What is normal????! If it feels right to do - and you are happy - then why not?
  
  
• A while ago, i went to this guys house, as for a while he had been inviting me over and i kept saying no. Eventually i went, and i ended up staying the night. We didnt have sex, but he did kiss me. After he was very busy for a while, so there was less of us talking, and then after he started calling again and we spoke a bit. He also would hold me in public but without anyone else seeing. But recently i was speaking to his best friend, who told me that he isnt actually very nice, and that he would just screw me over. In the same conversation with his friend, he was saying that we should get together and stuff. But i didnt get the same impression of the guy, i thought he seemed nice, although recently we have stopped talking. Who should i believe? And did the guy use me?
  
  Its good to listen to other people's opinions - but make sure you use your own thoughts and knowledge. Use your own head to make your mind up. Don't be inclined to change what you think. Its your heart, and your head - so use them! Keep what he has said in mind - thank him for telling you - and then see what happens next. Take care
  
  
• Pregnant and alone and hate the bitch that wreked my relationship,what do i do now
  
  Take time out for yourself, reflect on whats happened - and make moves to fix things and deal with the here, now and tomorrow. Take Care.
  
  
• My grandma passed away just over a week ago and it is still hurting so much. We knew it was going to happen as she had been suffering from cancer, but it doesnt make it any easier to come to terms with. And i think it is hurting so much because it still hasnt sunk in properly that i am never going to see her again. Everytime i think of her or look at her photo it makes me breakdown crying!
  
  I'm sorry to hear that you have had a loss in your family. It is a difficult time - and your ways of coping will be important to you now. Try to talk about how you are feeling to someone - family, or not. Its good to have a cry - and let your emotions out - as if you were to bottle them up it would only cause more grief further down the line. So - try to be in touch with your felings and emotions, and cope with them as feels right to you. If, further down the line - you are stil uncomfortable with how you are feeling then go and chat with your gp, who will be able to put you in touch with support groups, and individuals, who are specially trained to help guide you through these difficult times.
  
  
• Hi little elf, iv been getting really down just lately, i really like this girl, and she has to be the only iv girl iv met that fills all the quilities that i look for, i probably would be able to go out with her, but theres just one problem, she has a bf, they have a lot of arguements, and iv been her agony aunt for everyone of them, but they always get back together after, the only thing is he goes with other people behind her back, and when she questions him he comes out with stupid excuses that she actually believes. please help me, what should I do?
  
  You need to be a good friend - and a shoulder to cry on. You may be able to see things that she can't, but only until she see's them - will she perhaps, want to make a few changes? Be there for her - and listen to her, and support her. She'll need a good friend like you. Try to encourage her to go out and do different things - to help her focus on what else is going on. It may be a good time soon, to be open and honest about how you feel about her. Who knows - she may well have similar feelings. Give it time though - and don't confuse the already difficult situation she is in. Take care.
  
  
• Dear Little Elf. My problem is i don't feel good enough for this boy. We've been flirting and stuff for ages and i'd love for things to go further but i keep thinking the worst. I no that at his age (19) they've got one thing on their minds and the main reason they go for girls is attraction. I simply don't think i'm attractive. Ok everyone says i have a pretty face and lovely personality but im overweight. I am doing somthing about it not for him, well yes for him but mainly for me. All my friends say it's obvious he likes me and i do admit they're has been signs but why should this boy be diffrent to the millions of others his age who go for looks? he's only 19 he won't have realised beauty's skin deep yet! Ive seen his ex girlfriend and she hada lovely figure but not being nasty an ugly face. If he loved her despite that it does give me hope but i still find the idea if him and me getting together a fairytale! Please Help.
  
  Live for the moment - and try not to analyse too much! Its good to get a grip of whats going on etc, but you will never know what people are thinking! The only way to get real answers, is to ask them directly - and to get a response "straight from the horses mouth". Its unfair that you are being cruel about your own physical appearance - and also unfair to his ex. Try to take your own advice - in that beauty is more than skin deep. Believe this - really - and it may help move on to where you want to be. Take care.
  
  
• hello basically i just broke up with my girl friend b/cuz she lied to me continously about stupid things too,she lied about doing something,i brought the converstation back up a few days later but she then said she had never ever done it,after a little arguement she admitted she lied,i just cant get over the fact she lied about something,im thinking if she can lie about that she can lie about anything,i dont trust her now at all,im worrying all the time about where she is i never used to,,also she never told her parents about me,and she would also leave me for her friends alot,we would make plans and at the last minute she would cancel them she did that about 4 or 5 times..well i just want to know if i have done the right tihng? what would u do if a guy/girl did that too u? thank u in advanced
  
  You have done what you felt right - so it must be the right thing. You deserve a relationship that is based on trust, and honesty - as thats the best way to build up strong connections to have a lasting effect! You deserve the best, and lying is definately a no-no. If a guy lied to me - i would end things asap. Lifes too short - and i deserve the best too! Take care and don't settle for less!
  
  
• I have a son to a man i had a affair with my son is three years old now and his dad still keeps in touch with me he is married with children i have know this man for 25 years and we are good friends but i want my son to know his father should i tell his dad i want it out in the open that we have a son he said wait till he his 18 years old before we tell him i did nothing wrong but love him so why should i keep quite while he gets away with been a part of his life
  
  Tough call. You are both adults though - and it involves both of you, and should therefore be a joint decision. When the time is right - it will feel right for all of you - and thats when you should tell your son. It will have many consequences and bring out many feelings and emotions for all of you - so tread carefully, and don't rush into anything. Take care.
  
  
• Dear Little Elf, I have a boyfriend who I really like but my mates don't they can't stand him and for that matter he doesn't like them either. They keep bad mouthing him while I'm around and even when I asked them to stop they did for a while and now they're back at it... I don't want to lose either of them (bf or mates) cos I love them both so much. What sould I do?
  
  Try to ignore your friends comments - it may well be that they are jealous? If you like your boyfriend - then stay with him - and enjoy the relationship that you have. They will soon move on to talk about something else. Shame that they are making you feel like this - not what friends should do at all. Do what you want to do - and what makes you happy - as its your one chance at life. Take care
  
  
• Hi Little Elf, I have this thing right. I love my boyfriend but im not sure whether im IN love with him. I think i might love him like a brother but im not sure. Then theres this other lad i really fancy and wanna give it a go with him. But i dont want to hurt my boyfriends feelings. Me and him have been arguing quite a lot recently and i think im just break things off with him for a little while and try with this other lad and then if it works out with him ill say to my boyfriend that its a definate finish. I wont cheat on my boyfriend because its just plain wrong and horrible. But do you think that im making a wise move if i do this? Like, say to my boyfriend that i just want to be friends with him for a bit and then if things dont work for me being single (i wont tell him about the other lad) then we can get back together? Do you think that would work? I think im gonna do this but im still not sure. Please help Little Elf, thanks
  
  I think you are too unsure about lots of things to be in a relationship - be it with your current partner, or someone else. How about you end things with him, and then just concentrate on living your life? Find out what you want - where you want to be in 5 years time etc. You are obviously going through a time where things and feelings are changing - so its difficult to commit yourself to someone - when you aren't sure if you will want them the same next week! AMybe you could give relationships a break - and try single life for a while? It will save you from hurting others, and from getting in this situation? Take care and think about it. Don't rush into anything - and enjoy!
  
  
• hi little elf! please help my predicerment i went to this party the other night and got hammerd ! i crnt remember what happened and someone told me that i slept wih 3 girls! and now one of them is pregnant i dnt want her to have it what should i do? Help!
  
  Everything you say and do has consequences. You must take the rough with the smooth - and also realise that alcohol is not an excuse to sleep with someone. Accidents happen - but lives are at risk here. Do you believe the things they are telling you? Were you THAT drunk? Be an adult and face up to the situation - and try and do the right thing. Learn from your experiences, be open and honest, and move on. All the best.
  
  
• Dear Little Elf, I've been going out with my bf for 3 1/2 months now and we really haven't done anything... I really like this guy but I get the impresion that he's affraid of commitment. It was 3 months before we exchanged numbers and the first time we actually went out anywhere was last weekend. My friends think he's leading me along and that I should dump him but as I said before I really like him. I want to kiss him and I'd really like it if he came up to me one day and hugged me but it always feels like me making the first move... I think he's shy and would like to get passed that... What should I do???
  
  Well - this is a guy you need to keep hold of! Most men these days want one thing only - and you are left with nothing to look forward to! However - you have the opportunity to really get to know this guy - and to make strong ties with him - which is so important in a longstanding relationship. Its making good grounds for a start. So - its traditional for the guy to make the moves - but whats stopping you? You say he's shy - so, why not make a small move and see what his reaction is? He may just surprise you! Bring him out of his shell - and give him the confidence he lacks, to help your relationship. it may help to tell him how his lack of movement is making you feel - but make sure you reassure him that you do like him - and that you aren't being pushy - just want to take things a little bit further! So - be strong, be honest, and be yourself. And enjoy!
  
  
• hi little elf. There's this lad i've been flirting with in college recently and i'm pretty sure he likes me. My problem is even though he lives like 5 minuets from me i NEVER see him out of college and hes finished his course now and i'm not sure if he's coming back next year! Im finishing on Friday and i'm not going back for 9 weeks so even if he's back next term there's 9 weeks of holiday's first! I really want to further things between us and can't wait 9 weeks! how can i further things when i never see him? he's new to this area and doesn't have a lot of friends round here so hes never out. I don't no him well enough to go knocking on his door either! I no the easiest option would be to forget about him but I really like him! help please
  
  You want to further things with this guy you say - and you do like him a lot -what you know so far. So if its that strong a feeling whats stopping you from waiting another 9 weeks? Good things are worth waiting for - and why rush? Think what may happen in this time - places where you might just bump into him! Take this 9 weeks to spend time being you - and enjoying what you like doing - and who knows what may happen! Do what feels right for you - and live life!
  
  
• Dear little elf, i think my best friend likes me, i dont now what to tell them because i stil want to keep her as a friend, and yes she is a girl and so am i.
  
  Try to be open with your feelings - and allow yourself to feel them. Don't hide them. Go with the flow - and follow your heart. Do what you feel is right - and what YOU want to do. Take care
  
  
• hey little elf, i am actually not enjoying this any more my friend came over to my house i mean WHO IS SHE? who does she think she is ? WHO IS SHE ?i will find it very difficult to get along with her very difficult ! What should i do ?
  
  If you are not keen on her - then try to find othes to spend time with. Be polite to her and be honest. It may help to question why you don't like her? Is it all her? If you are friends? then its normal to go round to each others houses - have you led her to believe you are her friend, when actually she isn't? Have a think and take care.
  
  
• A year ago, I had had a gf/bf relationship with a girl. Most of it was online and we had never met before...When we met first time with each other and things were kind of 'not right' lets jsut say. We eventually split up. After splitting up, we didn't speak much... havn't spoken to each other properly for almost a year now and I want to get to talk to her again because i miss her =(... I've had a friend ask her some questiosn for me...And apparently she's still pretty angry with me over what happened when we met...Right now, I just want to get back talking to her, and most of all gain some forgiveness. I'm thinking of talking to her soon (first time in almost a year), but I'm not sure what to say/ask to her or do to gain back her forgiveness...It would really help if you could advise me on what to do..
  
  How about you just test the waters - and say hi - and that you are thinking of her? I am unsure of the full situation - but we all make mistakes, and hopefully - we can accept them, and learn from them, and move on? Maybe it may help to explain to her what you felt, and how you feel now? Try to be open and honest with yourself - and with her. I can't advise you on what to do - but i can suggest that you make contact soon, because lifes too short. Why wait? Take care
  
  
• Hey Little Elf, Ive written in before about me and my bf. Weve now been together for nearly 8 months. Ive met him once since my holiday and it was the most wonderful 2days ever. But now im starting to have feelings for my ex and i kknow he fancies me to because hes asked me out. To be honest im getting bored of my relatioship with my bf at the moment and think that me and my ex could work out. BUT... I do still love my bf but im not sure whether im IN love with him. Whether i love him like a brother or a lover. I dont want to break up with my bf because it will desroy him and me because i wont know how to tell him and ill end up in tears on the phone or face to face and that will make him cry and then ill buckle and want to keep him. I want to stay with my bf because i love him but im worried im just "comfortable" because im not finding it fun anymore its just like phone calls and at the end "I love you" its sort of become a habit. I know that sounds bad but i really dont know. I also want this other boy, my ex, and ive said to him that ill seriously think about going out with him but i dont know what to do. What do i do Little Elf? I cant follow either my head or my heart cause they both lead to different places. I dont even know which direction each of them is going. I want to know what you think i should do. I know you cant control what i do but it might help me. What do i say to my bf to explain how i feel? will he take it the wrong way? OMG Im so confused pplleeaassee hheellpp!
  
  OK - take a deep breath - and a step back - and give yourself a break! You say you are bored in your current relationship - and if this is the case - then perhaps you could end it - and say you need time on your own for a while - to work out whats going on for you - and that its only being fair to him to end it? Be open and honest with him. You can only control you - so do just that. Lifes too short to be unhappy - so make a few changes and see how you get on then. Take care.
  
  
• My sister is anorexic and had been for the past half year. About a year ago she was a bit overweight and so went on the atkins diet. However she didn't know when to stop. At Christmas she was eating just enough to survive. My Dad took her to the doctor but she's refusing to co-operate. My Mum is doing nothing to make her eat and all my Dad does is take her to the doctor. She hasn't had a period since she went on the diet her now hair has been falling out for about a year. She's wrecking my lifer as well as my parents' lives and now I can't help but snap at her to stop being so stupid. My parents have told me not to. How should I deal with her?
  
  You didn't mention your sisters age, which can be quite important. However - you cannot do anything until she accepts that her way of life is actually an illness that has set in. It may be unknown to her, as she has become used to it. Try to understand that its an illness - and not her choice. She won't be finding times easy - and as hard as it is for her - its also hard for those around her - as its painful to watch. Unfortunately - the only thing you can do - is stand by her. It may help to ask her what she wants out of life - and what she needs to do to reach those goals? Also - ask her if she thinks her life is normal at present? It may help to highlight that her illness is a dangerous one - and can claim lives. Remind her that she only lives once - and that she isn't alone in this. There are lots of people and suport groups etc who deal with this illness - have you thought to contact them to learn more about it yourself? Maybe if she knew that there is a way out - and that all it takes is to accept she's ill, and let the pro's do the rest? Reassure her that you are there for her - and that you will wait until she's ready to accept help? She may have to do this herself - but she doesn't have to do it alone. Perhaps it would help if you showed her this? Take care - and try to live your life. All the very best.
  
  
• My close friend recently had his heart broken by his ex. she broke up with him because she thought he was being unfaithful. when she found out this was not true she was still horrible to him. she blames him for not coming 2 see her while she was being mean. he is constantly blaming himself and is very upset. he doesnt understand its not his fault? what can i do?
  
  Be there for him. Listen, and be supportive. Suggest that he tries to focus on other aspects of his life. Try to encourage him to go out and keep his life active. Its important that he tries to accept whats happened, and to find ways of coping - in a positive way. Just be there for him as a good friend - and in time - things will get easier as he will be used to whats going on. All the best.
  
  
• Hi little elf. About 2 months ago i was told that a lad liked me so i thought ok i'll flirt to see if it's true. We'd never spoken before and I see him occasioanly so after like a week we started sayin hi to eachother. He'd always look really happy to see me and even my friends would pick up on it. He found out that I help out in an activity and all of a sudden he'd turning up to fund raisers and spend the whole time smiling at me. He drove past me the other day and waved really enthusiasticlly with a lovely smile on his face. I've now vowed for the next time i see him to have a convo with him, but i'm still worried that he's just being friendly. I consider him to be "out of my league". How do I find out without just asking him straight if he's proper intrested and single!? I don't want it to be ovious that I'm as intrested as I am in him! I'm startin t fall for him tho cuz hes sucha nice good guy! And I find him gorgeous!!! Please help xx
  
  Out of your league? Never. If its meant to be, its meant to be - and you are the best - and deserve the best - so why not?! Without asking him you won't get a true answer as to whether or not he likes you. But - if you feel you can't ask him - does that mean you aren't comfortable around him? you don't know until you try - and what've you got to lose? Lifes too short! Maybe you could ask if he fancied going out for a day with you - or go for a drive with friends etc, and spend more time with him to get to know him more - and vice versa. If hes the nice guy you think he is - then you have nothing to worry about - just be brave take a risk, and enjoy it!!
  
  
• My best lad mate was bieng forced into homosexual acts by another boy now we are dating and he is seeing a counsellor but he has mood swings and nightmares and cries all night how can I help him.
  
  Help him - by helping yourself. Do what you need to, to cope with whats going on - and then you will be able to support him better. Be honest, open, and a good friend - and also keep doing things that keep you happy.
  
  
• Ive been asked outby my best friend how do i turn him down and remain our freindship? please give me advice..
  
  Be honest and open with him - and tell him how you feel about it. Tell him you love being his best mate - and remind him that girlfriends come and go, but friends stay around forever. It may help to tell him you are honoured he has asked you - but it wouldn't be fair to accept as you don't have those feelings back for him - and he deserves a girlfriend who does have those feelings. Try not to cut him off - and keep building on the friendship. Take care
  
  
• I have a boyfriend, i love him loads but now I am starting to get feelings for somebody else, I know he won't understand if I break up with him and I know he will not let me forget it...I need advice on what to do for I love them both so much...please help me...
  
  If you are having feelings for others - then its important to end your current relationship. He will appreciate it in the long run, as you are enabling him to find someone who wants to be with him. I would also suggest that you spend some time on your own - and work out where you are going in life - and what it is you want. Take care and don't rush into anything.
  
  
• i have scars on my legs and face. i think most of them are from me peeling the skin off scabs when i was young, discusting isnt it? but i have got out of this habit and i have not done it for years.. they are darker patches of skin. i mean like small light brown circles, where scabs wher. my mum used to warn me they would scar if i picked but i woukd not listen to her. i would love to be able to feel good about showing off my legs because they are one of my best features... well they would be, if it werent for the scars. is there anyway to remove them completely? or to cover them up? hopefully there is a permenunt solutiion. and where could i find this if there is anything? sorry. i know ppl have bigger problems than this but i would be soo much happier without the scars. please help.. is there anyway??
  
  Relax. There is help around. Its good that you are open with your feelings, and expressing them. There are many products and treatments available on the market for scar removal - but I would advise you to go and speak with your gp, who will be able to direct you to people suitable for what you want. However - if you choose not to take any action - then try to be you. And be proud of what makes you you. It may seem a problem to you - but its unique and part of your life. Why hide it? Take care.
  
  
• My bra size is 30A. whats wrong with me. My best mate has 34DD. I only want a B or C cup, why wont they grow :'(.
  
  You are you. And you are that for a reason! Try to think of other great parts of your body which are unique to you also - and that you can highlight to show off! Breast size is only that. A size. The grass is always greener. Just concentrate on accepting who you are, and if others don't like it, then move on! We always want what we don't have. Take care
  
  
• i am going to do a problem page at school what shall i right about??
  
  Am unsure if you are activating the page to run yourself - or wanting to put in a problem of your own. To start a page is a good idea - but you have to be very careful as there are lots of guidelines to abide by. To write one yourself - whats bothering you? Be honest and open - and hope for a good reply!
  
  
• hi. ive been very sad for the past few weeks.probably because i havent met my girlfriend for long.i ahvent even talked to her on the phone.i feel very sad i dont feel like doing anything and im just upset all the time.do you think my girlfriend is trying to avoid me??
  
  Put your girlfriend to one side a moment - and look at your life. Are there things going on that you are happy with? Are there places and people around that you are comfortable with? What makes you happy? Whens the last time you had a good day? Whens the last time you did something for yourself? Spending time on YOU - doing things that YOU want to do. You may think they are selfish activities, but they aren't - its self interest. If you don't see the good things of yourself - no one else will! So - find out who you are and what makes you tick - and do it! As for your girlfriend avoiding you - try asking her! If you can't communicate with her - then she's not the one for you. Take care
  
  
• Hia! its neally the end of the school term nearlly summer holidays and i think i am goin to get a bad report !! if i do my mum and dad wont b pleased i dont want to disapoint them because every since this year i have had a gd report!: (please help what can i do o and by the way my report has already been wrote ! please reply to my problem please!
  
  You can't change what has happened, so its best to think how you can act on whats going to happen - and what you can do to improve things? It may help to question why this year isn't as good as last - and also to realise that its normal to worry about these reports, and parents reactions! As long as you do the best you can - and put your hand on your heart and say that - then thats all you can do - so people will have to accept that that is who you are. Maybe you can speak with them and discuss your worries? They may have had similar experiences themselves!
  
  
• Hi, Not a major problem, but my boyfriend of 6 months has gone on a lads holiday for a week, i know i can trust him, but i feel so jealous and paranoid about the fact that he will be goin to strip clubs, clubs with girls in just their bikinis and so on. I love him so much and I know he feels the same, but i just feel that for this 1 week he may kinda forget me and get drunk and realise how fun it is to be 'one of the lads' again. i hate the thought of him being drunk and around all of those attractive girls! Please help and give me some advice! Thanks
  
  Its not an easy time - but try to think more of the fact that he feels the same about you - and that while he may look at others, he's coming home to you. And not short term. How about organising some fun times yourself whilst he's away - why let him have all the fun? Try to meet up with those you haven't seen for a while - going places that you haven't been to? You say you can trust him - and so this will prove whether you actually do or not - or if its what you hope to do. Trust comes with time, and with him being trustworthy. A week will soon fly by if you're having fun! Take care, and make the most of it!
  
  
• We are having quite serious problems within our family group due to deaths, marriage break ups and children going to live with other relatives. My biggest problem at the moment is I have just found out that certain information regarding one of the childrens schooling has been with held from me (for 2 years), I feel that if this information is being with held what else am I unaware of and am I wrong to feel angry that I have been kept in the dark.
  
  You are entitled to feel angry - and you are entitled to feel any other emotion that may come your way! They are your feelings - and its important to be aware of them, and to deal with them in an appropriate manner to yourself. Its hard that things have been kept from you - but - whilst you may feel angry - try looking at the future, and how you can stop it from happening again. Why was it kept from you? Was it for your benefit in the long run? If you treat others well - then you deserve the same treatment in return. Its important that you voice your feelings in an appropriate and tactful way - and to be honest about whats going on for you - and how you are affected by these actions. You are right to feel angry - but lifes too short to hold a grudge - forgive, forget, and move on. Take care.
  
  
• Hey, ive been really depressed lately. i want to tell someone but im afraid they will think im over-reacting when i know im not. i have started making myself throw up because of my weight and people make me feel bad about myself. my friends know i do this to myself but some of them have got mad at me because i cant stop. ive tried and tried but it hurts. i cant stop. ive been thinking bad thoughts for some time now and i know its wrong because it hurts so many people but i dont know what to do. please, please help.
  
  OK - may be its time to go and have a chat with someone who may understand - and listen to whats going on in your life. It will help to download whats on your mind - and you may find things out that not even you were aware of. How do you feel about yourself? You say others make you feel bad. This indicates that you don't think highly of yourself either? How about writing down all the good points about yourself - don't be too harsh - really think - anything - small or big, trivial or important - everything counts towards what makes you. Try to spend time with those that you feel most comfortable with - and can be yourself. What aims and goals do you have? What can you be doing to achieve them and make them happen? Take a look in the mirror - and stand up tall - keep your head held high - and show the world what you are made of. And that whatever you decide to do, nothing, or no one, will get in your way. Live your life! and enjoy!
  
  
• Recently my girlfriend made friends with 2 men as she works in a bar and they drink there. She talks and texts one of them in moderation as i would expect of friends. The other one she talks and texts a lot more. They text each other quite often and they ring each almost every day(some days 2 or 3 times). I have noticed text messages saying things to her like "I know its hard to find time" and "We'll have to sort something out soon". I don't think she is cheating on me but I can't help feeling that it is heading in that direction. Should I tell her this or will it just push her further away?
  
  I think you need to discuss this with her asap. It may be that you are getting way ahead of yourself - and when things get kept in your head - it gets all mixed up and confused, and the imagination kicks in... Its not great that you are having to read her texts - as it shows mistrust - and this isn't good in a relationship. So - time to have a chat with her, and tell her how you feel about her getting these messages. It could be a bit of fun- and she doesn't realise how it makes you feel. Be open and honest - and careful. Take care.
  
  
• There is girl where I work who keeps making me feel really bad, she critisises me and gives me lectures about things I haven't been doing, the last time she did it was when I was looking for my friend, and I went to the store cupboard entrance to see if her door was locked, and the girl comes over and says 'you're not allowed in there, thats people's stuff' I tried to explain I was only looking for my friend but she just ignored me. She doesn't do it to anyone but me. She thinks she's all higher than anyone else. When I get home I just feel like crying and the last time she did it, I nearly ran away! Please help me!
  
  Some people are so cruel - and they don't see past themselves, that they are hurting others. They get a buzz from having power - which is usually a sign that things in their own lives aren't great - or how they want them. But - this is where you need to think about YOU - and how best to cope with the situation. Try accepting that she has problems - and you are just something she is using as a target. Its not right - or fair, but thats as it stands. You can't change her, but you can move away - and focus on your life. Learn from it that you should treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. Have you tried telling her how you feel? Don't let her bully you. Stand up for yourself. Tell her that its not right she speaks to you like that - and say you won't let her bully you. Keep other things in your life going - and keep socialising with those who deserve your company. Take Care.
  
  
• Hi! I've developed feelings for my best friend. It started off as just a crush but they got stronger and stronger and now I can't stop thinking about him. The only problem is, I spoke to him about this and though he's happy to be friends, he doesn't really want to take things any further. Obviously I'm pretty gutted but if that's how things must be, that's how they must be. I'd rather keep him as a friend than push things and scare him away. What I need advice on is how to get rid of these feelings now that they're pointless. When I'm with him I can't think straight and when I'm away from him I'm always unhappy and 'if-only-ing'. I just want things to be as they were, to feel nothing more than friendly affection for him, because otherwise I'm worried that things will get awkward and I'll frighten him away or ruin our friendship. We're so close and I don't want to lose that. But I'm sick of feeling sad and regretful all the time, and I know how much it will hurt when I see him going out with some other girl, so I desperately need to cure my lovesickness. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to go out and find someone else because it wouldn't be fair on them- at the beginning, at least, I'd still be thinking of my friend, and who wants to be second choice? Plus which, it's the summer holidays in under 2 weeks and I don't want to meet someone and then not see them for 3 months. What on earth can I do? This is making me so unhappy; I just don't want to feel like this any more.
  
  There is no way of getting rid of your feelings I'm afraid, but I do have some positive news! It is going to be a case of accepting the feelings that you have, and respecting your friends feelings. Its great that you have him as a good friend, and its also good that he is being honest, and open with you. True friends are hard to find - and it appears you have a very good friend here. I appreciate it must be hard, when you still have these strong feelings for him - but try accepting them as your feelings, and try to carry on regardless. Accept that this is the situation - and its not going to change. It may help you get on day to day - and then as time goes by - you'll get used to the way you feel, and in that respect it will become easier. Think of the positives, (and yes there are some!) and keep your head held high! Take care.
  
  
• I quite like this girl and we have been friends for ages now and i've gotten to know her better but everyone will laugh if i ask her out. What shall i do?
  
  Do what you want to do - and the people who laugh will only do so because they can't do it themselves! If its what you want - then go for it! You only live once - and who knows what the future may hold! Don't let time slip by - and don't let people stop you living. Take care! and all the best!
  
  
• I am what people would call a "greebo" and some people in my class are really nasty about it and call me names because of it. They are what others might call "chavs". Mufti day is coming up soon and I want to wear the stuff that makes me ME, but I know that if I do, I will be teased and bullied all day. What shall I do?
  
  Be bold - and be strong! You are you - and you are right in standing tall. If they have a problem with it - then thats their problem! Try to remember that they are the ones with the insecurities, and issues, not you - and move away! Go Girl!
  
  
• How do i romance my wife. We've been married six years and known each other nine years. something happend in our relationship a little bit back and since then i've slept on the sofa and she's had the bedroom. iwas thru family we fell out. i've never felt any support from her even when my father died she didn't attend the funeral with me, she said it was too close to her own fathers funeral 3 years previous. For about 4 of our married years i've felt like a single parent. I get up early with the kids bathe them dress them for school and then take them there I then tidy the house make every cup of tea or coffee throughout the day and night do all the cooking dishwashing etc. I would say i spend most of my time looking after everone else in the household i never have time for myself. I'm alway walking around unshaven with unironed clothes because i'm tired all the time but I still love my wife. I want to get close to her again but for some weird reason i'm scared. have you any ideas.
  
  Maybe its a chance for you to make some changes and show that you can live your life and be happy - and she may then be attracted to that? Attracted to the fact that you are being a fab husband - fantastic father, and a brilliant bloke! Its no good feeling tired, and not taking time for yourself - as without doing this - your life quality won't be what it can, and should be. It may help if you look after yourself first - and then start on improving other relationships - giving a positive outlook? Have a go, and see what the result is! Take care
  
  
• Lately I have been being attracted to my best friend! I have a boyfriend and my best friend is a girl! I know I'm not a lesbian but why do I feel like this? I really should dream and fantasise about my boyfriend but I keep fantasisng about her! Help Please what do I do?
  
  Your felings are just that. Yours. And you are entitled to them! It may feel uncomfortable at first, as they are new to you - but it may help ease things if you try to let yourself feel these feelings, and accept that this is how you are feeling. It may well be a curious phase, which is quite normal. Maybe things aren't going as well as you think with your boyfriend - and you are looking at ways to get out? Have a think, but don't rush into anything - and take care.
  
  
• Dear Person i'm feeling down as many people i know say i'm gay. My cousin says most are winding me up however i can't help feeling down when people say this how can i feel better about it
  
  Rise above it. Try to remember that it is them that have the problem if all they can do is tease others. It may well be that they are gay themselves but can't face it - reverse psychology and all that - who knows! But - it doesn't matter at the end of the day - as this is about you. You could try accepting what they are saying - and remembering that it is their opinion. And that only. You know who you are, and what you are - - and thats whats important. Maybe it may help to spend time thinking about what you like doing - where you want to go in life etc? Live your life the way you want to - and try to spend time with people who accept you for you. Take care.
  
  
• I have been seperated from my X for two months now and I am finding it realy hard to get her out of my head, She does not want to know me but I am still in love with her. Here are the letters I have written to her and a copy of my diary... [ ] ... Some days its hard and some days its good. Why do I still love this person and the kids ? How the hell can I get this out of me? Any help would be realy well helpfull.
  
  Its so good that you are able to let your feelings out - through your writing. That will be a huge help to you, and it is a good idea to keep writing a diary if you can. Its a good way of letting out whats going on inside. I'm sorry that you are going through a haard time - but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things happen for a reason - and you deserve to be with someone who returns the feelings and shares your life, and who trusts and honours you. That person is still to be found! It will take time to get through whats going on right now for you - and don't expect it to get easier. It won't - but you'll soon be able to deal and cope better with your feelings and be able to move on. Try to keep in contact with others, and don't lock yourself away. You aren't alone in this - many people have similar situations to deal with - but this is your life and you can only do what you feel is right. Give it time - and give yourself a break - and try to carry on with your life. Take care - and thank you for sharing it with me. All the very best. You deserve it.
  
  
• I am overweight...my friends tell me im not but they r w slimmer than me so thay cant give me advise...its makes very uncomfortable when they talk about their weight because im much bigger than them so if they tink they are fat it doesnt make me feel good about myself....im trying to lose the weight...i have told them how i feel but they continue to talk about weight.....what should i do??? Help
  
  Unfortunately - its a worldwide, and common subject and you won't ever get away from it, so as hard as it may be - it may help to start realising this - and trying to cope with it the best you can. Everyone has issues with their weight, and appearance - so it may help to know that you're not alone? Have you told your mates how you feel about them discussing it so much? Perhaps you could ask them to not talk about it when you are there - as its unpleasant for you to listen to - as its something you're struggling with? Or - how about you ask them to help you achieve your goals? Get them involved? It may help bring you all closer? Another thing is you could find other activities and things to do, and talk about? Maybe go and watch films etc? There is much more to life than weight - your future - what do you want to do? How can you make your goals real? Hope this has helped - and take care.
  
  
• mi mate like my best mate were goin to this night club nd she had no money and she said that. before i had been fundraising for the moonwalk for breast cancer nd raised the $100 pounds witch i counted every day. i left it in a box in my draw named fundraising for breast cancer. me and my best mate organised that we were going to go to town with this other girl nd all of a sudden she told me that she had forgot she had $20 in her jeans. i thought it was a bit suspisious but as we were best mates i didnt think she would do that but when we came back from town i counted to make sure and $20 were missing i checked with my family & the other girl they all said they didnt take it i know it was her but i need that $20 back but i dont know how to ask for it please help
  
  Its simple. Ask her. If its what you are thinking, and you have been down other avenues to find out where your cash may have gone, then its the ext thing to do. Be honest, open, and sensitive. Take care
  
  
• I fancy one of my best (boy) mates. He's going out with someone else, and I find myself wishing he'd get dumped and go out with me. His current girlfriend is really nice and she's a friend but I just want her to get chucked, or her to chuck him. I soooooooo want him to come to his senses and ask me out. Now the real problem is the fact that he lives down the road from me and I go on the bus with him. Can you offer any advice so I can control my feelings for him?
  
  I'm not sure a best mate would wish they were dumped - are you? Its not a nice feeling - and can be very hurtful and upsetting. However, its unfair when you have feelings for someone who is already taken. Only you can control your feelings towards him - and it may help if you try to focus on the facts? He's not single - and you deserve to be number one in someones life. You should respect his decision to be with her, and be a friend, and support him. How about you try to move away from thinking about him in another way, and find other things, and people to hang out with? Boyfriends come and go - but best mates are there forever. Think about it.
  
  
• Hi, Theres a guy who likes me and is attracted to me. He has not actually told me as yet, but I can make out. The problem is, I do not have any feelings for him whatsoever. He is constantly making excuses to approach me and talk to me. I get the feeling that he is preparing to ask me out or propose to me or something. How should I refuse him without hurting his feelings? It makes me feel very guilty at times. I know this is very stupid, but I am constantly hearing of boys who commit suicide when they are refused by a girl they like. Or worse, they murder her as well. And I get scared. I know this boy is decent and will do nothing of that sort, but I still feel unsure as you never know how people may turn out. How do I prevent any situation like this from occurring? I want to say no to him, in a firm way, but politely, so that he does not feel insulted or angry. Please help me out.
  
  You have your life to lead and control. And thats it. He is responsible for his life, and his actions. You say you know this guy - so why not be honest with him - and then move on. Have you spoken to anyone about this - as sometimes things get caught up in our heads, and they spiral out of control, as our thoughts and feelings get hooked up with our active imaginations! It may help to not think about it - and to deal with the events when they happen. it may be an idea to question why you think he is going to ask you out? Do you have feelings for him that you aren't aware of - or haven't acknowledged? Try not to think about the future, and the unknown - deal with the here and now - and live your life as you want to. Take care.
  
  
• theres this guy i really like. he says he loves me aswell but he has a girlfriend. he doesnt want to leave her as she self-harms already and he doesnt want to make it any worse but its driving us both crazy. we havent know each other very long but we really like each other. what shound i do?
  
  You deserve to be number one - so don't settle for being his bit on the side. I appreciate he is in a tough situation - but he needs to realise that he isn't responsible for his girlfriend and her problems. Only she can change them, so it is only possible for him to support her. But - I think, it may be a good idea to give this guy some time and space to work out what he wants in his life - and if they include you - then you are there. If thats what you want. Its a situation where you can't make any changes to their side - but you can sit back, take in whats going on - and enjoy the fact that you like a guy, and he's interested too! Only time will tell. Take it easy - and try to focus on your life.
  
  
• Hey Little Elf! Im kinda in a jam. Basicly im in love with my boyf and been wif him nearly 7months. But about a year ago my m8s brother started to fancy me. Me n him were friends nd i said that we could neva be anything else. Now my friends brohter has a girlf and they r completely in love as r me n my boyf. I was speakin 2 his girlf the other day n she was sayin how much she loved him. and i know that theyve slept 2getha and r so tight i mean me n my boyf have been with each other longer than them 2 but i dont care that me n my boyf havnt slept 2getha. Its just when i was talkin 2 his girlf i started 2 feel weird like i was kinda jealous that i neva got him. But dont get me wrong i love my boyf 2 pieces .. neva wanna let him go. i just wanna know why i felt like this when i said that we could neva be more than friends... i dont fancy him.And i dont think its something that i havnt got ... meaning them 2 sleepin 2getha coz me n my boyf r plannin 2. Please help me Little Elf?
  
  Sounds like the curse of temptation I'm afraid. What we don't have has a knack of being exciting - especially as its not the right thing to do. Being "rebellious" may seem a good thing to do and create good feelings, but it has consequences. As for your relationship - it takes more love and trust, and care, to remain with a partner - than it does to have sex. You are thinking of the future - as opposed to the here and now - which has a lot going for you. It may help to take a step back - and look at what you have - and how you feel. You say you love your boyfriend - and wanna be with him - if somethings missing - then talk to your guy about it - and see if you can work things out so that you aren't feeling lost!! Take care
  
  
• Need help badly.... I'm married. it was an arranged marriage. i live with my husband. i have 2kids. have been in an intimate relationship with a married man for the past 3 years. my hubby knows about our relationship. when he got to know about my lover all my hubby wanted was to include him. hubby is very comfortable with my lover. but four days back my lovers wife found out about us. she is in shock, as she had completely trusted her husband. my lover called me the next day saying we have to end our relationship as he wants to save his marriage. i know he has a responsiblity towards his wife and 2kids. but i feel devastated. i'm feeling very guilty too. coz i know how painful it is for the wife. but i dont know how to survive without his presence in my life. looking at my little kid i feel terrible. i cant erase the past. i feel very depressed and i am neglecting my health. i feel suicidal but i know it will only complicate matters for my family and his family. it was my lover who said our relationship is forever whenever i worried about his wife finding out. it was him who said he cant live without me. but now he is saying he is finding solace in religion and prayers. he said we are to cut off the relationship for ever. he says i should think he died in a car crash. how can i when i know he is very much alive? i feel terrible. knowing i cant do anything about it. he begs me to tell his wife if she is to call that our relationship was just for sex. he doesnt want her to leave him. i dont want her to leave him too. but how can i live without him? he has never showed any attachment towards the kid. but always said he loved me and his wife equally. i feel lost and lonely. please tell me what to do.
  
  I think you have to respect what your lover wants - as hard as it is for you to accept. It is something that should never have happened - but it did, and you now have to deal with the consequences. How about you take some time out - and think about whats gone on. Its not an easy time for you, and you need to take time for it to sink in, and find ways to deal with it. You can get throguh this - and you will. Think positively. You enjoyed the times that you had with him, and you made the most of it. You do have other commitments though, and maybe its time to focus on those? Like your kids? and your family? Find some time to spend with your friends too - and try to do things to relax and make you feel at ease. Try to refocus on the important things to you. I can't tell you what to do - but I can tell you to think about it yourself - as only you have the answers. Take care and all the very best.
  
  
• HELP ME! My best friend only cares about her boyfriend. They recently got together and now all she cares about is him. I’m not jealous; it’s just that I know the truth: he only likes her as a girl to hang around with. She’s always said how no boy would ever like her so when he asked her out her self-actualisation had a huge boost. I’ve overheard him and his friend talking saying he was only going out with her for the sake of it! When he gets bored and dumps her she is going to lose all self-confidence and never show her face again. So as any best friend would I tried to help. When I told her he didn’t like her she snapped back “when you get a boyfriend remind me to say horrid stuff about him.” She now treats me like some average person and even tells her boyfriend what a ***** I am. What should I do next? Please help, a confused and hurt best friend.
  
  Time to take a step back - and to just wait for the inevitable. It's hard being close to someone - and imagining the outcome - but it's her life, and only she can live it. It may be an idea to state youor point - and then to leave it - and to concentrate on other aspects of your friendship. She may well be making a mistake - but its hers. As a friend - you will need to be there when it crumbles, ready to pick up the pieces, and help revive her! Try to remain close, and try to accept that its her life. It may help to focus more on YOUR life - and to concentrate on your future? What do you enjoy doing? What is it you want out of life? Try to include your friend in other things, to keep things sweet. Find stuff to do that will help you stay good friends. Take care - and I am afraid this will just take time. All the best.
  
  
• I can never stay in a relationship and always break up with girls as I feel they will be better off with someone else. Is this normal or could I be depressed ??
  
  You tell me?! There are lots of people out there that are potential partners, and unless we try them out so to speak - how are we to know whether they are "the one" or not. Its positive that you are going out there trying to make things work out with people you meet. It may be an issue with your confidence which is making you break up with them? Feeling that you aren't good enough? Maybe it would help to spend time on concentrating on YOU - all the good things about you - and the individual things that make you so unique? You must have things that people are attracted to - so build on these things and keep reinding yourself of the positives. As for depression - how about you stay single for a bit - and work out what makes you happy - and who you are etc, and what you want out of life, and relationships? Its common for people to feel not good enough - but try not to compare yourself - we are all different. You aren't alone in these thoughts. Keep positive - and keep talking with mates etc about your feelings. Live life - we only have one go. Take care.
  
  
• Hey, there's this guy who likes me and i kinda like him too. He has a girlfriend. We hang out, go to the park and stuff, we also have kissed but he wants more, i don't want to disrespect his girlfriend because karma can be a B.I.T.C.H, what do you think?
  
  You deserve to be number one in someones life - not a bit on the side. You deserve the best. So - are you? Its fab that you have found someone you like - and he is showing interest back. However- its up to him now to make a decision as to the status of his current relationship. If he wants more - then he needs to deal with the here and now - before thinking of the future. It may be time to say this to him - and to state your views on the situation. Treat others as you want to be treated yourself. Think about your actions - and the consequences that may follow. As to what I think? That is irrelevant. Its your life - your heart - and your feelings. Talk things through, think aboutit - and don't rush into anything. Take care and remember - look after number one. All the best.
  
  
• I am with this girl but i'm getting feelings for another, everytime i'm with my gf i cant imagine leaving her and the pain it is going to cause her, i cant do it to her but i am in love with another girl who i think likes me back, what should i do?
  
  You are in fact causing more pain now - pretending to her that things are OK - when they clearly aren't. Do yourself and your girlfriend a favour, and be honest with yourself. Give yourself a break - it happens - and you aren't alone in this. You only live once and you can't help the way you feel. You've tried to make it work out - and it didn't - so move on. Things happen for a reason! Don't rush into anything new though - take time to find out how you really feel - and what it it you are truly looking for. All the best. Your girlfriend will thank you in the long term.
  
  
• Hey little elf, i posted before about a dilemma between my girlfriend and another girl. I think i hav resolved this, when i am with both of them together i prefer my girlfriend hands down, so thanks. You asked if i hav actually tried to kiss my girlfriend. I had the perfect opportunity the other day to try, but i am simply just too shy and i ended up cracking a joke instead. Its like i know what to do but just cant do it. Should i tell her im too shy to make the first move? I know this would be sensible but if i did this, i feel like i'd be missing out and would feel like a bit of a shy loser. Please help!
  
  Yep - this sounds like a fab idea of yours. Its a move that would help you communicate with your girlfriend and let her know whats going on for you. It may help to make things move on a bit...! All the best.
  
  
• help i recently told a lie and my mum reported it to the police i dont no what to do. what should i do if it goes further will it go further HELP!
  
  Its out in the open now - which is the best thing. Hopefully you will have learnt that it should never been told in the first place - and that honesty is the only way to go? Try to relax - in the knowledge that you know what you did was wrong - and that you are adult enough to face the consequences. Be strong - and try to talk with others so as not to bottle up your feelings. All the best.
  
  
• i am going out with a girl, but the thing is i am falling for another girl, the girl i am going out with is perfect and i love her loads but i cant control my feelings for the other, should i battle against my feelings? what should i do? Help
  
  OK - battling with your feelings won't work out in the long term. Time to face up to the hear and now am afraid. Your girlfriend may be perfect - but if this is the case - why are you falling for someone else? Things change - and you can't help the way you feel - you just have to face up to them, and deal with whats happening. Take a step back, and have a re-think. Be open, be honest, and don't rush decisions. Take care.
  
  
• Hi there little Elf! My problem is my mate had just broken up with his girl-friend of six months. and I really like her. The thing is, she is going abroad next week for a holiday, and her folks have said if they find a nice place then they want to stay there. I don't know how to tell her I like her, and I don't want to lose her but unless I hurry, she'll be gone, maybe forever. Please help!
  
  No time like the present? If she is going - then time is ticking by - and its now you could be finding out how she feels? If she doesn't know - then it will go nowhere! So - pluck up the courage - and test the waters. If you are sure you have feelings for her - then test the waters!
  
  
• hi i am 16 years old and i havent started my period yet every one else has but i am worried i never will start HELP ME !!! please
  
  You are you - and we are not robots! Don't worry. You will start when your body is ready. Have you spoken to your Mum about this - when did she start? Try not to worry - as people start their periods at different times of their lives. If you are still worried - then it may help to chat with a nurse, or doctor? They will talk you through the process of youor periods - which may put your mind at rest. Take care
  
  
• I have fallen for my friend’s girlfriend. The trouble is that they have been together for 9 months and in that time I know he has cheated on her at least three or four times. He’s just one of those guys. We have been getting quite close over the past two months and I have fallen in love. I know I could give her and her son a better life than she has now. I know by the way she talks that she suspects he has cheated but because he is a great with her & her son almost perfect; when he is at home I don’t know whether she truly wants to know the truth. She has said on many occasions that if she were single she would be with me, but because she is in a relationship she has to try and make it work. Plus I feel she is worried that we might not work out if we got together. I get the feeling she would rather stay where she is suspecting he cheats than taking a risk in starting a new relationship with me. I also want her to love me for me, not because of what he has done. So I’m stuck whether to tell her or not.
  
  Have you tried speaking to your mate about this? And where do your loyalties lie - with him, or with her? What would you want your friend to do if it was the other way round? What advice would you give another - if they were in your shoes? It may be an idea to step back and distance yourself from the situation for a while. Its not your place to jump in with accusations. There's too many people involved. Her son for starters. How about you try to get her to see that she deserves the best in life? And that no one should put up with bad behaviour from a partner? How about you spend time with her and find out what she really feels? If you don't take risks - you don't live. And you only live once. Think about it - and don't rush into anything. Take care.
  
  
• i'm having a friendship problem see i wrote a letter to one of my best friends, whose a guy, telling him how i feel about him but because he has a girlfriend he'd find it weird so i said it would be best if we didn't see each other any more, but i thought he would have the decincey not to show anyone but hes shown loads a people, so now we're not talking, but i really regret saiding him a text sayin ' i hate you so much i wouldn't care if you died' so now we're completely not talking, but i don't know how to make it up to him, because his dead upset now, and i don't know what to do about him because everytime i thik of him a cry and it really getting me down... please help me xx
  
  I'm sorry that he has been cruel, and shown personal things to others. Very rude of him. You were trying to do the right thing - which you did - and he has thrown it back at you. You deserve so much better. Time is needed now - for things to settle down, and for you both to move on. Life's too short to hold grudges, so it may be an idea to acknowledge what has happened - learn from it - and move on. You deserve to be treated with respect and he crossed the line. Have you talked it through with any of your mates? It might help you get through it. You aren't alone in what you have done - we all do things and they don't go as we thought - but hey - its better to take risks and live, as opposed to not taking any at all. Take care, and enjoy the future!
  
  
• Hi little elf. Theres a boy i like and he looks at me all the time and says hi and everytime i see him ive been sending him "signals" that im interested smiling and saying hi and his m8 told me he liked me so y isnt he making a move? Is he just waiting for the right time or is he just interested in me as a friend? I'm getting sick of waiting for somthing to happen but i think id be too scared to make the first move! sayin hi was hard enough for me!! I really like him though and the thought of nothing happening scares me! please help x
  
  OK - it takes 2 to Tango - so they say - so whats holding you back??!! He may be waiting for more signals from you - so he knows its a sure thing! He may be like you too but be scared to make the first move! If things are meant to be - there's no point in rushing things. So - try to enjoy the moment - and make the most of it! If time goes and he still hasn't mentioned anything - then brave it - and check things out! All the best!
  
  
• I have a wonderful boyfriend who adores me, and who I love dearly. However I started university this year and spend an awful lot of time with a guy who I get on so well with. I kissed him once when I was drunk and he's told me he really does like me. I know that's terrible, but I don't think it shows I don't love my boyfriend. The only thing is now this other guy hardly talks to me, and I find myself missing him terribly. I don't really know what I'm asking, I just feel miserable. Any advice welcome
  
  If you have found you have feelings for others - then maybe its time to question your relationship with your boyfriend. Are things as good as they seem? If so - why look elsewhere? Being drunk is all very well - and mistakes happen - but is that what it was? Or do you think it may have happened regardless? You say it doesn't show you don't love your boyfriend? How would you feel if he did the same to you? Would you still feel loved? Its so important to treat others around you as you want to be treated. You may feel miserable because you are confused? How about you take time out - and sit back and think about how you feel, and what you want. Then - go ahead and make changes so that you have a good, and happy life, that you can enjoy. Perhaps you need some time for YOU, and therefore need to be on your own for a bit, until you straighten things out? Its unfair to lead people with false pretences - to you and to them. Take care and don't rush into anything. Good things are worth waiting for...
  
  
• hi Little Elf. i am a student and have been living with my flatmate for a year now. we have so much in common and i really like him. i know we'd be perfect together and even he's agreed jokingly that we'd be a great couple. the only problem is he's got a long term girlfriend. she's nice and he's happy with her, and i hate myself for wanting them to split up because i know that would make him upset and that's the last thing i want for him. he has no idea how i feel about him and i have no intention of saying something as it would ruin our friendship...i dont know what to do though...its getting hard to hide how i feel. what do i do?
  
  Don't hate yourself for your feeling. You can't help them, and its good that you are addressing them, as opposed to hiding them. OK - so its not an ideal situation, but it isn't all bad. I think you are right in not saying anything - you have feelings for him - but clearly the timing isn't right. It won't be easy, but it may be an idea to focus on other things - and to spend less time with him - if your feelings are getting too much to hide? Have you ever spoken to him about how you feel? Also - have you spent much time with other friends? And tried to see outside the dilemma you're in? If you find you can't do any of these - maybe you should brave it - and confront him. Then at least you know - just think about the consequences - what you could lose. Don't rush into anything - and take a deep breath. All the best.
  
  
• Hi little elf, I've been going out with a girl for a while now but we've never kissed. I really want to but it just doesn't seem to be happening. Meanwhile I've started to fancy another girl. She's my friend but the problem is that she's also friends with my girlfriend, and im in a total dilemma about which i like more. What should i do?
  
  Kissing is a natural thing - and shouldn't be rushed. However - have you spoken to your girlfriend about this? Maybe she is shy - and waiting for you to make the first move? You say you want to kiss her - but have you actually tried? It doesn't sound good about you fancying someone else though. If you are having feelings for other girls - it isn't fair to remain with your girlfriend. Think about what it is you want, and do the right thing. All the best.
  
  
• Hi me and my boyfriend have fancied each other for ages but then a few weeks ago we had a few drinks and then before driving me home we had sex and now I’m scared that I am pregnant…I haven’t told my boyfriend my worries yet, I haven’t told anyone! I want to take a pregnancy test but even then, what shall I do after the pregnancy test if it is positive?
  
  Ok - deal with what you know. First of all - there's no point in worrying about "what if's" because its too late. Get yourself to the doctors, or pharmacist, and get yourself a test. When you get the result - then you can deal with the next stage. It may help to confide in someone - so as to help you get through it. Its hard to have such a situation to deal with yourself. Maybe you could tell your boyfriend the risk too? It affects him too. He's just as much involved as you are. If the test is positive, then you need to think about what action you need to take. Take care, and don't forget that you aren't the first person this will have happened to, and people understand. All the very best.
  
  
• hi, i'm 14. I've been going out with a girl for about 5 months. i know i really like her and she likes me but i want to kiss her and i seem to be getting nowhere. Meanwhile i've started to fancy another girl who is friends with both me and my girlfriend. What should i do? Thanks
  
  What do you want to do? You are still young, and its hard to know who you are, yet alone sharing youor life with someone! Changes take place - and these sometimes mean that situations also change. Its good that youo like your girlfriend a lot -and want to take things further - but before you do - ask yourself if you are doing the right thing? If youo fancy other people - its unfair to get deeper into a relationship with your current girlfriend. So - stop, take a step back, and look at whats going on. How do you feel now? Take care.
  
  
• I want to have sex with my girlfrirend how do i ask her
  
  Having sex means that you are taking your relationship onto a different level. A deeper level. And if you are unsure of how to ask her - is it the right time? Shouldn't it feel natural - and right - and that you are comfortable with her - enough to ask her without having to ask how to ask? Have a think and then ask yourself the same thing. Take care, and don't rush into things.
  
  
• hiya i have been feeling very stressed and depressed lately. i dont know it is because of exams or something but i have been very close to doign something bad. i havent actually done anything to myself (probably because i havent got the guts). i dont want to turn into depressed thing or die. do you know a way that will make me feel better about myself? things were great before but recently got worse. please help if you can xxxx
  
  Only you have the answers to your questions - but it will help when you express whats going on - either in writing, talking - or whatever is right for you! Bottling these things only makes it worse in the long term. Have you tried talking to anyone? Friends? Family? You are going through tough times with exams etc, and this affects everyone in different ways. One things for sure though - you are not alone with these feelings - and there are lots of people and support out there to help you. Try to find things which you enjoy doing - and that you feel relaxed doing - and try to do them at least once a day. Take time out for yourself - and just enjoy the moment. Take care.
  
  
• Dear Little Elf. I have been seeing my on/off boy-friend for nearly three weeks and we are happy, I think. The reason I only think we are happy is because his friend never lets us spend time together. When I ask him if he is coming to hang out with me and my best friend, his mate says "No No! He's hanging out with me!" And drags my boyfriend off, leaving me feel hurt and angry. To make things worse, my boyfriends best mate fancies me and has been making advances towards me for ages. Should I re-act to his advances or confront my boyfriends mate for trying to keep us apart? Please help. xxxx
  
  How about you ask the people involved whats going on. Have you told them how you feel? That you want to spend time with your boyfriend alone? They aren't mind readers, and sometimes these things need spelling out! Even if they are obvious to you - it may not be the same for them! Do you have feelings for this other guy? If so - then maybe it would be a good idea to take time out away from both of them - and find out whats going on for you? Have a think. All the best.
  
  
• Please help me, I don't know what to do and my feelings are keeping me awake at night. I'm girl who has always got on better with boys than girls- my closest friends have always been male. I'm in my first year at university and have formed a close-knit gang in which I'm the only girl. My boys are like brothers to me, and I care for them so much, but recently I've developed strong feelings for one of the lads that I get on best with. This has never happened to me before and it's complicating everything. I have no idea if he feels the same way; twice now at parties after we've been drinking he has held me in his arms all evening, letting me play with his hair and lying with his head on my knee and letting me kiss him, but the next morning he always acts as if nothing has happened. I'm too shy to bring it up in case he genuinely doesn't remember and things get awkward. When he's sober he pokes and tickles me but doesn't treat me intimately like he does when he drinks, although sometimes I've caught him looking at me when he thinks I'm not looking, and when our gaze meets he always glances away quickly. Does he only hold me and act like this because he's tipsy and less inhibited, or is it because he really cares deep down and is normally too shy to show it? I would do anything for him to act this way when he is sober, but as it is I have no idea how he feels and I'm too shy to say anything in case it spoils our friendship- we're both such intrinsic members of our little gang that if anything went wrong I couldn't easily avoid him without isolating myself from all my friends. What do I do? I care for him so much, I've never felt like this before. How do I tell if he likes me? Or if he won't feel the same way, how do I get rid of these feelings so we can go back to things being easy and uncomplicated, as before? I suppose this dilemma was inevitable, as I only spend time with boys, but I really need advice. Please help me, I'm desperate and it's distracting me from my studies.
  
  Drink always confuses things - so its best to maybe forget what happens when this is the case. However - you spend much time with him when sober - and these are the times when you need to be getting n idea of his feelings. If you are close and you have strong feelings for him, maybe its time you go past the comfort zone, and test the waters? Ask him how he feels? Has he ever spoken about other girls? What about his other friends? have they said anything? Your distraction form your studies won't help your future - so try and be brave - and face up to whats going on. You only live once, and when you find out the story - then you can settle down and continue with your work. All the best.
  
  
• Dear Little Elf, I need your help, you see I really liked this boy for quite a while, but I got over him. However lately he has been speaking to me lots, and I kinda like him again. I just wanna know if he likes me too. I've realised the only times we have ever spoken is when he has initiated it, so that must mean that he wants to speak to me musn't it? I'm so confused HELP!
  
  If you want to know something - the only way to get an answer - is to ask! Sorry - as i know its easier said than done! However - from what you say - he is showing an interest, but be careful you are not getting the wrong vibes. He may be interested in you for other reasons, but - he may be interested in you as a possible girlfriend! It is confusing - but take time out - and find other things to do - other people to spend time with - and even try to get to know him better. Who knows what might happen - just be yourself - and remember that things happen for a reason - and you never know whats round the corner! Take care
  
  
• I'm nearly 18 and I've never had a boyfriend or been kissed or anything. I'm quite an upbeat person and i never show that i'm depressed, but this is getting me down. I 'm finishing school in 15 days and then I'm having a gap year,(i'll be doing some more hours at work and the I'm going abroad for 4 months) so I feel like I'm going to be even more unlikely to meet anyone. I think the main problem is my looks. I have big front teeth and an overbite I also have a brace. I wish people would just see past my looks, but so far no-one has been remotely interested. I feel really unloved and ugly, please help.
  
  Have you tried looking at yourself - with your eyes closed? What do you see then? Quite a different picture? Beauty is deep within - and you ned to find that in yourself - in order for it to shine through. Write a list of all the positive things about you - the things that are unique to you. Remind yourself of this list when you are feeling low. It also may help to spend more time doing things you enjoy doing - and things that make you feel relaxed and at ease. Try to focus on your strengths, hold your head up high - and do the things in life that YOU want to. Live it - its the only chance you've got. When you feel at ease with yourself - and like yourself - then others too will see this in you. Try it? All the best.
  
  
• dear lil elf i went shopping wid my sis and well she asked me 4 an opinion on a bikini she was wearing i said it looked nice then she said wait there when she was gone i touched her underwear we got home .. ..what should i do i really need your help
  
  What is it you need my help for exactly? You know it is wrong - and you know what you should do. Think about it.
  
  
• Dear little elf, At the start of the year i liked this boy, i think he liked me to but i was never sure then suddenly he stopped contacting me and ignored all my call n txts, so i thought nevermind i will get over him and i thought i did, until 2 weeks ago when we both went out with the same group of friends,we got really cosy together and he made the move on me! I was so pleased but then a couple of days ago his mate told me he doesnt think this he likes me! i was really upset and i like him so much i havent contacted him since that night and he hasnt contacted me,but i really want to get with him! but im not sure because he hasnt made any effort( but he is really shy aswell) and from what his mate thinks! help me! What should i do?
  
  WEll - you didn't hear it from the man himself did you - so do you believe it? Should you not find out from the horses mouth - how he feels about you? If you have feelings for this guy - then find out if he has some too. You willl only know by spending time with him, and getting to know him more. Be brave, and think that you only get one shot at life - never miss an opportunity! Take care
  
  
• myself and my boyfriend haven't been getting on for a while. he seems to want to spend all his time with his best friend and gets really excited when he is about to see him. When I ask for sex from him he frequently replies 'im tired.' Do you think he is trying to tell me that he doesn't want me anymore? we've been together 5 yrs now since school i dont know whether we have reached the end of our relationship. x
  
  How would you feel about asking him direct? If you have been together for 5 years - surely you can talk about things like this? How do you feel about the relationship? Are you happy? Does he care for you? Can you see a future with him? Maybe some time apart will help you get back to thinking about your life - and what you want out of it, and who you want to share it with? It may help you get back on the right tracks again. All the best.
  
  
• my problem probably doesnt seem to serious, but its eating me up alot. about 2 months ago i met someone from an older school who i hadnt seen in years who for the sake of it il call fred. well i started to hang around with him and some other mates and we noticed this girl walking around. she dresses like us which were i live is a minority. and we thought it would be cool to hang around with her. none of us knew her and so couldnt approach her (were pretty much shy with people we dont know). one of our other friends whos a girl went to talk to her and this is where it goes downhill.she asked for the girls name and asked if she ever wanted to hang with us, she said she might which was great. but since then her and her mum probably think im stalking her. walking upto freds house can take 2 routes and the one im less likely to be jumped on is her road.so everyday i walk past her house, also cos some of my other friends have found out she lives there they stare into the front room, noticably which winds me up because it makes me feel even worse. also we hang about just up from her house but its across from freds.it may sound trivial but i cant even talk to her, i dont know what to say because we have left it so long that i feel awkward. even if she doesnt want to hang about with us i at least want to make sure she knows that were not stalking her. i have no idea what to say to get some response. ive already decided that i could only talk to her with fred. because he understands how i feel, and hes pretty much the only other person who doesnt stare into her house. is there anything i can say or do, even if just to spark a conversation. thanks alot this would be greatly appreciated.
  
  If this was happening to a friend of yours, what would be your advice? How would you tell her to deal with it? it often helps to take a step back to see the situation more clearly. It may also help to find things you enjoy doing to relax, and chill out - and to work out whats important to you etc. Have a think, and at the end of the day - do what feels right. Take care.
  
  
• hi recetly i told my best freind i feel in love with her and she told me she didnt feel the same which i excepted so when i cooled of with the flirten she got a bit funny with me so know its got to the stage do i still flirt or knock it al on the head
  
  WHat feels right to do? Only you know how you feel. Have you asked her about how she feels towards you? Best friends are honest and open with each other - to keep up with feelings and emotions that are going on. If you have strong feelings for her - it may be a good idea to take some time for yourself - and think about these - where do they come from? Are they real? Are you sure? If after that - you are still feeling the same - then keep flirting and let her know. All the best.
  
  
• dear little elf i really like this boy and i was told by his m8 he liked me to so i thought ok ill give him a few smiles n see how it goes! so i smiled at him a couple of times and he smiled back and ive caught him lookin at me so i thought ok ill go for it n say hi so this morning i was all ready to say hi and he saw me coming towards him and completly looked the other way and blanked me. I don't no wether hes not interested or hes shy or what!? should i keep trying? I only ever see him in college even tho he lives down the road but next week im going to a nursery for 5 weeks so ill hardly see him!! i dont no what to do as ive found myself thinking bout him all the time! am i just wasting my time? x
  
  Unless you ask him - you won't know! Maybe you need to spend more time attracting his attention and finding out more about him? What are his interests? Where does he hang out? It sounds like you are interested in him, so why not make a few brave moves, and see where you stand? At least then you'll know more about whats going on? All the best.
  
  
• i want to have sex with my cousin what should i do
  
  Refrain and rethink! Sorry.
  
  
• hi i realy need help. well about two days ago i went to the opticians to buy colour contacts. they said that you have to be 16 and i lied and gave the wrong date ov birth. they told me to fill out a form with my scool name and stuff and i put the scool name down n everythink else like my sig n stuff. i am realy worryed that they are going to find out my real age by contacting my scool.if the optitions do fing out what will they do and is it agaist the law to lie about you age??? will i get a fine or anything?? please help
  
  Well, I don't know the ins and outs about the legal system of this case - but I do know one thing. I think that you may have already learnt your lesson about lying. The consequences are feelings you are experiencing now - guilt - and fear of what happens next. So - what to do now? Learn from what has happened - how it has made you feel, and how you would behave next time? Are these feelings worth the lies? What harm would it have done to be honest at the time, and wait? Rules are made for reasons - not just for the laugh. Its for your benefit - not theirs. How about being honest now? Owning up? At least you can say that you have learnt and won't do it again? We all make mistakes, and its part of lifes learning curve! Take care.
  
  
• i was the person that rit in about the smoking and drinking, i think i do it because i do feel good knowing im doing somthing bad, i do feel rebelious but the strange thing is im not actuli adicted to smoking i st do it but i cant help myself, and i get drunk because i love gettin drunk , i dont know why, me and my friends just love getting drunk, but i still dont know what to do can you give me a little bit more advise now you know more about me. im not sure what i want to be when im older for sure yet but i know smoking and drinking wont help!
  
  Hi there again. You aren't addicted - but love doing these things - and they are becoming a habit/routine in your life. These are hard to break - as they slowly take over your life. You may not think that you are addicted at this stage - but these things creep up on people - and before you know it - its too late. You've done the drinking and smoking thing now - so why not move on - and get more creative? Do something constructive and useful? Things that will benefit you and increase youor lifespan - as opposed to the other way round? Its all very well knowing that these habits won't help you in life - but how about turning that knowledge into "Action" and getting on with better things? Think about it. All the very best.
  
  
• i sumtimes wish it wud just b me and my best mate 2getha but she has all these other friends that influence her behaviour around me. wen im alone wiv her its like nothing cud b mor perfect coz shes sooooo nice wen its just us but then wen shes wiv her other mates, she can b a bit mean and treeats me different 2 ne1 else. dont get me wrong, i like her other mates. im close 2 them. i just prefer them seperatley than with each other. i also hav htis other mate who i like but is recently being mean and jsut being a bitch and it annoys me. then thers another girl who follows me around and i dont like her. she has no other mates and i know it wud hurt her feelings if i told her how i felt. but its unfair on me and on her being led on. im sorry this worry is sooo long but i had 2 get it out of my head. plz help xxx
  
  Hi. I think it may have been a help by you just getting it out of your head. Sometimes, we bottle things up - and in our own minds, things get too much, and get confusing. However, when we release them as such - its a relief - as it's been let out. Its very good that you are able to sum up whats going on - and how each one of us behaves. However - there's not much we can do to change the negatives about them. As a true friend you need to be honest and open yourself - and accept people for who they are - faults and all! Try to spend the most time with those you feel comfortable with, and less with those who you aren't compatible with. Concentrate on YOUR life - and live it. Take care.
  
  
• Well a problem my little sister keeps on saying to me nice legs and she always touches me kisses me spys on me in bath i don`t know what to do.
  
  Being young is a tough time, and a time when questions need answering, and you get curious about whats going on etc. You need to think about what might be going on for her, and also about communicating with her about how her actions make you feel. Don't let her "bully" you into things - be strong - and stand up for yourself. She needs to know where she stands in all this. Take care, and be sensitive.
  
  
• hi little elf. theres a lad on my bus that i find really attractive and ive been told he likes me 2 by his sis but everytime i see him i tell myself to say hi but i just can't get it out. I get 2 nervous. I just can't belive that a guy like him would be interested in me! Today was the first time I saw him since i was told he liked me and when i saw him i put my head down and walked straight past! Then later he looked at me put his head down and smiled. Does it sound like i have a chance? I just can't get the hi out! Please Help x
  
  Wow! What a feeling! You are going to have to show some sort of interest though, as he may feel he's wasting his time! You may not see it - but he may be finding it hard to communicate with you too! Think about the positives, and the possible outcomes of speaking with him. Could you ask for his mobile number, so that you can at least text him? Or get someone to do it for you? It sounds like you have an admirer, and you need to get some confidence from this, and use it to power yours! Whats the worst that could happen by saying hello? Try it - see what happens! All the best, and don't forget to be yourself. Go for it!
  
  
• I don't think I am important to anyone. Apart from my family and parents who have to love and like me, there's no one else. I even believe that I could vanish from the face of the earth and no one would care or fail to notice. Even though I have good friends I still think this. Help!
  
  I think it may help if you try to turn your thoughts around - or think of other things? What else is going on in your life? What do you want to do in the future? What are you doing now to help get you there faster? How do you show others they are important to you? Often, when you give some care and attention, it helps make you feel more complete? It may also help show those around you what it means to show some affection. Try to think that you are you - you have a good family, and good set of friends, so enjoy them! What do you think is missing - if anything? Confidence? Some get up and go in your life? Try to do different things in your days ot make them more interesting? Spontaneous things are always good for adding a bit of buzz to your life! Live for today!
  
  
• hey lil elf do u think its wrong that a 22 yr old is dating a 17 yr old the boy i like is 2 years younger than me it feels weird as his mum is best friends with my mum and we hav known each other 4 ages i no he likes me bk but sometimes he ignores me and wud rather tlk to my brother im not that bothered iim just worried what everyone wud think especially as he has a brother in my yr also i have a really big problem with jealousy and wen eva this girl he is friends with texts him i get kinda jealous a little help wud b apppreciated THANK U
  
  OK - if it feels right, then you shouldn't care what people think. As long as you are not hurting anyone, or upsetting things, then there should be no problem. Age doesn't matter if two people care for one another. Jealousy is a hard one to tackle, but needs addressing, and you need to find coping mechanisms to help you get through the feelings. It may help to look at the positives in your life, and to focus on those? You are you - and should be proud of who you are. Take care and enjoy oyur life - you only get one go at it!
  
  
• omg i dnt no wot to do! recently ive started smoking nd i used 2 smoke a lil bit bt stopped 4 ages n now ive gt a pak of twenty in ma room and im smokin them! i do want to and i no its dirty but i love it and ive started drinkin aswell and i no u will probz say its probz my mates around me making me do this cos they do aswell but its not its me aswell. wot do u tink i shud do and dont just say stop doin it its not that simple!
  
  It may help to question why you want to do these things. What is it that encourages you? Is it because it shouldn't be done, therefore you feel rebelious, and get a kick out of it? Does it make you feel good knowing that you aren't being good? Unfortunately, both of the things you are doing have serious effects, and long term ones. They are also illegal if you are underage. What else is there that you enjoy doing? There are so many things to do, and people to meet etc, that life's too short to be stuck with addictive habits. Think about the future, Your health. Do you have hopes and dreams? What do they mean to you - and do you need to be fit and well? Take a step back and think about whats really going on. Take care.
  
  
• I know this is wierd but i have a problem producing sperm...
  
  Contact your gp, who will be happy to give more info about this. Or try online NHS Direct.
  
  
• Im worried about my life my mum and dad i need help with my behaviour i was nearly on the streets im in the social and i need help about what to do i keep thinking im goin to lose them but i love them what should i do
  
  You're message was a bit unclear to me as to what it is you are asking advice about. However, only you have the answers to what you need to do, and its all about searching deep inside to find out what exactly what the right thing to do is. There are people out there to help you out - and to talk to, about anything. Confidential, 3 party people, and also, your friends and family. Get a good support team, and be honest and open. Treat others as you would like to be treated. All the very best.
  
  
• I am capable of getting good gcse results or so i am told , but i have not listened in lessons for the past 2 years my marks have been average and although i have completed most courswork i dotn know where to start , in order to gain good grades i need to teach myself the whole courses all over again and have got to the stage where i am thinking what is the point , does it really matter if i fail because its expected and i know im rubbish at everything , but then i somehow think that im quite good and would like to get good marks but i hate it there is not one single sunbject i enjoy or want to do well in , theres no time to just concentrate on one subject , so it looks like im gunna fail all 10 . and i could do it if i had the willpower but i dont id rather just go out and i resent the work so much and its so depressing and some of my friends are just really clever and my sister got 10 a*s i cant see i way out of this i just want to go to sleep till the summer , i have been able to put it to the back of my mind for 2 years and just coast along but now its in less than a month and i dont know what to do
  
  Exam times are never easy - and people cope in different ways. However - there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are so close to finishing - is it worth ditching it now? You can only do your best - so try to stop comparing yourself to others. You are you - and have been given skills in all areas of life. Academically, you may be good, but in other areas, you may excel, like in practical things, or in working with your hands - manual work etc. Try not to think of this as the be all and end all. This is just a step in your path of life. Have you spoken to others about it? Like your teachers, parents, of other friends? You won't be the only one with anxieties about your exams. Think positive, and think that this is the time to do this bit of work, and then after - the world is your oyster. All the very best - and good luck.
  
  
• me and three of my friends were talking about our other 2 best friends talking about them behind their back, but then i told the ones we were talking about what we did. im really worried about going back to school on monday because the others wont like me and im not sure how to handle it. im really scared they wont trust me with secrets any more so what should i do?
  
  Sorry to hear that you are scared about this. Maybe though, you can learn from what has happened, and make amends? Perhaps looking back - you may have decided on other things you could have done or say, to improve the situation - handled it differently? You can't turn back the clock, but you can be aware of what's happened - and rebuild some bridges. Apologies go a long way - and help to clear the air. Life's too short to hold grudges, so move on - and make ammends. Its good that you were honest - just a shame that your other friends didn't do the same. Hold your head up high with the knowledge that you did the right thing - and live life. All the best.
  
  
• I have been friends with this girl since I joined the local youth group. We have a good time hanging out together and she's been there for me giving me advice when I need it. She started going out with this guy who is one of my best guy friends and ever since they started having a relationship, she has suddenly got jealous of me and him getting close. To make things worse, she has told our friends that she doesn't mind other girls flirting with him but with me its a different matter. I recently went on a trip with this guy and found out that he wants to dump her because he never really liked her in the first place and now I'm scared she might blame the whole dumping issue on me. It feels like I'm not pushing myself into their relationship but its them pushing me in and closing in on me. I really do not know what to do. People have told me to get out of their business but the more people say that, it makes me feel like it is my business and I cannot get out of the circle that these two people are pushing me into. Please help.
  
  Your life is your business. End of story. People and things may get in the way - but you can only control your life. It may be best to concentrate on what you want to do, and where your life is going - and focus on that? Try not to feel pushed into things - and if you do - just walk away. You don't need that - and shouldn't have to deal with it. Its their problem, not yours. Take care
  
  
• I have been with my husband for six years. We have a wonderful, supportive and intensely loving relationship and are best friends. But we haven't had sex for five years. We've tried everything including counselling but it seems we've both quietly accepted it's not going to happen for us. I love him so much and we need each other on every other level. The problem is that I feel that I can't settle for never having sex again. My husband is the only person I've ever slept with. I don't want to end the relationship without really being sure, and I'm tempted to have a one night stand so that I can assess how I feel about sex and about my marriage. I don't want to hurt my husband and I almost wonder if rewakening my sexual feelings might help us, especially if I prove to myself that it's not worth leaving my husband over. Please help.
  
  It's brilliant that you are thinking things through sensibly, and not reacting with immediate actions - as these are often regretted later. What is it that stops you from having sex? Do you think that may be you have both got it in your head that it won't happen, and therefore it doesn't? How about trying to change the way you think about sex with your husband? Trying to change your outlook may help you feel more comfortable and willing? Your husband also? Counselling is very commendable - but do you manage to talk between yourselves about it too? It may not be anything to do with the sex issue, and could well be something deeper? Another thing to try could be to have a night in, and totally rule out sex, but do everything but? Find your true feelings for one another, but accept it won't happen. Then it might? It might also be an idea to do lots of experimenting - to find out what excites the both of you. Lots can happen in 5 years, and new things are brought out - and new ideas thought of! Its what is right, and comfortable for the both of you though. It may also be an idea to each have seperate counselling - to find out whats going on for a personal level. Where theres a will...! Take care, and think of it as an exciting time ahead - as opposed to troubled times!
  
  
• i'm a vegetarian so i don't get a lot of iron in my diet. my hair keeps falling out, i'm always tired and always cold. i get bad headaches and often blackout and have dizzy spells. could i have ida
  
  Sounds like you need to check it out with your GP and get professional opinions from those who are trained in that particular field. Take care.
  
  
• During my GCSE's I had the surge of motivation, the emotional support from my parents and friends to help cope with the stress and pressure for the exams. I passed nearly all my exams and received good enough grades to take the subjects that I wanted for A levels. However, as soon as my As levels started, my parents started to ignore, compare me with someone who is much more successful than I am. I have caught them on numerous occasions saying awful things behind my back about me being a mistake, and how I wasted 16 years of their money and freedom and I just don't understand why. I have tried talking to them many times but it always drowns into arguments. I feel as if I just do not care anymore. Even though I had tried various techniques to boost my motivation, such as talking to teachers, friends, thinking about my future if I don’t pass my final exams, I can't pick up a book and read it. In my past exams, nearly all my results from all four of my subjects have been unclassified, and my college is advising me to move to another college and apply for a course I am not interested in. Please help me; I am becoming extremely desperate over the last few days. I have lost sleep and my appetite completely. I can go for days without sleep or eating anything. My main exams are less than a month away and still have not started revising yet. Thank you for your time.
  
  What a shame to hear that you are feeling unsupported. I really feel for you - and hope that things will begin to get better soon. Have you thought about moving away from it all? Starting afresh? If you have tried speaking with them with no luck - is it because you are asking at the wrong time, or are they not good at listening to you? Try to go down every route before doing anything you may regret. Have you thought also about going to speak to someone to help you? Perhaps a career advice service in your college? Or may be even a counsellor? Sometimes it helps to talk things through - and to get a different aspect of the scenario - and from someone not involved in your situation. A third party? It may help if you focus on whats really important to you - your exams? It may not be easy- but you only live once, and need to make the best of a bad situation. You may want to question why you haven't started revising. is it because of your parents - or is there something else going on which you haven't dealt with? Tough times are worth working out, and taking time over to find the solution which suits you the best. Take care.
  
  
• Ok long story but on college placement in a school. One girl in particular is lovely and we get on well and recently everytime I see her she's been telling me her brother who's my age and goes on my college bus likes me and hes my admirer and so on. The girl also told 1 of the other girls on placement that her brother likes me. Ive told all my friends and they all say I should go and say hi to him but the problem is hes good looking and im overweight. All my friends say im lovely and i have a gorgeous face but I just can't belive this boy is interested in me because im overweight and therefore I am scared to talk to him incase the girl has been lying to me and he doesn't like me. All my firends tell me to go for it but what do you think? O and also I am on a diet.
  
  Beauty is more than skin deep! Its a shame that you seem to be focussing on your appearance - and I hope you are making the changes for yourself - as opposed to doing it for others? Your personality is obviously shining through - and thats what makes a person. And this guy is obviously attracted to the person you are - regardless of your exterior! So gain confidence from this - and use strength from within to pursue what could be a very good relationship! All the very best.
  
  
• my bestfriend keeps ignoring me and only speaking to me when she wants something and keeps hanging around all these other girls anw when i try to talk to her she keeps saying she will stop my other bestfriend is the same i dont know what to do any more they make cry and i can only trust one person. plez help me
  
  Best friend? A best friend stands by their mates, and treats them with the respect that they deserve. Do you think that this is how she is treating you? The one person you trust sounds like a good person to keep hold of and to stick by - as they would do the same in return. Don't let this go on any longer - you deserve to be treated fairly. Be brave - be honest - and take care.
  
  
• hi ther. me n my boyfriend really want 2 hav sex but im worried he wont like my body. hes a decent guy but hes like really fit n he has nowt 2 worry about. im really scared our relationship will be ruined. im also worried it will hurt. does it? please help. x
  
  Re-read what you just typed. "He's a decent guy". If this is the case - then you need to put your worries away. It is a big thing in a relationship - but if the timing is right, and it feels right to you both - then things should go naturally - and easily. Try to relax - and go with your inner feelings. Enjoy it too! Its meant to be a good and special experience. For you both. And it is what you make it...!! All the best.
  
  
• hi, i feel really embarrassed talking about this but im 14 i started my periods a few months ago now, and i am on my second period but it has lasted for 12days and it still hasn't finished i feel worried is something wrong with me or is it normal for girls to go through this???
  
  Panic not! its not uncommon for this to happen - so relax in the knowledge that you are perfectly normal! Its good that you are acknowledging whats going on though - and aware of the changes you are going through. If ever in doubt theres always a friendly nurse or doctor to speak with - or failing that NHS Direct online. Enjoy the rest of your days!
  
  
• i had a fight with this girl and i won but my best m8 keeps going off with her she was in my village with her the other day and didnt tell me untill a day after i think this is reali unfair coz she doesnt even like this girl. what should i do ditch me best m8 or tell er to either be my m8 or not coz when she is with this girl she is reali horrible to me im reali confused HELP!!!
  
  The second option is the one I would suggest you try. Explain how her actions are affecting you - and how you feel about it. You shouldn't "tell" her, as such - but try to communicate in a way that you can both view your opinions, and how you are both feeling about the situation. It may not be as clear as it seems - and there may be more to her actions than you think. Take care, and think about what you are doing - and the result you want. All the best.
  
  
• I have neva snogged aboy b4 all my other mates tease me about it cos they all have and say they did when they was like 11, i just want to find the right one you know, i asked my mate how you do it and she said it just comes naturally does it? please help little elf
  
  Your friend is right! It comes naturally, as it is a natural thing to do. Don't spend too much time thinking about it - just wait until the right lad comes along - and you'll know about it! Its a fabulous feeling - and shouldn't be rushed - so be patient! It'll be well worth it!
  
  
• well where should i start i am terrible at relationships so i need help my friend who is 2 years younger than me is getting very touchy with me i like that he wants to hug me and stuff but im afraid that things will be weird coz my mums best friends with his mum and he has a brother my age and stuff do you think its ok for me to like him when hes younger than me and hangs around with my younger bro - it just seems weird and im worried that someone will catch us huggin or sumthing coz we r gettin quite close which i like i think im falling for him because i miss him wen hes not around and hang out with him and my bro wen hes round our house and he secretly hugs me and things coz it wud be awkward for my bro 2 c im just not sure if its the rite thing to do and go 4 this relationship wid him
  
  There are no rules when it comes to feelings - you just have to be aware of them, acknowledge them - and decide what to do! Age may seem like it matters - but it shouldn't. It may be a good idea to question why it feels weird to do it in secret though - is he embarrassed to show feelings towards you - or vice versa? If you are having doubts - then think about things - and take a step back - and see how you feel then. Take care and all the best.
  
  
• This is such a long story but please I need advice... There's this lad and we didn't really like one another last yr but we started talkin and we we're all flirty talk and everthing and things hottened up and we secretly met each other out side of school and i went to his house the one day and he told me before hand he liked me and evrything and he wanted to turn it into a 2year relationship when school years are over which i accepted but things kind of stopped between us near the end of december as i believed i couldn't give him that fun that he seeked (we never even dated - we had fun and kissed and everything and my feelings grew so much for him overtime that to this day i don't know whether it was lust / love?) I don't know whether he used me and took advantage of me because i liked him or what but over the past 4 months, we still talked but not as good as what it used to be back in december but lately, he built it all back up again sayin how he still likes me and wants his fun. Shall i build it back up again or not because i really deeply love this guy and I haven't got over him. I tried to get over him but there's something still there that makes me want him and he knows that i've got something there for him still because i told him that i loved him and he said he wants to 'relight the flame'. Please help? Shall i build things back up and get to the stage where the next level is having a relationship with this lad or what? Thanks xx
  
  Re-read your situation - and pretend its happening to a close friend of yorus. What advice would you give them? Only you have the answers to this one - but its good that you are sharing youor feelings, and accepting how things are for you. Emotions are never straight forward - and it can seem very confusing and frustrating over what to do. Have you thought about NOT deciding? And taking each day as it comes? Doin what feels right at that moment? Its a big decision to make - and I'm not sure it needs to be made. The future is uncertain - so why make sturdy plans? Maybe youo can live for today - and if it feels right - spend time with him - if not - don't! How does that sound?
  
  
• I'm overweight and i get bullied at school about it i have been on a diet before and lost two stone but because i am so so overweight i was still big even wehen i had lost 2 and a half stone so they kept calling me fat which put me on a downfall so all i did was eat, eat and eat, cakes, burgers you name it and i put on more weight then i had lost, now even my family are ashamed of me and they call me fat, is thier some sort of diet i could go on or worse surgery [its that bad] please help, last week i got beaten up because of it so severe i was rushed into a+e????
  
  OK - you need to stop - and look at your life. Whats important to you? Could it be that when things aren't going as well as they should, or as well as you want them to be - you turn to food? Like an emotional eater would? How else do you deal with your feelings and emotions? Do you have people to talk them over with? Could you write them down somewhere? Its important not to get food confused with emotions. Try to make sure that you eat 3 meals a day - and don't skip any of them. A diet will only help you short term. Have you thought about changing your lifestyle - so that you are enjoying a happier and healthier lifestyle - for the long term? It may be a good idea to seek help from your gp - and let them know whats going on for you. Be honest and open - and think how you want to live - how you are living now - and the steps it will take to reach your goal. Be proud of who you are. Stand up tall - and walk with pride. Take care - and don't let life slip by - you only live once - so enjoy it.
  
  
• Hi, I have a big problem. Im in love with a girl from school her name is A and shes in my tutor group, even though shes nearly a year younger than me. But the problem js she doesn't know i dont know how to tell her. Also, her best friend from school, B and i dont get on period we use to be able to at least pretend we liked each other but recently two days before half term we got in a massive arguement. The day after, A and B had an arguement outside school and B blames me for them falling out, And now A is in a really bad mood. then her other mate asked me if i fancied A because she wanted to set us up but i said no just to keep the peace, have i totally blown it with her? and to make matters worse my ex now says she still fancies me. please help me!
  
  Oh to have a quiet life!! Well - its sounds like B could be slightly envious of A - and has no right to blame you for them falling out. Its a shame that you haven't been able to talk to A about how you feel - as its the only way to know how she feels about you! Don't let your ex complicate things - if its over, its over. Do you still have feelings for her? If not - move on, and get on with your life now - but if you do - then you may need to take a step back and work out what you are going to do about them. Its good you try to keep the peace - but try and be honest and open. All the very best.
  
  
• im worried, my periods are brown! and they smell really bad! what do i do its a discusting smell and it looks nasty n brown!, is this normal?
  
  This is probably a common thing - but you should go and speak with your GP, or a nurse about it if you are concerned. If you don't feel able to do this - then try using the NHS online help web site. It will give you more info. Take care, you are not the only one this has happened to.
  
  
• Im feeling really depressed and I cry alot. Its cos I got a new job in a hairdressers.On the first day I finished everything I was supposed to do so the nice lady let me sit and read a magazine. Later the boss came in, gave me a huge row and made me do everything again. She really s me and I dont know what to do. I my job because she makes me feel small and stupid. I want to die and get away from it all. Can you give me some advice plz.
  
  That was a very cruel trick for the other staff to play on you - and totally unnecessary. It was mean and uncalled for. You did your job - and only did as you were told. Perhaps you could realise that you were totally in the right - and that you are worth more - and do a good job. Show this in your working attitude, and see how it goes for the next couple of days. If things are still not right then talk to your boss - and see if she can make any changes. If not - then time to look elsewhere - as you deserve to be treated like a human being - instead of a "slave". You will find work in other places - its more imporatnt to be treated with the respect that you deserve. Take care and all the very best. Don't settle for less - they shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.
  
  
• My best friend is part of the popular group @ skool and gets on with the girls really well..but whenever i'm next to her i feel odd. i want to join in with the populr girls but im not that confdent..help me i beg u..im really depressed..and coz im kind of short im relli feeling left out..i jus wished i could be like my best friend tal and confident. HELP ME. byeeeeeee
  
  You are you, and need to think about all the positive sides that you have! Showing confidence doesn't mean that they have it necessarily - and in some cases - behind closed doors, it can be a very different story! If you are you - and are happy with how things are - and are comfortable with whats going on, then thats all you can do - and all credit to you. If you are lacking in confidence - deep down, then it may help to think about what stops you doing/saying things - and why. May be you could try small things at a time, to build up your confidence. Accept who you are - and live your life!
  
  
• Hiya rite im sooo confused me and this boy were going out for 5 months and we split up and it was the most hardest time off my life and now we r back 2gether and i love hmi 2 bits i mean he is my whole world and he will always be soo special 2 me but him and 1 off my close friends ave been spending a lot off time together resently nd b4 we were bck together againg he told me he liked her but he likes me more but rescently they been spending a lot off time toghter liek the going 2 town nd stuff he hardly spends any time with me but i love him 2 bits and i wanna marry him he means the whole wide world 2 me i love him more then my actully family please please please please please help me im heartbroken :'(
  
  It may help to keep reminding youorself that hes with YOU. He's YOUR boyfriend. He is entitled to have other friends - but I can appreciate how you feel when he seems to spend a lot of his time with your mate. Its so important to keep your friends though - are you still keeping in close contact with your friends? It may help to do more with them - and then it'll make the time you do spend with your boyfriend very special, and important for you both? have you spoken to him about the way you are feeling? He may be unaware of how much you care for him - and how much it hurts when you don't spend time together? If you haven't told him - you might want to question why. Communication is so very important in relationships - and need working on! All the very best.
  
  
• I told my mate a secret and it makes her uncomfortable and stuff. i didnt want her 2 find out bt my other mates told her. i dont know wot 2 do because my other mates keep bringing it up and i know she hates it. i REALLY didnt want her 2 know and now it wont stop. plz help.x
  
  Secrets are a grey area I'm afraid - and its like treading on thin ice. They are sometimes cruel - and unnecessary. Your friends were unfaithful to you - by telling others - and thats unfair. The best way is to learn from what has happened. Maybe it will encourage you to be more open and honest - upfront, so that there is no misunderstanding or crossed wires? It may also help your friends to follow your example - and then everyone knows where they stand? Have a think. Take care.
  
  
• at scool, me and my best friend was standing near the wall with this other girl at lunchtime. my brother and his friends walked past and i shouted out somthing rude to one of his mate that i get on with for a joke but another populair boy thaught i was sayin it 2 him and he shouted ur mum. i shouted out sumthing aswell but he got realy angre and sed he wanted a fight. i was embarresed infrot of my brother so i sed ok then althoug i knew he wasnt going to do anything. he had a drink in his hand and he splattered it alover me b4 i could do anythin.it was infront of every one im sooo imbarresed i no every ones going to find out about it beause the other girl i was standin with isquite populair and she was ashamed of me because she run away when he poured the drink over me plz help !!!
  
  You can't turn back the clock - but you can think how you may have acted differently, if you'd have thought about the consequences? Everything you say and do will have an impact on someone, and yourself. Take a back seat - and observe your peers. What can you learn from their behaviour? Are there good bits, and bad bits that you can see, and take all the good bits and add them to your own being? Observing is a very valuable thing to do - as it tells a million stories. Try to listen, and reflect on whats going on. Try to use positive thinking, and you will get through it, move on, and grow. All the best.
  
  
• My friend is really selfish i do so much for her and she is just mean back. She excludes me and takes everything i say the wrong way. She is spiteful everyday but expects me to be her best friend.
  
  Why don't you mention it to her? She may be unaware of exactly how she is being - and treating you. It may sound odd - but she may just accept it as part of her life - and not realise how she is communicating with you? What would happen if you were to say "no" to her? Try standing up to her, and showing that you won't accept the way she is treating you. Maybe there's something going on in her life which she is struggling with and this is her way of coping? It may be a good idea to have a long chat with her - about her life and whats going on for her? Be open and honest yourself, and see how it goes. All the best.
  
  
• I recently went to a party and got very drunk and ended up having sex with this guy i thaught was fit for a while. I dont really know why i did it, i think i was just so suprised someone like him would look twice at me! He also just happens to know lots of people at my work and he told them all the details of what happened. I denied it all as i wanted to save my reputation (selfish i know). Iv got to go to another party in two weeks which i know he will be at, how should i act around him-do i try and be nice or completely ignor him and wait for him to approach me? I know i shouldnt have done what i did but im so nerous about seeing him again i dont want to do something else i'll regret!! please help!
  
  How to act? Be yourself. Do what feels right, and comfortable - for YOU. You won't be the first - or last, to have been in this situation - and its never easy - but be honest - and don't beat up on yourself too much. All the best and go out and enjoy yourself - you only live once - but remember you'll have to live with the consequences. Take care.
  
  
• I no sum1 who has been self harming now since last Aug 05, she wants it to stop, and 'go away' but its not that easy. Do you no of any help groups in the Skipton area?have you got any suggestions on how to help? shes going out of her mind,totally a different person to what iv grown up with.please help, Thanks.
  
  The best thing for you to do is to contact your GP surgery. They will have details of such support groups and people with whom to contact with regards to getting help. Stay with her - and be her friend - let her know how special she is. It may be a problem deep down - and her self harm is a way of expressing her feelings. Try and encourage her to talk things through. All the very best.
  
  
• My best m8 is having a bit of trouble with her love life at the moment and is trying to get my boyriend to dump me so she can have him! should i dump him and let her have him or not? who do i choose best friend or boyfriend?
  
  Take a step back - and look at the siutation. What do you see? A person being unfairly treated by a so called "friend"? I think so. Being a good friend yourself - the last thing you should do is dump your man to give to her. True love should just "happen" and not be forced - as if it is, it won't be very long lasting. Being a friend - it may help to ask her to look at what she's asking you to do. Would she do the same in your shoes? How would you advise a friend if she came to you with your situation? Would you tell her to dump her man and let her friend have him? No. Stand up for yourself - and live the life that you deserve. Think about it - and be open and honest with everyone. How would your boyfriend feel if he was being swapped about! Not great I wouldn't have thought. Follow your heart, and communicate with all. Take care.
  
  
• i have 4 kids with my ex and he left 4 years ago. the problem i have is his new partner hates my children and does not want him to have contact with them even down to the point of throwing them out on the street on a contact weekend just to get at him he cannot now understand why i will not allow him to have them at his flat ehere he lives with this woman and i cannot understand why he would want to be with this woman when she could use his kids like that . i am afraid i have lost my patience and told him whilst he is with this woman i will stop all contact with his kids because it,s just messing up there heads if we go to court will the judge make me send my children to this flat where the woman clearly dislikes them makes them feel unwanted and could turf them out when the mood so takes her or she wants to get at him again
  
  This can't have been an easy time for you - and I think you did right, by taking your kids away from the situation. Try to keep things as normal for them, and spend time with them, showing them your care and love. Its also important to keep yourself on top form, by taking time out and relaxing - as much as you can. Make sure you put time aside for YOU. Its a good idea to keep talking with someone - friend or a 3rd party - so that you don't bottle things up - as this will only make things worse. Try to carry on with your life as normal, and don't let her ruin what you have. Take care - and remember theres always someone who can help you out. You're never alone. All the very best.
  
  
• A few months ago I found out my partner was looking at porn on the web. He denied it but when I showed him the proof he had to admit it. This really upset me and as I have just hit forty, I was already feeling old, so finding out he was looking at younger females with great bodies hasn't helped my ego. He promised not to do it again but I just found out he has. He can't see why it upsets me. Can you tell me if I am overeacting or if you think I have every right to be upset. Please help
  
  You're not over reacting. You are simply sharing with him how his behaviour leaves you feeling. This is only to be commended! Its signs of good communication skills - so well done on that part. Its a shame that he didn't feel able to be honest with you - maybe he's embarrassed about it? OK so he looks at porn - but thats just daydreaming almost. The reality is that he's with you. How does he treat you? Does he take you out? Does he talk to you about anything and everything? Does he love you? Its you he comes home to every night. Its you he wakes up to. Maybe you are struggling with yourself - and are almost putting all the blame on his porn? OK - so you're 40 years, but 40 years young! Not old! You still have great things about you - as they are more than skin deep! But how do you feel when you look in the mirror - do you see all the great things about you? If you accept the good inside - then they will shine on the outside. How about you take a day pampering yourself - invite some friends over - and make a social day of it. Or if you can, go and get treated at a salon - get youor hair done, or nails painted. Anything! But for YOU. you deserve it - and will hopefully feel better after it. So go on - make a positive move now - and enjoy being you. You have rights to show your emotion and feeling - and deserve to know the truth. You do now - and its how you deal with it that will be important. How about giving things a bit of glamour in your relationship - in the bedroom perhaps - or out for dinner? Let him know that you are 40, and fab - and he won't be able to resist you! All the very best and take care.
  
  
• ma mates keep makin fun of me over a subject i really dont find funny. ive told them i hate it and they just wont stop. when i got mad at them, they got in a mega stress and fell out with me. i feel like ive lost a big past in my life nd everytime i think about what happened 2day, i want 2 cry. plz help
  
  Friends? Do you do the same to them? Then why should they do it to you? It's a form of bullying - and not a subject to be taken lightly as it is very hurtful - which I am sure you are aware of - as it's happening to you. You do right to stand up for yourself - and I'm sorry they didn't do the right thing, which would be to think what they were doing, apologise - and not do it again. So what to do now? How about you try spending time with other people, and get to know others? Find people who share your interests and who are able to return the friendship that you offer. You deserve better - and you don't need people who leave youo feeling like this. It may help to tell them how you are feeling, and that you don't deserve it - and that you aren't willing to put up with it anymore. If they can change, then things may improve - but if they don't - then move on. Take care, and be careful.
  
  
• hey, my problem is theres this girl dat ive known 4 years, we've never really been great friends, but we hang around 2gether in the same "group". but every day she just insults me and sum other people too, this morning was the last straw, shes done 1 thing 2 many, so i ignored her a bit. she "apologised" but it was filled with sniggereing and some talk 2 do with condoms. i didnt acept it becuase to me, she wasnt being serious, and would soon go back to her old self. then 2 of my "mates" got annoyed, and walked off with her. i no that they are bitching about me, what do i do?
  
  Walk away - and don't look back. That could be one option for you to think about. They don't sound to me very friendly at all, and you don't deserve to be treated in the way that you are. Its great that you are standing up to your beliefs and values - just a shame that they can't accept it, and continue playing around. How about you start to move around - and find people who value your friendship, and share the same important things as you? Like values and respect? It won't be easy - but it might mean you have a better quality of life. You deserve the best, and don't stand for less. Be open, honest, and try to take time out for yourself. All the very best.
  
  
• Im 14. My bf lives in Manchester and I live in London. I met him on holiday and weve kept in touch ever since. After we got talking on msn we realised we really liked each other and got together sort of thing of the internet, we've now been "together" for 4 months. I love him to pieces and dont want to leave him but my friends are saying I should because of the distance and that me and him will never get to be together. I sort of see their point but I dont think I could bear to be without him. We talk everyday on the phone and chat averyday on msn. We are so close and know nearly everything about each other. He is supposed to be coming down soon so my parents can meet him. I want to be with him but as I see my friends' points of view, Im beggining to wonder what Im missing out on. That sounds a really bad thing to say as I love my bf but I cant help it. I dont want to "leave" my bf as I love him so much but I dont think me and him will ever be together properly other than when we are both much older. I really dont want to do. Do I go with my head that says listen to my friends and see what else is around or do I follow my heart which is to stay with my bf even though Im hardly ever with him. Please help... Im majorly confused.
  
  I think you need to take some time out for yourself - and work out whats really important to you. Find out where your whole self is going. Your head and your heart, may have different views - but you are a whole so need to come together somewhere! Have you spoken to your bf to find out how he feels? Its unfair of your friends to knock your relationship because of the distance. It is not an issue when there are so many ways of communicating - which is what you appear to be doing. Following your head may not work, as your head is having lots of input from others views. Your heart is just that. Your heart. And only YOU can feel it - and know what its saying as such. Its your life. Only YOU know what is right. Think about it - talk it through and take care. Don't make any quick decisions - theres no need. If its not broken - why fix it?
  
  
• I have a best friend that is moving to Australia and I am so sad she has to go. I cannot cope one day without her. The worst is she will not be coming back ever! What can I do about it? Please help.
  
  It may seem unbearable now - but there are still fantastic ways that you can keep in contact with her. Its important that you respect her decision to go, and support her through it. She may be finding it tough too! It's a good opportunity for you to look at your life and see what other things you can be doing - whilst she is away? It may feel like she's miles away - but with email, telephone, letters etc - there really is no excuse for you to keep your relationship as strong as it is now. Even better - a holiday in Australia can't be a bad idea? All the best.
  
  
• me (1) my best friend (2) ok friend (3) have been hanging around with each other of about 1 1/2 years. about two months ago populair girls started likeing 1 and 3 but not 2. the girls said to 1 and 3 leve that other girl and come hang about with us so me and 3 jumped up to the opertunaty and sort of left out 2 and went with them and their gang. 3 weeks later the girls sort of got bored with me and 3 and didnt like us as much so i went back to 2 and appologised. but 3 started to get realy close with one of the girls and still is . i just want it to be the three of us like it used to be but 3 has realy changed she thinks were geeks although she still hangs around with us. when ever she sees them and shes with us she pretends shes not with us . shes just using me and 2 because she is not as good friends with them to join thier gang. she has realy realy changed what shoud we do please help! thankz
  
  Hard as it may be, its importnat to concentrate on your life. Its good that you are thinking about whats going on - and you are aware of how this person is being with you, and the other person. However, you need to make sure that you are treating others as you yourself want to be treated, so that theres no confusion? You can't change this girl - just be open and honest with her. Take care.
  
  
• ryt, thers this gal (A) and this other gal (B), and i dont like A that much n she hates me. but we both cant be bothered falling out with each other. the only reason im staying her friend is becasue dont want to lose B. she means loads to me but she likes A better than me and i know how it will turn out if i fall out with A. please help, im confused.x
  
  Why do you feel it necesssary to fall out with A? Can't you just accept that you are never going to like her that much and leave it like that? Lifes too short to make enemies! Think about what you are saying - and what that might say about you? Being someones friend for another reason is wrong. You should be open and honest with all people arouund you. Try to go with the flow - and not to cause too much upset. A quiet, happy and peaceful life should be what you are aiming for - and falling out will only cause grief and upset. Take care, and have a think.
  
  
• I'm in love with a boy, who doesn't love me back. Whatdo i do? I can't get over him either.?!
  
  True love should be a 2 way thing - so to be in love on your own wouldn't get you very far in a relationship. He doesn't love you and you need to accept it - and get on with your life. Its not easy when feelings are so strong - but if they're not reciprocated then theres not much point in following this guy. You need to start doing things in your life to keep you busy - and to keep you going and focussing on the future. Your life is still going on - are you spending time with your friends and family? Try to spend time with them, and also finding out what you enjoy doing - things that you feel relaxed doing - and chilled out. Take care, and you'll soon be getting on with life, and feeling better about the situation. At least he's not pretending to like you - he's being honest - and you should respect that. It says a lot, positively, about you too.
  
  
• Please can you help me im 19 years old and my problem is ive been friends with a guy since we were 11 years old and we are really good mates infact we nearly see each other everyday, we muck around sayign were in love etc and im in love with him the proplem is he is gay and in a relationship we always promised each other if we were still single when we are 30 then we would marry each other. how do i tell him without looseing him i wouldnt be able to cope without himhe means everythign to me. please help me
  
  You need to be honest with your mate. If you've known him so long - then he should understand. It must be hard for you, as he means so much to you, but he needs to know how you feel. You shouldn't loose him - and if you do - then maybe he's not the type of friend you had thought? Be open and honest - and see how it goes. Timing is very important though - so tread carefully.
  
  
• hi. im a bit like a love doctor cz wen people ask me things about love i no exactly wot to do and it works but wen it cums to my own lovelife im stuffed! it seems like no guys like me and im scared that im never goin to get a boyfriend who i love and want to be with! the guy im with at the moment is nice and hes a m8 bt he isnt 'the 1' if u get me? i dont get that feeling wen i think of him and i dont wnt to do anything with him. so how do i get a boyfriend who i do like? none of the guys at my school like me and theres a ball in half a year and i have no1 to go with help!
  
  I think the problem may be that you know what is right - and therefore have high standards and goals - which is a tremendous thing - so keep hold of that! Maybe guys are very respectful of you - and so don't think they are "worth" anywhere in your books? Try to keep focusing on the here and now - and enjoy your life for what it is now. The guy you are with at the moment may well not be "the one" - but if you are happy with him - why not enjoy yourself? As for the ball - try not to think of it - and try to think beyond it. There is life AFTER the ball - so try to plan things for after that - so that when the ball is over - it won't appear that your life is! Take time out to relax and unwind - and enjoy yourself. All the best.
  
  
• Hi little elf. I'm planning a trip to usa and live in britain.I have a boyfriend in which i have been seeing for two years we get on really well but he cant afford to come as he has been a student and unemployed for a while im going with a relative and friend for two weeks.Iam a bit worried how this will affect things with my boyfriend and i we have already booked the holiday i dont want it to result in us splitting up and causing resentment between us i would pay for him but can barely afford it all myself what do u think?
  
  I think you do right to do things in your life that YOU want to do. As hard as it may be to leave him in the UK - it may help build your relationship. You've been seeing him for 2 years already - and that should give you an idea of how you see him in your future? Leaving the country may help you appreciate your partner, and keep your bond very strong and special. On the other hand- things happen for a reason and if when you are gone you - or him - decide that is should end - for whatever reason - then so be it. Going away doesn't mean the end of things. Talk it through with him - and see how he feels. Is it a good time to think about your relationship as it stands now - regardless of your departure? Have a think, and enjoy yourself. Take care.
  
  
• I need help! I have met a guy who at first was just fun for both of us. Weeks pass and now he has fallen for me and I have with him. We have spent alot of time together and we know alot about each other. Now he doesnt want us to go any further, but wants us to stay as we are. He is a great guy and I dont want to lose him as a friend, but I want more! I really love him and it hurts me to hear him say that there will never be a 'us'. Dont know what to do....just forget about my feelings and remain friends or be patient and hope he will change his mind?
  
  Hi there. Ok, so it seems like you have reached a stage in the relationship where he feels he is happy, but you are wanting to keep going that bit further. Does he give a reason for not wanting to go any further? Do you think he is afraid of committment? Or is there someone else he has feelings for? It may be that he is scared of how strong his own feelings are, and is afraid? Perhaps it may help if you gave him some time, to think about what he wants? Don't pressure him as this won't help - just tell him how you are feeling - and that you are unsure of his plans? Love is a very emotional feeling, and we often do/say/think things out of place - as it is so strong! Try to keep your feet on the ground - and stay focused on your daily life. Try to spend time with your friends too - and let them know whats going on for you. You can't forget your feelings, just try to listen to them, and to let yourself feel them. Just don't act too quickly - think things through. All the best, and try to be patient!
  
  
• Me and my friend are a bit geeky any popularity tipz plz help
  
  You are you. You need to start accepting who you are - liking yourself, and gaining some confidence and self esteem. Popularity tips will be of no use to you - or anyone. Just concentrate on living your life and being happy.
  
  
• hi there. ma mate (gal) is goin out wiv ma bast mate (boy) n im jelous coz of da gal gettin close 2 ma best mate. i get scared hes gonna like her more than me n im gonna b second best. ive always bin da gal whos closest 2 him n now he likes her more than me. wot 2 do?! x
  
  Its understandable that you are feeling this way - as you have a strong bond with your mate. However - this won't change - if you let him live his life as he wishes. It will still include you - just means sharing him! You have to realise that he likes you for you, and as a very good friend - but he has different feelings for his girlfriend - which is quite natural. Imagine if you had a boyfriend - I daresay he would be going through similar emotions as you are now. Try to take time to get used to the idea - and see him as and when you can - to spend quality time with him as mates. He likes this girl in a different way to you - and it doesn't mean he likes you any less. All the best.
  
  
• Hello little elf, right i went out with this boy for 5-6 months but we never told no1 but i fought the world off him and he did to me aswell but we broke up excatly 4 months and a week ago today! i still remeber the excat day he asked me out and everythin i still think the world off him and love him to bots im in agony thinking about him all the time and i think he still loves me a little bit because we ave little talks but wenever i go anywere i always look out for him but i havent told any off m friends that we went out so it is kinda hard but i think that if i went out with him i wud tell a few more closse friends i only told 3 before but im gonna tel my best friend if we did ever go out. i dunno wot 2 do i seriously thnk the world off him im only 14 but i cud marry him rite now that is how much i love him he has been my only eva b.f in my life so its not like im gonna go with some1 else but i need some help as im in agony nd i feel asif my heart as been ripped open even tho it was 4 months ago it shows how much i care about him and love him thanx 4 your help listnin 2 me go on and on xx
  
  The heart doesn't heal easily or quickly am afraid. What you are going through is a really tough time as it involves your heart and soul. Your feelings and emotions. Have you tried talking to your ex - to see how he feels? Its the only way to know whether you should keep going with trying to move on from your time with him, or to think about starting up the relationship again. It may help - if you did start seeing him again - to make it more public - so that you aren't hiding it from anyone? Its so good to hear how strong your feelings are for him - but try to stay in touch with your other friends, and your family. You need to keep living your life - as an individual, as this will help you come to terms with things. So - why not have a talk with him - then you'll know either way, and be able to deal with the situation. All the very best, and take care.
  
  
• i really like this guy that i work with, and every time we go out drinking we end up kissing and get closer! but then when we are sober there is nothing! he hugs me, but he hugs everyone! a year ago, when drunk he told me he liked me but did he mean it? every1 thinks he is gay! is he just shy at showing his feelings or is he messing me around! he has not had a girlfriend since i have known him! a year and a half! i have not fancied any1 else since he told me this!
  
  If when you are sober, there is nothing - then this should ring some alarm bells! It sounds like you want there to be something though? If you are keen on this guy - then the only way to find things out - is to ask him outright. Ask if he meant what he said when he was drunk - ask if he likes you - and in what way. Try to get a time when its just the two of you to talk things through - and find out where you both stand - its the only way. All the best.
  
  
• me and this girl have been friends for about 2 years now and have been hanging aroun with this other girl who is has been my best friend for about 4 years. at the biggining of the year a big group of populair and kind girls started liking us.my friendships with most of them started to were off in about 4 month but my frien of 2 years realy got on well and has stayed quit good friend with them. last week my friend of 2 years started a rumour about me that i made her cry and now nearly all of the girs dont like me now when i havent even done anything. they think im not wrth fighing with but all i want to do is have my old fiend back and be ok with every one what should i do? please help
  
  People can be very cruel at times, and it seems you have fallen victim to your "friends" rumours. I'm sorry that you have gone through it - but all is not lost. If your friend is a true friend, then it may be a good idea to just get the 2 of you together and talk things through. Tell her how you feel, and ask her why she started a rumour. It may be a case of insecurity on her part, and that happens. Try not to take it personally - as its more of a case of her trying to improve herself - as opposed to knocking you down. Talk things through, adn that should give you an idea of whats going on. If shes a real friend - its worth it. If not - there are plenty of other people around - and you deserve to be treated better. Take care.
  
  
• well my mum took me shopping and it was really embarasin bcoz i hav really long legs even tho im only 13 n we tried size eight which didnt fit n den size 10 which wer gud round da waist but 2 short on da legs. i had 2 buy a size 12 n i feel awful n fat coz evry1 els in my year is like an eight. even the 10 felt tight around my waist. i cut out all the labels im so paranoid. part of me knows its no big deal coz im size 8 in tops but whenever i c myself in a mirror, all i see is a fat, ugly girl. im forever going on diets but i cant stick to them. please help me! x
  
  You are lucky! You have long legs! So you do right to show them off and parade them around! Most high street shops don't cater for such individual needs, so you will find sizes are odd. Some stores are realising that few people are "standard" size/build, and are accommodating normal everyday people! If you were to shop in specialised shops for tall people (such as Long Tall Sally), you will find that your size will be what you are used to - there will just be more length in the cut! Size isn't important anyway - its how you feel about yourself that matters. It saddens me to read that you see a "fat, ugly girl" in the mirror. Take longer look, and try to be kinder of yourself - and find the positive sides to you - we all have them - but sometimes we try to hide them, or ignore them. This isn't healthy, as it poses a threat to our self-esteem. You are an individual, with individual and personal qualities that belong to you. So find them, show them off - and enjoy them! All the best, and take care.
  
  
• i think my friends bi. she wont come out with it because shes scared of how we'd react but she nearly told us. i didnt want 2 push her but i really want 2 know because i would accept her. i like her a lot! shes ma gud mate! x
  
  If she's such a good mate - why does it matter so much to you? I can accept that you are wanting to know the truth - and I guess you are maybe suspicious? You say she "nearly" told you. Are you sure you aren't reading between the lines? Reading into something that isn't the case? It was good that you didn't push her - as if she has something to say - its important that she tells you in her own time. When she feels comfortable. Let her know that you are there for her no matter what, and try to open up yourself about whats going on for you. Friendship is a 2way thing. If you're honest and open, its a good encouragment for her to follow your lead. Just be yourself, and be careful. All the best.
  
  
• I am fourteen i am a closet-ed gay and i am reli stressed with pretty much all of life and when i am stressed it leads to insomnia and mild paranoia which reli frustrates me cos i love to sleep and the only sort of books i like r the ones that give u paranoia neway. I reli hate my body but i am too lazy to do nething about it and i blame all of my mistakes on other people or if i get pied of i do things i l8r regret, plz help me. AND OMG i only just realised this website is for girls but hey plz help i am reli stressed with all this crap some1 named life
  
  Take a step back and look at your life. Is it going how you want it to? If not - why not? You are quite capable of making changes, and if these will improve your quality of life - why wait? You only live once, and its a shame not to be enjoying it - so go out there, and lead the life YOU want - you deserve it!
  
  
• Hi i am 12 and i think my sister hates me. she never gives me hugs or says she loves me she just treats me like a slave. she is 10 how can i get us to have a closer bond?
  
  Maybe you could try spending more time with her - and finding out what she's all about. Tell her how you feel, about her treating you like a slave - and ask her what she gets out of it. Ask her how she would feel if you treated her like that. Give her some space, and some time, and show her that you care. Show her that you are genuine. Growing up is never easy - so bear with it - and take care.
  
  
• hello. my so-called-friend is calling me names and i want to die!
  
  Take a deep breath - hold your head up high - and continue with your life. Ask them what it is that they get out of being so cruel. Ask them how they would feel if they were being bullied. Its a serious matter, and as you know - makes you feel pretty low. Try to be pleasant to them - and walk away. There are lots of people out there who will be able to show you repect and friendship that you deserve. All the best.
  
  
• My b/f told me in the begining he shared a flat with a mate, now 3 years on and wedding soon it came out he lived with his ex and works in the same building as her still! He said he didnt tell me about living with her because he wanted to block it out but I cant get my head round why he lied in the first place! If he can keep a lie like that for 3 years whats else can he lie about? It doesnt bother me they work at same company, in different buildings because I trust him and I know he loves me to death but again why the secrecy? Please help, I feel all my trust has gone, before this I thought I had the perfect relationship.
  
  If he's lied once - and for 3 years - it doesn't sound great does it? You are right to question it, but I find it hard when you say you trust him? Be careful, and ask him straight out. You deserve to know the truth, about everything. How would he feel if he had been lied to? Its no base for a secure relationship. You deserve the best- and if he can't offer that to you - then you need to think about that.
  
  
• hi i need sum advice. a girl and i have been friends for about four years and for about the past 2 years we have been best friends. unfortunately she seems to have some mood swing problems. one minute she's fine and ready to do anything i want to do in the day but the next she's angry at me for no reason and if i try ask her what is wrong she comments on my selfishness of asking if she is upset with me. she seems to be constantly trying to make me feel bad about something or make me jealous. eg. she says she's going into town with some friends tommorow but she never invited me. it makes me feel bad but before i make any rash decisions i want to know why she is acting like this all of a sudden. is it her hormones? is the influence of this new friend she has made? i dont understand but i would like to know what is upsetting her so much and why. how do i ask her without her being able to say i am being selfish and how do i get her to stop these mood swings ???
  
  You are no way being selfish. You are taking time to think things through of how to handle this situation. You are being a very good friend. You can't stop her having these mood swings - but you could bring it to her attention that you are aware of them, and tell her how you feel when she has one? She may not know she's acting like this - and it may surprise her to find out. She may not accept your point, so bear that in mind when you bring it up. Give her a chance to acknowledge and digest what you are saying to her - and then give her some space. Emotions are like a rollercoaster at times, and we all have different ways of showing them, and coping with them. Try to bear with it - and think about addressing them to her. Take care.
  
  
• im so depressed latly, every boy i have ever liked has made me upset i just wnt to give up on boys thye always end up herting you, you wil properbly tell me to wait for the right person bit ive been waiting for a long time now and i'm sick of waiting theres no right boy out there for me im just so upset!
  
  There is more to life then settling down with a man! Go out there and live the life you want! Do things YOU want to do - and things that make YOU happy. Forget about men for a while and concentrate on the here and now. Stop waiting - and start living!
  
  
• Hi, hope you can help me. I see a girl I like on the train each morning. I want to talk to her and ask her out but I'm not sure what to say to a total stranger. Is it OK to approach someone you don't know in this way? I'm moving away soon so won't see her again. What should I do? All the best Little Elf.
  
  You only live once - and you should take each opportunity as it comes - so why not? Just take a deep breath - and go for it. Live life! Who knows what might be round the corner!
  
  
• My mate is deppressed but wont talk and blocks me Im so worried what can I do?
  
  The best thing you can do is to be there for her. Just carry on as normal, and let her know that you are aware things aren't quite right - but when she's ready to talk - you will be there for her. Also - you could do some research on local support groups and helplines, which she could contact in her own time, when she's up for it? Try not to be offended that she blocks you at the moment, it may be her way of coping. Be patient, be kind, and don't forget to take time out for yourself, to keep you happy, and on the right track. All the best.
  
  
• I would like to know if i have any chance of getting back with my ex-boyfriend i still love him very much he says still holds a candle for me.
  
  There must be a reason why he's your ex - and maybe you could think about that to help you come to terms with it? Its good that he still holds a candle for you - but that isn't enough to build a relationship from. Try to keep hold of that though - and as time goes by - you'll be able to move on through life and start afresh. If you want to know if you can get back with him - the only way is to ask. But think long and hard before you do.
  
  
• i think im love with ma best m8 bt she dunt lyk me wot do i do?
  
  If she is your best mate - then try to keep that. Best mates are very hard to find - and when you have a good one, the key is to keep them! It may help to question your feelings towards her? Maybe you like her a lot - but in a platonic way? If not - then things get messy, and relationships break up. Think about it before you do anything. Take care
  
  
• Hi, I just found out that my sister and my cousin are having a sexual relationship. They have always been very close, they get on very well and spend allot of time together and they both seem very happy. I always suspected that their friendship had the potential to turn sexual but Im sure they have only become intimate very recently so I feel guilty for not acting on my instincts before then and intervening to offer my sister whatever advice I could. None of my family or their circle of friends are aware of what’s going on. Im worried how they will react towards them if they found out. I would be particularly worried about my family's reaction ! Apart from contraception, Im not even sure what advice I should give my sister ! Should I be condoning their relationship ? I know they're both consenting adults so I really need some advice ! help !
  
  First of all, take a back seat. It may feel like you should have done something, seeing it coming - sensing it was going to happen - but it is them that need to act on whats going on. You are right in saying that they are both adults - and it may be a good idea to make suggestions to them, and give them options of what to do - and then, hard as it may be, leave them to decide. Tell them how you are feeling - and how it affects you. They may try to pretend its not happening. You can only do, and feel, as what is right for you. Its not an easy situation, but try not to get too involved. Be aware of your own emotions and feelings, and try to talk them through with friends. Its important not to bottle things up - and to be open and honest with someone. Let your sister know you care, and that you are there for her no matter what. All the best -and take care.
  
  
• i dnt lyk the grl in my form hu used to be ma bst m8 bt i also wnt to stl b er m8 cz i stl luver as a m8 n stl dnt wnt er to gt hurt n shtff bt iv seen a relai bad syd 2 er dt i dnt lyk n it annoys me cz evryfin she dus she accuses me of doing even tho i avnt dun it eg. she lies bt sez i do it drives me insane bt im in er form wot do i do. all ma other friends are eitha in a different house n i neva c them or thyr borin wot shud i do????
  
  I think it is a time for you to look at who your friends are - and what makes them good friends. Also - to look at how you treat your mates? You need to make sure that you treat them as you would like to be treated youorself. It may sound simple - and it is - but its easy to step out of line. You need to accept people for who they are, and the qualities they have. No one is perfect - and a good friend should accept even their faults! It may help to talk to this mate and find out why she's doing the stuff you don't like? Try to talk things through and come up with a way of getting on. All the best.
  
  
• wot do u do if this guy asks u out, n u like him bt not in dat way bt dnt want 2 hurt his feelins??? x
  
  I would tell him exactly that. Be open, honest, and treat the situation with care and sensitivity. He needs to know the truth - and if you care for him - you'll give it to him. All the best.
  
  
• Im a girl of 15. I think i like my best friends younger brother who's 13 . wat shud i do ?
  
  Wait a while - and think about it. What is it you like about him? Is it because you shouldn't like him, that you do? You can't help the way you feel - but its tricky ground at the same time. Take a minute to think about the situation. What advice would you give your friend if she were you? Take it easy and take care.
  
  
• I really need your help. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years and we have a 2 year year old child together. We broke up yesterday because she said that she there is this feeling inside her that is telling her that things aren't right. She says that she loves me but she is not IN love with me, she feels like we are just best friends. She says that she wants to be with me but she has to get those feelings back, and she wants me to make her fall in love with me again. What do I do?
  
  I am sorry to read that. Make her fall in love with you? Love should come naturally, straight from the heart. If its forced - is it real? How about you give her some time to think about the situation, and for you also to work out how you feel about whats going on? It sounds like she may be confused, and so giving her some space will enable her to have a chance to ask herself some questions. Another approach, would be to suggest couple counselling - such as Relate. They will help you talk things through. Perhaps it would help to think about each of your goals in life - and where you want to be - and where you are at the moment? What do you aim to achieve out of life? Does it include your partner? They may be hard issues to work through - but if the outcome is a happy one - isn't it worth it? If its worth fighting for - fight for it. All the best.
  
  
• help! ma bst m8 used 2 b so nyc n i used to luv bein wiv er cz it was always a laff bt nw this new girl has cum 2 r skwl n i dont mnynd er bt now ma m8 has changd cz of er she always hs mood swings n it annoys me. il overexadurate on sumthin as a joke and she'l take it seriously n thn strt blaming me 4 sumat i havnt dun n it hurts me. this girl fnks i lyk er and i do bt i dnt luv er as a m8 lyk i do wiv ma bst m8. this grl keeps sayn she is balemic and sez if i try to leave she will gt wurse n i no she int bt i dnt wnt to say she is a drama queen even tho she is coz she'l strt bein mean to me. my bst m8 seems 2 now be takin this grls syd and baks er on evryfin n im reali upset i cnt eat cz i feel sik all the tym cz ano wot is appenin n i h8 maself im constantly depressd n even tho i dnt show it im screamin on the insyd n iv concidered things i neva wud do normally bcoz i h8 maself so much. n ma bst m8 keeps lyin to me n i feel lyk i cnt trust er even tho i no i dnt wnt it 2 b lyk tht i even got so angry 2day i badmouthd er so she wnt tlk to me nemor n i feel even worse... iv eatn a bowl of soup for ma whole day n i stopd eatn since yesterday lunch cz thts wen it strtd to gt REALI bad bt this has been goin on 4 several months!!! if i lose er as a m8 i dnt no wot il do... help
  
  It sounds to me like there are many issues going on here - some of which need addressing seperately, and may need help from others - ie the eating disorders. Its important for your appetite not to be influenced by your mood and emotions. Meals need to be consistent - 3 times a day - or whatever you are used to. Its vital that you eat to maintain your bodily functions - including the brain! Try to switch off for the times when you should be eating, then see if you can address the situation you are faced with. Best mates don't lie to each other. And they don't take sides. It may be a good time for you to try and break away from this group of people, and try to work out whats going on for you. Things are obviously not pleasant now - so changes will need to be made so that you can get on with your life - and enjoy it! We only have one chance - so make it a good one. You never know whats round the corner. All the best.
  
  
• Hi there I met my ex last night randomly at a gig and we ended up back at mine. You can imagine the rest, now i'm in a total quandry. He has a girlfriend and I am kind of seeing someone.
  
  Well - you can't turn back the clock - but if you could, would you have done the same? If the answer is yes - then maybe you should question the relationship you are having at the moment. If you still have feelings for your ex, then its time to work through those - before starting something fresh. I can't answer for the ex but he should do a similar thing especially as he is seeing someone too. You are only human, and these things happen - but try to remember how you are feeling now - to stop it from happening again! All the best.
  
  
• im a bit confused with some advice you gave somone some time ago. Somebody said they liked a boy who there friend also really likes and they didnt know what to do, and you said take tha risk? i thaught friends came before boys? how would you like it if you was mad on a boy and your friend stole him. its happened to me before and i lost a friend over it. thats some bad advise i must say. i am sorry but can you explain please?
  
  In the reply to the message I think you are referring to, I did suggest that they speak with their friends - for the reason you highlighted - the importance of friends. If you read other responses, I think you will see a trend in my suggestions of talking things through with people, and also stating that good friends are hard to find, so worth fighting for. I apologise if the response came across different to you - but I did state for them to check things out with their mates first. I hope this has helped as an explanation.
  
  
• i av a m8 n she has another m8 who is nice but i dont reali like her. i wont to leave them to be freidns bt ma m8 sez that she dusnt wont me 2 so i dont bt its gettin worse. i just found out that she used to be anorexic and she sez if i leave she will get worse wot should i do? i dont wont her to go anorexic i was heart broken wen i found out she used to be but now shes sed she dusnt wont me 2 leave im stuk please help
  
  I'm a bit confused as to which mate it is that you are trying to leave - but not to worry. You are not to blame - or to be the cause of your friends illness returning to her - and she knows that - but is trying to blackmail you - which is very unfair. It might be a good idea to take time away from both - and keep yourself to yourself for a bit. Work out whats important to you - and where you feel most comfortable etc. You need to be aware that you should treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. Life is too short to hold grudges, and to dislike people for no reason. I'm not saying that you will get on with everyone - as thats not how it is - but you can be polite and courteous to these people, and then move on to be with those who you find to be your true friends. Try to talk with the girl who has blackmailed you - and get her to see how unfair it is - and if she needs help - there are many support groups and doctors that will help her. It's important she knows this. Take it easy - and try to take some time to relax.
  
  
• just wanted 2 say thanx coz uve really helped me and helped me realize hu ma tru mates r n stuff. thanx so much! xx
  
  I'm glad I have been of some help to you. Good friends are hard to find - so keep hold of them when you find them!
  
  
• I am 20 I have never had a boyfriend (but many crushes!) as I am really very shy. Last year I flirted with this guy and we got along very well. Even though he isn't physically very attractive to me I fancied him like crazy. He told me that I was beautiful and told my friend that I was gorgeous but he never tried to make a move on me and I thought he was just being friendly. Also one of my friends told me that he wasn't a very nice person and I tried to forget about him. This year though I think I have fallen completely and utterly in love with him, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. I have never felt this way about anyone. I talk to him and I feel like there's nothing else in the world around me (seriously I notice nothing else) and time seems to stand still. We are very comfortable with eachother, he always talks really softly to me, using a different tone to the one he uses with his friends and he does things like ruffle my hair. I can't help thinking that he feels that I am like his younger sister or something! I think about him all the time. I can't concentrate at work or at home all I do is think about him and I can't decide what to do. All I know is that I can't tell him as I'm petrified of how he might react (I don't want him to distance himself from me if he doesn't feel the same and I value him as a friend, confidante, everything) and I don't have the courage to anyway. He is so important to me. Is this love? What can I do?
  
  Well - its sounds like the love bug to me! And with that in mind - only you can decide what to do - as I'm sure you are unable to think of anything else! Follow your heart - have strength from who you are - and go for it. Lifes too short! Enjoy!
  
  
• i really lyk this boy and ehs in the year above and im sure he dosnt like me , he dusnt exactly no me but loadsa ppl keep tellin him i fnc him and im tryin 2 tel ppl i dnt ! this gal in his tutor told him i dnt. he has a girlfriend and she int even that pritty but they have been going out for about a year and im really happy for him but i cant stop thinkin about him and im reali jelous.
  
  He has a girlfriend. Stop there. He's not available - so move on. Its not easy to be happy for others when you have strong feelings, so it may be a good idea to keep yourself busy with other things and other people. That way you are letting him get on with his life, and you yourself are getting on with yours. How about you start looking at new people, in new places - who knows who's round the corner - and they might be ready to meet you too! You deserve a guy who is going to be 100% focussed on you - so go out there and find him! All the best!
  
  
• Hi a friend has four dogs plus she looks after another dog during the day but when she goes out three of them are put into cages that are far too small & they are left for up to eight hours plus they get very little or no exercise. according to my local vet they should be left no longer two hours maximum in a spacious cage or four hours in the house. plus she has two rabbits that she is looking after & they also are in cages that are less that a quarter of the recommended size & they cannot even turn round. as I am a great animal lover & hurts me to see these animals suffering like this & I do know that she is not doing this intentionaly & she means well. I have taken advice & have tried to talk to her but she does not understand & I just do not know how approach this problem with out causing any bad feeling. Could you please give me some advice as I do not know what to do & I do not want to be seen as interfering.
  
  Hi there - this is a serious issue - and if she doesn't see it herself - it needs to be brought to her attention. Maybe she isn't aware that it is unlawful to keep animals in such environments? And that if the RSPCA were called in, she would lose them? maybe it would be a good idea to try talking to her one more time, and explain what you are seeing. Ask her how she would feel if she walked into a household where their pets were kept like this - would she accept it? You wouldn't be interefering, only caring. Perhaps it may help to have one or more of her own dogs rehomed? Its not easy - but its the right thing to do, and with that knowledge - you should feel comfortable at the end of the day. Take care, and remember to tell her how much you care for her.
  
  
• well i really like this guy and he likes me too, the thing is my best friend really likes him too and his friend likes me and we cant be together cos we dont want to hurt our friends, but we really want each other it sucks and i dont know wat to do should i just tell my friend tht we like each other and are goin to be together or shall i just have to put up with wanting him everytime i see him which is pretty often
  
  I understand that you don't want to upset your friends - but at the same time - love is never simple and straight forward! You can't help the way you feel - and if the feelings mutual, then you may have to take a risk. Life is too short - and if you talk to your friends first - and talk it through with them, with honesty - they should respect you and support your decision. Be open and honest - and follow your heart. All the best!
  
  
• im really confused. i go 2 skwl n this gal wa runnin round huggin evry1 n she hugged me. i wa pretty sure i felt summat der. da thing is, i know i hav no chance coz she prob thinks im a loser n a freak. wot 2 do???
  
  Why would she think that? Is it what you think? Until you think highly of yourself - no on else will. So first things first - try to list all the positive things about yourself - and really work on showing them off! Keep being you - and living your life - and who knows what might happen!
  
  
• my mate never seems to want me around. ive tried talking to her but she wont listen. i really like her but it feels like wen shes around her other mates she hates me. i know she doesnt but i dont know where i stand wiv her. plz help. thanx x
  
  Call that a mate? I wouldn't! It may be time to look at finding other people to hang around with - ones that you can build a proper friendship with - and trust. You only live once, and friends are precious - and you deserve the best - so don't settle for less. You've done your bit, and told her how you feel, and she still isn't responding - so move on. Its tough - but it'll get better. Take care.
  
  
• i have a huge crush on a boy in my year.i sit next to him in maths but he makes out he dislikes all girls.hes going out with another girl but claims he only is because shed be really upset if he didnt.he said that if he had to go out with someone in my class it would be me ,is this a hint that he likes me? if i asked him out b4 the end of term i will be teased beyond belief.please help! what should i do?
  
  I think it would be a good idea to look at living for the moment. This guy is with someone now, and doesn't seem to have a lot of respect for her. This is an indication of how he treats women, and if you were to ask him out later, is this how you would like to be treated? I'm thinking you are saying "no"?